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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 20:15:31
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 19:58:53
> good to hear from you angel girl, you can do it.
>
> i'm experiencing some DP right now all those mixed up feelings i get and don't know how to control i also feel sick too.
>
> instead of letting it get a hold of me this time though i think i'm going to dance with it so to speak, (be my partner by me still feeling it somewhat but not to the state i usually get to) instead i am going to keep posting so i can help myself feel better by being able to look at what i'm experiencing on paper so i can understand myself better.
>
> when we talk about friends......i asked my husband for support ; i told him i was beginning to enter my "ugliness" and instead of getting support i felt i got shit on instead. he actually accused me of not being who i presented my self to be when we first met and that as each month passes it just gets worst - straight from the horses' mouth. this hurt me a lot especially while in my place right now.
>
> to me, i look at it as getting better and you must go down to come up and to go even higher so when he says comments like this it hurts like hell. but guess what i am not going anywhere but up and i hope he will stay and assist me along the way if not sadly to say his loss.
>
> as he reacts this way to me i wonder what prompts him to be like this - fear, jealousy (in a brain zappy sort of way - because i am getting better and maybe i won't need him ?, anger, etc.
>
> well, i can only fix my life and posting this right now has just done that for me!
>
> peace
>
> shanti
>
>
> ps dear friends please say a prayer for me while i try to deal with my DP right now
ShantiI'm so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Of course you have my prayers. I know exactly what you're going through with your husband. It seems so much more difficult to go through this without the support and understanding that we need. I know his words cut deep and sharp. That's what happened to me last week to. I'm trying to learn from my experience and to mend things with them. So far one of them has agreed to give me another chance. The other one has yet to read my email. It is killing me that she is taking so long to get to it when she knows it's there. It's like torture and I feel that she will not be as forgiving as my other friend is. But I have to learn to accept that so you see, I know how you feel about your husband. I truly believe that depression is one of those things that can not be fully understood by somebody who has not experienced it firsthand themselves or by living with somebody who is. Most people think it is something you can snap out of. I wish you luck with your husband and hope your depressive mood lightens soon. I know how horrible a place it is to be in. You have my <hugs>, my prayers and my well wishes.
BTW, was it you who was talking to me before about books and music???? I tried replying that post but I think I forgot to click on confirm. That is the 2nd time I've done that when I had a long reply. Very frustrating. :( Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not much of a reader although my brother who suffered from depression last year and attempted suicide leant me a book that I have yet to open. It's called "The Feeling Good Handbook". By coincidence, a very close friend who has offered me the world of support has suggested that book so I think I will dust it off and start reading it this week. Also, I too have been listening to Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" CD ALOT!!!! Do you have any other of her CDs??? I only have the one but was contemplating getting another but wasn't sure which one. Do you have one you would recommend or even another artist???
Again, you have my prayers always. I wish you luck with your husband and a short period in the depression.
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 21:46:34
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends??? - Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 20:15:31
hi angel girl
thanks for the hugs and prayers, i literally felt them (through my head ((if you follow the shakras(SPELLING?)the head is one of the places where you receive and release energy and i could feel yours coming through (it feels like a headache but once you recognize it it becomes a good headache so to speak))
instead of looking at the absence of your frienship right now, think of it as more time for you to heal on your own (remember the healing can never begin until the want comes from within)
Ah, books and music, yes, my hope for you is to begin to read that book from your brother, it will answer some questions you have been thinking about lately!
Shawn Mullins both cd's i can relate to him! Chris Isack sort of you have to see him and understand me i guess to hear anything?
U2 definetly messages from above!
many different songs usually relating to times in my life i am going through at the momentlike right now Grammy 2000 cd for some reason most of these songs i can relate to right now (thank you) especially Alicia Keys (my husband) Elton John all i hear is Robert Downey Jr. because he is the only person in this video in a big open, lonely room - if you haven't seen it you should. i love how he is expressing himself
also the song that is from a blusy sort of band (don't know there name - the song was from the movie brother art thou or something - awesome ! i realte to marshall tucker band sort of musiclove life - match box 20 i saw them in detroit at St. Andrew's hall - big open space holds about 2000 people? general admission (we paid $50 us = $75 canadian or sometimes $99 canadian ha ha for a $25 us ticket) was it worth it hell yes, Rob Thomas made love to my soul that night and not in the kinky way people would assume.
i could go on and on!
i have a cd burner if you would like i can burn these and send them to you (i did post earlier with a thread called angel and i'm not sure if you saw it but i picked up something for you and would like to send it if i may have your email address to then receive your mailing address)
as for Sarah, oh sweet Sarah, the other cd i like is Possession, actually i think i will listen to that tomorrow and introduce my daughter to it! as for the others, not really do i listen to them but i am certainly looking forward to her next (she had a baby did you know?)
paula cole, for those of us who have encountered sexual abuse
the list goes on and on! for me music is defenitely theraputic through the good times and the bad!
talk to you soon,
peace
your friend
shanti
Posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 22:20:49
In reply to Angel, could you pls check in with us! (nm), posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 15:34:57
Hi Angel, I am glad to hear from you. I read your post to shanti and now will not panick if we don't hear from you for a few days. I hear what you are saying about yours friends, but don't put all the blame on yourself. If I read what you wrote prevously it isn't only you that needs to take responsiblity for thier actions. Your friends have some soul searching to do also.
Take care,
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 22:25:49
In reply to Re: Angel, could you pls check in with us!, posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 22:20:49
Posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 22:29:52
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 19:58:53
> good to hear from you angel girl, you can do it.
>
> i'm experiencing some DP right now all those mixed up feelings i get and don't know how to control i also feel sick too.
>
> instead of letting it get a hold of me this time though i think i'm going to dance with it so to speak, (be my partner by me still feeling it somewhat but not to the state i usually get to) instead i am going to keep posting so i can help myself feel better by being able to look at what i'm experiencing on paper so i can understand myself better.
>
> when we talk about friends......i asked my husband for support ; i told him i was beginning to enter my "ugliness" and instead of getting support i felt i got shit on instead. he actually accused me of not being who i presented my self to be when we first met and that as each month passes it just gets worst - straight from the horses' mouth. this hurt me a lot especially while in my place right now.
>
> to me, i look at it as getting better and you must go down to come up and to go even higher so when he says comments like this it hurts like hell. but guess what i am not going anywhere but up and i hope he will stay and assist me along the way if not sadly to say his loss.
>
> as he reacts this way to me i wonder what prompts him to be like this - fear, jealousy (in a brain zappy sort of way - because i am getting better and maybe i won't need him ?, anger, etc.
>
> well, i can only fix my life and posting this right now has just done that for me!
>
> peace
>
> shanti
>
>
> ps dear friends please say a prayer for me while i try to deal with my DP right nowShanti, You are in my prayers. We need to discuss this further.
Talk to you soon,
your friend too!
Renee
Posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 22:57:44
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 18:28:45
Understand why you didn't want to e-mail me. I, too, protect myself by isolating myself from hurtful individuals (i.e. husband, run-away son)
Glad you are better, if you change your mind my e-mail is SueDoeN@aol.com
Sincerely,
SueDoeNym
Posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 23:08:24
In reply to Re: Tears just get lost in the rain, posted by Jackd on March 19, 2002, at 14:48:17
> Thanks, I am often inspired by my deep depressions. That poem captures one of my saddest moments of despair. This one's for the ladies:
>
> "Shameful perversion [of perception]"
>
> A wild flower with an unfitful doom,
> A rose amidst the weeds and gloom.
> She cannot, will not see herself;
> A beauty matched with inner wealth.
> O' Lord! O' Allah! O' Zeus! Oh Ruth*,
> that this gem may catch a glimpse of truth!
>
> *=Ruth: Mercy.
Does Ruth mean mercy? If so, that is good to know. I love the Biblical story of Ruth. Have you seen the painting of her gleaning wheat? Such a hero she is. She demonstrated so much love to her step-mother Naomi.Here's a poem in appreciation of your poem. The breaking of the soil is akin to coming out of depression (i.e. winter)
SPRING
Spring Thaws.
Sap flows.
Branches blush
In odd red hues.Iceberg melts
and breaks away.
Floating off,
Takes night. Leaves day.Strength is rising.
Heads are crowning.
Green buds burst through
Fields of clay.Broken soil.
Life renewed.
Cycling world,
No longer skewed.Sincerely,
SueDoeNym
Posted by Allen F. on March 20, 2002, at 9:08:11
In reply to Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by jp on October 24, 1999, at 14:59:14
I have been withdrawing, slowly, from Effexor and am tired. Energy level is low. Emotionally I am exhausted, not so much by "depression" but by all that has been going on. I am tired as being defined by "depression." Seems all the books I read, doctors I see, or people I talk to are in some way or another related to the subject. I also have found that its an easy thing to blame, rather than others taking responsibity for their own actions. "He's just depressed" ... when, no I am not, I just don't like their behavior, but I have been labled with the diagnoses.
Well, have written to much. Didn't mean to bend your ear so much.
a
Posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 11:37:21
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Allen F. on March 20, 2002, at 9:08:11
allen, don't hesitate to bend our ears! i may be new to this site but i thought that was part of the deal. i can't heal by talking alone, i need to be able to read about other experiences and take from them what may work for me. today i will be lowering my dose of effexor to try and go off. in 3 days time i have learned that i may be in hell for awhile but at least i know what to expect. to everyone here, thanks for sharing with me! here go's nothing!!!!
Posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 12:17:18
In reply to Re: Shameful Perversion » Jackd, posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 23:08:24
> > Thanks, I am often inspired by my deep depressions. That poem captures one of my saddest moments of despair. This one's for the ladies:
> >
> > "Shameful perversion [of perception]"
> >
> > A wild flower with an unfitful doom,
> > A rose amidst the weeds and gloom.
> > She cannot, will not see herself;
> > A beauty matched with inner wealth.
> > O' Lord! O' Allah! O' Zeus! Oh Ruth*,
> > that this gem may catch a glimpse of truth!
> >
> > *=Ruth: Mercy.
> Does Ruth mean mercy? If so, that is good to know. I love the Biblical story of Ruth. Have you seen the painting of her gleaning wheat? Such a hero she is. She demonstrated so much love to her step-mother Naomi.
>
> Here's a poem in appreciation of your poem. The breaking of the soil is akin to coming out of depression (i.e. winter)
>
> SPRING
>
> Spring Thaws.
> Sap flows.
> Branches blush
> In odd red hues.
>
> Iceberg melts
> and breaks away.
> Floating off,
> Takes night. Leaves day.
>
> Strength is rising.
> Heads are crowning.
> Green buds burst through
> Fields of clay.
>
> Broken soil.
> Life renewed.
> Cycling world,
> No longer skewed.
>
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeNymSue, that was really good! You are so talented.
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 12:26:52
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Allen F. on March 20, 2002, at 9:08:11
> I have been withdrawing, slowly, from Effexor and am tired. Energy level is low. Emotionally I am exhausted, not so much by "depression" but by all that has been going on. I am tired as being defined by "depression." Seems all the books I read, doctors I see, or people I talk to are in some way or another related to the subject. I also have found that its an easy thing to blame, rather than others taking responsibity for their own actions. "He's just depressed" ... when, no I am not, I just don't like their behavior, but I have been labled with the diagnoses.
>
> Well, have written to much. Didn't mean to bend your ear so much.
>
> aHi Allen, you can never write to much. I understand about the effexor since I am also weaning myself off it as we speak. I am doing it a little slower than most people here, but I couldn't stand the side effects. I also understand about labels and people not taking responsiblity for their actions. Hey, just remember you are not alone and there are many of us here that really do know what you are feeling.
Just keep posting your feelings. I believe it helps.
Take care,
Renee
Posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 12:43:09
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 18:28:45
> > > ...waiting for my next fix, to fix my vision til it's nixed,
> > > Try to cry but my tears just get lost in the rain,
> > > Nothing left to do but drink away the pain...
> >
> > is that you angel girl? i went to bed just past 12:00 am if it is you i/m sorry i wasn't here to say hello.
> >
> > if this is you thank you for touching base with us and just know that sometimes we have to go that deep to come up again (thinking of it as swimming right now - you are failing in the water and figuring out how is it that you swim (it;s like riding the proverbial bike you never forget once you get back on) with graceful strokes rather than with failing arms ( you are still here ((failing arms)) but hold on becasue you are almost there to begin swimming again (i went through what you are going through many years ago so yes i do know what i am talking about and not just experienced it once but many times)
> >
> > anyway, i am going to church this am (to have my pastor fill out my daughter's birth registration) so while i am there and i figure since i am going to be as close to god as one can get today! i will ask that he say a prayer for you angel girl. i hope this is ok, i too will also say a prayer that you may start to heal.
> >
> > i hope to talk to you soon
> >
> > i am in and out all day but will check these posts to look for you ok, so if you feel like it just give another little post so i know you saw this.
> >
> > peace
> > your friend
> > shanti
>
>
> Hi Shanti
>
> No, that's not me. I've been taking a few days to work on what I've done to my friendships. I booked an emergency therapy session yesterday as well. I am doing much better now. I am of a totally different mindset than I was when I posted in desperation. I am taking full responsibility for my actions and have let my friends know that. I acknowledge the pain and worry I have put them through too. However, I now have to deal with my pain and regret for what I have done to them. That will take much longer. I am no longer going to contemplate suicide as a reaction to any of my problems. As I said, I am not the same person I was a week ago. I know I'm not perfect and that I will encounter setbacks but I'm learning and realizing the impact my actions and thoughts have on the people I love.
>
> I thank you for your prayers. They are greatly appreciated. That is very sweet and thoughtful of you.
>
> Your friend
> Angel Girl
Angel Girl:We are all SO PROUD of YOU!! Hang in there! GREAT START: Responsibility for one's actions will lead to responsibility for one's feelings. Check out the websites for Cognitive Therapy. One of the major tenets of CT seems to be, if I remember correctly: without a thought there is no emotion. Said another way, every emotion is preceded by a thought. It is the thought that generates the emotion. Think about it (no pun intended)! I often use a technique called "thought stopping" which helps me to deal with negative emotions (I worry incessantly about my children--and they're adults with children of their own!). I tell myself "NO" I will NOT think this negative thought" and it stops bothering me for a little while. I often have to tell myself multiple times to stop thinking the thought. None of us on the site want you to feel "pain and regret" for what you "have done to us." All you did was to give us a chance to acknowledge you and to let you know that we're out here thinking about you (each of us thinks of the others) and a chance to think of someone else rather than ourselves. For that, I personally thank you. I spend far too much time thinking about my own problems.
Another thing: Don't think about "guilt" as it isn't, in this instance, productive and you don't need to FEEL "guilt"--so just do the "thought-stopping" thing so that you can get on with your healing. Keep us abreast of your progress.
Cheers,
Jannbeau (nym)
Posted by Shanti on March 20, 2002, at 13:48:45
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » Allen F., posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 12:26:52
> > I have been withdrawing, slowly, from Effexor and am tired. Energy level is low. Emotionally I am exhausted, not so much by "depression" but by all that has been going on. I am tired as being defined by "depression." Seems all the books I read, doctors I see, or people I talk to are in some way or another related to the subject. I also have found that its an easy thing to blame, rather than others taking responsibity for their own actions. "He's just depressed" ... when, no I am not, I just don't like their behavior, but I have been labled with the diagnoses.
> >
> > Well, have written to much. Didn't mean to bend your ear so much.
> >
> > a
>
> Hi Allen, you can never write to much. I understand about the effexor since I am also weaning myself off it as we speak. I am doing it a little slower than most people here, but I couldn't stand the side effects. I also understand about labels and people not taking responsiblity for their actions. Hey, just remember you are not alone and there are many of us here that really do know what you are feeling.
>
> Just keep posting your feelings. I believe it helps.
>
> Take care,
>
> ReneeHi Allen
this is shanti i will listen (you talked about talking too much - have you seen any of my posts haha!!)
"he's just depressed" - how many times have we heard that? for me most of my life and if not depressed, then sad, so on and so on.
you are right it's because we don't like what they are doing to us and maybe "in this state" (for me anyway) is when i tell it like it is in a matter of fact way instead of being the kind loving person that i usually am (i also get that it is PMS because it happens at that time)
yesterday and today and maybe 2-3 more days will be like this. i have been thinking about how to describe so here i go - everything in my body feels 100 times more attund to EVERYTHING about me and the world around me?
it used to make me very sick (hence cramps, nausea, etc) but with a lot of work and still (this is my next step writing about it) going through it i know i may never cure myself but i can certainly integrate it into my life as a positive rather than a negative.
going back to feeling attund - my emotions are uncontrolable - electricity?? so i pray as i go through it because for some reason i have been chosen to experience it and therefore i will, but, instead of with the unloving heart i had about it (my "sickness") i am going to chose the loving heart.
i once read that you must experience good to know bad think about it happy to know sad, success to know poverty (just reverse everything) it depends on how you look at life i guess
i would like to say one thing about the friends i have here at this post:
in here we can say and feel anything we want because we will not see the reaction from the person on the other side reading this message therefore we do not have to experience the feeling of being weird, off centre, crazy, depressed, what ever else the "perfect society" calls it but in here if the recepient doesn't like what we expressed it's ok they can choose to not follow up and maybe meet someone else they feel better connected to.
i would like to touch back on the topic about " people taking responsibility for themselves" is it because we are so vulnerable that they lay their shit on us (but we do allow it becasue we do have the choice to allow it or not - very hard to get at but can be done!)
becasue i get so easily caught up in others shit by being the peacemaker and before you know it they are after me.
before i go on i want to offer another opinion about the process of healing from my own experience........
when i find something that will help "fix me" as the "perfect ones call it" i believe there not fixer uppers but opportunities to learn about something new
i go at it at 300% and everything is peachy keen and bang - without seeing it coming, my "being" changes (shall we call it instead of DP!) and wham i go backwards what seems like 3000% the times i was the time before so go slowly my friends, as they say "good things come to those who wait" and may i add on "we are never given anything until we are truly ready" and for us we think that is being cured of whatever it is this thing is called.........
peace
your friend
shanti
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 13:53:51
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends??? - Shanti, posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 21:46:34
> hi angel girl
>
> thanks for the hugs and prayers, i literally felt them (through my head ((if you follow the shakras(SPELLING?)the head is one of the places where you receive and release energy and i could feel yours coming through (it feels like a headache but once you recognize it it becomes a good headache so to speak))
>
> instead of looking at the absence of your frienship right now, think of it as more time for you to heal on your own (remember the healing can never begin until the want comes from within)
>
> Ah, books and music, yes, my hope for you is to begin to read that book from your brother, it will answer some questions you have been thinking about lately!
>
> Shawn Mullins both cd's i can relate to him! Chris Isack sort of you have to see him and understand me i guess to hear anything?
> U2 definetly messages from above!
> many different songs usually relating to times in my life i am going through at the moment
>
> like right now Grammy 2000 cd for some reason most of these songs i can relate to right now (thank you) especially Alicia Keys (my husband) Elton John all i hear is Robert Downey Jr. because he is the only person in this video in a big open, lonely room - if you haven't seen it you should. i love how he is expressing himself
> also the song that is from a blusy sort of band (don't know there name - the song was from the movie brother art thou or something - awesome ! i realte to marshall tucker band sort of music
>
> love life - match box 20 i saw them in detroit at St. Andrew's hall - big open space holds about 2000 people? general admission (we paid $50 us = $75 canadian or sometimes $99 canadian ha ha for a $25 us ticket) was it worth it hell yes, Rob Thomas made love to my soul that night and not in the kinky way people would assume.
>
> i could go on and on!
>
> i have a cd burner if you would like i can burn these and send them to you (i did post earlier with a thread called angel and i'm not sure if you saw it but i picked up something for you and would like to send it if i may have your email address to then receive your mailing address)
>
> as for Sarah, oh sweet Sarah, the other cd i like is Possession, actually i think i will listen to that tomorrow and introduce my daughter to it! as for the others, not really do i listen to them but i am certainly looking forward to her next (she had a baby did you know?)
>
> paula cole, for those of us who have encountered sexual abuse
>
> the list goes on and on! for me music is defenitely theraputic through the good times and the bad!
>
> talk to you soon,
> peace
> your friend
> shanti
Hi ShantiI hope you are doing a bit better today. I HATE those bad days.
I must have missed your post to me before, I don't remember seeing it.
You can email me at canadianangelgirl@hotmail.com
I don't have any of that music you were recommending. Do you know the name of that Elton John song that you like the video for??? It sounds quite interesting and I'd love to see if I can find it on the net somewhere. Is it a new song or and old one? I don't think I've ever seen a video of his like you're describing.
I've been giving some thought lately to what music we listen to when we are depressed. I don't know what other people do but when I'm in an extremely depressed state, I can't listen to the music that I would normally listen to, it's too upbeat or happy. I would always put in Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" CD or something by Jewel. I find them more soothing. But lately I've been wondering if my mood would get better if I tried to listen to something more upbeat and if listening to mellow music is just prolonging my depressed state. Do you know what I mean?? Is this making any sense??? I'd like to get opinions on what y'all think about this.
I look forward to your email Shanti. That was very sweet of you to pick something up for me. You didn't have to do that, especially since you barely even know me.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:02:02
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Allen F. on March 20, 2002, at 9:08:11
> I have been withdrawing, slowly, from Effexor and am tired. Energy level is low. Emotionally I am exhausted, not so much by "depression" but by all that has been going on. I am tired as being defined by "depression." Seems all the books I read, doctors I see, or people I talk to are in some way or another related to the subject. I also have found that its an easy thing to blame, rather than others taking responsibity for their own actions. "He's just depressed" ... when, no I am not, I just don't like their behavior, but I have been labled with the diagnoses.
>
> Well, have written to much. Didn't mean to bend your ear so much.
>
> a
Hi AllenPlease don't hesitate to tell us how you're feeling. That's what we all come here for, to hear everybody else's experiences and hopefully learn from them. Sometimes it's good just to see you're not the only one who feels the way that you do. I know what you mean about being labelled as depressed. But what I hate even more is when I'm called mentally ill. I cringe when I hear that phrase. :( But unfortunately, that is what I am and I have to deal with it. I wish you well in coming off the Effexor. I, unfortunately am still in the stages of having my dosage increased. Please let us know how you are doing and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:08:39
In reply to Re: Angel, could you pls check in with us!, posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 22:20:49
> Hi Angel, I am glad to hear from you. I read your post to shanti and now will not panick if we don't hear from you for a few days. I hear what you are saying about yours friends, but don't put all the blame on yourself. If I read what you wrote prevously it isn't only you that needs to take responsiblity for thier actions. Your friends have some soul searching to do also.
>
> Take care,
>
> Renee
Hi ReneeCould you please explain what you mean by your post. I feel that I need "MY" feelings validated just as much as I had to validate theirs. Yes, I put them through a lot of pain and hurt but what about me??? I went through pain and hurt too. The friends that are angry with me have yet to ask me how I am doing. Am I being selfish??? Is it wrong for me to want them to ask how I am??? Is it wrong for me to want my feelings of hurt and pain validated??? I feel like I'm being very selfish. I also feel like everybody's feelings count and mine don't. They aren't the only ones that are hurting here. I'm hurting too. Should I be putting my feelings behind me???? I'm having a hard time with this. What do you think?
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:12:32
In reply to Re: allen f. withdrawing from effexor, posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 11:37:21
> allen, don't hesitate to bend our ears! i may be new to this site but i thought that was part of the deal. i can't heal by talking alone, i need to be able to read about other experiences and take from them what may work for me. today i will be lowering my dose of effexor to try and go off. in 3 days time i have learned that i may be in hell for awhile but at least i know what to expect. to everyone here, thanks for sharing with me! here go's nothing!!!!
Hi lollyI'm glad you are at a point where you feel you can come off the Effexor. I wish you the best of luck and hope it's not as bad as you're imagining. I hope you will continue to post and let us know how things are going.
Good luck!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by SueDoeN on March 20, 2002, at 14:26:12
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? » Angel Girl, posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 12:43:09
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:33:06
In reply to Re: Shameful Perversion » Jackd, posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 23:08:24
> > Thanks, I am often inspired by my deep depressions. That poem captures one of my saddest moments of despair. This one's for the ladies:
> >
> > "Shameful perversion [of perception]"
> >
> > A wild flower with an unfitful doom,
> > A rose amidst the weeds and gloom.
> > She cannot, will not see herself;
> > A beauty matched with inner wealth.
> > O' Lord! O' Allah! O' Zeus! Oh Ruth*,
> > that this gem may catch a glimpse of truth!
> >
> > *=Ruth: Mercy.
> Does Ruth mean mercy? If so, that is good to know. I love the Biblical story of Ruth. Have you seen the painting of her gleaning wheat? Such a hero she is. She demonstrated so much love to her step-mother Naomi.
>
> Here's a poem in appreciation of your poem. The breaking of the soil is akin to coming out of depression (i.e. winter)
>
> SPRING
>
> Spring Thaws.
> Sap flows.
> Branches blush
> In odd red hues.
>
> Iceberg melts
> and breaks away.
> Floating off,
> Takes night. Leaves day.
>
> Strength is rising.
> Heads are crowning.
> Green buds burst through
> Fields of clay.
>
> Broken soil.
> Life renewed.
> Cycling world,
> No longer skewed.
>
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeNymSue
That's absolutely beautiful. You really have a way with words. Thanks for sharing your poem with us.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:42:41
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? » Angel Girl, posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 12:43:09
> > > > ...waiting for my next fix, to fix my vision til it's nixed,
> > > > Try to cry but my tears just get lost in the rain,
> > > > Nothing left to do but drink away the pain...
> > >
> > > is that you angel girl? i went to bed just past 12:00 am if it is you i/m sorry i wasn't here to say hello.
> > >
> > > if this is you thank you for touching base with us and just know that sometimes we have to go that deep to come up again (thinking of it as swimming right now - you are failing in the water and figuring out how is it that you swim (it;s like riding the proverbial bike you never forget once you get back on) with graceful strokes rather than with failing arms ( you are still here ((failing arms)) but hold on becasue you are almost there to begin swimming again (i went through what you are going through many years ago so yes i do know what i am talking about and not just experienced it once but many times)
> > >
> > > anyway, i am going to church this am (to have my pastor fill out my daughter's birth registration) so while i am there and i figure since i am going to be as close to god as one can get today! i will ask that he say a prayer for you angel girl. i hope this is ok, i too will also say a prayer that you may start to heal.
> > >
> > > i hope to talk to you soon
> > >
> > > i am in and out all day but will check these posts to look for you ok, so if you feel like it just give another little post so i know you saw this.
> > >
> > > peace
> > > your friend
> > > shanti
> >
> >
> > Hi Shanti
> >
> > No, that's not me. I've been taking a few days to work on what I've done to my friendships. I booked an emergency therapy session yesterday as well. I am doing much better now. I am of a totally different mindset than I was when I posted in desperation. I am taking full responsibility for my actions and have let my friends know that. I acknowledge the pain and worry I have put them through too. However, I now have to deal with my pain and regret for what I have done to them. That will take much longer. I am no longer going to contemplate suicide as a reaction to any of my problems. As I said, I am not the same person I was a week ago. I know I'm not perfect and that I will encounter setbacks but I'm learning and realizing the impact my actions and thoughts have on the people I love.
> >
> > I thank you for your prayers. They are greatly appreciated. That is very sweet and thoughtful of you.
> >
> > Your friend
> > Angel Girl
>
>
> Angel Girl:
>
> We are all SO PROUD of YOU!! Hang in there! GREAT START: Responsibility for one's actions will lead to responsibility for one's feelings. Check out the websites for Cognitive Therapy. One of the major tenets of CT seems to be, if I remember correctly: without a thought there is no emotion. Said another way, every emotion is preceded by a thought. It is the thought that generates the emotion. Think about it (no pun intended)! I often use a technique called "thought stopping" which helps me to deal with negative emotions (I worry incessantly about my children--and they're adults with children of their own!). I tell myself "NO" I will NOT think this negative thought" and it stops bothering me for a little while. I often have to tell myself multiple times to stop thinking the thought. None of us on the site want you to feel "pain and regret" for what you "have done to us." All you did was to give us a chance to acknowledge you and to let you know that we're out here thinking about you (each of us thinks of the others) and a chance to think of someone else rather than ourselves. For that, I personally thank you. I spend far too much time thinking about my own problems.
>
> Another thing: Don't think about "guilt" as it isn't, in this instance, productive and you don't need to FEEL "guilt"--so just do the "thought-stopping" thing so that you can get on with your healing. Keep us abreast of your progress.
>
> Cheers,
> Jannbeau (nym)
Hi JannbeauThat was very sound advice that you gave me. I will try to do that when I feel negative thoughts coming on. I'm also going to check the net for sites on cognitive therapy as you suggested. I'm very new to therapy, I've actually only had the one session so far. Most of my thoughts are negative, hence where I am today. I have a long road ahead of me to recovery and I'll be applying your advice that you gave me. I thank you for that! :)
Peace,
Angel Girl
Posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 16:24:01
In reply to Re: allen f. withdrawing from effexor - lolly, posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:12:32
angel girl,
thanks! just got back from the doc and i'll be trying to dose down off the effexor while building up on celexa. i'm up for whatever happens because these side affects aren't worth it. knowing i can catch up with everyone here for help or just to chat is a great relief.
lolly
ps
anyone know anything about celexa?
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 16:27:15
In reply to Re: withdrawing from effexor - angel girl-celexa, posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 16:24:01
> angel girl,
> thanks! just got back from the doc and i'll be trying to dose down off the effexor while building up on celexa. i'm up for whatever happens because these side affects aren't worth it. knowing i can catch up with everyone here for help or just to chat is a great relief.
> lolly
> ps
> anyone know anything about celexa?Hi lolly
I didn't realize you were switching to another AD. Hope it goes well for you. What side effects were you having with the Effexor??? I was on Celexa before the Effexor and it did nothing for me. But we all have different reactions. Hope it works for you. Keep us updated.
Peace,
Angel Girl
Posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 16:55:26
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends? - Jannbeau, posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:42:41
> Hi Jannbeau
>
> That was very sound advice that you gave me. I will try to do that when I feel negative thoughts coming on. I'm also going to check the net for sites on cognitive therapy as you suggested. I'm very new to therapy, I've actually only had the one session so far. Most of my thoughts are negative, hence where I am today. I have a long road ahead of me to recovery and I'll be applying your advice that you gave me. I thank you for that! :)
>
> Peace,
> Angel GirlPeace to you, Angel Girl!! Thanks for responding and being open to suggestions. Something else keeps niggling at me, too. Shanti has alluded numerous times to a technique called "creative visualization"--although she doesn't name it. The book I read on this technique was "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain (Shanti-Shakti, strange coincidence--both seem mystical). The thought, with creative visualization, is that you can THINK or VISUALIZE a dream or wish, no matter how small or how big, into REALITY. So, another way to counter your negative emotional state is to visualize a positive state. It's sort of like (and this is a simplistic example, but I use it when I'm getting a blood pressure check): visualize yourself sitting on a big rock in a beautiful glen. Imagine each item in the glen: the plants, the color of the sky, the birds and animals that creep up to you because you are quiet, beautiful, soulful, and gentle - - there's a waterfall nearby, the birds are singing; you are at peace with yourself and with your world--you get the idea--I'll guarantee your blood pressure will be 10 points lower if you can achieve this state of light meditation. It's the same kind of thing, but the goal is different. Your goal is, first, to defeat your depression, to love yourself, to change what you can about the situations that brought you to this state, to find acceptance of those things that you cannot change--and the wisdom to know the difference (Serenity Prayer)--is that not right, Shanti? Which brings up one more idea--Twelve Step Programs (my son found peace, acceptance, and the courage to change his life in Alcoholics Anonymous, but there are many other groups: the major thing is the SUPPORT, ACCEPTANCE and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that people find in these meetings--and they're FREE!:).
A couple more ideas and I'll be quiet for a while. I don't want to overwhelm you:) The best self-help book I've ever picked up is the Holy Bible. The books and chapters that keep coming to mind right now are Eclesiastes 3 (old testament)and I Corinthians 13.
Then there is the old "Born to Win" by James and Jongward, which deals with Gestalt Therapy--when you are angry, tear up a piece of paper and throw it away, etc. There's a workbook that was most helpful.
It is probably most important that you DO continue with therapy. Getting better is hard to do and you don't need judgement, just guidance. Oh, and don't be surprised if your first therapist or group or whatever is not a good fit. You have to shop for a therapist like you would shop for a great pair of shoes (hard to do when your feet hurt, I know, but, if you are to wear them all the time, they MUST fit, right?--same with therapists.
Got to go now.--Going to have to limit myself electronically here if I'm not careful!
Cheers,
Jannbeau
Posted by Rrissa1317 on March 20, 2002, at 17:02:09
In reply to Re: withdrawing from effexor - angel girl-celexa, posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 16:24:01
I tried Celexa with no results. Switched to Effexor. Gained 10 pounds in 2 months so I'm going off it. No real improvement. But going off it is interesting. I get this "buzzing" feeling in my hands, feet and lips. Of course I'm trying to do it twice as fast as they suggested. Was on 150mg. Doc suggested I go to 75 for a week, then to 37.5 for a week. I cut that in half. I was ballooning out of my clothes too fast. Gotta get that crap out of my system. Going to try Wellbutrin next I suppose. I've been depressed as far back in my 39 years as I can remember. I'm starting to think they don't make a med to handle my warped head. Tried Prozac, left me totally emotionless. Paxil gave me a mini psychotic breakdown. Anyone got any suggestions for me? I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not the one that needs fixing. It might be all these flippin' happy people that are warped....grin
Posted by maximillian on March 20, 2002, at 17:34:32
In reply to Help me please...., posted by Rrissa1317 on March 20, 2002, at 17:02:09
today is my last day on wellbutrin...threw the last four in the toilet...that was 150mg's twice daily...i will continue to take effexor twice daily @ 150mg. then cut back to 150mg. i'm off this stuff. no fun. i guess i'll get ready for the ride. any thoughts, fellow posters??????????
max
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