Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 9730

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Re: Just Diagnosed ad discontiouation

Posted by lostsailor on November 12, 2002, at 18:31:40

In reply to Re: Just Diagnosed BarbaraCat, posted by polarbear206 on November 12, 2002, at 17:15:59

Good deal for you. Remoron seems to make many people lives a nightmare re: of mdd or bpd. I fint that I can do well without , but when dep hits i go onto effexop immed. I usually take a small amount of an ssri for panic, as well as vaium.

Lamicatal. It is just amazing how many other's ar eusing it. ^months ago my doc did not want to write for this due to a rash in some ppl. Now he says he is writing it often and has seen good efficacy in the lit and in his practise. I hope the "potio" works for you. bb ~Tony

 

Re: Just Diagnosed ad discontiouation » lostsailor

Posted by BarbaraCat on November 12, 2002, at 22:45:28

In reply to Re: Just Diagnosed ad discontiouation, posted by lostsailor on November 12, 2002, at 18:31:40

Thanks for your kind wishes, Tony. My pdoc also did not want to prescribe Lamictal for me. He had a patient who went up too fast, got the rash and wound up in intensive care for a week, so I can understand his hesitancy. Sure hope my positive response continues to be on his successes list. With any new drug the hype has to be separated out from the results (look at Lexapro - I'm not seeing much to recommend it). From what I'm seeing on this board, people with bipolar depression seem to fare the best on Lamictal. Some others have a terrible time. I did very poorly on Paxil and Effexor, but I guess that's just another indication of being an undiagnosed bipolar for whom no AD works. Are you really a sailor? - Barbara

> Good deal for you. Remoron seems to make many people lives a nightmare re: of mdd or bpd. I fint that I can do well without , but when dep hits i go onto effexop immed. I usually take a small amount of an ssri for panic, as well as vaium.
>
> Lamicatal. It is just amazing how many other's ar eusing it. ^months ago my doc did not want to write for this due to a rash in some ppl. Now he says he is writing it often and has seen good efficacy in the lit and in his practise. I hope the "potio" works for you. bb ~Tony

 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise

Posted by izle on November 14, 2002, at 22:38:38

In reply to rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by Lollie on September 26, 2002, at 1:42:23

I experience exactly what you experience, both the very rapid cycling (minutes and hours) as well as the noisy brain. My brain isn't only noisy, it's also very busy. I just can't stop thinking. And the noise is just as you describe it (busy train station). I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this. I have been to many mental health professionals who have never picked up on any of it. I've told them about the busy brain but they don't seem to know what it is. Through research on the web I found cyclothymia. I went to another pshychiatrist recently and mentioned the cyclothymia. I told her how quickly the cycles can change and she said this could still be cyclothymia. I don't know what the noisy, busy brain is about but I hope to someday find a mental health professional who does. FYI: I also have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (TLE) which is a brain wave disorder. I'm not sure how this fits in. Best of Luck.

 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise » izle

Posted by Ritch on November 15, 2002, at 9:06:57

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by izle on November 14, 2002, at 22:38:38

> I experience exactly what you experience, both the very rapid cycling (minutes and hours) as well as the noisy brain. My brain isn't only noisy, it's also very busy. I just can't stop thinking. And the noise is just as you describe it (busy train station). I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this. I have been to many mental health professionals who have never picked up on any of it. I've told them about the busy brain but they don't seem to know what it is. Through research on the web I found cyclothymia. I went to another pshychiatrist recently and mentioned the cyclothymia. I told her how quickly the cycles can change and she said this could still be cyclothymia. I don't know what the noisy, busy brain is about but I hope to someday find a mental health professional who does. FYI: I also have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (TLE) which is a brain wave disorder. I'm not sure how this fits in. Best of Luck.

Hi, with me it is *sometimes* "noisy" thoughts, but mostly it is music. I believe the temporal lobes are responsible for processing auditory data in the brain-hooking together your auditory memory with auditory sense info (from you ears). What meds are you taking for the TLE? In my cse, (bp-II), anticonvulsants tend to "quiet-out" the music and serotonergic antidepressants tend to increase the musical racket. My hypomanias (AD-induced or not), are *always* accompanied with increasing musical memories, snippets, sometimes blending of different songs together. I also have trouble when I am depressed with lyrical recognition and understanding people's speech, and even sensing direction of sounds. It seems to resemble a "temporary" Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD).

 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise

Posted by izle on November 15, 2002, at 9:59:18

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise » izle, posted by Ritch on November 15, 2002, at 9:06:57

> > I experience exactly what you experience, both the very rapid cycling (minutes and hours) as well as the noisy brain. My brain isn't only noisy, it's also very busy. I just can't stop thinking. And the noise is just as you describe it (busy train station). I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this. I have been to many mental health professionals who have never picked up on any of it. I've told them about the busy brain but they don't seem to know what it is. Through research on the web I found cyclothymia. I went to another pshychiatrist recently and mentioned the cyclothymia. I told her how quickly the cycles can change and she said this could still be cyclothymia. I don't know what the noisy, busy brain is about but I hope to someday find a mental health professional who does. FYI: I also have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (TLE) which is a brain wave disorder. I'm not sure how this fits in. Best of Luck.
>
> Hi, with me it is *sometimes* "noisy" thoughts, but mostly it is music. I believe the temporal lobes are responsible for processing auditory data in the brain-hooking together your auditory memory with auditory sense info (from you ears). What meds are you taking for the TLE? In my cse, (bp-II), anticonvulsants tend to "quiet-out" the music and serotonergic antidepressants tend to increase the musical racket. My hypomanias (AD-induced or not), are *always* accompanied with increasing musical memories, snippets, sometimes blending of different songs together. I also have trouble when I am depressed with lyrical recognition and understanding people's speech, and even sensing direction of sounds. It seems to resemble a "temporary" Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD).

I also have music but never attributed it to either bipolar or TLE. Just thought everyone had it. I'm not on any meds right now. Trying to work with physicians to determine best med.

 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise

Posted by FredPotter on November 17, 2002, at 22:40:19

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by izle on November 15, 2002, at 9:59:18

I have constant music in my head. I always thought my ability to hear all the individual instrumental parts in the Rite of Spring in my head was a gift, but perhaps it's an illness

 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise

Posted by vagen on November 20, 2002, at 7:55:03

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by izle on November 14, 2002, at 22:38:38

> I experience exactly what you experience, both the very rapid cycling (minutes and hours) as well as the noisy brain. My brain isn't only noisy, it's also very busy. I just can't stop thinking. And the noise is just as you describe it (busy train station). I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this. I have been to many mental health professionals who have never picked up on any of it. I've told them about the busy brain but they don't seem to know what it is. Through research on the web I found cyclothymia. I went to another pshychiatrist recently and mentioned the cyclothymia. I told her how quickly the cycles can change and she said this could still be cyclothymia. I don't know what the noisy, busy brain is about but I hope to someday find a mental health professional who does. FYI: I also have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (TLE) which is a brain wave disorder. I'm not sure how this fits in. Best of Luck.

I am cyclothymic as well and lately it seems I am cycling faster. I have always heard music in my head. (from Pantera to television themes)and I can change songs with a little effort. It can be annoying, yet listening to live music makes it go away. When I am in a downward spiral I cannot understand what people are saying or understand the written word. I am constantly under a stream-of-consciousness –fluid thought—and all that. It can come in handy as I am a professional writer. I take prozac and wellabutrin and have added lamictal. Although, I am itching like fire today (only had one dose at 25mg) it was quiet for a while. It was just strange, yet affirming to see others who carry a jukebox with them!

 

Mind noise

Posted by BarbaraCat on November 21, 2002, at 10:49:36

In reply to Re: Just Diagnosed ad discontiouation » lostsailor, posted by BarbaraCat on November 12, 2002, at 22:45:28

I've experienced mind music for many years, not all the time and not even during any discernable blip in my mental state. Does it feel like you're wearning especially great stereo headphones and the music is very clear? Sometimes I wake up with it, almost on the tail end of a dream but can't remember it because it's so complex and layered. It's always very beautiful music of orchestral grandeur, soaring ecstatic choral passages with unpredictable and delightful musical turns of phrase. I feel like I'm totally present and marvelling at this rapturous enthralling music which is more real than anything in my surrounding. And then it fades away. I love having these private concerts and for a long time when I was young I believed the angels were joyfully singing among themselves and wondered I was able to hear their music. I didn't think it at all odd that no one else could hear it, only odd that I could. No matter what I'm emotionally feeling, this transcendant music can lift me and illuminate me and I wish it visited me more frequently. When it's gone, it visits and then vanishes like a deja-vu, and only an echo of a memory is left. I've come to be much more cynical and suspect that it's probably only a spiking auditory neuron. But what a lovely form for a dissident neural blip to take.

This is different from the buzzy crackling static I also hear when I'm frazzled and manic, but that's not so much a inner sound/music as it is a hollow ringing discordancy truly like the clanging of raw nerve endings banging against each other, or a blanket of murky brownish gray static electricity that creates interferrence patterns with all signals coming in and going out. Definitely not the sublime coherent sweetness as with the Angel's music.

 

New Med Question

Posted by Alylene on December 4, 2002, at 21:30:38

In reply to Cyclothymia & mood stabilizers, posted by andrewb on August 7, 1999, at 10:33:51

Help...After six great weeks of feeling completely normal, not depressed, and not manic, I have started to spike up toward hypomania...insominia, mind racing and high irritability. Anyway, I went to my psydoc and she put me on Zyprexa (2.5 mg) in addition to my 20 mg of Lexapro. But...she said that weight gain is probable. UGH! If this is true then I'll be back in the depths of depression in no time. Are there any success stories of taking Zyprexa and NOT gaining weight?

 

Re: New Med Question » Alylene

Posted by BarbaraCat on December 5, 2002, at 15:36:45

In reply to New Med Question, posted by Alylene on December 4, 2002, at 21:30:38

Why the heck are you on Lexapro? It sounds like you're having classic Bipolar II cycling, an absolute SURE THING eventuality with any antidepressant in the absence of a mood stabilizer. Zyprexa can be of help if it's the right med for you, but it can also affect dopamine which, if it's NOT the right med for you, will plunge you into a very scary place. Weight gain will be the least of your concerns. Hang in there and know that there's something not working with you med combo and royally screwing up your chemistry. Sheesh, if I was on that combo, I know I'd be in the throes of a schizoid mixed state frenzy. Have you read "Why your depression isn't getting better", Dr. M. Bartos yet? Read it. Your symptoms and probable solution are spelled out in black and white. This should be mandatory reading for any pdoc but go figure. - BarbaraCat

> Help...After six great weeks of feeling completely normal, not depressed, and not manic, I have started to spike up toward hypomania...insominia, mind racing and high irritability. Anyway, I went to my psydoc and she put me on Zyprexa (2.5 mg) in addition to my 20 mg of Lexapro. But...she said that weight gain is probable. UGH! If this is true then I'll be back in the depths of depression in no time. Are there any success stories of taking Zyprexa and NOT gaining weight?

 

Re: New Med Question

Posted by sjb on December 6, 2002, at 8:55:47

In reply to New Med Question, posted by Alylene on December 4, 2002, at 21:30:38

I was more depressed on Zprexa, lethargic and the only exercise I was getting was driving to the bakery. I hated this med. I also do not think it is a safe drug unless one truly is pyschotic.

 

Re: New Med Question

Posted by Alylene on December 8, 2002, at 21:53:13

In reply to Re: New Med Question » Alylene, posted by BarbaraCat on December 5, 2002, at 15:36:45

Thanks for your reply...I'll check out that book. I know that my history has made a made a definitive diagnosis of bipoloar difficult. My previous psyc doc was convinced that I had agitated depression, not a bipoloar disorder. Anyway, the lexapro was the ONLY thing that worked on the depression. For awhile I was on Risperdol too, but I was not showing any signs of mania, so they took me off of it. Anyway, the zyprexa has worked beautifully! I feel so good, I don't care if I gain weight. It took away the mind racing and irritability, but I still have good energy during the day and I can sleep at night. For now, this combination is definitely a good thing for me...I just hope it will carry me through the holidays!

 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise » FredPotter

Posted by BarbaraCat on December 18, 2002, at 16:49:42

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by FredPotter on November 17, 2002, at 22:40:19

> I have constant music in my head. I always thought my ability to hear all the individual instrumental parts in the Rite of Spring in my head was a gift, but perhaps it's an illness

Hmmmmm, The Rite of Spring. Now that's a heavy duty score to have burned into your brain-pan. Maybe you can request something like Beethoven's Symphony #6? Little randy Centaurs and Pan frollicking about have to be more enjoyable than those poor dinosaurs.

 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise

Posted by jimmygold70 on December 21, 2002, at 12:12:12

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by izle on November 14, 2002, at 22:38:38

Temporal lobe epilepsy does what you describe. Don't you take anticonvulsants ? They do work.

If this doesnt solve the problem, add a serotonin-dopamine antagonist. Zyprexa works best, followed by Seroquel and Geodon. Side effects are in the reverse order.

Good luck!
Jimmy

 

Re: rapid cycling and too much

Posted by justyourlaugh on December 21, 2002, at 15:51:04

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by jimmygold70 on December 21, 2002, at 12:12:12

wow,
to me ,everything is too loud.
all smells are to strong-and make me ill.
i think i am seeing way too much(stuf that are not really there).
j

 

Re: Question for Dr. Goldberg

Posted by Jaye on February 14, 2003, at 8:53:52

In reply to Re: Question for Dr. Goldberg, posted by Cecilia on April 23, 2002, at 1:35:07

--->At 150 mg. I`m starting to have scary little memory blips where I forget what I was going to say for a second or two. Cecilia

---->Cecilia, not to make light of your situation, but are you by any chance under 50?

(Because over 50....?That's when you can't see, can't find your glasses, don't remember where you were going after you drive out the driveway, and you lose your train of thought in the middle of a conversation and laugh about it.)
best to you.
Jaye

 

Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers

Posted by zeliva on February 19, 2003, at 18:55:02

In reply to Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers, posted by ThatGuyJohn on September 7, 2001, at 17:05:40

I was just diagnosed with cyclothymia. I was being treated for the last 3 mo. with major depression and anxiety (different Dr.) I am on 20mg Prozac and 25-50mg Seroquel at night for sleep. My problem is I am so down. I was having hypomania until the Seroquel and now I feel that I have no energy or intrest in anything. It is as if I need something to pick me up. I see my Dr. next week so any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers

Posted by JohnL on February 22, 2003, at 10:20:57

In reply to Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers, posted by zeliva on February 19, 2003, at 18:55:02

You could try replacing the seroquel with zyprexa. Try 2.5mg Zyprexa at first, with a likely targe range of 5.0 to 7.5mg. I think it could work out for you a lot better than seroquel. In clinical studies they are finding that there is something special about prozac and zyprexa together. This combo has worked well for me, while just about everything else out there either made me worse or had too many side effects. The prozac plus zyprexa combo is a real good one. Dump the seroquel in favor of zyprexa.

> I was just diagnosed with cyclothymia. I was being treated for the last 3 mo. with major depression and anxiety (different Dr.) I am on 20mg Prozac and 25-50mg Seroquel at night for sleep. My problem is I am so down. I was having hypomania until the Seroquel and now I feel that I have no energy or intrest in anything. It is as if I need something to pick me up. I see my Dr. next week so any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers

Posted by zeliva on February 22, 2003, at 12:37:53

In reply to Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers, posted by JohnL on February 22, 2003, at 10:20:57

I'm scared of talking zyprexa because of the weight gain side effect. My Doc has told me the same thing about the two meds together. He said zyprexa makes you fat he doesn't want me to take that unless it was the last resort. Thanks for the advise.

 

Re: Mind noise » BarbaraCat

Posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 19:43:06

In reply to Mind noise, posted by BarbaraCat on November 21, 2002, at 10:49:36

> I've experienced mind music for many years, not all the time and not even during any discernable blip in my mental state. Does it feel like you're wearning especially great stereo headphones and the music is very clear? Sometimes I wake up with it, almost on the tail end of a dream but can't remember it because it's so complex and layered. It's always very beautiful music of orchestral grandeur, soaring ecstatic choral passages with unpredictable and delightful musical turns of phrase. I feel like I'm totally present and marvelling at this rapturous enthralling music which is more real than anything in my surrounding. And then it fades away. I love having these private concerts and for a long time when I was young I believed the angels were joyfully singing among themselves and wondered I was able to hear their music. I didn't think it at all odd that no one else could hear it, only odd that I could. No matter what I'm emotionally feeling, this transcendant music can lift me and illuminate me and I wish it visited me more frequently. When it's gone, it visits and then vanishes like a deja-vu, and only an echo of a memory is left. I've come to be much more cynical and suspect that it's probably only a spiking auditory neuron. But what a lovely form for a dissident neural blip to take.
>
> This is different from the buzzy crackling static I also hear when I'm frazzled and manic, but that's not so much a inner sound/music as it is a hollow ringing discordancy truly like the clanging of raw nerve endings banging against each other, or a blanket of murky brownish gray static electricity that creates interferrence patterns with all signals coming in and going out. Definitely not the sublime coherent sweetness as with the Angel's music.


Barbaracat --
I have never talked to anyone else who even knew what I was talking about. I thought it *must* have been the angels, too. I mean, what else could it be? is what went through my mind. Yikes.

bozeman

 

Re: Mind noise

Posted by Tony P on February 23, 2003, at 1:17:29

In reply to Re: Mind noise » BarbaraCat, posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 19:43:06

I've occasionally had grand cathedral music on the waking tail of a dream, as you say. I know a lot of my dreams have "background music".

My first waking experience with the phenomenon was when I was working as a grad student at nights in a laboratory with a lot of equipment that created a white noise background. I was pretty hyper (got on Librium, which was quite new at the time, but that's another story).

So working there alone at night, I would keep hearing this radio playing in one of the other rooms, which was perfectly possible since several of us had radios or tape players. I'd walk around looking for the radio, and never finding it. Oh, and the building was supposed to be haunted, too!

I was getting quite freaked, but finally something clicked, and I tried predicting the next song that the distant radio would play - and it did! I could change the tune at will from then on -- pretty handy, as this was before Walkmans.

Most people (even normies) can get a similar effect by tuning an FM radio to the noise between stations and listening with headphones. Most start to hear words emerging from the noise within a minute or so. Some times the words even seem to form a coherent message. Might lead to a whole new branch of psychoanalysis!

Tony P
-------------------------------
> > I've experienced mind music for many years, not all the time and not even during any discernable blip in my mental state. Does it feel like you're wearning especially great stereo headphones and the music is very clear? Sometimes I wake up with it, almost on the tail end of a dream but can't remember it because it's so complex and layered. It's always very beautiful music of orchestral grandeur, soaring ecstatic choral passages with unpredictable and delightful musical turns of phrase. I feel like I'm totally present and marvelling at this rapturous enthralling music which is more real than anything in my surrounding. And then it fades away. I love having these private concerts and for a long time when I was young I believed the angels were joyfully singing among themselves and wondered I was able to hear their music. I didn't think it at all odd that no one else could hear it, only odd that I could. No matter what I'm emotionally feeling, this transcendant music can lift me and illuminate me and I wish it visited me more frequently. When it's gone, it visits and then vanishes like a deja-vu, and only an echo of a memory is left. I've come to be much more cynical and suspect that it's probably only a spiking auditory neuron. But what a lovely form for a dissident neural blip to take.

 

Re: Mind noise » Tony P

Posted by HannahBeGood on February 23, 2003, at 19:37:39

In reply to Re: Mind noise, posted by Tony P on February 23, 2003, at 1:17:29


I usually experience auditory hallucinations of the musical sort when on p-stims. If I try to go to bed earlier than usual in a quiet house is when I am more aware of them. For me, it's almost always like an FM radio is on, extremely low, but I can often recognize the song, which will tend to repeat itself. Can be very annoying, but I usually can filter it out enuf to fall asleep. But I always sleep w/a small fan going. I've been dependent on 'white noise' for sound sleep for a couple of decades.

I also have one olfactory hallucination which I have had recurrent since childhood, when I wd. have it a few times a year. The smell is an artificial, chemical sort, not noxious or unpleasant, only, always the same, and always unidentifiable. Nowadays, I may only have it once every 2-3 years, it only lasts about 5-6 seconds and then disappears, and I have not connected it to anything---ever!

I used to have migraines, but since being on regular preventive meds, and reducing my alcohol intake, they have faded significantly. I still have the visual aura fairly often, however--mine is a blurred diagonal from thetop right of my vision fielddown to the very left. It always moves slowly across my vision field, like a tube of moving water. It can take 10-60 minutes to make its complete course. Sometimes there are dozens of points of light, very bright, which fade as soon as they appear, in very quick random fashion, like fireworks, but always white. This part never lasts more than a few seconds. And I often have the stars w/o the water or vice versa. Just the stars rarely leaves me feeling any pain, but the diagonal aura type almost always leaves me with a dull, fuzzed out headache that requires some med and a nap.

But, no migraines since I seriously dropped my alcohol intake over the past 6 years. And, I no longer want to drink, either. It used to be my self-medicating mainstay. If I was in a social situation, I was totally miserable and silent w/o my glass of wine in my hand.

Now, I am very pleased that my current cocktail of lexapro, klonopin, propanolol and dexedrine seem to address my former fears and inhibitions, and I can feel far more comfortable these days. It has taken years to find a p-doc who relized that the p-stim was a necessity for my brain to be fully alert and awake and the only way any A-D was ever going to be effective. (I have ADD, dx'd about a year ago, and it has caused or exacerbated my lifelong bouts of depression, anxiety and social inhibition).

I expect p-stims, klonopin and propanolol, in varying dosages will be a mainstay in my future.
I can live with this, since they improve my quality of life so radically.

Hannah

 

Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers

Posted by alylene on February 24, 2003, at 13:14:52

In reply to Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers, posted by zeliva on February 22, 2003, at 12:37:53

> I'm scared of talking zyprexa because of the weight gain side effect. My Doc has told me the same thing about the two meds together. He said zyprexa makes you fat he doesn't want me to take that unless it was the last resort. Thanks for the advise.

I had the exact same fear, however I did end up taking a small dose of Zyprexa and did not gain weight. I was starting to get extremely manic (after three months of severe depression) I had several sleepless nights and severe agitation.

Anyway, I felt better immediately on Zyprexa (combined with Lexapro, which I have been on for over six months). However after about two weeks my hands started trembling so bad every morning that I had to stop taking it. Now I take Zonnegram in conjunction with Lexapro, and I have not felt this good in years! I wouldn't be afraid to try the Zyprexa just because of weight gain.

Good Luck!

 

Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers

Posted by KrissyP on February 25, 2003, at 0:30:44

In reply to Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers, posted by alylene on February 24, 2003, at 13:14:52

I took Zyprexa when I was receiving shock treatments. I only had 9, but I do remember Zyprexa made my appetite increase big time! Maybe there is another alternative if your weight-gain concern is powerful-I know mine was, and it doesn't help the situtaion any.
Best of luck to you!

 

Re: Mind noise » bozeman

Posted by BarbaraCat on February 25, 2003, at 12:38:50

In reply to Re: Mind noise » BarbaraCat, posted by bozeman on February 22, 2003, at 19:43:06

I'm convinced it is tuning into another realm. This particular music is too coherent and enjoyable to be due to mind static, which has a very different quality. I think we who have these sensitive brains are compensated in many ways we don't always notice or appreciate. Fear gets in the way and murks up the instrument and we're left with static. But every so often, a pure wavelength get through and we hear it, see it, sense it, whatever. Most mystics, shamans, etc., have gone through intense depressions and darkness and despair before breaking through to the other side, as though their great gifts had to be forged in some way.

I think the practice is to be open to and aware of these subtle currents. Our brains are certainly sensitized, but the crazy experiences are so much more crude, blaring and in your face than the quieter ones that come with the Angels.

> I have never talked to anyone else who even knew what I was talking about. I thought it *must* have been the angels, too. I mean, what else could it be? is what went through my mind. Yikes.
>
> bozeman
>


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