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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by partlycloudy on January 16, 2005, at 7:25:31
In reply to Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 15, 2005, at 13:38:08
It's a place that makes me cry because I see myself in each and every person in the room.
It's a place that frightens me because I don't think I know how to place my trust in that Higher Power.
It's a place that I am grateful will welcome me back as many times as it takes.
It's a place that disgusts me when I see fragile and vulnerable people be victimized by those who come to the meetings for the wrong reasons.
Every single meeting is different from one at another location.
Posted by Lee05 on January 16, 2005, at 9:03:26
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by partlycloudy on January 16, 2005, at 7:25:31
Partlycloudy,
Thanks so much--I've decided to go to both of the meetings in my neighbourhood this week--one on Monday and the other on Thursday. I'm a little nervous, but I figure I need all the help I can get if I'm going to make it work this time. Maybe it'll help me take the focus of myself for a while and turn it to other people--I've noticed myself becoming somewhat self-absorbed over the past 12 days.
I'll let you know how it goes--thanks again.
Lee
Posted by jujube on January 16, 2005, at 17:32:25
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 16, 2005, at 9:03:26
For me, AA was a refuge at a time in my life when I felt alone and adrift with my alcoholism. It is nerve-wracking at first, there is no doubt about it. But, what I found at the meetings I went to was a community that would accept me, warts and all, and people who had been through what I had been going through and were still alive to talk about it. And, as weird as this may sound, I felt a huge sense relief and a lifting of a tremendous burden the first time I said out loud in front of a room full of people "My name is Tamara, and I am an alcoholic". That was over 8 1/2 years ago (after a few previously failed attempts), and I haven't looked back. All that to say that going to AA meetings early in my sobriety saved me when I couldn't save myself (and wasn't sure that I wanted to).
Good luck to you! And, remember, one day at a time.
> Partlycloudy,
>
> Thanks so much--I've decided to go to both of the meetings in my neighbourhood this week--one on Monday and the other on Thursday. I'm a little nervous, but I figure I need all the help I can get if I'm going to make it work this time. Maybe it'll help me take the focus of myself for a while and turn it to other people--I've noticed myself becoming somewhat self-absorbed over the past 12 days.
>
> I'll let you know how it goes--thanks again.
>
> Lee
Posted by Lee05 on January 17, 2005, at 9:01:47
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by jujube on January 16, 2005, at 17:32:25
Thanks to you too Jujube. It's really great to have all this support in my corner. It blows me away that people I don't even know so genuinely care about my recovery--it feels really good. Thank you!
Have a great day!
Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on January 17, 2005, at 17:26:18
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 16, 2005, at 9:03:26
You don't have to limit yourself to your neighborhood.
I live in an affluent neighborhood, but I would not feel comfortable going to a meeting here - with all the nearby socialite wannabes.
When I go, it's to a meeting place in a run down center. It's a smoke filled room, full of leather jackets and people that have seen the inside of a prison more than once. There I am accepted for me, and don't feel like I have to impress anyone.
It's great!
Posted by jujube on January 17, 2005, at 22:04:07
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 17, 2005, at 17:26:18
My experience was similar to yours, and I immediately felt at ease with the people who were so welcoming to all newcomers. It made going to meetings so much easier.
Tamara
> You don't have to limit yourself to your neighborhood.
>
> I live in an affluent neighborhood, but I would not feel comfortable going to a meeting here - with all the nearby socialite wannabes.
>
> When I go, it's to a meeting place in a run down center. It's a smoke filled room, full of leather jackets and people that have seen the inside of a prison more than once. There I am accepted for me, and don't feel like I have to impress anyone.
> It's great!
Posted by Lee05 on January 18, 2005, at 9:12:13
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 17, 2005, at 17:26:18
> You don't have to limit yourself to your neighborhood.
>
> I live in an affluent neighborhood, but I would not feel comfortable going to a meeting here - with all the nearby socialite wannabes.
>
> When I go, it's to a meeting place in a run down center. It's a smoke filled room, full of leather jackets and people that have seen the inside of a prison more than once. There I am accepted for me, and don't feel like I have to impress anyone.
> It's great!
Well, hell...I'd like to be able to say that I took all your amazing support, screwed up my courage and went to my first meeting last night. Unfortunately, what I have to say instead is that I completely lost my nerve and stayed home (it's amazing the number of really believable excuses I came up with for myself too).That's the bad news--the good news is that I'm still sober (14 days) and I'll keep trying with the meetings. In the meantime, I'm really glad you guys are out there--thx.
Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on January 18, 2005, at 10:10:21
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 18, 2005, at 9:12:13
Do you have a trusted friend or relative? Not all the meetings are alkies only. If they are listed in the schedule as "open" you can take a friend with you.
I'm a social phobic when sober and I don't know if I'd have ever gone to one alone at first.
If you raise your hand for a desire chip, you will be amazed at how many people come up to you and offer to help. One of the twelve steps of AA is to help people more in need. Not as an altruistic thing, per se, but as a tool in keeping sober yourself.
Posted by jujube on January 18, 2005, at 12:54:49
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 18, 2005, at 9:12:13
If you are finding it too stressful to go alone to a meeting, why don't you do what I did which was to look up AA in the phone book, call the mainline which is staffed by AA volunteers and tell them that you are seeking sobriety. They will send someone to your home to pick you up and escort you to a meeting or two and help you feel a little bit more comfortable during your introduction to AA and some of its members. Like you, I would have found it difficult and unnerving to go to my first meeting alone.
Tamara
Posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by jujube on January 18, 2005, at 12:54:49
Well, this is my first post to this board. I just signed up yesterday, and posted on the social board. I started effexor 37.5 mg for depression about 10 days ago, and was wondering if there were any others like me, who were self-medicating with alcohol. It was recommended I visit this board, and boy, what relief to find you! I admire those of you who have quit for days at a time. I go one or two, max, then all my resolve is gone. I have started with an addictions counsellor/group awareness series, but part of me still can't believe I have a problem and that with a little more willpower and less depression I wouldn't need my daily fix (or bottle) of wine. I have cut down tremendously as now I'm on the effexor it's a bad mix, but haven't gone 3 days sober yet. Thanks for sharing everyone - you give me hope. PS my immediate family is aware that I am committed to controlling my drinking, and that I may have to quit altogether (aakk!)
Posted by partlycloudy on January 20, 2005, at 10:54:54
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30
Nice to see you posting here - but you have to work on adopting a new posting name!! (I used to be rainyday, so things do get better :) )
I think the combination of effexor and alcohol is by far the worst I have ever experienced. The hangovers for me lasted days.
Good luck. I wish I had posted here last night when I was feeling low. Sometimes waiting for someone else to start is the worst thing I can do.
Posted by jujube on January 20, 2005, at 10:57:29
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30
It's me again. We "chatted" on the Social Board. As I mentioned, like you, I self-medicated with alcohol, among other things, for many years. I started drinking and smoking drugs when I was 15, and alcohol fast became the answer to my social anxiety problems. In my early 30s, after years of drinking and partying, I accepted that I had a problem and finally did something about it. Like you, I had previously tried to "control" my drinking, but once I had convinced myself that I could control and limit my drinking for a period of time (3 months at a time), I would slip back into my old pattern of drinking. It eventually took its toll on me, both physically and emotionally, and I finally accepted the fact that I could not drink like normal people. Anyways, that was over 8.5 years ago and it hasn't been that bad.
I hope you will find some comfort and support here at Babble.
My thoughts are with you. Take care.
> Well, this is my first post to this board. I just signed up yesterday, and posted on the social board. I started effexor 37.5 mg for depression about 10 days ago, and was wondering if there were any others like me, who were self-medicating with alcohol. It was recommended I visit this board, and boy, what relief to find you! I admire those of you who have quit for days at a time. I go one or two, max, then all my resolve is gone. I have started with an addictions counsellor/group awareness series, but part of me still can't believe I have a problem and that with a little more willpower and less depression I wouldn't need my daily fix (or bottle) of wine. I have cut down tremendously as now I'm on the effexor it's a bad mix, but haven't gone 3 days sober yet. Thanks for sharing everyone - you give me hope. PS my immediate family is aware that I am committed to controlling my drinking, and that I may have to quit altogether (aakk!)
Posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by just so sad on January 20, 2005, at 10:36:30
> Well, this is my first post to this board. I just signed up yesterday, and posted on the social board. I started effexor 37.5 mg for depression about 10 days ago, and was wondering if there were any others like me, who were self-medicating with alcohol. It was recommended I visit this board, and boy, what relief to find you! I admire those of you who have quit for days at a time. I go one or two, max, then all my resolve is gone. I have started with an addictions counsellor/group awareness series, but part of me still can't believe I have a problem and that with a little more willpower and less depression I wouldn't need my daily fix (or bottle) of wine. I have cut down tremendously as now I'm on the effexor it's a bad mix, but haven't gone 3 days sober yet. Thanks for sharing everyone - you give me hope. PS my immediate family is aware that I am committed to controlling my drinking, and that I may have to quit altogether (aakk!)
*****
I started taking effexor two years ago, and am now on a dose of 225 mg. Unfortunately, even though I knew combining alcohol with my meds was really bad, I just couldn't stay sober for more than a short time and couldn't bring myself to ask for help. So basically, for the past couple of years, I've taken my anti-depressants with a mega-chaser of pure depressant (makes perfect sense, don't you think?).
Today is day 17 sober for me as I try to tackle quitting again--this time asking for (and thankfully getting) as much help as I can. FYI, because of how much and how long I was drinking, when I suddenly quit, I really threw my med dosage out of whack and got a pretty nasty jolt side effects--something to be aware of if you decide to quit altogether. Anyway, glad you found this site--there's alot of support here.
By the way everyone, I found my nerve and went to my first AA meeting tonight. Scared as hell at first, but quickly became comfortable just being with a group of people I didn't have to pretend with--I'll be going back.
Thx all,
Lee
Posted by just so sad on January 21, 2005, at 9:26:01
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17
Thanks everyone for your caring responses. Had a meeting with the awareness group last night - I feel stronger today, maybe also because I didn't drink last night, but yesterday I was in a total funk - no motivation or energy. Will probably have to up my dosage of effexor to 75 mg, which is depressing in itself. And here comes the weekend...always the hardest time not to kick back with a bottle of my fav. red wine...oh well, wish me luck.
Posted by AuntieMel on January 21, 2005, at 14:02:31
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17
Good Job Lee! The first one is the hardest.
17 days - each one a miracle.
Posted by jujube on January 21, 2005, at 14:19:09
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by Lee05 on January 21, 2005, at 0:59:17
Bravo Lee! Give yourself a much deserved pat on the back. You are doing great - one day at a time!
Posted by jujube on January 21, 2005, at 15:28:38
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA?, posted by just so sad on January 21, 2005, at 9:26:01
I am glad that you are feeling stronger today. It isn't always going to be easy, especially in the beginning, but as the days go by, you will probably find yourself feeling better and stronger, both physically and emotionally. Don't beat yourself up about having to increase your dose of Effexor, it is nothing to be ashamed of. In the early days of my sobriety, I went on Paxil, and it was the best thing I ever did. I stayed on Paxil for a number of years because of life-long anxiety issues (both social and general) that I had previously dealt with with alcohol and drugs.
At first, I found the weekends hard because I was always out partying and drinking with friends, usually from Thursday till Sunday. So, for a little while at least, I had to stay away from certain friends until I felt somewhat comfortable with my sobriety and the limitations I had to put on myself in certain social situations. It was during this time that I found AA particularly helpful. You can always find a meeting any day or night of the week, and people usually do something after the meeting to be social. I met some really nice people and ended up having fun without alcohol. There is no doubt, however, that it was an adjustment, but a refreshing one nonetheless.Anyways, take care of yourself. And, if you are finding the weekend difficult, I would me more than happy to chat with you.
> Thanks everyone for your caring responses. Had a meeting with the awareness group last night - I feel stronger today, maybe also because I didn't drink last night, but yesterday I was in a total funk - no motivation or energy. Will probably have to up my dosage of effexor to 75 mg, which is depressing in itself. And here comes the weekend...always the hardest time not to kick back with a bottle of my fav. red wine...oh well, wish me luck.
Posted by mattsit on January 24, 2005, at 16:50:11
In reply to Also..., posted by Lee05 on January 15, 2005, at 14:11:52
I thnk it could definitely still be withdrawal 11 days later depending how long you were drinking, amount, etc. It can take weeks and months to return to "normal."
The good news is you can return to normal, the key is seriously avoidance. Remember, you're more sensitive to your body because your nervous system and other systems are tyring to even themselves out....they swing too far the other way before you "stablalize" your systems.
Just avoid the drinks.
Posted by Lee05 on January 24, 2005, at 23:28:44
In reply to Re: Also..., posted by mattsit on January 24, 2005, at 16:50:11
> I thnk it could definitely still be withdrawal 11 days later depending how long you were drinking, amount, etc. It can take weeks and months to return to "normal."
>
> The good news is you can return to normal, the key is seriously avoidance. Remember, you're more sensitive to your body because your nervous system and other systems are tyring to even themselves out....they swing too far the other way before you "stablalize" your systems.
>
> Just avoid the drinks.
Thanks for the info. You know, I'm now 20 days sober and it's just the past two days that I've completely lost that dizziness--not nearly as bad though. I'm now starting to feel much better, thank god.I went to another AA meeting tonight (a different one) and just fell in love with the people there. This was much younger group than my first one, and I felt much more comfortable.
I feel good tonight. I know that the way I feel each day is going to range from really great to really rotten, and everything inbetween. I hope that during the really rotten ones, I can remember how good the really great one tonight felt.
Hope you're all safe and sober tonight--take care.
Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on January 26, 2005, at 16:07:34
In reply to Re: Also..., posted by Lee05 on January 24, 2005, at 23:28:44
20 days is great. Just a few days away from a 30 day chip, right? There's something magical about the first one - such a feeling of accomplishment.
And it is accomplishment. The first 30 days are the toughest. Not to say that it's easy coasting after that, but it does get better.
Just keep you guard up. There's always a little voice inside your head that will try to convince you that a) you're not going to make it, or b) you're cured and can go back to social drinking. Don't believe it - it's the addiction tiger.
Once a pickle, always a pickle.
Posted by Lee05 on January 27, 2005, at 14:33:43
In reply to Good job. » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on January 26, 2005, at 16:07:34
> 20 days is great. Just a few days away from a 30 day chip, right? There's something magical about the first one - such a feeling of accomplishment.
>
> And it is accomplishment. The first 30 days are the toughest. Not to say that it's easy coasting after that, but it does get better.
>
> Just keep you guard up. There's always a little voice inside your head that will try to convince you that a) you're not going to make it, or b) you're cured and can go back to social drinking. Don't believe it - it's the addiction tiger.
>
> Once a pickle, always a pickle.Thanks so much Auntie Mel,
I'm feeling pretty good about those (23 now) days. This is the first time asking for help in my efforts to get and stay sober, and I'm absolutely overwhelmed at the support I've received. I stopped trying to hide my alcoholism and got really honest with my family, close friends, significant other and doctor about it all--not an easy thing to do, but such a relief once I had done it. Not only have they personally been there for me, but they've directed me to other avenues of support as well. I've found an AA group that I really like, and I'm also going to be starting a program to learn some new coping skills for depression and alcoholism.
I feel much more optimistic this time about staying sober than I ever have before. But I have to say, every now and then that addiction tiger you mentioned shows its face and a horrible thought creeps in...I'm doing everything I know how to do to make this work--what if it doesn't? What the hell do I do then? Doing my best get rid of (or at least ignore) thoughts like that.
Thanks again for all your support Auntie Mel.
Lee
Posted by jujube on January 27, 2005, at 15:00:14
In reply to Re: Good job. » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on January 27, 2005, at 14:33:43
I feel much more optimistic this time about staying sober than I ever have before. But I have to say, every now and then that addiction tiger you mentioned shows its face and a horrible thought creeps in...I'm doing everything I know how to do to make this work--what if it doesn't? What the hell do I do then? Doing my best get rid of (or at least ignore) thoughts like that.
Lee,-- You are doing great, and you should be very proud of yourself. This is a one day at a time journey, and you need to celebrate each day you are sober and do your best not dwell on the "what ifs". There were times during the early stages of my sobriety that I struggled with the same thoughts as you. They are not easy, and, yes, they can consume you and can fill you with self-doubt. When I had what I considered self-defeating thoughts, I would do my best to keep myself occupied, but, more importantly, I would remind myself what my life was like before I stopped drinking (the physical discomfort, the emotional pain, and the sense of isolation and allienation that pervaded my life even when I was surrounded by friends and others) and I would think about people I had heard speak/share at AA meetings I had been to who had lost so much (job, friends, family and more) and it would make the choice a no-brainer for me.
As they say in AA, take it easy. Be good to you and remember, "The ox is slow, but the earth is patient".
Tamara
Posted by AuntieMel on January 28, 2005, at 17:21:21
In reply to Re: Good job. » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on January 27, 2005, at 14:33:43
So, what happens if you slip? You do it again, and again.
I know people that took several times to "get it right" and I know people that slipped after 23 years. So what! We're all human.
One tip - when you start to think how good that drink might taste, picture it in your head - but think it all the way through until you remember the vomiting, the headache, the disappointment you and you family will feel. And don't forget the first week or two of drying out while you're at it.
If you can picture it all the way through, you won't take the drink.
Posted by adagiolover1 on January 30, 2005, at 11:17:10
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » Lee05, posted by partlycloudy on January 16, 2005, at 7:25:31
> It's a place that makes me cry because I see myself in each and every person in the room.
> It's a place that frightens me because I don't think I know how to place my trust in that Higher Power.
> It's a place that I am grateful will welcome me back as many times as it takes.
> It's a place that disgusts me when I see fragile and vulnerable people be victimized by those who come to the meetings for the wrong reasons.
> Every single meeting is different from one at another location.
>Ah, I am familiar with those feelings, though admittedly they are many years in the past. for you I would try to ignore the 'victimisation' that you see in the rooms of recovery for now.
When you are stronger, and have a better sense of yourself, perhaps this is something you will tackle on a one to one basis, because in truth we can not change the nature of others. This is a good example of where acceptance is helpful, indeed paramount.AA literally gave me my life back, after some 40 yrs of chaos. I am so NOT the person I was when I started, but so MUCH closer to being the person I always wanted to be.
good luck, and be patient with yourself.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 31, 2005, at 9:29:50
In reply to Re: Opinions on AA? » partlycloudy, posted by adagiolover1 on January 30, 2005, at 11:17:10
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