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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Libby on June 19, 2000, at 10:55:51
I tried increasing my EffexorXR from 150
to 300mg last week. I began having crying
fits and suicidal thoughts. My doc had me
go back to 150mg. The suicidal thoughts
haven't abated and now I'm experiencing
fits of rage & hysteria. Because I can't
trust how I'll react to the tiniest problem,
I've been avoiding people again. I spent the
entire weekend home alone thinking about
locking myself in the garage with the
car running. I knew I wouldn't do it,
but that didn't keep me from fantasizing
about it.ChrisK, is this what you experienced when you
decided to augment with Zyprexa? The doc says
I should probably start thinking about Serzone.
Any thoughts or experience you can offer? I know
the Zyprexa worked for you, but did you ever try Serzone? By the way, is your depression chronic?
Has it ever been called a psychotic depression?
Posted by ChrisK on June 19, 2000, at 13:35:33
In reply to ChrisKquestion about suicidal thoughts, posted by Libby on June 19, 2000, at 10:55:51
Libby,
My suicidal obsession came to fruition with OD's twice in a 3 month period. Each was bad enough to put me in ICU for a few days. I just became so upset with feeling worthless and a burden to everyone in my family that all I wanted to do was get out of their way. Deep down I thought that they would all be better off without me. I felt a burden to my wife and my parents because I was unable to maintain a job and felt terrible about asking them for the financial support I needed to get by.
After getting out of the psych hospital for the second time I found a pdoc who I sort of liked. At the time it was "sort of" because I was in such a bad state that I was just barely surviving from day to day.
Eventually I stabilzed some of my depression problems with Nortriptyline but the suicidal ideations were still there. That's when the Zyprexa came into the picture. Within 2-3 of starting it the ideations started to subside. I felt like I could almost think straight for periods of time. It isn't perfect but it sure cleared my head more than anything else I had ever tried and that includes everything from SSRI's to Neurontin to Risperidal.
I really feel like it gave me a new life. I am still taking it after well over a year and I notice the changes in my thought patterns if I miss two doses in a row.
I was never manic or have rage problems. I would just disappear into my den and keep all of those horrible thoughts to myself. It was a hard thing to do because deep down I wanted help but couldn't explain how I felt to my family.
If you feel like you may hurt yourself please contact somebody or take yourself to the Emergency Room. They will get you the best help you could ask for at this time. Don't let it ruin your life. Although I didn't think so 3 years ago, I can tell you that there is hope ahead.
I've never been on Serzone but I am now stable on Wellbutrin, Zyprexa and Adderall.
I don't know what my official diagnosis was because I never bothered to ask. I just know I was a mess and needed help.
Please, if you need someone to "talk" to then e-mail me at the address when you click my name in blue at the top of this. I also ask that because as much as it might help us to talk about suicide, it is a trigger to others and a public forum may not be the best place for a long discussion because it may trigger feelings in others.
Please stay in touch.
Chris
Posted by shar on June 19, 2000, at 15:56:21
In reply to Re: ChrisKquestion about suicidal thoughts, posted by ChrisK on June 19, 2000, at 13:35:33
Chris,
I was surprised by what you said about talking about suicide might trigger something in others? I'd never heard that before when in any kind of group for "psychos" or "babblers" (therapy, or lecture, or AA or whatever).I noticed you said "an extended discussion" or something like that, and I was glad. I would not want anybody to think they can't mention it when they feel suicidal.
S
Posted by ChrisK on June 20, 2000, at 5:34:23
In reply to Discussing suicidal thoughts » ChrisK, posted by shar on June 19, 2000, at 15:56:21
Shar,
In my experiences with a few hospital stays and a couple of rehabs I was taught about triggers and how different people react to certain situations. I know that if someone is very suicidal, a discussion of suicide (and methods) may trigger an action (by some, hopefully very few).
I wasn't trying to suggest that anyone in danger shouldn't come here for support. This is one of the best places I've found online for support during tough times.
Libby has written to me and let me know that she will not/can not act on her thoughts. That's the most important thing right now.
Chris
Posted by Mike O on June 21, 2000, at 16:24:10
In reply to Re: ChrisKquestion about suicidal thoughts, posted by ChrisK on June 19, 2000, at 13:35:33
> Libby,
>
> My suicidal obsession came to fruition with OD's twice in a 3 month period. Each was bad enough to put me in ICU for a few days. I just became so upset with feeling worthless and a burden to everyone in my family that all I wanted to do was get out of their way. Deep down I thought that they would all be better off without me. I felt a burden to my wife and my parents because I was unable to maintain a job and felt terrible about asking them for the financial support I needed to get by.
>
> After getting out of the psych hospital for the second time I found a pdoc who I sort of liked. At the time it was "sort of" because I was in such a bad state that I was just barely surviving from day to day.
>
> Eventually I stabilzed some of my depression problems with Nortriptyline but the suicidal ideations were still there. That's when the Zyprexa came into the picture. Within 2-3 of starting it the ideations started to subside. I felt like I could almost think straight for periods of time. It isn't perfect but it sure cleared my head more than anything else I had ever tried and that includes everything from SSRI's to Neurontin to Risperidal.
>
> I really feel like it gave me a new life. I am still taking it after well over a year and I notice the changes in my thought patterns if I miss two doses in a row.
>
> I was never manic or have rage problems. I would just disappear into my den and keep all of those horrible thoughts to myself. It was a hard thing to do because deep down I wanted help but couldn't explain how I felt to my family.
>
> If you feel like you may hurt yourself please contact somebody or take yourself to the Emergency Room. They will get you the best help you could ask for at this time. Don't let it ruin your life. Although I didn't think so 3 years ago, I can tell you that there is hope ahead.
>
> I've never been on Serzone but I am now stable on Wellbutrin, Zyprexa and Adderall.
>
> I don't know what my official diagnosis was because I never bothered to ask. I just know I was a mess and needed help.
>
> Please, if you need someone to "talk" to then e-mail me at the address when you click my name in blue at the top of this. I also ask that because as much as it might help us to talk about suicide, it is a trigger to others and a public forum may not be the best place for a long discussion because it may trigger feelings in others.
>
> Please stay in touch.
>
> ChrisI have never talked about my suicidal thoughts to anyone. I don't know why, it just seemed like whining to me (I don't mean to be critical, these are just the thoughts that go through my head when I am feeling this way). With every down episode I have, these thoughts seem to occupy more and more of my time. It has gotten to the point that I really want to talk about it, but I don't mention it to my wife because it would worry her and she would want to hospitalized me. I could not stand that because money is tight anyway and that would just be the last straw. I feel like I would lose what little sense of self worth I have left. Anyway, my point is that talking in a forum such as this does not seem to me to be so much a trigger as an outlet for these thoughts. I am going to see my doc soon and get my meds adjusted and hopefully that will help. I know I'm not much good like this.
Posted by shar on June 22, 2000, at 17:45:25
In reply to Re: ChrisKquestion about suicidal thoughts, posted by Mike O on June 21, 2000, at 16:24:10
Mike:
I am heartened to hear that you have a visit with your pdoc soon. I am always amazed that people in such pain accuse themselves of whining. I do that, too, but when I see other people do it, I have this mixture of empathy for the person, anger at others who never understood, impatience with those who come up with easy answers (let a smile be your umbrella...)...and so on.
It's different when I see other people get down on themselves and when I get down on myself. I feel like I deserve it, but you don't! Really, we should both try to find some kindness for ourselves.
I think it is good to "talk" here, especially when thoughts become so prevalent. I know when I am not on my meds it does not take long for every day to become "a good day to die."
So, I really encourage you to hang in there, and maybe try to insert a few counsciously encouraging thoughts to yourself. I know it's hard, but I will be sending you good energy.
Shar
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