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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wayne on June 20, 2000, at 21:05:39
I have been diagnosed with add. For most of my life that I can remember I tried to hold a conversation with people. I have never been a great conversationist.
I know I have the ability to be a great conversationist. I have always thought it was my nervous. Could this have something to do with add. This problem has held me back for years I have all ways felt bad because of this. Can anybody tell me if they have had a similar problem. It will really make a great difference in my life if I knew.Thanks Wayne
Posted by Janice on June 20, 2000, at 23:52:52
In reply to nervous cant hold a proper conversation could add , posted by wayne on June 20, 2000, at 21:05:39
hello Wayne,
I bet lots of people here will be able to help. I wouldn't mind knowing a bit more information. What happens while you are trying to have a conversation with someone that stops you from holding a conversation?
•do you become self-conscious?
•are you thinking about what to say, rather than listening to what the person is saying?
•do you find it hard to concentrate on what they are saying?
•do you think you are trying too hard?In short, why do you believe you are nervous Wayne. And yes, I believe ADD could very well contribute to this.
I have ADD too, and if you don't mind listening to me brag, I'm a pretty good conversationalist. From what I understand about ADD (and I can clearly see this in myself) is that people with ADD have 2 states of concentrating, hyperfocus and no focus. I tend to hyperfocus on people, especially when I am one on one--so this probably helps with my conversational ability. Anyway I'm certain you can be a good conversationalist too.
Janice
Posted by danf on June 21, 2000, at 5:20:44
In reply to Re: nervous cant hold a proper conversation could , posted by Janice on June 20, 2000, at 23:52:52
wayne,
noticed this too.... with depression, went on for several yrs.
no reason, that I could see, all was too dark, just could not talk.
today things are better.
The more interest you have in life, the easier it is to talk to people.
good luck !
Posted by SarahB on June 22, 2000, at 17:47:28
In reply to nervous cant hold a proper conversation could add , posted by wayne on June 20, 2000, at 21:05:39
Been there, done that, yes, ADD can do that to you! We are just a different kind of person when it comes to relating to other ppl, especially with new ones we don't know.
Sarah
Posted by Dwight on June 27, 2000, at 13:12:37
In reply to Re: nervous cant hold a proper conversation could add , posted by SarahB on June 22, 2000, at 17:47:28
Dear Wayne,
I have been diagnosed with both social phobia and ADD w/out hyperactivity. For me ADD can make conversation difficult because I am not always able to concentrate on what the person is saying. Sometimes I am thinking about something else or I am distracted by something, for instance, I am noticing something about the person's face or their gestures. ADD is closely linked to creativity and higher levels of intelligence. You may think of it in some ways as a blessing. But it depends on what you do with it. It is important to become aware of how you direct your attention. Do you, for instance, notice the sounds, smells, tastes, the feelings of things in your everyday environment? Or are you so caught up in internal thinking about yourself that you are oblivious. We may direct our attention outwards or inwards. One is not better than the other. They are different realms to be explored. Just ask yourself, what is my habitual tendency. Where is my attention usually directed? Or does it jump all over the place? I have found that asking myself these questions, just becoming more AWARE, is half the battle, half the cure. Once you become aware of how you direct your attention you can start to redirect in more productive ways. When you are with people just observe where you direct your attention. Meditation and/or deep relaxation can help. In order to watch yourself, in order to become aware, you must slow down. If your thoughts are racing, you will be aware of nothing but the thoughts. When you converse with someone try to direct your attention on them. Notice all you can about them. This will put you in a different place and you won't feel as if you are being watched or judged because you are the one who is watching. Yes, I have difficulty in conversations sometimes. But I am becoming more and more aware of why it happens. It can be very exciting to redirect your attention in new ways.
Posted by wayne on June 27, 2000, at 14:51:10
In reply to Re: Yes, Wayne, I'm just like you. , posted by Dwight on June 27, 2000, at 13:12:37
> Dear Wayne,
>
> I have been diagnosed with both social phobia and ADD w/out hyperactivity. For me ADD can make conversation difficult because I am not always able to concentrate on what the person is saying. Sometimes I am thinking about something else or I am distracted by something, for instance, I am noticing something about the person's face or their gestures. ADD is closely linked to creativity and higher levels of intelligence. You may think of it in some ways as a blessing. But it depends on what you do with it. It is important to become aware of how you direct your attention. Do you, for instance, notice the sounds, smells, tastes, the feelings of things in your everyday environment? Or are you so caught up in internal thinking about yourself that you are oblivious. We may direct our attention outwards or inwards. One is not better than the other. They are different realms to be explored. Just ask yourself, what is my habitual tendency. Where is my attention usually directed? Or does it jump all over the place? I have found that asking myself these questions, just becoming more AWARE, is half the battle, half the cure. Once you become aware of how you direct your attention you can start to redirect in more productive ways. When you are with people just observe where you direct your attention. Meditation and/or deep relaxation can help. In order to watch yourself, in order to become aware, you must slow down. If your thoughts are racing, you will be aware of nothing but the thoughts. When you converse with someone try to direct your attention on them. Notice all you can about them. This will put you in a different place and you won't feel as if you are being watched or judged because you are the one who is watching. Yes, I have difficulty in conversations sometimes. But I am becoming more and more aware of why it happens. It can be very exciting to redirect your attention in new ways.Dwight thankyou for the information I will start putting it into practice.Today funny enough because I am a relatively newy diagnosed adder I went for a walk and just started to listen to all the sounds around me.Its a new experience and yes very exciting. Funny I saw a dog and I decided to whistle to get a reaction from the dog.I noticed immediately the dogs ears pick up. The point Im making is you are right when you say you have to notice where your concentration is going I notice that my thoughts are inwards full of worry instead of focusing my attenion on the person I am talking to. I never knew I did that thanks again. Last night I never slept and found myself getting excited finding out all these gifts we as adders have got. If only I had known earlier on in my life man o man how much of my personality would have blossemd. My brother lovely person that he was commited suicide because he couldnt get his life together. He had ADD through and through. I can go on all night its amazing how I am now understanding my whole family whom I know suffers with add. Yes life is a gift its great to be alive. Knowing I have add is a real shift in thinking.
Posted by Dwight on June 27, 2000, at 22:19:31
In reply to Re: Yes, Wayne, I'm just like you. , posted by wayne on June 27, 2000, at 14:51:10
Dear Wayne,
I'm glad you read my post and found it helpful. I, too, have only recently been diagnosed with ADD--about six monts ago. Before I thought it was always just social anxiety. I dismissed the all my problems with getting organized, procrastination, working towards goals as a problem of willpower. If you haven't read it already, I would recommend the book "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell and Ratey. It contains some useful information on how ADD affects relationships. The authors stress the importance of structure for people with ADD. Organization--e.g., schedules, filing systems, reminders--is very important for ADD people. I have noticed that I tend to waste a great deal of time and mental energy just trying to figure out what I should do each day and how to do it. The authors suggest, among other things, that ADD people plan their days out ahead of time. That certain tasks always be done at the same time. For instance, you might decide that you will always do your laundry on Saturdays or that from seven to nine in the evening you will always write. I have never done this; but they say once you get into the habit your life will seem much more in control and you will have more energy to focus on important things.
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