![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Alii on February 10, 2001, at 15:40:52
I've been lurking here since 97 off and on with my own cycles of depression. I've been struggling with major depressive episodes since 1994 but have exhibited signs of depression since late childhood. I've been on 10 different medications since 1994. I'm so tired of the fight.
I was so frustrated with the side effects of Wellbutrin, mainly the insomnia and brain fog--no memory, no dates, no numbers--and just in January I added Buspar to the mix to help take the edge off so to speak. I didn't give it enough time. I was fired from my job without any warning. I had been very forthright with the company about my disease. I will be filing with the EEOC when I am a bit more stable. It fits the Title I of the ADA. Like I need a legal hassle now! Bigger fish to fry now.My relationship of the past five years with the one I so truly loved is over which means my housing situation is once again in flux. I am so low so tired so unsure of why I fight this fight.
I'm willing to try the Wellbutrin and Buspar if the Buspar can help with the edginess of Wellbutrin. It was working fairly well for the past year and a half, almost two. I have done the SSRI's to death and the side effects were unbearable. I spent 4 years trying the SSRI's. Just affording the care I need to live right now is exhausting. I am a person of little means. I don't know how I can afford the meds? But my ups and downs on and off the meds sure have shown me that I can't afford not to take them yet. I still hold out hope that I can become medication free some day. Yes, I still struggle with accepting this disease as such. I feel flawed, unworthy, wrong. Forever the square peg in the round hole.
I have friends that are wonderful. I have learned to create a support network over the years, I have good people opening their hearts to me and in a moment of humour (all hope is not lost, just misplaced for a while until the meds kick in) like Sally Field, 'they like me! they really like me!!'
I see the pdoc on Monday afternoon. Saw the therapist this morning. Friend calling in a few minutes. Another coming to take me to her place for the night. I will get through. I just needed to finally put it out there for fellow depression folk. Thanks for listening to my rant. I'm going to go find a cool washcloth to soothe my puffy eyes. I haven't cried so much in years since the last dark hole. = (
Any Wellbutrin Buspar success stories would be most welcome. Hey, make one up just to make me smile. I need some hope!
Posted by Joy on February 10, 2001, at 17:04:25
In reply to Why did I ever stop the meds?!!, posted by Alii on February 10, 2001, at 15:40:52
Hi Alii.
So sorry for all your troubles. You may have to come to the reality that you may have to take med[s] the rest of your life. That is not so bad. Many people do. In my humble opinion the 'work world' is not always a friendly place. Maybe you shouldn't put yourself through a legal hell which will inevitably be destructive to your well being. Try to move on, and don't tell your boss or anyone else about your personal medical problems. Unfortunately, many people don't give a damn, or think we're nuts, or are so biased no matter what we do, if they know about us, we can't win. You are fortunate to have some close friends. They are hard to find. First of all, if you like your pdoc stay with him/her and give the med[s] a chance. I know it's difficult. I have been on Paxil [which worked, but I came off it], Celexa, Serzone and Zoloft which were not effective [especially Serzone, made me big time agitated]. I am now on Prozac over a month, and my pdoc increased my dose from 20 mg to 40 mg. It seems to be helping me quite a bit. You can probably get unemployment since you were terminated. I'd skip the governmental buracratic EEOC because the 'battle' will probably put additional stress on you.
You can always try Wellbutrin with other meds if the Buspar doesn't work. I would give Buspar at least 3 weeks. I hope this combo is your answer and wish you well.
Joy
> I've been lurking here since 97 off and on with my own cycles of depression. I've been struggling with major depressive episodes since 1994 but have exhibited signs of depression since late childhood. I've been on 10 different medications since 1994. I'm so tired of the fight.
> I was so frustrated with the side effects of Wellbutrin, mainly the insomnia and brain fog--no memory, no dates, no numbers--and just in January I added Buspar to the mix to help take the edge off so to speak. I didn't give it enough time. I was fired from my job without any warning. I had been very forthright with the company about my disease. I will be filing with the EEOC when I am a bit more stable. It fits the Title I of the ADA. Like I need a legal hassle now! Bigger fish to fry now.
>
> My relationship of the past five years with the one I so truly loved is over which means my housing situation is once again in flux. I am so low so tired so unsure of why I fight this fight.
>
> I'm willing to try the Wellbutrin and Buspar if the Buspar can help with the edginess of Wellbutrin. It was working fairly well for the past year and a half, almost two. I have done the SSRI's to death and the side effects were unbearable. I spent 4 years trying the SSRI's. Just affording the care I need to live right now is exhausting. I am a person of little means. I don't know how I can afford the meds? But my ups and downs on and off the meds sure have shown me that I can't afford not to take them yet. I still hold out hope that I can become medication free some day. Yes, I still struggle with accepting this disease as such. I feel flawed, unworthy, wrong. Forever the square peg in the round hole.
>
> I have friends that are wonderful. I have learned to create a support network over the years, I have good people opening their hearts to me and in a moment of humour (all hope is not lost, just misplaced for a while until the meds kick in) like Sally Field, 'they like me! they really like me!!'
>
> I see the pdoc on Monday afternoon. Saw the therapist this morning. Friend calling in a few minutes. Another coming to take me to her place for the night. I will get through. I just needed to finally put it out there for fellow depression folk. Thanks for listening to my rant. I'm going to go find a cool washcloth to soothe my puffy eyes. I haven't cried so much in years since the last dark hole. = (
>
> Any Wellbutrin Buspar success stories would be most welcome. Hey, make one up just to make me smile. I need some hope!
Posted by Ron Hill on February 10, 2001, at 17:42:24
In reply to Why did I ever stop the meds?!!, posted by Alii on February 10, 2001, at 15:40:52
Alii,
Lost your job, your lover leaves, and your meds quit working all in the same week? Wow, now that's what I call a bad week! It will get easier (you know in your heart that it will), but it's hard right now, huh? I'm cheering for you Alii.
You asked about any success with Wellbutrin. I'm BP II and I take 600 mg/day Lithobid, 20 mg Prozac, and 100 mg/day Wellbutrin. I'm doing well these days except for some fatigue/lethargy problems which I'm working on.
Have you ever tried taking Wellbutrin and an SSRI at the same time? Also, what is your formal dx?
-- Ron
------------------------------------------------> I've been lurking here since 97 off and on with my own cycles of depression. I've been struggling with major depressive episodes since 1994 but have exhibited signs of depression since late childhood. I've been on 10 different medications since 1994. I'm so tired of the fight.
> I was so frustrated with the side effects of Wellbutrin, mainly the insomnia and brain fog--no memory, no dates, no numbers--and just in January I added Buspar to the mix to help take the edge off so to speak. I didn't give it enough time. I was fired from my job without any warning. I had been very forthright with the company about my disease. I will be filing with the EEOC when I am a bit more stable. It fits the Title I of the ADA. Like I need a legal hassle now! Bigger fish to fry now.
>
> My relationship of the past five years with the one I so truly loved is over which means my housing situation is once again in flux. I am so low so tired so unsure of why I fight this fight.
>
> I'm willing to try the Wellbutrin and Buspar if the Buspar can help with the edginess of Wellbutrin. It was working fairly well for the past year and a half, almost two. I have done the SSRI's to death and the side effects were unbearable. I spent 4 years trying the SSRI's. Just affording the care I need to live right now is exhausting. I am a person of little means. I don't know how I can afford the meds? But my ups and downs on and off the meds sure have shown me that I can't afford not to take them yet. I still hold out hope that I can become medication free some day. Yes, I still struggle with accepting this disease as such. I feel flawed, unworthy, wrong. Forever the square peg in the round hole.
>
> I have friends that are wonderful. I have learned to create a support network over the years, I have good people opening their hearts to me and in a moment of humour (all hope is not lost, just misplaced for a while until the meds kick in) like Sally Field, 'they like me! they really like me!!'
>
> I see the pdoc on Monday afternoon. Saw the therapist this morning. Friend calling in a few minutes. Another coming to take me to her place for the night. I will get through. I just needed to finally put it out there for fellow depression folk. Thanks for listening to my rant. I'm going to go find a cool washcloth to soothe my puffy eyes. I haven't cried so much in years since the last dark hole. = (
>
> Any Wellbutrin Buspar success stories would be most welcome. Hey, make one up just to make me smile. I need some hope!
Posted by willow on February 10, 2001, at 17:52:13
In reply to Re: Why did I ever stop the meds?!!, posted by Joy on February 10, 2001, at 17:04:25
Alii
I have a friend who has to take medication for her stomach. The first couple of years she kept trying to stop but had to go back on them. Now she just skips days regularly. I think it's normal human nature to want to not being taking meds. (Though some people take comfort from taking them.)
You've been through a lot recently, when it rains it pours. Hopefully the sun will shine on you soon! You sound like a survivor.
BEST WISHES
PS A good cry can release tension.
Posted by Alii on February 11, 2001, at 10:40:59
In reply to Re: Why did I ever stop the meds?!! » Alii, posted by Ron Hill on February 10, 2001, at 17:42:24
Ron,
No I haven't mixed Wellbutrin with an SSRI. I've somewhat written them off due to the enormous difficulty of the side effects.
I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I've also had two horrendous traumas when I was a child which plays quite nicely into the dang ol' depression. Ugh. I'm one of those nature/nuture cases where no one really knows. But crashing when off meds and under stress in a period of under a week tends to show me that meds are necesary at this time.
Since the formal dx back in 1994 I've seen 3 pdocs and 7 different therapists. Some weren't the right fit, I've moved around a bunch and my financial limitations ended others. I like the pdoc and therapist I have now. Fortunately both have agreed to allow me to defer payments for a bit until I get my feet back. The depression has me thinking how horrible I must be to have to ask for all this help. Double ugh.
Last night I started back on the Wellbutrin SR and Buspar. I took the smallest amount of both and will do a gradual increase. The Wellbutrin was somewhat pooping out starting last November and all the adjusting up and down had me feeling ill. Mothers told me I looked like I had morning sickness! So logically it makes sense to me that I grew tired of the up and down dosaging and flat out stopped all meds a couple weeks back. Not the wisest decision I have made but not irreversible.
The insomnia, nausea and brain fog were the largest side effects of the Wb. I hope the Buspar can help balance out the 'raciness' of the Wb this time. I took Wb for almost two years without being crippled by the side effects. Why now?!!! (not actually seeking answers to that one just another steam release)
36 hours to the pdoc appt. I have been under the care of friends since I first posted. Alone I sob for hours and we're not talking the good kind of releasing sobbing either. I have the tiniest bit of hope now. I thank you and the other folk for responding to this message so quickly. It really is like a weight off my shoulders to finally share how tough this struggle is with others. I humbly thank y'all.
--Alii
> Have you ever tried taking Wellbutrin and an SSRI at the same time? Also, what is your formal dx?
> -- Ron
Posted by Alii on February 11, 2001, at 10:50:18
In reply to Re: Why did I ever stop the meds?!!, posted by willow on February 10, 2001, at 17:52:13
Willow---Thank you for recognizing my survivor-ness. Now why am I not winning a million dollars for going through this crud?!! Thank you for the reminder that it is human nature to not want to have to take meds. That is a reminder I need from time to time.
Joy---The legal battle is off in the distance if I am well enough then. Until then unemployment kicks in next week (doesn't even cover rent so I'm a bit scared). But with medications, housing, employment of some sort, and other huge dragons to slay I'm trying to keep focus moment by moment.
You sound like you've been through a good round of meds yourself. It does help to know others fight the same fights. Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you Joy, Willow and Ron for sustaining hope in my darkness.
---Alii
Posted by Ron Hill on February 12, 2001, at 12:48:15
In reply to Re: Why did I ever stop the meds?!! » Ron Hill, posted by Alii on February 11, 2001, at 10:40:59
Alii,
It is clear from your writing that you are an intellegent lady. I'm sorry that you are currently struggling with your brain chemistry. Remember, however, this too shall pass.
Glad to hear you have a good pdoc. As you know, follow the directives of your pdoc and you will get well soon. In the meantime, I'm still cheering for you! Thanks for sharing.
-- Ron
---------------------------------> Ron,
>
> No I haven't mixed Wellbutrin with an SSRI. I've somewhat written them off due to the enormous difficulty of the side effects.
>
> I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I've also had two horrendous traumas when I was a child which plays quite nicely into the dang ol' depression. Ugh. I'm one of those nature/nuture cases where no one really knows. But crashing when off meds and under stress in a period of under a week tends to show me that meds are necesary at this time.
>
> Since the formal dx back in 1994 I've seen 3 pdocs and 7 different therapists. Some weren't the right fit, I've moved around a bunch and my financial limitations ended others. I like the pdoc and therapist I have now. Fortunately both have agreed to allow me to defer payments for a bit until I get my feet back. The depression has me thinking how horrible I must be to have to ask for all this help. Double ugh.
>
> Last night I started back on the Wellbutrin SR and Buspar. I took the smallest amount of both and will do a gradual increase. The Wellbutrin was somewhat pooping out starting last November and all the adjusting up and down had me feeling ill. Mothers told me I looked like I had morning sickness! So logically it makes sense to me that I grew tired of the up and down dosaging and flat out stopped all meds a couple weeks back. Not the wisest decision I have made but not irreversible.
>
> The insomnia, nausea and brain fog were the largest side effects of the Wb. I hope the Buspar can help balance out the 'raciness' of the Wb this time. I took Wb for almost two years without being crippled by the side effects. Why now?!!! (not actually seeking answers to that one just another steam release)
>
> 36 hours to the pdoc appt. I have been under the care of friends since I first posted. Alone I sob for hours and we're not talking the good kind of releasing sobbing either. I have the tiniest bit of hope now. I thank you and the other folk for responding to this message so quickly. It really is like a weight off my shoulders to finally share how tough this struggle is with others. I humbly thank y'all.
>
> --Alii
>
> > Have you ever tried taking Wellbutrin and an SSRI at the same time? Also, what is your formal dx?
> > -- Ron
Posted by TomV on February 13, 2001, at 13:28:42
In reply to Re: Why did I ever stop the meds?!! » Ron Hill, posted by Alii on February 11, 2001, at 10:40:59
> Ron,
>
> No I haven't mixed Wellbutrin with an SSRI. I've somewhat written them off due to the enormous difficulty of the side effects.
>
***** Ditto, all the SSRIs were like my poison to me.> I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I've also had two horrendous traumas when I was a child which plays quite nicely into the dang ol' depression. Ugh. I'm one of those nature/nuture cases where no one really knows. But crashing when off meds and under stress in a period of under a week tends to show me that meds are necesary at this time.
>*****I was the victim of a major trauma when I was a child and am in the same boat as you, wrestling with the nature/nurture issue. But meds haven't helped me much at all. I am curious though... would you care to explain what sort of trauma? No details necessary. For me was watching my father pass away at 7 years old. Stood there and watched him die; I must have looked like a frozen block of ice...
> Since the formal dx back in 1994 I've seen 3 pdocs and 7 different therapists. Some weren't the right fit, I've moved around a bunch and my financial limitations ended others. I like the pdoc and therapist I have now. Fortunately both have agreed to allow me to defer payments for a bit until I get my feet back. The depression has me thinking how horrible I must be to have to ask for all this help. Double ugh.>***** Seen 4 Pdocs and therapists since 1996. Been major depressed since then. Is the right provider out there?? Maybe , maybe not...
>
> 36 hours to the pdoc appt. I have been under the care of friends since I first posted. Alone I sob for hours and we're not talking the good kind of releasing sobbing either. I have the tiniest bit of hope now. I thank you and the other folk for responding to this message so quickly. It really is like a weight off my shoulders to finally share how tough this struggle is with others. I humbly thank y'all.
>
***** Nice to have friends there during your most difficult moments. Makes a big difference in your attitude when someone cares enough to hold out their hand for you to grab onto.> --Alii
>Stay safe, TomV
Posted by Alii on February 14, 2001, at 14:22:58
In reply to Re: Why did I ever stop the meds?!! » Alii, posted by TomV on February 13, 2001, at 13:28:42
Tom,
You ask the nature of the trauma. My father died of a heart attack when I was eight. I have few memories of anything before that or for that matter after. When I was 14 two men raped me. Only in the past few years when the depression was under control did I finally do a good chunk of the work necessary to process such buried traumas. I have oodles of work ahead of me but that all goes on the side burner until I achieve stability.
The mornings and nights are the hardest. I need at least 8 hrs sleep to feel good and I'm getting 5 or 6. Don't get me wrong I am needing every bit I can get and after the past few weeks of insomnia and nights of two hrs sleep I'll take anything! I've been waking early crying and feeling despondent. I have called friends and family at these early hrs and cried to them about my horrible fear that I won't get better. They all have read the lists of how to help and do their best. Just by not hanging up it is helping.
I still feel quite ill in the mornings when I wake. I wait until I've been up for a couple of hrs to take the WB to make sure I'm past the queasiness. This morning I increased the dose of the WB which means tonight I will increase the dose of the Buspar.
The temazepam for sleep is helping somewhat. The groggy sick feeling I wake up with is so blecky. I've used peppermint oil (for inhaling), crystallized ginger for the tummy, teas, saltines, all forms of carbonated relief, etc. This is what is bothering me the most at this moment. I would like to not feel like I have to throw up each day due to the meds I'm taking to try to get well.
I made an appt. for acupuncture to help with the digestion issues from the meds. I went last time I was in the black hole of darkness and having trouble with med side effects and found considerable relief. I've had to accept, and my acceptance changes moment to moment, financial help until my disability insurance kicks in. Until then I am fortunate my pdoc and therapist are willing to let me defer payments. Not worrying about the housing situation until I can get through the next few days. My life has screeched to a halt and I don't like being this slowed down. It makes me feel weak.
Thanks again for the positive words. Minute to minute I breathe in and breathe out. I figure I can set more ambitious goals when the meds start working and I can make rational decisions again.
---Alii
Posted by Ron Hill on February 14, 2001, at 16:06:00
In reply to Oh the agony of the waiting, posted by Alii on February 14, 2001, at 14:22:58
Alii,
You go girl!
-- Ron
P.S. I'm still cheering (and more importantly, praying)
--------------------------------------------------> Tom,
>
> You ask the nature of the trauma. My father died of a heart attack when I was eight. I have few memories of anything before that or for that matter after. When I was 14 two men raped me. Only in the past few years when the depression was under control did I finally do a good chunk of the work necessary to process such buried traumas. I have oodles of work ahead of me but that all goes on the side burner until I achieve stability.
>
> The mornings and nights are the hardest. I need at least 8 hrs sleep to feel good and I'm getting 5 or 6. Don't get me wrong I am needing every bit I can get and after the past few weeks of insomnia and nights of two hrs sleep I'll take anything! I've been waking early crying and feeling despondent. I have called friends and family at these early hrs and cried to them about my horrible fear that I won't get better. They all have read the lists of how to help and do their best. Just by not hanging up it is helping.
>
> I still feel quite ill in the mornings when I wake. I wait until I've been up for a couple of hrs to take the WB to make sure I'm past the queasiness. This morning I increased the dose of the WB which means tonight I will increase the dose of the Buspar.
>
> The temazepam for sleep is helping somewhat. The groggy sick feeling I wake up with is so blecky. I've used peppermint oil (for inhaling), crystallized ginger for the tummy, teas, saltines, all forms of carbonated relief, etc. This is what is bothering me the most at this moment. I would like to not feel like I have to throw up each day due to the meds I'm taking to try to get well.
>
> I made an appt. for acupuncture to help with the digestion issues from the meds. I went last time I was in the black hole of darkness and having trouble with med side effects and found considerable relief. I've had to accept, and my acceptance changes moment to moment, financial help until my disability insurance kicks in. Until then I am fortunate my pdoc and therapist are willing to let me defer payments. Not worrying about the housing situation until I can get through the next few days. My life has screeched to a halt and I don't like being this slowed down. It makes me feel weak.
>
> Thanks again for the positive words. Minute to minute I breathe in and breathe out. I figure I can set more ambitious goals when the meds start working and I can make rational decisions again.
>
> ---Alii
Posted by Alii on February 14, 2001, at 18:57:37
In reply to Re: Oh the agony of the waiting » Alii, posted by Ron Hill on February 14, 2001, at 16:06:00
Just the past twelve hours have had such almost bearable moments interspersed with total hopelessness. I am incapacitated by this monster! I've managed to read a few of the other posts
usually the ones concerning Wb and I've noticed more than one person saying that the Wb created/worsened their anxiety. One person even posted that it gave them panic attacks. I can't bear the thought of trying anything else right now only five days back on the drugs.I finished Styron's Darkness Visible today. One fear I experience whilst immobilized in the dark clutches is that the severity of this depression feels like it will not heal and become like that(the portrait Styron paints of his despair). Although each time I battle with this devil the rules change, each episode shares similarities yet 'surprises' me anew with its ability to reduce me to this whiny, needy, tormented soul.
Having the most difficult time keeping it simple. No one could come get me today. After finishing the three goals I set for myself for today I've spent the rest of the day pacing the house.
Still breathing.
--Alii
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.