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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Temmie on June 25, 2003, at 20:39:42
I am completing graduate work (at the not so tender age of 50), and have tremendous fear/panic/anxiety and occasional/frequent writer's block -- which leaves me feeling ... like I'm hanging onto a cliff's edge by my ever-shredding fingernails, and that I'm nearly toppling into the abyss.
Lexapro gives me the "kick" I need to get up and get producing -- but occasionally I'll need to take a Xanax just to calm down. Or two. Does anyone else feel this way? What IS this crap? I still don't understand my malaise -- or understanding why (depression and PTSD related to child-abuse) is so beyond my control. How is it we can -- intellectually -- know ourselves so well -- and on a practical level, feel so helpless, hopeless, and full of despair?
Also, as I read and reread (and reread) passages I've written that impress me as -- well -- approaching "brilliance," I wonder if I've got some mania going on (shades of my father). Do any of you read (and compulsively read and reread) things you've written ....? Sometimes I tweak just a word or two, but can't produce anything new.
What the hell is the matter with me, and how do I explain all this to my therapist/prescribing nurse -- or is this just what I am/what I've got/and how I'll always be?
Appreciate any feedback. Sorry this is so long.
Temmie
Posted by Snoozy on June 26, 2003, at 0:57:58
In reply to Anxiety/Panic/Writer's Block/Obsessing ... (long), posted by Temmie on June 25, 2003, at 20:39:42
Hi Temmie -
your post wasn't long at all (I didn't even have to scroll down to read all of it!)
I was on Xanax (daily) for 7 years, and I stopped taking it (because I'm so tired) earlier this year. I have taken it on occasion since then, when I've got more stress than I can cope with. It really helps bring me back down from the ceiling or from becoming an emotional Superfund site. I don't think any of us understand why we feel this way.
I am totally obsessive about any writing or work I do. I reread things over and over (I don't know how I get to hitting that Submit button sometimes!) I don't do any "creative" writing, more along the lines of technical I guess you would say. A couple of weeks ago I found myself rereading a thank you letter I had written years ago and berating myself for having sent such dreck. The nicest thing I can say about anything I've done is "adequate".
Posted by Temmie on June 26, 2003, at 16:50:41
In reply to Re: Anxiety/Panic/Writer's Block/Obsessing ... (long) » Temmie, posted by Snoozy on June 26, 2003, at 0:57:58
Oh, thank God, someone wrote back. Thank you, Snoozy! I'm learning about "second language acquisition," and one of the (obvious) theories, is that when learners feel tense, anxious, nervous, worried, or concerned, etc., they can't perform. Duh. I guess those of us with emotional issues (particularly anxiety/stress), performance relates to a lot of areas: job interviews, conflicts in the neighborhood, speeches ... papers, etc. I just HATE this feeling of always being on the edge. Honestly, like I'm going to slip over the abyss and there's no one I can call upon to help me through (or who will give me a hand). And I'm also always looking for signs of grandiose thinking/mania. Ugh. It's so rotten to be saddled with the adjustment problems we've had in this life, but so helpful to share those struggles/concerns (and occasional success stories) with friends on chat-boards such as this.
I chuckled when I got to your comments on hitting the "submit your post" button. Same thing here, my friend.
Thanks Snooze. Go good being in touch.
Temmie
Posted by Zenclearer on June 29, 2003, at 21:40:47
In reply to Re: Anxiety/Panic/Writer's Block/Obsessing ... (long), posted by Temmie on June 26, 2003, at 16:50:41
I too write, and understand! :)
Adderall used to do that to me. I cannot take Adderall any more.
But anyway, you have a handle on the issue, so perhaps this is a good way to cognitively control it, if you can. Writers need to believe their work is important, or they cannot do it. SO be glad that there's some good feeling about your work. :)
Posted by Temmie on June 30, 2003, at 14:06:36
In reply to Re: Anxiety/Panic/Writer's Block/Obsessing ... (lo » Temmie, posted by Zenclearer on June 29, 2003, at 21:40:47
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This is the end of the thread.
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