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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daemon on March 28, 2004, at 9:24:05
Hi Folks,
yet another post on klonopin sorry :O\Here's my story; a timeline of my psychology:
In car accident at 16 yrs old.
Seriously bullied- had a nervous breakdown and had to change schools, stopped going to school.
Started heavy drinking, suicidal thoughts.
Finally ended up going back to a [great] school (graduated).
Began smoking marajuana.
Started university
Tried lsd about 3 times.
At the end of first year beginning to have
generalised anxiety disorder: looking in the fridge for something to eat- trying to make a decision on what to eat was so overwhelming I would give up and not eat.Was put on Prozac. Remember feeling motivated but also wanting to live alone on an island with just my dog. (mum says I was hyper on it)
Kept smoking. Started abusing hayfever medication.
Stopped taking prozac abruptly; went on a drug binge which included speed, amanita muscaria, cough syrup and other stuff.
Ended up in hospital for overdose.
Some time later (all memory of that year is %^*#$ up) I was put into local psychiatric hospital for about a week because of an acute drug induced psychosis- might have been diagnosed with
schizophrenia.On many meds like Risperidal.
Took one year to become 'normal' but because of the psychosis I lost my personality,
I forgot completely how to interact with people and became like a robot zombie (was actually told by several people that I was 'creepy').
Got extreme agorophobia with panic attacks in public and also G.A.D. again
but very bad.Overcame panic attacks with exposure therapy and Busparone. GAD went away. Came back mildly for a few years on and off..
Not taking anything.
Started smoking and drinking again.
Put on amitriptyline/Endepp; gave up smoking and the frequent binge drinking.
I have the book Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe: Working Through Social Anxiety which is very extensive and has been helpful somewhat.
From a test in there: I'm yes to all, no panic attacks any more but very avoidant.
Do you experience intense and persistent anxiety when you're exposed to feared social or performance situations?
Do you feel nervous anticipating future feared social or performance situations?
Do you feel nervous about meeting strangers?
Do you feel nervouse about being observed or structinized, evaluated by others?
Do you feel your nervouseness is excessive or unreasonable for the real danger present?
Do you avoid these feared social or performance situations or endure them while experiencing considerable distress?
Does anxious anticipation of the feared social or performance situations significantly interfere with your activities, relationships or normal routines?
Some of my problems are that I avoid the super market; I don't mind some shops and stores,
I avoid the mall like the plague; but weirdly I'm less anxious in the city for some reason
amongst Big crowds though still feel awkward etc in personal interactions with strangers ( I live in rural Australia).Am 27 and have never worked before. I want to volunteer for some experience
and enter a government graduate recruitment scheme to work in a government department
after I finish my Masters (yes I got the degree at university only took me over 6 yrs!) but
the idea of several interviews let alone one scares the *%^# out of me.Only just learning to drive- had fear of others laughing/harassing etc at me but everyone is a learner to begin with so it's an unrational fear isn't it.
Avoid making phone calls or answering the phone, usually stay in the car when we go
out (mum and I).Can't use public restrooms unless it's a single enclosed stall even then noise from someone outside will stop me.
Get extremely nervous if in public and come across more than one guy- especially
like teenagers (this is like a leftover side effect from the bullying I think).Get inappropriate thoughts sometimes- offensive thoughts or insults about other people because of my nervousness the thinking seems to out of control).
Can't look anyone in the eyes in conversation, even with my counseller (who I see as part of
special support program with government welfare and is ok but not that great helping
with my SAD) I usually look at his left eye.Hard to explain: but I think people are looking talking about me or if they're not they will be because they must notice that I'm trying to tell myself that they are not looking or talking about me! thus being odd weird- a vicious stupid cycle!
I always think people must think there must be something wrong with me.
Get a dry mouth when talking to a stranger for a while- did one presentation in a tutorial where I could hardly speak it was like the Sarhara desert.
So I've read heaps and finally decided to ditch the Amitriptyline a: because of the side effects: constipation, urinary retention, weight gain and sedation (hard time getting out of bed, though have always been like that!) and b: the Social Anxiety Disorder.
I did try taking the Endepp during times when I would be anxious but it is the sedation that takes off the anxiety's edge which makes me too
dopey/tired)..I've decided klonopin might be my best bet *but* I have questions and issues.
Dependence is fine- I mean I've been on Endepp (Amitriptiline) for years now and I would gladly take a med for the rest of my life:
BUT I don't want to build tolerance and require more and more.
So should I take it daily?- I'm not socially anxious right now but I would be if
I went into a mall so should I take it as needed like before if I were going into a mall?Should I take it daily for 'maintenance' and something else like Atvia/Xanxa for 'breakthrough'? (what is breakthrough anyway? times/situations that are extra anxiety causing? )
What If I get my dream job and become comfortable with the environment should I stop taking it either daily or as needed?
Endepp helps me get to sleep at night- I'm a late night owl insomniac but once I get to sleep I love being asleep for like 10 hours
If klonopin were to help with the anxiety and doesn't give a high there is NO way on earth I'd want to abuse it and end up with the anxiety again.
My only drugs of abuse now are sugar and coffee :OP
I understand no one here can offer 'expert medical advice; but I'd be grateful to hear
anyones opinions and experiences on the issues and questions I've raised.Okay well it's late here in Aus and my Endepp is starting to kick in so goodnight fellow babblers. :O)
Daemon.
P.S. it's wonderful that here is a place that people can talk seriously about mental illness or problems without the social stigma or ridicule- if only the real world were more understanding.
Posted by Daemon on March 28, 2004, at 9:54:01
In reply to klonopin my best bet? Long post!, posted by Daemon on March 28, 2004, at 9:24:05
I tried to add something and stuffed it up- sorry for the post with no message.
Anyway wanted to add that a major part of my SAD
is probably because of internalised homophobia. :O|
Posted by snapper on March 29, 2004, at 17:53:12
In reply to Re: klonopin my best bet? Long post!, posted by Daemon on March 28, 2004, at 9:54:01
hey daemon, I read your long post and man thats cool I sometimes post long ones too ..and I feel that they are so long that no one will read or respond to them............anyhow just a thought that homophobia thing? I know it might sound crazy but that could be a slight symptom akin to OCD- I do know this for FACT; most of the anxiety orders tend to over lap ea. other SA & OCD many times occur together but are treatable!! I am not trying to label you but I have had similar phobias in the past and finally realized that I was NOT gay. but the fact that you have a phobia about gays can sometimes be an irrational fear that you might be gay.. PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT I AM INFERRING THAT YOU MIGHT BE GAY! I DON'T KNOW YOU SO I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE THAT CALL. FWIW my brother is living the gay lifestyle. I love him regardless ! ;)
and even though I used to think I might be gay, I realized I was not, I found out years later that this was a OCD fear... I don't know and I don't want to offend anyone either but you might want to look into this possibility of you possibly being 'homophobic'! cuz of possibilty of OCD
if you want more info about why I think it is that you might be suffering this - please feel free to post me back!!
snapper
Posted by Daemon on March 30, 2004, at 6:30:54
In reply to Re: klonopin my best bet? Long post!, posted by snapper on March 29, 2004, at 17:53:12
Hi there Snapper,
thanks I think for me personally long emails reflect my tendency to spend alot of time thinking about something over and over again :O).I guess I wasn't very straight forward (excuse the pun); I'm not offended by anything you've said, I actually am gay.
I don't have a phobia of other [possibly]gay people but, partly from being bullied I guess, I am constantly on alert or afraid that other people/strangers in general will figure out *I* am and treat me in a certain way.
So I try to act 'straight' but I worry that people will still know I'm not, so in a way even though I'm gay I'm still homophobic but only towards myself! :O\
I am interested in the OCD though because in a sense my SAD is generated by my repetitive thoughts and worry about being gay, I also *hate* change and am a serious face picker not sure
if that's part of OCD?I haven't done any research on OCD and would love to hear what you've got to say about it- do you know whether Klonopin might help? How did you deal with it?
Daemon.
Posted by elvenfae on March 31, 2004, at 13:43:09
In reply to Re: klonopin my best bet? Long post!, posted by snapper on March 29, 2004, at 17:53:12
> hey daemon, I read your long post and man thats cool I sometimes post long ones too ..and I feel that they are so long that no one will read or respond to them............anyhow just a thought that homophobia thing? I know it might sound crazy but that could be a slight symptom akin to OCD- I do know this for FACT; most of the anxiety orders tend to over lap ea. other SA & OCD many times occur together but are treatable!! I am not trying to label you but I have had similar phobias in the past and finally realized that I was NOT gay. but the fact that you have a phobia about gays can sometimes be an irrational fear that you might be gay.. PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT I AM INFERRING THAT YOU MIGHT BE GAY! I DON'T KNOW YOU SO I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE THAT CALL. FWIW my brother is living the gay lifestyle. I love him regardless ! ;)
> and even though I used to think I might be gay, I realized I was not, I found out years later that this was a OCD fear... I don't know and I don't want to offend anyone either but you might want to look into this possibility of you possibly being 'homophobic'! cuz of possibilty of OCD
> if you want more info about why I think it is that you might be suffering this - please feel free to post me back!!
> snapper
I feel like this is a great thing to have to in regards to having a place to post your fears and opinions etc etc. Anyways...one time I read something really interesting about anxiety disorders and barbituates. It said (I cannot remember where I found this of course) but anyway it said that if you have a chronic anxiety disorder you will not get addicted to barbituates because your brain does not have what the barbituates gives you. A regular brain will get addicted but real anxiety suffering indviduals clinically do not get addicted. I have NO idea if this is true. But I will say that high doses of barbituates have helped but they are hard for me to get. I have never had a doc that was very supportive on giving me really what I have needed. I have mild agoraphobia and GAD. I am weaning off of the godda@@ Effexor Xr which has done nothing but make me suffer. I will not go inot that right now because I am so far from myself weaning off this sh@@ that I should stop now
This is the end of the thread.
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