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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by uncouth on October 8, 2011, at 21:40:38
Hi friends,
Sorry this is long, and i'm still kinda dealing with being in a mixed hypomanic state which is coming down, but please read, I would appreciate feedback. As some of you may or may not know, I have been a longtime contributor to this board. I've spent many hours on here over the past oh 6? years. It has been here for me when i've been hypomanic, needed to rant, had med questions no one else could answer or even understand.
So I know this is off topic but i'd really value your guys' thoughts on this complicated issue I'm wrestling with, about what direction to take my life in.
Brief background: I have had at times, very treatment resistant bp2 disorder since 2004. It started last year of grad school when I was 24. Since then, the disease has progressed more or less by the book, with antidepressants triggering instability triggering more cycling ending up in severe suicidially depressed states and/or mixed states. Now I am struggling with other issues like addiction that developed during this time.
It wasn't all bad, I got two degrees from an Ivy league-esque school, worked for a big one-of-a-kind company for 3 years, even as I was seriously strugglign with mood (which wasn't fun, productie, or good for mood, though). But there have also been times that I've been in such deep despair. lonliness, isolation, self-loathing, that i've just wanted to die. This went on for months, the pain was so profound. Anyway, the point is, I've experienced it all, short of acute mania and suicide attempts and psychosis. I've had all the consequences...ruined jobs, lost money speculating in stock market, fractured relationships, isolation (i'm an attractive, bright, funny guy...many people are surprised to hear my story and of how lonely and empty my life is). Anyway, the point is that mental illness in whatever its forms and guises has been THE focal point of my life the past 7 years. Not work, not a girlfriend, not familiy, not pursuing a business idea. But ME, MY brain, how to make myself FEEL better, because how i'm feeling right now is unacceptable.
Anyway, I have spent innumerable hours researching meds, alternative therapies, supplements...from everything from patient experiences to hundreds maybe thousands of hours on pubmed reading papers and abstracts. Granted, I don't have formal training in medicine or biology, but i'm a smart guy and for my base level of background, have gained a pretty good body of personal and scientific opinion about tons of chemicals.
The problem is that it has turned into a bit of an obsession over the past few years. I am always trying a new supplement, hoping to find that magic bullet. I am going to AA because I abused PEA last year pretty badly, but my main issue today isn't an addictive substance per se but more the behavior and obsession and ALL alternative therapies...i just can't stop trying them, searching out, thinking I can solve my own problem of my mind with my mind...AA is helping me trust in a higher power and doctor and get myself out of the picture, but just a little. I am still enamored and enthralled with chemicals and seem to want to try them all on myself.
I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life for a while now. I have been unemployed for the past year, in a pretty dejected, amotivational state, and a large portion of my time is spent researching, trying to find that one treatment that will help me feel better, treat my bipolar depression, get me out of a slump, or change my worldview. I've experimented with everything out there.
Just this week my therapist and I started discussing potential positives that could come out of my negative behaviors i'm struggling with. He raised the idea independently, but i had just been doing some deep thinking about the subject over the past few weeks. Instead of trying to run away from my "obsession" and "interest", maybe I should use this as a sign that this is where my passion lies, and especially given my suffering and struggling with mental illness, maybe the best thing for me to do is turn my obsession into a positive and work in the nutriitonal supplement / alternative therapies industry. Specifically, I was seriously thinking about (and my therapist suggested this too) using my body of knowledge, patient experience, and connections to develop and market supplements and formulations specifically directed at those with mental illness. I'm talking things that are backed by solid research, not scammy supplements promising total healing.
I know the industry is kinda shady, but I feel like there are very few good options for people with mental illness out there right now. Few specific lines of products, or formulations, that adequately treat the root causes.
So I guess i'd like feedback. Is this just more drug-seeking addictive behavior, or would this be a meaningful way to turn my passionate obsession with healing myself into something that could potentailly help others. Do you think this market is being adequately served? I know I for one have to take a bunch of supplements in different bottles , it would be great if there were better formulations out there. (Let's assume I'm going to do this totally legit, quality manufacturing, work with integrative MDs, etc...I don't need necessarily opinions about those issues...assume the best).
I don't know. I just think you gotta do in life something at the intersection of your passion, experience, and talents...and it seems this is pretty much right there...marketing, technology, research, mental illness, chemicals.
Thanks for your opinions. And let me know fi you think there are already good formulas out there specifically for psychiatric conditions.
uncouth
p.s. last year, actually, in a hypomanic episode, I ended up developing a stop smoking formulation. this was a total hypomanic idea, but i developed it, got it manufactured and bottled and web designed up within the few months i was hypomanic. i ended up not selling it (yet) because of some other issues about the ingredients...but it was fun, and I did a good job. now whether it actually worked or not for anyone but myself is another issue and the hypomania ended before I got a chance to test it out on other interested people. but the point is I can execute on these ideas and i knew how to pull it off. i still have 1000 bottles of them but i quit smoking so i don't need it anymore :)
Posted by FrustratedMama on October 9, 2011, at 9:02:49
In reply to OT: Need advice on whether to pursue ment hlth biz, posted by uncouth on October 8, 2011, at 21:40:38
I think that as long as what you are doing has some research validity and reliability and most of all is SAFE, then why wouldn't it be of value to everyone? I understand the obsession as I too spend several hours a day trying to find the solution that will one day make me feel human again. I think we all do. The fact that you haven't given up says a lot about who you are. Keep striving for the answer and if you find it....let us know! Take care of you! FM
Posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2011, at 10:50:11
In reply to Re: OT: Need advice on whether to pursue ment hlth biz, posted by FrustratedMama on October 9, 2011, at 9:02:49
Why not a field like psych nursing or mental health where right now there is a lack of good employees? It won't make you rich moneywise but the self satisfaction of helping another is huge. Just something to think about. Phillipa
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