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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 12, 2011, at 1:31:34
First thing I want to get clear with people is that this time at night I tend to get upset about my life. I've known this for a good time now. I've posted so much worthless sh*t in the past to get attention and then when the actaul problem confrounts me I have no people to tell. I have to say I am done with foolishness. I have caused so many times in the past of worthless posts that mean nothing of what im feeling.
Now, A couple of days ago I got these thoughts that where very dark and I kept thinking of death. And the reason I'm thinking of these thoughts is because
1) I am still at home, no where from square 1, i'v been stuck in the same hole for years and it just makes me want to not live anymore.
2)I can't keep a job due to the stimulant depedence and I have much trouble without stimulants.
3) I am very miserable. I feel like not waking up. Everything that I ever used to care about its not here any more, I have nothing today that is enjoyable.Now please understand I don't want any pity. I need a solution to this. Their are many solutions that I have avoided or not wanted to accept. I am still waiting for DARS to call. They have got all the testing and my medical records on file now.
Thier not much people can do for me. I do feel like I have met the ends of things but im not going to give up. I just feel like my life is over. Don't feel sorry for me, this was a choice and I've got to deal with the circumstances of my choices. It's my responsiblity now. I can't rely on people. I just wished someone would just wipe all my choices away and redo them to make me happy but of course that will never happen. I've already tried it with God through prayer requests and im very sure the awnser is no.
I just need to find a solution when these thoghts come. Focus on gratitude and not negativity. I just want to get out of this and the only person who is going to get me out of it is me. I hate who I am. I don't want to put faith in myself because I feel I don't have the capibility. I just want to let it out and cry this out and ill feel better.
Posted by gadchik on December 12, 2011, at 7:53:27
In reply to Dark thoughts..., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 12, 2011, at 1:31:34
Heres what i would do. get outside,walk,then start to run, run as fast and as long as you can,then walk.Find a place to sit and stare,tell yourself that you will change your life.Also, reach out to others.find someone who is cheerful,and optimistic.you have to put some effort into your life.Im not saying forget meds or doctors,im just suggesting something you may not have tried.
Posted by gadchik on December 12, 2011, at 9:08:37
In reply to Re: Dark thoughts..., posted by gadchik on December 12, 2011, at 7:53:27
the reason i suggest running,is that it gives you some control.you will begin to feel that you can do something,run everyday.its a schedule that you stick to and a job for you.Also,remember there are animal shelters everywhere that need someone to give the animals love,and walks.They have souls and with hold judgement.Ive been there,thinking of death.Hang on,things change.people have come back strong from the lowest lows.you can too.I wish peace for you.
Posted by Phillipa on December 12, 2011, at 10:43:57
In reply to Re: Dark thoughts..., posted by gadchik on December 12, 2011, at 9:08:37
That's really true. Phillipa
Posted by alchemy on December 12, 2011, at 18:54:51
In reply to Dark thoughts..., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 12, 2011, at 1:31:34
I feel for you. As a note, I have gone through phases where I go into a different "pull" for negative thoughts during the middle of the night or morning. I had to remind myself that I would feel a little better after I was fully awake. (up for probably an hr at least).
At least realize that it is harder to be positive when your chemistry pulls in the other direction. If I spend too much time in my head I am worse, so sometimes it is better if I make myself do something (although I don't want to live life struggling to make myself do things).
Are there work places that prohibit you from taking stimulants?
Posted by Chris O on December 14, 2011, at 15:53:52
In reply to Dark thoughts..., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 12, 2011, at 1:31:34
Rich:
Just like to express my empathy for you. I am with you in that dark place many days and most people do not even know it. I pray, too, and nothing happens. I don't have a solution. All that I can say is that I am still here too. I wish there was some way I could magically heal you, because I would do it in a heartbeat.
Chris
Posted by Phidippus on December 14, 2011, at 20:27:29
In reply to Dark thoughts..., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 12, 2011, at 1:31:34
Bad, bad, depression. What do you think will help? Medication? ECT? What?
Eric
This is the end of the thread.
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