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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 4:40:54
Hey parents - what's up??
Please support this board otherwise Dr Bob is gonna be waggling his finger at me and saying "I told you so".
We only need about 40 posts before the 2000/2001 posts archive.
Come on moms and dads - where r ya!
Sabrina
Posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 6:12:20
In reply to SUPPORT THE PARENTS BOARD, posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 4:40:54
appears rude. I meant SUPPORT FOR THE PARENTS BOARD
Posted by AdaGrace on February 21, 2005, at 13:56:12
In reply to SUPPORT THE PARENTS BOARD, posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 4:40:54
I'm proud of you for getting this board started again. Sometimes I live through my children's pain and joy and this seems like a good place to go for information, support, or just to let off steam. BTW I had to work all weekend, so failed to get out that wonderfully long e-mail I promissed.......SORRY I truely am.
Missing You
AdaGrace
Posted by AuntieMel on February 22, 2005, at 11:17:44
In reply to SUPPORT THE PARENTS BOARD, posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 4:40:54
I don't have much to say since mine are mostly grown and I don't feel like whining about the almost 30 yr old still in school [to be fair he got a late start] or the hassles with the just turned 20 yr old who got arrested for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
But - you always had such cute stories on social about your kids. Surely, boner aside, they haven't got boring have they?
Posted by stresser on February 22, 2005, at 16:00:13
In reply to SUPPORT THE PARENTS BOARD, posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 4:40:54
I am writing in to say I do support this board, and am checking in to read it when I have the time. I have been away these some these days, and will have more time this coming month. I am living with a bipolar daughter that is almost 17 and is driving me and her dad crazy. Do any of you have that type of trouble? She is taking Topamax, Welbutrin, and Adderall daily. Does it ever get better? We just found out about it in Jan. and are hoping to get her stabilized very soon. The grades are improving but attitude and moods are still the same......she has no tolerance or respect for us. She seems to be very immature for 17, and can't handle her emotions. Any advice? -L
Posted by AuntieMel on February 23, 2005, at 10:36:53
In reply to Re: SUPPORT THE PARENTS BOARD, posted by stresser on February 22, 2005, at 16:00:13
I thought for a long time my youngest was bipolar, but her shrink thought otherwise. Of course he only saw the good side of her...
At the same age as your daughter - though it actually started much, much earlier - she could be the sweetest thing on earth one minute and fly into the hugest screaming tantrums the next.
My natural tendency was to scream back and try to make her see where she was being unreasonable. It didn't work, and if anything made it worse.
Dad was smarter. When she got like that he'd just say to leave her alone for a while and give her time to calm down and then talk to her. Much better results.
We had just a couple of rules for those times. No driving and no leaving the house until she calmed down. The first one (driving) was non-negotiable and if needed we'd take away the keys. She did sometimes storm off on foot, but she never got far.
Once we had to take her to the ER because it looked like she broke her hand punching the wall.
She managed to alienate a lot of her friends in the process, which hurt her a great deal, but we tried to, in calmer moments, show her why it wasn't a good idea to talk to them when she's "like that."
Grades? Good enough to get by, but nowhere near what she could have done with just a little effort.
It was a hard time for all of us. But she's now 20 and calmer and can (usually) keep her temper under control. She's in her second year of college and grades are improving (3.4 last semester.) We are now very, very close.
But we still have sheetrock in her room to repair.
Posted by stresser on February 23, 2005, at 18:23:59
In reply to Re: patience, patience, patience » stresser, posted by AuntieMel on February 23, 2005, at 10:36:53
Oh my, that sounds like my house! I didn't think my daughter was bipolar, but the shrink did. Her psychologist didn't really agree with the shrink, and he wanted her to take the MMPI test to see what was going on in her head. WOA! He found out! I was shocked and so was he. He had no idea this sweet girl that sat in his office was the girl that took this test. She actually fooled her former psychologist for one and one half years, which is why we are with this new guy. (who is brilliant) He told me things about her, and described her as if he had lived with her for 16 years. He was dead on. She has a lot of anger and low-self esteem coming from somewhere. To look at her you would think she has everything, and that's where it drives me crazy worrying "why". She is studying more these days, since starting the adderall, and I hope it continues. Like your daughter, she has lost a few friends, and has not yet realized it's because of her mouth. We have tried to tell her, but she doesn't hear us when we speak. It's almost as if we speak Chinese, and she doesn't. It's nice to hear that things are better between you and your daughter, and I hope that it happens that way for us. Thanks for your advice. -L
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2005, at 23:32:25
In reply to SUPPORT THE PARENTS BOARD, posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 4:40:54
I find I'm having the same problem with this board that I had with Relationship. It's hard to post here without bringing other people's stuff into it. And since I don't have their permission, it seems not quite right. Mind you, I do it from time to time, but I feel funny about it.
I don't mind talking about my therapist or my parents. But when it comes to the people closest to me (my son and husband), I hate to say anything personal or anything that isn't entirely positive.
I guess I need to work on framing it in such a way that it's about me, not them.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 24, 2005, at 8:44:55
In reply to Re: patience, patience, patience » AuntieMel, posted by stresser on February 23, 2005, at 18:23:59
Psychologists can do a lot of good, but as you discovered they can only go by what they see.
My daughter's told her that she didn't think my daughter was "mature" enough to go off to college. I myself thought it was something she needed - to be on her own, but still semi-protected.
She called me in tears when her shrink said that. Absolutely devastated, crushed. Not that she really wanted to leave home that bad, but it made her feel so - damaged?
She never went back to that 'therapist' and she did go off to college.
Point being - use the professionals, but trust your instincts.
Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2005, at 11:18:17
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing » stresser, posted by AuntieMel on February 24, 2005, at 8:44:55
Boy, ain't that the truth. Many people, professionals included, don't "get" my son. The first psychologist we went to wanted to do a lot of behavioral interventions and discussed the possibility of SSRI's. The poor boy was in preschool.
We took some of his advice on behavioral modification, taking out the judgemental parts about his behavior being a manipulation (geesh, what a way to think about any other human being), and threw SSRI's out as an option. The idiot thought my son had plenty of extra brain cells that he could lose in SSRI dumbing down!
He was fine for several years but is struggling again a bit with the stressors we've had this year so we were preemptive and brought him to a play therapist. This one "gets" him. She thinks that once he learns some coping mechanisms he'll be ok, and that no medication is needed. She sees him as a sensitive kid who feels things intensely, is a bit perfectionistic, and it all gets to be too much for him sometimes and he melts down. She wants to teach him strategies for letting out the feelings a bit at a time. And she wants to let him know it's ok to make mistakes.
Sigh. I don't know how the first one managed to stay a kid's psychologist for so long. He certainly didn't share my basic belief that kids should be treated with the same respect anyone deserves.
Oops. I've gone off on a tangent.
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 25, 2005, at 0:06:35
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on February 24, 2005, at 11:18:17
wow,,
my son has such troubles in school...
everyday "freeking" out...
he thought he was dying..several times a day..
helemt safty lessons...fire drills..
we had to take him to the hospital...
the doc(in front of him) told us to give him a hot bath...
it is so hard...
j
Posted by AuntieMel on February 25, 2005, at 11:33:29
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on February 25, 2005, at 0:06:35
Right. And make sure he carries the tub to school with him.
How old is he? It sounds like when he starts freaking out it would do him some good to be taken to a quieter place away from the other kids and have someone talking gently to him or read him a book to calm down.
He's probably getting more stimulation than he can handle and needs time to adjust.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 25, 2005, at 15:05:59
In reply to Re: a hot bath? » justyourlaugh, posted by AuntieMel on February 25, 2005, at 11:33:29
Ok, I am sorry to intrude because I am not a parent yet. I guess I just find it unconscionable the way some people, especially some professionals, treat children and their problems in a dismissive manner. These are behaviours that could well have detrimental effect on a child's emotional growth and ability to cope and prosper as they get older, and should be taken seriously. It is hard for a child to articulate and understand the sometimes overwhelming and undefinable emotions and feelings they are having. They need to be listened to. JYL, Dinah and AuntieMel, your kids are lucky to have you!
Sorry for the intrusion.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 16:36:37
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on February 25, 2005, at 0:06:35
What an idiot doctor.
My son's school apparently thinks that he doesn't *need* professional intervention at this point, because his meltdowns are infrequent. But they are very supportive of us trying to head off future problems by giving him lessons in coping with life. Teaching him ways of discharging emotional energy before it builds up too much.
Is it possible to find a play therapist for your son to teach him coping skills? (They can also talk to the teachers to teach them skills as well). Or does there have to be a referral from the "hot bath" doctor?
By the way, my son's pediatrician looks like a man who was probably an awful lot like my son. Quiet and sensitive. He thinks my son is just fine and should be accepted as he is. But my husband and I think it can't hurt to teach him the stuff that CBT teaches early.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 26, 2005, at 9:52:09
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing » justyourlaugh, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 16:36:37
"He thinks my son is just fine and should be accepted as he is. But my husband and I think it can't hurt to teach him the stuff that CBT teaches early."
without the psycho-babble buzz words isn't teaching coping skills called parenting??
as long as you also accept him for who he is.
{smile, nod nod, wink wink}
Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2005, at 10:07:25
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing, posted by AuntieMel on February 26, 2005, at 9:52:09
Well, I would if I were better at it. :)
And I don't want him to learn my husband's coping strategies.
I suppose I want him to start off with the tools that I'm trying to master now, and that my husband has no interest in mastering. I think of how different my life might have gone...
Posted by lorilu on February 27, 2005, at 6:48:43
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on February 24, 2005, at 11:18:17
> Boy, ain't that the truth. Many people, professionals included, don't "get" my son. The first psychologist we went to wanted to do a lot of behavioral interventions and discussed the possibility of SSRI's. The poor boy was in preschool.
>
> We took some of his advice on behavioral modification, taking out the judgemental parts about his behavior being a manipulation (geesh, what a way to think about any other human being), and threw SSRI's out as an option. The idiot thought my son had plenty of extra brain cells that he could lose in SSRI dumbing down!
>
> He was fine for several years but is struggling again a bit with the stressors we've had this year so we were preemptive and brought him to a play therapist. This one "gets" him. She thinks that once he learns some coping mechanisms he'll be ok, and that no medication is needed. She sees him as a sensitive kid who feels things intensely, is a bit perfectionistic, and it all gets to be too much for him sometimes and he melts down. She wants to teach him strategies for letting out the feelings a bit at a time. And she wants to let him know it's ok to make mistakes.
>
> Sigh. I don't know how the first one managed to stay a kid's psychologist for so long. He certainly didn't share my basic belief that kids should be treated with the same respect anyone deserves.
>
> Oops. I've gone off on a tangent.
Hi,I was wondering if your son could use a "sensory box" when he got upset. I teach special ed. (not that he is), and I have a lot of sensory things in my class for my kids for when they start to get anxious, have too much or too little energy, or upset. (sorry for bad grammar it's 4:30 am and can't sleep:) I have sensory issues and my son does too. When I mainstream one of my kids he takes a little bit of silly putty so when he is too anxious he can squeeze it. It helps him greatly. At first he would run out of the room, drop a pencil... Now he is doing great. Granted he has an aide with him but he always bring something small with him. I have hundreds of things but things for a regular ed class that work are: silly putty, play dough, small stress ball, water worm (?),he will hold a pink eraser, any koosh ball. We also have sensory boxes of rice, beans, sand... for centers. Occupational therapy is also an idea.
PS Sounds like you are doing an awesome job. Kudos to no meds! My son melts down too. I always say that there are two sides of my son and when people get to know the other side of him he is funny, smart, talkative....My goal is for that side to be the only side minus just the plain old boy stuff. We're getting there, step by step.
lorilu
Posted by AuntieMel on February 27, 2005, at 12:07:51
In reply to Re: be careful about one thing » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2005, at 10:07:25
right. it's always easier to give 'advice' from a distance.
I didn't want my daughter to get my coping skills either. Hiding with a book for weeks on end? Not good. Neither is using what they call 'mind altering chemicals.'
My sister and I swore we wouldn't become our father. We might make mistakes, but by gosh they would be *different* mistakes.
I think if we can teach them love, kindness, empathy and respect the rest will work out. Eventually.
Posted by saw on February 28, 2005, at 12:30:02
In reply to SUPPORT THE PARENTS BOARD, posted by saw on February 18, 2005, at 4:40:54
Then I was the one to disappear.
Sorry folks - I will be back in full swing in about 2 weeks.
In the mean time - I hope to get to check in for advice to this query.
I am considering sending my son to a child psychologist, simply so that my illness can be described to him in a way that he understandsa and can accept (he is 7).
The poor chap has had to put up with so many of my moods and visited me in hospital. I told him the stitches on my wrist are because they cut open my vein to test the blood. He seems to believe me.
Should I have my illnesses explained to him?
Sabrina
(he has ADHD)
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:03:44
In reply to Re: Emotional Energy, posted by lorilu on February 27, 2005, at 6:48:43
I like that idea. I'll give him some executive sort of stress thing to worry at when he's starting to get upset. That way if it gets seen, it won't raise any brows.
He generally does ok with his peers. And his teachers mainly love him.
He's started a multi-chapter book that is just so incredible. So that makes me wonder if he's ready for the journaling his play therapist suggested. Of course, writing anything at school is risky, and he may not want to give up his home time for it.
This is the end of the thread.
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