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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:25:20
Is anyone familiar with the special problems they face?
My son's IQ doesn't qualify him as Einstein, but he's easily in the 99th percentile. And nearly everyone we've consulted over the years feels that part of his problems come from that fact.
I always read that his level of intelligence was ideal. That any higher and you might have trouble relating, but you can do pretty much whatever you want to do scholastically.
But the parenting experts and the two therapists we consulted all feel that he is always going to have difficulty relating to his peers in some ways. That because he's very bright, very sensitive, and very mature in his understanding of behavior, that he must find it difficult to be around childish behavior all day. Again, I know that my son can be childish on occasion. But it is true that he finds some behaviors that kids engage in (like teasing and horseplay) deplorable.
We've sent him to a school where a high IQ is no big deal. And his teachers teach him as much as he can learn, now that he's in a higher grade anyway. He was a bit bored in kindergarten. We don't make a big deal of his intelligence, but focus on his effort. And I don't push achievement or competition at all.
I don't see that it should be a huge problem for him. But admittedly my IQ is not as high as his, and I might not understand.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:33:43
In reply to Gifted children, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:25:20
One part I do understand, having had a bit of that ailment myself, is that if things generally come easy to you it is especially difficult to handle the things that don't come easily, because you just don't have any experience with struggle. So that he gets especially frustrated in those cases.
Posted by AuntieMel on March 1, 2005, at 13:13:01
In reply to Gifted children, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:25:20
I might be able to answer questions. I was one of those children - with a tested IQ in the top percentile or two.
And I can sure remember being bored in school. When I was in first grade the teacher called my mom because she thought there must be something "wrong" with the way my brain was wired. She would look at the things I wrote and the letters seemed all jumbled up. The two of them had several conversations and were about to take me to a neurologist when they finally said something to me about it. I took one of my things and held it up to a mirror and they could read it perfectly.
It would have saved them a lot of trouble if the teacher had just asked.
I couldn't handle childish behavior either. If I went to a birthday party I'd end up hanging out with the parents because the kids' games seemed so pointless. But at school I was happy skipping rope or skating or that type thing with the others.
My father did make a big deal of it, and I was told from the beginning that I would have trouble getting on with people that weren't as bright, and that I would have to adjust to them. While if it weren't pointed out to me so often I probably would have done better.
(In my opinion) he shouldn't be made to either be proud of or ashamed of his gift. It's just something he was born with, like his hair color, and it just is.
Posted by stresser on March 1, 2005, at 19:18:20
In reply to Gifted children, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:25:20
I answered a little too quickly to the above posting, and should have read these before posting my response. My daughter, whom I am having a difficult time dealing with ( she is bipolar II)has a very hight IQ, and when in 7th grade was put in a gifted and talented program. She took the SAT, ACT, in the 7th, 8th, and 9th and 10th grade. She is very smart, but since entering high school her grades have fallen, and she has become depressed and developed a binge eating disorder. Things rapidly became worse and one thing lead to another, so here we are. She is a junior in high school, and she is very dissapointed at not being in NHS, or in the top 10 percent of her class. It has been especaially hard on us, her parents. What you think will be, sometimes isn't...and it's such a shame. She is seeing her third psychologist, and I think we have found the "one", for her. So far he has changed her medication and things are improving, but we still have a lot of drama. She's very manipulative, and that's where having the high IQ comes in...in a negative way. It would take me several hours to plan out what she can think up off the top of her head. Having a high IQ is great, but there are negative aspects (and can be used against you, sigh!) Just some food for thought. My son is an average child, we have NOT PUSHED HIM at all. He makes A's and B's, and we're happy with that if he's doing his best. I just thought this could help some of you, I know it would have been nice to know this about ten years ago myself. Keep up the good work, it sounds like all of you are doing a great job. -L
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 19:24:34
In reply to Re: Gifted children, posted by AuntieMel on March 1, 2005, at 13:13:01
We actually rarely mention it directly, though his grandparents sometimes do.
Can you think of anything extra we should be doing? I think our choice of school is really key. We sent him to a school that is really progressive and individualistic, sort of Montessori in character. They don't choose admissions solely on IQ, the main criterion is that the parents firmly believe in their form of education. But while he gets a chance to interact with all sorts of kids, there are a high percentage that are gifted. He's not the highest achiever in his class and that's great with me. And we didn't want him in the most demanding class either. I was insanely competitive in school and didn't want him to fall into that.
So he's being challenged, he has access to kids that are smarter than he is, and we're not making a big deal of his intelligence. He's also being challenged sufficiently to keep him interested, but not so much as some classes.
And to be honest, it's not that big a deal to us. My husband probably has a higher IQ than my son, and I never had any problems in school.
Are we missing anything? Is there some area that we're overlooking?
And if not, why are the professionals making such a big deal about it? Although to her credit, the play therapist was more impressed with how attuned he was to her.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 19:30:20
In reply to Re: Gifted children » Dinah, posted by stresser on March 1, 2005, at 19:18:20
I'm trying to picture my son, who has a highly developed sense of guilt and superego, ending up being manipulative. So far I've failed. He's so compliant and overly good. I know there is a big difference between a little one and the teens, but somehow I always figured that he would end up like his dad and I. The goody two shoes whose social group exerted positive peer influence on each other.
The play therapist said that she isn't at all worried that he'll ever act out. She's more afraid he'll be one of those kids who contemplate suicide for not getting into a top tier college. Well, we'll take the pressure off there. We can't pay for a top tier college. :)
He does lie more than I did at the same age, though. But he lies very badly, which I think is a very good sign.
Can you think of anything you could have done differently when she was young?
Posted by AuntieMel on March 2, 2005, at 15:07:50
In reply to Re: Gifted children » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 19:24:34
The professionals are making a big deal out of it because that is what they are trained to do. And possibly because they have no personal reference point.
I believe that high intellegence should be discussed as often and in the same tone as any other physical trait. I don't think it should be a big deal, but I don't think it should be a taboo topic either. More like it's something he's lucky to have, like people with big beautiful eyes are lucky.
Too many people make it like the whole of the intellegent person is his brain. As if they have no looks, personality, wit or sense. When actually all humans are made up of all of those things - it's just the distribution that's different.
It sounds like you are in the perfect school for him. He's in a place where he isn't singled out for being the smartest - or the dumbest (in kid words.) You might be able to get him into college at age 12 if you pushed - but who would want that!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are for sure on the right track. The most important thing to remember is that - brightness aside - he is a kid.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 19:26:41
In reply to Re: Gifted children » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on March 2, 2005, at 15:07:50
Posted by Lisa5 on March 3, 2005, at 14:30:26
In reply to Gifted children, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:25:20
Dinah....You are discribing my son to a "T". I wish we could sit down and talk over a cup of coffee. How old is your son? My son is now almost 13 and has been a huge challenge all his life, but also a great joy and source of pride. It really depends on the age of your son how to proceed....if you can post how old he is I may be able to tell you how we coped at that age....Lisa
Posted by stresser on March 3, 2005, at 17:30:15
In reply to Re: Gifted children » stresser, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 19:30:20
My daughter is a goody two shoes, won't taste a drink, smoke, think about sex etc, and hangs out with very good kids. I do know that I did far too much for her when she was younger. I checked over her homeowork and helped more than I should have with projects. She is a worrier and we both had to make sure EVERY paper/project was perfect before she turned it in. For three years in middle school, IT WAS!!! I think she burned out, and couldn't take the pressure anymore. I admit to being a control queen, and I have had to hold myself back these past months regarding how I react to her situations. She is starting to become more like the daughter I used to know....I hope she can pull things together in time. She came home just today with her report card, she has gotten a C+ in Algebra. It's a hard pill to swallow after getting A's last year, so we had many tears flowing discussing the report card. She was beating herself up saying, "If I had just not fallen asleep that night before the final, I could have gotten a better grade. Next time I have a final, don't let me sleep. Make sure I stay up and study longer. Bla, bla, bla,...." She is back to caring about her grades, thank goodnes! Whew, but....too late in this trimester to pull out of the C area.
I hope you can understand this, I know I am rambeling on. I do blame myself some, but, I think she has learned a vauable lesson also. Your son is still young, so you can skip over these mistakes and do it right the first time.!!
-L
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2005, at 19:33:09
In reply to Re: Gifted children » Dinah, posted by stresser on March 3, 2005, at 17:30:15
It sounds like she's a good kid.
It's hard to pull ourselves out of our kids lives. My mantra is that I've been through school myself already and did well enough. What my son does is what he does. It's his turn now, and his choices.
So far he hasn't tested that too much. :)
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2005, at 19:34:10
In reply to Re: Gifted children » Dinah, posted by Lisa5 on March 3, 2005, at 14:30:26
My munchkin is nearly nine.
Wow. That's hard to believe.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 8, 2005, at 0:09:02
In reply to Gifted children, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 10:25:20
d..
all children are gifted...all..
i wanted my kids to attend public school..as they would interact with the world..everyone is different ..everyone has their own mountains to climb..
iq..?did instien finish grade school?
j
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