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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua on March 4, 2005, at 13:03:50
I don't say that negatively, really. Maybe "extremely independent" is a better description, but sometimes it worries me. He is 16 years old, a junior in HS. Academically, he has always been a top student. His sister thinks he's nerdy, but by the looks from the girls he's doing just fine.
The problem? if there even is one? He has friends at school, during the day, but never hangs out w/them otherwise. Participates in no afterschool or sporting activities. He has a group of neighborhood/music friends that he hangs out w/occasionally--but he never mixes his friends. He prefers to be alone, really. He had a steady girlfriend for two years, and she did keep him occupied 99.9% of the time, but since they broke up he is back w/his music friends--kind of.
He has passionate interests--sometimes almost obsessivley (he knows this), but it's almost like he doesn't need anybody else.
Am I wrong to worry? Or is he just a teenager?
antigua
Posted by stresser on March 4, 2005, at 15:26:59
In reply to My son is a loner, posted by antigua on March 4, 2005, at 13:03:50
Does he seem happy? Does he act depressed? If he doesn't then I wouldn't worry. Maybe he is just very secure with himself and content to be where he is. If that is the case, then rejoice! If not....post back, and we will go from there. -L
Posted by alexandra_k on March 5, 2005, at 3:24:15
In reply to My son is a loner, posted by antigua on March 4, 2005, at 13:03:50
He sounds like me !
Ah, but should you be worried???
I don't know...
Is he happy?
Or lonely, do you think?
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2005, at 8:43:32
In reply to My son is a loner, posted by antigua on March 4, 2005, at 13:03:50
Unfortunately, loners have gotten a bad media rep. :(
But I agree with the others. People vary widely in their need and desire for interaction. As long as he seems to be meeting his needs, and isn't unhappy, don't worry if his needs aren't the "normal" needs. Introverts find social interaction draining and need a lot of down time to recover from it. If he's an introvert, school might use all his energy and more for socialization, and he might need the time to recharge.
Posted by antigua on March 7, 2005, at 16:06:11
In reply to Re: My son is a loner » antigua, posted by stresser on March 4, 2005, at 15:26:59
No, he's not depressed and he actually appears to be pretty happy. (I've seen him depressed before so I know he's not now). He's talking more to us and a little more involved w/his family (we actually get a few words every now and then!). He doesn't seem to need other people in his life. I'm not sure he is even aware of what emphathy is--he's very self-centered. I don't know, there just seems to be something I can't put my finger on. It's not drugs or alcohol, I'm pretty sure.
Oh well, he has always been his own kid.
Thanks for the input,
antigua
Posted by mair on March 14, 2005, at 17:19:19
In reply to Re: My son is a loner, posted by antigua on March 7, 2005, at 16:06:11
Antigua - I know I'm jumping in here late. My 17 year old daughter has a clear need for social interaction. She's always at a friend's, or she has her friends at our house. When we go on family vacations, we very frequently take one or two of her friends with us.
My son, 19, is so very different. He has friends but he is almost never the instigator of social activities. He's never wanted to bring a friend with him when we go somewhere, and he rarely has his friends over. He's very happy to hang out around the house, and often very happy to hang out with his parents, particularly if we take him out to dinner. He does virtually nothing to nurture his relationships so it's always a little bit of a shock to us that he seems to be as well liked as he is. He, too, had one girlfriend, through the last 2 years of high school. They broke up, and I honestly don't think he's ever dated since then (or before for that matter.
When he was younger, I decided that he didn't like having kids sleep over because he didn't sleep well with someone else in his room, and by the same token he rarely wanted to sleep over at his friends' houses I think for the same reason. I also think he felt some pressure to entertain when kids were at our house. I think he felt responsible for whether they were having a good time. I think that has something to do with why he rarely wanted kids over and never wanted to take his friends anywhere with us.
I sometimes worry about whether he's depressed, and he can definitely get obsessive about things. But I also think he's pretty dependent on us and not brimming with the social confidence that might allow him to jump into new situations. He's more than a little afraid to fail. And I think alot of it is just his personality.
It's funny, because when he was in high school, my husband and I were never quite sure whether we should be happy that he wasn't off doing god-knows-what with his friends every weekend, or worried that he wasn't.
Mair
This is the end of the thread.
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