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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on March 10, 2005, at 12:59:17
Is it possible to love one child more than another? Everyone says that you love your children equally but......well.....I don't about that. Just curious.
Thanks
Rain
Posted by Toph on March 11, 2005, at 8:57:21
In reply to Question for parents?, posted by rainbowbrite on March 10, 2005, at 12:59:17
I think you can like your children differently at a given moment, you can be more comfortable with one child, you can identify more with certain children, you can understand your children differently, you can be closer to one child than the others, but I would like to think that in my experience and I hope others that you love each of your children equally intensely and permanently.
Toph
Posted by rainbowbrite on March 11, 2005, at 9:17:25
In reply to Re: Question for parents?, posted by Toph on March 11, 2005, at 8:57:21
Thanks Toph,
I guess the relating among chilren and parents just presents differently and thus makes it appear that realtionships differ. I hope so anyway.
rbb :-)
Posted by AuntieMel on March 11, 2005, at 9:17:27
In reply to Re: Question for parents?, posted by Toph on March 11, 2005, at 8:57:21
Posted by calamityjane on March 12, 2005, at 0:07:10
In reply to Re: good answer (nm) » Toph, posted by AuntieMel on March 11, 2005, at 9:17:27
I only have one right now, but boy I sure do feel like I could never love another child the same as I love her.
Maybe you are frustrated with the other child but deep down I am sure that you really do love your children equally. You would die for both of them, right? You wouldn't play favorites when it comes down to what matters, so don't let it bother you if you like one more than the other.Just try hard to not let it show. I speak from experience....my mom always has favored my older sis...and her mom always played favorites with all of us grandkids. Its so hard as a child to feel like your sibling is loved more than you are.
Posted by rainbowbrite on March 12, 2005, at 0:49:08
In reply to Re: good answer, posted by calamityjane on March 12, 2005, at 0:07:10
I don't have any kids actually...I was thinking about me :) I was having a down moment. But I worry about what type of mother I would be all the time.
>Just try hard to not let it show. I speak from experience....my mom always has favored my older sis...and her mom always played favorites with all of us grandkids. Its so hard as a child to feel like your sibling is loved more than you are.
Yup this is my experience as well. It hurts a little, even as an adult.Thanks
Rain
Posted by Toph on March 12, 2005, at 7:07:50
In reply to Re: good answer, posted by calamityjane on March 12, 2005, at 0:07:10
I'm glad that you mentioned the child's perspective. Sibling rivarly of parents' affection is a fairly universal experience among children (and into adulthood). As the second of five kids envy of my older brother was a real psychological trauma of sorts. My brothers and I were convinced that he was loved the best by both parents. On the positive side, this perception spurred me to develop my own individuality within the family.
I bet even identical twins experience that "mom loved you better" experience. It's all just more work for the therapists I suppose.
Toph
Posted by Toph on March 12, 2005, at 7:20:52
In reply to Re: good answer, posted by calamityjane on March 12, 2005, at 0:07:10
I gave more thought to this dilema facing parents of multiple children. You know, kids are so equisitely sensitive and perceptive of these sorts of things. I think that appreciating the individuality of your kids is a good thing and maybe even talking about how you love each one equally, but cherish the uniqueness of them as well. Any attempt to love them the same way will be transparent and percieved as disingenuous. I'm no Dr. Phil but that's what I'd advise. Find favorite traits in each of your kids, but love them all to death.
Posted by antigua on March 14, 2005, at 20:44:32
In reply to Question for parents?, posted by rainbowbrite on March 10, 2005, at 12:59:17
I have all my ducks in order on this question. In my mind I love them equally, but as someone said I don't love them all the same at the same time. It would be silly for me to say that when I'm in fighting mode with one of them.
That said, here's my answer to my children. I love my oldest in a special way because he was my first and we experienced all the newness together. I love my second in her special way because she is my only daughter. And I love my youngest in his own special way because he is the youngest, and my last. It seems to go over well with all three of him and I believe it to be true.
My mother, at times, has loved me more than my siblings and it's a terrible burden to carry. I would try my best not to do that to my children. But yes, I do believe parents can love one child more and often don't hide it well. It's very unfair.
antigua
Posted by rainbowbrite on March 15, 2005, at 0:19:07
In reply to Re: Question for parents?, posted by antigua on March 14, 2005, at 20:44:32
>That said, here's my answer to my children. I love my oldest in a special way because he was my first and we experienced all the newness together. I love my second in her special way because she is my only daughter. And I love my youngest in his own special way because he is the youngest, and my last. It seems to go over well with all three of him and I believe it to be true.
that is a great way to explain it.
>My mother, at times, has loved me more than my siblings and it's a terrible burden to carry. I would try my best not to do that to my children. But yes, I do believe parents can love one child more and often don't hide it well. It's very unfair.
that is interesting about it being a burden, I can see that actually.
I have experienced the unequal love distribution and I have seen others that I know show favoritism with thier kids. It is too bad, b/c it has such a huge impact on them. I hope I am able to control that when I have kids.Thanks
Posted by AuntieMel on March 15, 2005, at 13:59:36
In reply to Re: good answer, posted by calamityjane on March 12, 2005, at 0:07:10
Sometimes being the favorite isn't so good.
I'm convinced I was my dad's favorite because I was the smartest. But he didn't show it in pride, he showed it by being extra hard on me.
And this was a father we *all* tried to be ignored by.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 8, 2005, at 0:18:05
In reply to Re: good answer » calamityjane, posted by AuntieMel on March 15, 2005, at 13:59:36
never have i thought i loved anyone more at certian times..i love them all..open your heart..love will spill over...love yourself and the rest is easy..they are your creations..love your mate ..they are his creations...
j
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