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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by karen_kay on April 5, 2007, at 7:17:01
yes, worse than mine! my niece is going through what i hope to be a stage. starting with hateful looks, refusing to eat anything for dinner claiming 'this is yucky, i am NOT going to eat this' (even though she ate it weeks prior). i still pick out her clothes (is she too old for that? she almost 7, not quite there yet) and even though she claims these pants are her very favorite the day befoer, she refuses to wear them today.
what to do about such an attitude? my sister is about to start giving butt busting and i'm begging no. (reminders of our childhhod) the niece (i'll call her mini me, as she looks a whole bunch like i did when i was little and even has a bit of attitude like i did too), so mini me, has been spending an awful lot of time at grammies. wondering if this has something to do with it???
any suggestions? my sister is really at her wits end and i'm starting to get a bit frustrated after a very bad morning i was hoping to be good. even made hot cocoa for her, hoping to start the morning off right. also, should mention, her grades are starting to slip. went from ab honor roll to c's.
help help help get this brown eyed minime back on track before she ends up on maury in boot camp!!!!
Posted by Gee on April 5, 2007, at 14:19:12
In reply to 7 yr old, fe with attitude, posted by karen_kay on April 5, 2007, at 7:17:01
KK, how is school going for her? Could she possibly be getting bullied? The grades slipping could be a sign of that. And it might explain the attitude at home. Take the hurt out on people that will love you no matter what kind of thing...
With the picking out clothes and such, try giving her options. Pick out two outfits, and then let her choose. Maybe get her in on the helping to pick out meals. Don't give her too many choices (I'd say 2 or 3 at the max), but help her feel like she has some say in her life. You could always start with things like "Would you like carrots or corn tonight?" Or if you plan the meals out in advance, set out the meals you were planning on having, and have her decide veggies, condements, etc. and which night you'll have the meal. And then if she says "I don't like this, this is yucky" you can come back with the "Well you picked it out, and if you don't feel like eating it right now, we can save it in the fridge until you get hungry."
Maybe start a reward chart of types? It could be a family thing. Sit down with the family (including your niece) and write out certain "good turns" that get a gold star. Whenever anyone in the famioy see anyone else in the family doing one of these things (such as saying thank-you, listening... whatever you find are the big problems, but be VERY specific)they put a gold star on the chart.. Or make it a before bed thing, or dinner time thing. Everyone says what good things they saw the others doing. Maybe have a list to write them down on during the day. I'd say instead of "rewarding" her bad behaviour, try rewarding her good behaviour, and almost ignoring her bad. Don't give her attention for it.
I don't know... If you want more ideas, feel free to bmail me. I've seen a ton, and a ton of different methods work with different kids. Let me know how it goes!!!!!
Posted by karen_kay on April 5, 2007, at 15:05:47
In reply to Re: 7 yr old, fe with attitude » karen_kay, posted by Gee on April 5, 2007, at 14:19:12
bullying is a possibility, she's the teeniest tiniest child ever. i used to fidn her at pick up by looking for the smallest child out there. she has no problems making friends, and has a new one every day. however, she no longer goes to breakfast at school because i guess someone made fun of the way she eats (huh? i teach that child perfect table manners!!!). for the longest time, she wouldn't take a snack to school either, i'm assuming the same reason.
she has her quirks as well, i'm assuming the same reason. like pulling her pants WAY up (assuming the old 'i see london' song was sang to her?). we've tried to break her of this habit (as i'm assuming this has to be painful, walking around all day with pants up to the neck, but she won't back down on this one either. we've tried by showing how mommy, sissy and aunt kk wear their pants at their belly buttons and below, but to no avail, they still go back up to her chin.....
she's a very clever girl (much like her aunt kk :) she even looks like me, gosh, if i email you, i'll send pics, she's got the dark hair and eyes, and i was even the smallest in school too... now, how does a post about my niece turn into one about me?) anyway, about her grades, she's very very clever. and smart. she's old enough to get an allowance and responsible enough to clean not only her room, but the whole upstairs region, such as her nd her sister's play room. but, her grades are slipping, so perhaps bullying is something to look into.
her mother mentioned talking to her teacher about her grades, but apparently even though the school is suppposed to have a very strict bullying policy (a boy smacked her on the bottom in good fun and she smacked him back, both got a pink slip), sometimes things do slide through the cracks.
we did used to make a list of things she had to do in the mornings (1. eat breakfast 2. brush teeth ect) and she enjoyed the freedom she had with that, instead of me bossing ehr around and hurrying her. not sure why we neglected that, could have been when i became 'crazy' (or manic as other people like to call it) that last time. can't remember when it was, maybe feb, perhaps jan? could have been last week, hell i don't remember.
but, i do like the idea of 2 choices of clothes for her. my sister was considering letting her choose her outfit altogether and i was thinking that could be a bit overwhelming for her.
also like the idea about dinner as well. perhaps if she's more involved with picking out what's she's eating, she'll be more likely to eat it.
wowsa, you're pretty good at this! almost too good..... watch out now, i might ask you to marry me (and to help watch kids...) also, now i'll be posting to you about every single kid question i have to :) lucky you!!!!
oh, and the reward thing... i do feel i praise all the children when they do a good job. i tell her every morning that she does such a good job getting herself ready for school, i've taught them to cleean their plates (well, scrape them in the trash) and put them in the sink and then always say 'yahooo!!!! great job girls!!!!' i always try to reinforce the good stuff rather than the bad, but today i did get some pretty meaen looks (even after i got up extra early to make hot cocoa since it was cold) darn it, aunt kk has feelings too :(
but, i'm pretty bad at keeping up with star reward systems and such. instead, i try to reward with money (is that really so bad?). is there a way to incorporate the allowance with getting ready in the mornings? (she really loves going on her 'special day' with mr and mrs kk, shopping and gettign special treats... or do you think that's a bad idea? for some reason, she really does love that money adn the time alone, without her sister. funny too, she always shares her buys with her sister. didn't i tell you, she's a whole lot like me?
thanks again for the wonderful ideas!
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