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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by karen_kay on June 18, 2007, at 20:56:21
my darling duckie is walking. he just picked it up, like my new found drinking habit, within a week, adn he won't even crawl anymore. he's found freedom and i've found a kegerator. odd how i drink and he walks like a drunk. (i only drink on weekends, with a designated driver. i'm only kidding. don't call cps. seriously!)
so, now he falls a bit more. even twice in one day. and he's got nasty little bruises on him. and i'm highly neurotic (what, are you looking at me for? adn judging me? you've never done anythign wrong? i'm sorry. i just worry a lot... anyway...) about everything. and i can't help but think i shoudl invest in a helmet for him (no seriously, and my sisters used to joke about it. and i even just read it in a book too, but that child wasn't crawling yet, so that's rediculous, seriously!). but, i beat myself up over silly things. like him crying when i have to get a diaper on him. or the bruise he has from bumping his head. or, when he throws a fuss when he have to leave the park (i should stay longer, but i have stuff to do too, like fix dinner. give me a break, i've got three kids to watch, i can't play at the park all day).
but, i also have him trained to help pick up toys. and to give kisses and hugs. and he mimicks blowing kisses (oh, that's the cutest). and i tell him all the time it's about time for him to get a job, as he's about tall enough to drive a vehicle.
and i wonder, is it weird that every day, we look in the mirror together (and have since forever) and i point to him and say 'handsome' and i point to myself and say 'beautiful'? or, am i really giving him somethign to talk to his therapist about? give it to me straight! god, i really worry about these things. (but, he really is handsome and i really am beautiful.. but, i don't want a future normal bates on my hands either...)
why don't they come with instructions? well, i'm not very good with instructions either. i always add extra eggs or vanilla or something. gosh, this kid's gonna be just like me.
Posted by Happyflower on June 20, 2007, at 18:18:23
In reply to duckies, bruises, future therapy and walking, posted by karen_kay on June 18, 2007, at 20:56:21
Well if he is just like you, then he will be a wonderful and exciting person! You are doing fine with motherhood. Just the fact you are aware of this stuff, shows me that you care a lot. It is hard not to worry though, I still do sometimes but hey, there is no such thing as a perfect parent, so relax!
My T really complemented me on my kids, he has met them. He said I am doing a wonderful job as a mother and he sees it in my kids. He said my job it 3/4 of the way done, because most kids will be who they are by the time they are 10yrs old.
He told me that I stopped the cycle of abuse that is in generations of my family and that I should be very proud. It is a very hard thing to do he said, and it takes intelligence and determination to change what has been modeled to me as a child. You have done this too, so we both should pat each other on back. ;-) (just the back, okay) lol
Posted by karen_kay on June 22, 2007, at 9:32:06
In reply to Re: duckies, bruises, future therapy and walking » karen_kay, posted by Happyflower on June 20, 2007, at 18:18:23
i wrote 'i don't want a future 'normal bates' on my hands'.. hmmm.. maybe i do want norman bates? god, so it begins. i'm left wondering if i do in fact want a momma's boy. i honestly think i do.
i've already decided (well, we've decided) that one duckie's plenty. and this one's going to be glued to my hip. he's my sidekick, my 'robin', or 'skipper' or whatever you wnat to call him.
i just worry about everything. i know 'these' years are the important ones. and i was honestly upset when i found out i wasn't the first person to give him chocolate milk. (upset wasn't the word, and i asked my sister to just withhold information next time)
is this sort of thing normal? to think your kid's perfect (well, of course i know that's normal), but to worry that every single, little thing you do is going to have an everlasting effect on him/her?
i'm crazy. just say it. i'm ready to hear it. (adn i've never seen another person, other than myself, who enjoys looking into the mirror as much as he does. he can't get enough of himself...)
and to have your therapist tell you you're doing a wonderful job as a parent? wowsa!!! i'm half tempted to go fidn one, just so i can have him/her reassure me i'm going well... if he says you're doing well, it must be so. congrats to you for being such a great momma dear! though, i'm sure you know that.
pat on back (though i'm tempted....),
kk
Posted by DAisym on June 23, 2007, at 16:16:30
In reply to i just noticed.. » Happyflower, posted by karen_kay on June 22, 2007, at 9:32:06
Babies -- my favorite topic!
Your little guy sounds so great KK and I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job. He obviously feels secure enough with you to challenge you (tantrums) and he knows his own mind well enough to know what he wants (more tantrums.) Always try to remember that having fun with your child is the most important thing you can do - he is having fun and you are having fun and he is learning the whole time. It is your job to set those limits and help him understand that reality bites sometimes (park vs. dinner prep) but it will get easier as his vocabulary expands. He doesn't really want to be in charge, as much as you might think he does. It is scary for kids to get their way when they know they shouldn't. They begin to wonder who will keep them safe.
As far as falling and bruises, he sounds like a typical little boy. If the frequent falling continues, bring it up with your pediatrician. There are a million reasons why kids aren't steady but mostly they just never look down once they stand up. Helmets for kids who don't really need them can actually be harmful later, as he won't learn to protect his head.
Do you have "Touchpoints"? I highly recommend it. You can read sections as he gets older and there is great advice all along the way.
Try not to worry too much, kids are amazingly resilient.
Posted by Happyflower on June 23, 2007, at 20:49:33
In reply to i just noticed.. » Happyflower, posted by karen_kay on June 22, 2007, at 9:32:06
(((((KK)))))) I think worrying comes with the job. :-) My T said that 3/4 of the job it done with my kids, but the hardest part he said was worrying about them especially in their teen years. I am sure you are doing a good job with him. I remember being upset a long time ago when my MIL took my daughter to zoo for the first time. That was something I wanted to do first! But I guess I was there for a lot of first's. Just my view, but you staying home with him while he is young is doing the best think for the little guy. Try to relax and enjoy the moments!~
Posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2007, at 12:10:14
In reply to Re: i just noticed.. » karen_kay, posted by DAisym on June 23, 2007, at 16:16:30
ok, i was kinda exagerrating about the bumps and bruises before (he had a few little bumps and bruises before, but nothing that would even matter) but we were gettign ready to go to chuckie cheese's and WHOMP he fell and busted his head on the window sill. and a huge bump/bruise/knot/fit(him)/guilt(me)/crying(both me and him) ensued.
someone (a wife of a friend of mr kk's who has kids) said that he may be gettign his one year molars, causign him to be off balance. and i realize he just started walking (not even a month ago), so of course he's goign to fall. but i feel like 'i'm here with him every second of every day, so why should he ever fall and bump his head?' and when he does, i'm filled with guilt. i swear, i'm going shopping for that helmet! he looked like a character from star trek when we took him to chuckie cheese, with that goose egg on his head!
and this guilt! i think much of it comes from my mother. and her horrible mothering. and i find i'm much like her, with her gossiping (and the closer i am to her geographically) the more i turn into her (not beign physically abusive or emotionally or anythign like that at all), but i bitch a whole lot at mr kk adn my sister. and i'm constantly cleaning, jsut like her. which board should this go on? (oh, and i can't eat either. i'm a mess daisy :) does that deserve a smilie face?
i don't want to be like my mother, but i see so many of her traits. the constant bitching. the constant cleaning. even teh duckie follows me aroudn and helps me clean up his toys, while he's playign with them. and i can reason, in my head, 'well, he's learnign to pick up after himself, that's a good thing' but at the same time, i don't want to be like her adn i certainly don't want him to be anal like her (nor do i want to be anal like her either. and i can certainly do without the bitching. i'm sure there are a few people in the house who could do without ti as well :)
thanks for the reply sweetie. i appreciate it. and i miss you daisy. i've missed you for a while actually. i hope you're doign well dear. i don't read the T board much, as i don't have one. is that where you post? anywhooooo.. thanks again for your reply. and take care of yourself.
kk
Posted by Happyflower on June 25, 2007, at 21:44:19
In reply to Re: i just noticed.., posted by Happyflower on June 23, 2007, at 20:49:33
Posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2007, at 21:51:43
In reply to Re: i just noticed.. (nm) » Happyflower, posted by Happyflower on June 25, 2007, at 21:44:19
it wasn't anything personal! i just didn't have time to get around to answering your post just yet.
i can't believe this!
the nerve hf, the nerve!
Posted by Happyflower on June 26, 2007, at 10:13:27
In reply to hey! » Happyflower, posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2007, at 21:51:43
> it wasn't anything personal! i just didn't have time to get around to answering your post just yet.
>
> i can't believe this!
>
> the nerve hf, the nerve!What do you think I did now? Supported you? Ya, I guess that is what I did.
Posted by karen_kay on June 26, 2007, at 14:51:28
In reply to Re: hey! » karen_kay, posted by Happyflower on June 26, 2007, at 10:13:27
please do not post to me in the future. it seems we just tend to get into it anyway, right? and i'm tired of misunderstanding you, or being misunderstood.
i'll send a link to admin and we can end this whole thing. i'm honestly sorry it's come to this, but honestly i have reall honest issues with guilt, not responding to threads in a timely manner and i took your response as 'pointing' it out to me, when in actuallity i do have a child to look after, as well as my sister's children.
i have no idea what your intention was, and i rarely have any idea what your intentions are, thus my pdnp request, to help solve this problem from occuring in the future.
thank you for honoring this request, as i will od the same.
i wish you nothing but luck, happiness, and the best fo everythign in the future (and i honestly mean that happyflower, sincerely!!!). i just have guilt issues and am trying my best to do what i can to stop them from happening.
my best to you,
kk
Posted by DAisym on June 27, 2007, at 0:50:11
In reply to another one!!! » DAisym, posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2007, at 12:10:14
Hey KK,
I've told you about my oldest - right? He just graduated from UC Berkeley and is a pretty smart cookie. (cute too -- and single):) He has a road map on his forehead - stitches 3 times and lots of bumps and bruises. He was a late walker but he turned out fine.
Part of the learning in this period of time is for you too - you have to get used to the fact that you can not protect him every minute of every day. These bumps and bruises hurt your heart, I know that, probably more than they hurt his head. But you will both be OK.
One of the most important things is to try and manage to make stuff OK for him. If he bumps and looks over at you, you can say, "ow - that hurt! But you're OK" and he will most likely be OK. Kids freak out when their parents freak out. Your goal is to set limits for his exploration but not to stiffle his curiosity. This is difficult and we often mess it up -- but overall I'm sure you'll be fine.
I made it through - only one more to go and he is a pretty great kid already. You can do this! Duckie is lucky to have a mom who loves him so much.
Hugs from me.
Posted by karen_kay on June 27, 2007, at 9:10:38
In reply to Re: another one!!! » karen_kay, posted by DAisym on June 27, 2007, at 0:50:11
i wonder sometimes if my 'laughing it off' will make him think later in life that i was uncaring and cold. or perhaps will make him like me, and laugh to no end when other people fall (yeah, i'm one of those people who laughs when others fall, but at least i laugh when i fall as well and hope others see me fall so they can laugh as well).
i think i've jsut been overly stressed lately, and i'm takign it way too hard on myself when he falls, since it is my responsibility (primary responsibility) to watch over him all day. so, when he falls, i think 'what were you doing woman? you shoudl ahve been right there to catch him!'
and how bad is this one? he even goes to the restroom with me. i don't want to take the chance of him falling or knocking something over on him while i'm lost in tabloid magazine world on the toilet, so he goes potty with mommy as well. adn then i wonder 'am i scarring my child for life by takinhg him potty with me?' on one hand i think 'it's good for him. he has fun in the bathroom, wondering around and such.' but, otoh, i think, 'there's got to be something wrong with this arrangement. he shouldn't be in here with me (even if he's only a year old.' (though, otoh, maybe it'll help him learn to go to the restroom on his own?)
daisy, i've never second guessed myself this much in my life. maybe this should go on the self esteem page? i swear, i've never been this insecure about anything. is that normal? i'd guess so, but goodness, this child-rearing thing is beyond me! i love him, i love being a mother, but i second guess every thign i do!
the other night, i put him to bed and i guess he didn't want to go. he cried and i finally went in there, as i couldn't take the pacing i was doing anymore. it only made things worse (duh! i knew it would) i finally had to put him back to bed, and he cried like i was breakign his heart. of course, it made me cry like my heart was breaking as well. it very well may have been. funny how such a small creature that can barely talk can break your heart, eh?
daisy, thanks sweetie. i appreciate it. and please tell me i'm not breaking his heart by putting him to bed at night when he doesn't want to go to bed :) i'd love to hear that!
take care of yourself dear. and i'll take very good care fo my duckie.
and how did you manage to get yours to make ti that far? sometimes i wonder how i'll ever be able to keep him alive that long, without the helmet and body padding. children are amazing, don't get me wrong. but they sure know how to pull on yoru heart strings, especially with those cries.
and congrats on raising such wonderful children! want to take part-time custody of a beautiful little duckie? maybe it'll help me with my guilt, knowing i have someone more experieinced helping out. at least i could ask you tons and tons of questions? (liek popcorn at 1 year, 2 months? a no-no? i didn't think it was a good idea, had asked laurie and she agreed, but daddy thought it was ok. i still say no.. what do you think? you get the final say so!)
thanks so much dear. again, i've never second guessed myself so much in my life, but then again, no one else's life has ever depended on it either. i think that's what gets to me...
kk
Posted by DAisym on June 27, 2007, at 23:53:56
In reply to thanks daisy... » DAisym, posted by karen_kay on June 27, 2007, at 9:10:38
The secret other mother's don't share is that no one really knows what they are doing. Shhhh - really! We all second guess ourselves all the time. I promise this is normal.
BUT...you do have to decide what is important to you and begin to trust yourself around those things. Because if you aren't consistent, kids smell wishy-washy and are all over that in a minute! If bedtime is important to you, establish a routine, and follow through as much as possible. Bath, book, bed always worked for me. I'd leave the book if they weren't ready to sleep. And now, just to confuse things, I'll tell you that when kids start walking they often stop sleeping. There is this whole new exciting world out there, it looks really different on top of two legs, than it did on all fours. So he doesn't really want to stop to sleep or eat, walking is too much fun. It will get better. Development is a pattern of disorganization while learning a new skill, acquiring the skill and then reorganizing. And then it starts again. Other sleep stuff to look for - is he hungry? (15 months is a growth spurt area. Is he getting enough time with dad before he goes down? Has his nap pattern shifted?
The best we can do as parents is to be observant of change and be reassuring by providing routine.
I don't think you are hurting him by taking him in the bathroom with you. We've all done it!! :)
And as far as popcorn goes, 14 months is pretty young for such a chokeable food. If he is handling it and you are really watching, well - OK. But be really careful, cheese puffs are actually a better choice.
This is the end of the thread.
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