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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by iamdawn on October 18, 2007, at 2:57:27
I have a 9yo boy and 7yo girl, and I don't know what is reasonable, generally speaking, range of roaming for them in public places- ie, shopping stores, supermarket, movie theater, and such.
For example, today we were at the supermarket, and my son went to one side of the store to get a couple things we were there for, while my daughter and I went to the freezer section for the other things. I was beyond anxious, with fear that he would be harmed or abducted while we were apart. Then, before checking out, my daughter asks to get a drink from the water fountain- which is by the restrooms; around the corner and out of sight. I allow her, and watch the hallway closely for all adults coming and going, fearful she may be pulled into the men's or women's restrooms and harmed in some way.
I know my perceptions are extreme, and my anxiety is out of proportion to the risks. I was almost abducted as a young child, and then assaulted and molested as an older child and early teen. These things weigh heavily on my mind now that I am a parent.
I don't know what reasonable freedoms and limitations should be for their ages. I don't know how to let my son use the men's room at the movies without standing within two feet of the entrance listening for him and watching all the men who go in and out. If I think he's taking "too long", I'll call from the doorway and ask if everything is okay. I know there is always the potential for something bad to happen to them if they are alone in public, and it would just break me if one of my children had to go through what I've been through.
I don't want to pass this excessive fear on to my kids, either. All I try and let myself show them of my fears is that they shouldn't be gone from me for too long in a store and they need to be where they say they're going to be, and no where else. Don't talk to strangers, even if they say they know me or their dad. We have a "code word" so they'll know if they should go with someone or not. We have basic safety rules to follow.
I know they will want more independence as they get older, but I'm frightened of someone hurting them. Help!
Posted by happyflower on October 21, 2007, at 23:21:50
In reply to Afraid to Let My Kids out of Sight in Public place, posted by iamdawn on October 18, 2007, at 2:57:27
Hi iamdawn,
I really don't think your fears seem abnormal to me, I think the same things and my kids are 11 and 12. And this world IS a scary place and you do have to be careful. But you did a good thing about teaching them what to do if something is wrong. But we will still worry I think.
I have just recently let my kids be in another part of store than me, but only if they are together. Sometimes I let them alone, but rarely and for only short periods of times in public, but I still worry.
My daughter walks the dog and I worry about her too and she is just going around the block and she is 12. lol This is just a different world than years ago. I understand your fears, in fact I think a lot of parents do feel them too, at least the ones who are careful. There is a line though, but you are allowing them to do things alone, but you will still worry. Parenting is like a big worryfest I think, and it NEVER ends now matter how old they get. lol
Posted by Sigismund on November 4, 2007, at 16:01:17
In reply to Re: Afraid to Let My Kids out of Sight in Public place » iamdawn, posted by happyflower on October 21, 2007, at 23:21:50
Something has changed, certainly.
When I was growing up (Australia, 1950s) we would (on holidays) be booted out of the house and told to go and play outside (unsupervised) most of the day. That was the norm then.
There were (of course) terrible murders from time to time, though few and far between.I don't know if the world is really so much more dangerous or not.
I do think that we (as a people) actually make the world more dangerous by being frightened of it, as in.....if kids don't walk to school it becomes less safe for the ones that still do.
But that's not much help to you.
This is the end of the thread.
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