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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by karen_kay on January 16, 2008, at 14:19:19
my son is now 20 months old, nearly 2 years. and he's a heathen around other children. he likes to pull hair (and even smacks at my face when he's excited).
now, he's a giant and about the size of a 4 or 5 year old. so, i think his size kinda throws me off, since he is still a baby, you know?
is this normal for his age? or do i havfe an uncivilized child on my hands. gosh, i really haven't taught him to be a bully and i hate feeling like he is. but, it seems to come across that way to other parents.
oh, and he is punished for doing these things, such as pulling hair. he's smart enough to stand in the corner, why isn't he smart enough not to pull hair and grab?
help!! any advice? is this normal?
concerned,
kkoh, and mister kk likes to play rough with him. i feel that's jsut contributing to this problem. what do you other parents think????
Posted by MidnightBlue on January 16, 2008, at 16:18:29
In reply to help with a little monster!, posted by karen_kay on January 16, 2008, at 14:19:19
KK,
I think you have a little boy! ALL kids about that age at some point in time bite, push, hit, pull hair, shove. It is because they lack the words to get their point across and get frustrated.
If this is a sometime every now and then thing it is really no big deal. Try a short time out (1-2 minutes) in a chair. If it is all day every day you have a problem.
MidnightBlue
Posted by rskontos on January 16, 2008, at 16:43:32
In reply to Re: help with a little monster! » karen_kay, posted by MidnightBlue on January 16, 2008, at 16:18:29
KK, as a person with a teaching degree and a parent and someone that has been in the education system and taught preschool down to birth (very young preschool not daycare though it was a developmental program for those not progressing as planned) anyway, these are my credentials, he is normal and it is due to lack of language. You want to try and help remind him to use "his words" to get his point across and this will take time. Try to emulate a teacher and not get angry with him so he doesn't use it later to push your buttons. Kids do pick up on what can get mom's attention and use that too. So try to dimish its effect as a lack of an audience will extinguish unwanted behavior over time as it could partly be that and partly be frustration. Try to monitor (the hiting, biting etc) circumstances without his knowledge and it might let you know why it is happening. Again sometimes we unconsciously rewarding this behavior without realizing it by giving it too much attention. Then tell him how to get the toy or whatever the disagreement appears to be over using his words and let it go. Once he is talking all the time you will then be asking when will he stop...lol
rsk
Posted by seldomseen on January 16, 2008, at 16:49:40
In reply to help with a little monster!, posted by karen_kay on January 16, 2008, at 14:19:19
My two year old niece does things like that all the time. Then she'll look at us to see what kind of reaction she is getting.
When she pokes her hits her sister, then she gets a big response, so I suspect that is going to continue for sometime.I think you do have to be careful because of his size that he doesn't inadvertently hurt anyone.
But I agree with the other posters that indicate that it is completely normal.
Heck - I would still pull hair if I wouldn't get slapped with an assault charge.
Seldom.
Posted by MissK on January 16, 2008, at 17:01:02
In reply to help with a little monster!, posted by karen_kay on January 16, 2008, at 14:19:19
Trying to remember back (you think you'll never forget, but oh boy!), yes, I believe that is quite normal for his age, boy or girl. At two they are still grabbing at everything and still developing their gross motor skills, and part of that is distinguishing what is too forceful of touch.
I would just take his hand when he's pulled some hair or smacky, smacked a face and give him a firm look and a firm "No". Then take his hand and have it brush gently down your hair (or other child/person's hair) and say "Yes, nice" all happy-like. Same with the smacky, smacks, run his hand over the face (his own even) and do the same thing. If he's still not getting the message and adjusting his grabs and smacks, then a firm tap on his hand while you say the "No". Unless you are of the ilk that do not believe in any physical punishment at all. He'll still slip once in a while as they are still working on their gross motor movements at that age, and well their emotions too. They often do these things out of over happiness just as much as out of frustration.
He sounds like he's going to be a big boy! I saw you mentioned though that Mr.kk is over six feet.
Posted by caraher on January 17, 2008, at 13:27:39
In reply to Re: help with a little monster! » karen_kay, posted by MissK on January 16, 2008, at 17:01:02
20 months is too young to be either a bully or civilized. The post urging him to discover the power of words seems like sound advice.
Kids are basically scientists... they learn by experimenting. He should eventually figure out that Mr. KK is someone he can wrestle with and have it all be good fun but the smallest kid in the preschool class isn't.
Yup, they're scientists all right... even if they are often Mad Scientists!
Posted by Kath on January 17, 2008, at 15:34:46
In reply to help with a little monster!, posted by karen_kay on January 16, 2008, at 14:19:19
That was a LONG time ago, kk, but I think it's probably quite within 'normal'.
I think the rough play isn't a great idea though, under the circumstances. How is he to know the difference between how you play with dad & how you play with kids??? Not that his dad is pulling his hair, but it's setting a 'tone' to how one plays, ya know? Could be confusing for him.
As to the hair pulling, I might be opening a can or worms here, but I wonder about something like this: (keep in mind, I don't remember how much 2 year olds can understand)
Oh crap - I hope I don't get labeled as a child beater or something:
I wonder about when he pulls hair, Mom takes him firmly by the arm or hand, says "Mommy needs to talk to you", takes him a little ways away from the other kids & says we need to talk & kneels down to his height & says, "We do NOT pull hair! It HURTS. I'm going to show you why we do not pull hair." Then give his hair a good tug. Obviously not enough to injure him, but enough so it is NOT pleasant. Then immediately say, "See? It HURTS & that's why we do NOT pull hair. Mommy loves you very much & I don't want you to hurt people."....followed by a nice hug (especially if he's crying).
Just a thought. I think it might mean one helluva lot more than standing a 2 year old in a corner!!!
Anyway, parenting is so hard. Good luck,
luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on January 17, 2008, at 16:23:48
In reply to Re: help with a little monster! » karen_kay, posted by Kath on January 17, 2008, at 15:34:46
maybe incorporating MissK's "nice" & gentle touching into my thought?
xoxo Kath
Posted by karen_kay on January 18, 2008, at 8:26:56
In reply to A PS to my post, posted by Kath on January 17, 2008, at 16:23:48
thank you everyone!!!!!!!!
i'd really started to convince myself that i have a bully in the making on my hands! thanks for the reassurance that his behavior is normal for his age!
i really think that some time in dya care (even just a few hours a week if i don't get a job before fall semester) will do him some good. even just to help him learn how to behave around other children. especially with other adults, more trained at dealing with children (what? i'm not trained to deal with my own child????? well, i'm not! :)
gosh, i may be posting here everyday! it's near;y potty training time! and jsut todya he took his diaper off and pee peed on the carpet! YIKES! and double boo! :)
thanks again! i really appreciate the advice and will certainly use it!
a happy momma and duckie!!!
Posted by Kath on January 18, 2008, at 14:17:33
In reply to shew!!!, posted by karen_kay on January 18, 2008, at 8:26:56
Yer welcome kk & I think it was great the you posted on Social with a 'please see other board' type note! I think that's really good 'self-care'.
smiles & hugs, Kath
Posted by MissK on January 18, 2008, at 22:04:28
In reply to shew!!!, posted by karen_kay on January 18, 2008, at 8:26:56
>more trained at dealing with children
I don't know what, if any, baby books you may have but I always found the books by Dr.Spock to be helpful in understanding child development.
That's where I remember the stuff of gross motor skills and there is another called fine motor skills. I hope I didn't mix them up - memory is not as good as it used to be; the joys of getting older. lol
Posted by karen_kay on January 19, 2008, at 15:28:43
In reply to Re: shew!!! » karen_kay, posted by MissK on January 18, 2008, at 22:04:28
yowsa wowsa! i never thoguht about that. i feel dumb, but i really should check into that. if for no other reason then to set my mind at ease.
thank you. i'll certainly take that suggestion to heart!!!!
kk
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