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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by poet on December 17, 2005, at 13:45:44
Everyday at work somebody gets a giant gift basket filled with candy and nuts. They get put in a common area so everyone can share. Nobody knows about my ED, so they say things like *you're not fat, take all you want.*
This is just contributing to the stress of the holidays. Stress I don't need. Food I don't need. Anxiety makes me want to eat. Eating makes me purge. These holiday treats are not treats for me. Sigh. Cry.
Poet
Posted by LegWarmers on December 18, 2005, at 11:08:35
In reply to Too Many Temptations This Time of Year, posted by poet on December 17, 2005, at 13:45:44
Could you tell people you have an allergy to chocolate or nuts or someother ingredient in the baskets? Tell them its stressful being allergic to foods so you try not to even look at the food.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 18, 2005, at 22:46:26
In reply to Too Many Temptations This Time of Year, posted by poet on December 17, 2005, at 13:45:44
It makes me so angry that people in our society feel like it is okay to comment on other people's bodies. Would they say to someone, "You are fat, so please don't eat any more." Of course not, so why is it okay to make the skinny comment? Like people who are "skinny" have no issues about their bodies.
And I suppose that what I hate the most, is the power that "compliments" about weight have over me (and most women). While in theory I believe what I said above, I know that I would be thrilled if someone told me, "you're not fat, take all you want."
I just wanted to post to express my support. Take care of yourself.
Best,
EE
Posted by Racer on December 21, 2005, at 6:08:45
In reply to Re: Too Many Temptations This Time of Year, posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 18, 2005, at 22:46:26
You got a big point there about complimenting women on weight. I got a lot of compliments when I was thin, and sometimes I wanted to scream, "I'm 50 pounds underweight, you MORON!" Of course, most of me said things more like, "Oh, so I look great, guess I better make sure not to gain another ounce..."
For me, the holidays are a season to STOP eating, more than overeat. I'm thinking I may have to 'get sick' on Christmas, so that I can avoid my family. Especially if there's food involved, which there will be. If we're at my mother's, it's OK, but anywhere else I know that I won't eat, and I also know that certain members of my family will make a huge deal about it, and then I won't be ABLE to eat. My N was going over strategies with me today in our session, and the only thing I could come up with is that, if it's not at my mother's, I will call in the morning and tell everyone I have such severe diarrhea that I can't come. (Anything less I'd get the 'come anyway.' At least diarrhea means that I couldn't be in the car long enough to get anywhere...)
Grrr. I've got wicked insomnia right now, and not thinking all that clearly. It's now five hours past my bed time, and I can feel my eyes spinning around in my head...
Posted by Poet on December 22, 2005, at 19:15:29
In reply to Re: Too Many Temptations This Time of Year, posted by LegWarmers on December 18, 2005, at 11:08:35
Hi LegWarmers,
I wish I would have thought of the allergy excuse. I'm hoping that some people take stuff home for the holidays so next week there won't be anything left except for the hard candy which is fine with and for me.
I will get through this. I'm off tomorrow and on Tuesday I will just avoid the conference room, certain people's desks and maybe come up with an allergic reaction to something in one of the baskets. Brilliant idea. Why didn't I think of it before I was spotted eating?
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 22, 2005, at 19:23:25
In reply to Re: Too Many Temptations This Time of Year, posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 18, 2005, at 22:46:26
Hi EE,
The other comment I hate is *wait until you hit menopause, I was once your size...* They don't know I'm 48, so that one really bugs me. I want to scream I cannot eat all I want, I'm probably menopausal and my body size is my own damn business.
Thanks for your support and understanding.
Poet
Posted by cecilia on December 23, 2005, at 1:13:25
In reply to Re: Too Many Temptations This Time of Year » Emily Elizabeth, posted by Poet on December 22, 2005, at 19:23:25
I too feel furious that people feel they have a right to comment on my body! It's none of their business!!!!!! I've found that, if you're overweight, you don"t even have to have lost weight for people to say you have. It's like you're supposed to be so grateful for the compliment. And if you actually have-some people must have nothing to do but be obsessed with other people's bodies. To me it feels like an insult, "complimenting" me on losing weight is really boasting that they're still much thinner than me. There was a woman at work who lost a lot of weight after surgery complications, she lost the weight because she nearly died, yet everyone was telling her how good she looked. Our society is crazy. Cecilia
Posted by Poet on December 24, 2005, at 10:28:30
In reply to Re: Too Many Temptations This Time of Year, posted by cecilia on December 23, 2005, at 1:13:25
Hi Cecilia,
Our society is crazy. I don't know when it became socially acceptable to comment on other people's weight, but I wish the trend would reverse.
Poet
Posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 16:33:11
In reply to Re: Too Many Temptations This Time of Year » cecilia, posted by Poet on December 24, 2005, at 10:28:30
Comment on something just as rude when we're confronted by something?
"Have you lost weight, dear?"
"No, but I see you haven't gained manners."
"Yes, I have lost a bit. Have you lost all sense of smell to bath in cologne that way?"
"No, I haven't lost any weight -- in fact I've gained a bit. I guess you haven't gained any sense of boundaries this year, have you dear?"
Or whatever?
Maybe, "I haven't lost weight, but i see your rosecea is much worse..."
Posted by Poet on December 25, 2005, at 12:02:49
In reply to Maybe we should start a new trend? » Poet, posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 16:33:11
Comment on something just as rude when we're confronted by something?
"Have you lost weight, dear?"
"Why yes, how nice of you to find it for me. I've been wondering where it went to."
Poet
Posted by Racer on December 25, 2005, at 13:17:58
In reply to Re: Maybe we should start a new trend? » Racer, posted by Poet on December 25, 2005, at 12:02:49
Posted by cecilia on December 28, 2005, at 3:50:57
In reply to Re: Maybe we should start a new trend? » Racer, posted by Poet on December 25, 2005, at 12:02:49
The trouble is, I'm just so overwhelmed with shame when anyone mentions my weight. I can't think of any clever comebacks. I just want to sink into the floor and die. Some of these birdbrains really think they're being nice, and I feel like they've attacked me with a machete. Cecilia
Posted by Poet on December 29, 2005, at 15:42:31
In reply to Re: Maybe we should start a new trend?, posted by cecilia on December 28, 2005, at 3:50:57
Hi Cecilia,
What really gets me is that even if you did say something to the machete wielding birdbrains they probably wouldn't pay attention. *Oh, Cecilia must be in a bad mood, because she lost/gained/didn't change weight.* They wouldn't get it's because of their *innocent* remark.
Argh.
Poet
Posted by Racer on January 1, 2006, at 20:28:52
In reply to Re: Maybe we should start a new trend? » cecilia, posted by Poet on December 29, 2005, at 15:42:31
When you tell someone that your weight is not a topic you're willing to discuss -- SO THEY START TELLING YOU WHAT YOU "SHOULD" DO ABOUT IT! Or they start telling you sideways, "oh, you can gain/lose/maintain if you really want to..." Hello?
It's about respect. They don't respect us enough to shut the hell up.
(I'm not doing all that well, and I guess that's coming out here, ain't it?)
Posted by cecilia on January 3, 2006, at 1:44:30
In reply to No, my favorite is... » Poet, posted by Racer on January 1, 2006, at 20:28:52
Yes, exactly, it's about respect or lack thereof. On the other hand, I guess there ARE people who don't mind talking about it. In another forum I read a post by a woman who was upset that nobody had noticed that she had lost weight. So I guess the "normals" have to figure out whether this is somebody who'd like to talk about it or not. Frankly, I don't feel too sorry for them though. Having developed painful health problems that come with age and obesity, I'm really trying to lose weight, but all the time, in the back of my mind, is the thought, for all I know I could have cancer or some other terminal disease, or I could drop dead tomorrow from a heart attack or a terrorist attack or avian flu and I'm spending the last few days or months or years of my life starving. Cecilia
Posted by Racer on January 3, 2006, at 13:20:51
In reply to Re: No, my favorite is..., posted by cecilia on January 3, 2006, at 1:44:30
It seems to me that it's all gotten much worse since all those damn reality shows started, where people run in for plastic surgery as though it's nothing more serious than having their teeth cleaned. Combine that with Dr Phil teaching people that their problems can be diagnosed and fixed in a 24 minute segment on TV. Voila! Instant Boundary Eraser.
So all those people with no boundaries, telling us that we should lose/gain weight, HOW to do that, etc.
In my case, I get two comments on my body, with one side issue, from my family: "You're too fat! If those antidepressants make you fat, you should stop taking them. No wonder you're depressed, when you're too fat." Or: "You're too thin. You're anorexic and you need to do something about it. Just eat. You're strong, so you can do it." And whether they're telling me I'm too fat or too thin, they will constantly tell me that I "need" to have breast reduction surgery. Since, after all, those reality shows have taught us all that major surgery -- when it's cosmetic, rather than, you know, real -- is no more serious than having one's teeth cleaned.
Maybe we should just buy up all the potting soil we can find and build ourselves an island?
Posted by cecilia on January 4, 2006, at 0:36:25
In reply to Re: No, my favorite is..., posted by Racer on January 3, 2006, at 13:20:51
I'm not sure which came first-the reality shows and Dr. Phil erasing boundaries or the people with no boundaries going on those shows. I mean, what is it with these people, why would ANYONE go on Dr. Phil and tell all their personal problems to the entire world? And he can be so incredibly mean-I think they forgot to tell him in therapy school that shame never cured anyone. But of course his program isn't therapy, it's " entertainment". Sort of like the entertainment that junior high school bullies derive from torturing anyone who's different. Cecilia
This is the end of the thread.
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