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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on December 12, 2006, at 14:56:38
I received a call today from an eating disorder unit. I have been on a waiting list for over a year. But I told them, everything is fine.
Why did I do that? Well here are some reasons that I can think of:
1. I am too fat to have an ED and they will laugh at me.
2. There are sicker people who need the help more than I do.
3. I wasn't impressed with their general ward last year.
4. I don't feel like I deserve it.
Doomed.
Maxime
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 12, 2006, at 19:58:02
In reply to Oh, what did I just do?, posted by Maxime on December 12, 2006, at 14:56:38
CALL THEM BACK!
MB
Posted by Racer on December 12, 2006, at 21:58:12
In reply to Oh, what did I just do?, posted by Maxime on December 12, 2006, at 14:56:38
Maxie, you know how much I was urging you to get onto that list. Please call them back, and let them know that you're *not* fine. You just wrote to us that you want someone to see how much you're hurting -- here's someone who would allow you to use yout voice to express it, without having to go to the trouble of having a heart attack to do it.
Please, Maxie.
As for your reasons, lemme take them one by one:
>
> 1. I am too fat to have an ED and they will laugh at me.When I saw the new pdoc, I didn't tell him at all about my AN. I think this was one of my reasons for trying to hide it. And at the same time, I think I wanted someone else to tell him. Or I wanted him to see it in me.
Second appointment, I told him. I felt much better. He didn't laugh at me, he did ask what treatment I'd gotten -- not adequate, in his view (and yes, I did feel defensive about that...) -- what my lowest weight was, and what I weighed now. He wasn't best pleased by my current weight, and he was shocked by my lowest weight, but he certainly didn't laugh at me.
Don't you think the people on the ED ward will *know* that EDs don't always show as obviously as the man-in-the-street might think?
>
> 2. There are sicker people who need the help more than I do.Sure. There will always be people sicker than you are.
There will always be people sicker than I am. In fact, there are a lot of people sicker than I am, who have been sick for a shorter length of time than I have, who are much more likely to recover than I am. I guess I should step aside, and let someone else have my treatment space, huh?
>
> 3. I wasn't impressed with their general ward last year.But ED wards are different. Different staff. Different patients. Different focus. Different environment. So the name's the same? So what?
>
> 4. I don't feel like I deserve it.Take a look at my answer to number 2 -- do you think I deserve treatment? Despite weighing too much to be diagnosed as AN right now? Despite being over 40? Despite being sick for nearly 30 years? Despite my statistical chances of recovery being virtually nil? Do you think I deserve treatment? Or should I step aside, so someone who does deserve treatment can get it?
>
> Doomed.
>
> Maxime
>You're not doomed, Maxie. It feels that way, because depression is a liar. Anorexia is a betrayer, a liar, and we've believed it. It tells us all sorts of things that aren't true. Don't let it betray you again. It's lying to you right now.
Maxie, you *do* deserve treatment. Hell, woman -- you've *earned* treatment at this point! You've been patient, you've kept slogging along, putting one foot in front of the other when it's too hard to do. You've earned every second of treatment they'll give you. Call them back and get it.
You don't know how much I want you to feel better, but you do know how much I've urged you to get onto that list. Now use it -- you've waited, you've survived, and you *do* deserve it.
Posted by Maxime on December 13, 2006, at 21:42:56
In reply to Re: Oh, what did I just do?, posted by Racer on December 12, 2006, at 21:58:12
My turn came ... I said no ... and it's gone. I can be put back on the waiting list. I begged with them (this afternoon before I even saw these posts) to take into consideration that I was taken by surprise by the call. A year had gone by!
It's okay. I'll get by. I always do, right? It's expected.
Maxime
> Maxie, you know how much I was urging you to get onto that list. Please call them back, and let them know that you're *not* fine. You just wrote to us that you want someone to see how much you're hurting -- here's someone who would allow you to use yout voice to express it, without having to go to the trouble of having a heart attack to do it.
>
> Please, Maxie.
>
> As for your reasons, lemme take them one by one:
>
>
> >
> > 1. I am too fat to have an ED and they will laugh at me.
>
> When I saw the new pdoc, I didn't tell him at all about my AN. I think this was one of my reasons for trying to hide it. And at the same time, I think I wanted someone else to tell him. Or I wanted him to see it in me.
>
> Second appointment, I told him. I felt much better. He didn't laugh at me, he did ask what treatment I'd gotten -- not adequate, in his view (and yes, I did feel defensive about that...) -- what my lowest weight was, and what I weighed now. He wasn't best pleased by my current weight, and he was shocked by my lowest weight, but he certainly didn't laugh at me.
>
> Don't you think the people on the ED ward will *know* that EDs don't always show as obviously as the man-in-the-street might think?
>
> >
> > 2. There are sicker people who need the help more than I do.
>
> Sure. There will always be people sicker than you are.
>
> There will always be people sicker than I am. In fact, there are a lot of people sicker than I am, who have been sick for a shorter length of time than I have, who are much more likely to recover than I am. I guess I should step aside, and let someone else have my treatment space, huh?
>
> >
> > 3. I wasn't impressed with their general ward last year.
>
> But ED wards are different. Different staff. Different patients. Different focus. Different environment. So the name's the same? So what?
>
> >
> > 4. I don't feel like I deserve it.
>
> Take a look at my answer to number 2 -- do you think I deserve treatment? Despite weighing too much to be diagnosed as AN right now? Despite being over 40? Despite being sick for nearly 30 years? Despite my statistical chances of recovery being virtually nil? Do you think I deserve treatment? Or should I step aside, so someone who does deserve treatment can get it?
>
> >
> > Doomed.
> >
> > Maxime
> >
>
> You're not doomed, Maxie. It feels that way, because depression is a liar. Anorexia is a betrayer, a liar, and we've believed it. It tells us all sorts of things that aren't true. Don't let it betray you again. It's lying to you right now.
>
> Maxie, you *do* deserve treatment. Hell, woman -- you've *earned* treatment at this point! You've been patient, you've kept slogging along, putting one foot in front of the other when it's too hard to do. You've earned every second of treatment they'll give you. Call them back and get it.
>
> You don't know how much I want you to feel better, but you do know how much I've urged you to get onto that list. Now use it -- you've waited, you've survived, and you *do* deserve it.
Posted by Maxime on December 15, 2006, at 17:03:40
In reply to I've lost my chance » Racer, posted by Maxime on December 13, 2006, at 21:42:56
... and I don't care anymore.
Maxime
This is the end of the thread.
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