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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bql on August 22, 2008, at 18:28:38
Hi. I have a problem with my age. I pretty much know where it comes from - my parents. They always criticized me in relation to it. But i want to know how to solve it. The problem is that i always think about my age when i do some bigger things in my life or interact with people. Its like I stereotype others but mostly myself all the time. When theres a concert of a band I like i think about the age of audience that will be there and wil it fit me or not. The same with partys clubs etc. When I get a new contact even if i dont know his or hers age at the beginning and i like the person I can even freak out later when I find it out that he or she turns out to be much younger (older people than I am I dont find so disgraceful to myself). Last time I remember was with a 17 years old girl who I thought was 19 or 20. When I was 16 I wanted to try out alternative clothing but I thought that I am to old for that allready so I did nothing. Now that I am 21 I still want to try it out but now I think that I should have tried it out when I was 16 and now I am to old. Actually there are many things that I want to do which relate to the youth but I consider myself too old for them. I have started to think about when I should become a parent also. And so on there are numerous examples. I hope you get the idea.
Posted by fayeroe on August 23, 2008, at 13:14:00
In reply to Self esteem and my age, posted by bql on August 22, 2008, at 18:28:38
> Hi. I have a problem with my age. I pretty much know where it comes from - my parents. They always criticized me in relation to it.
Aren't your parents aware that they are the reason for your age? Please try to detach from that silly line of thought and be your own person/age. :-)
But i want to know how to solve it.
I don't have a solution for you.
The problem is that i always think about my age when i do some bigger things in my life or interact with people. Its like I stereotype others but mostly myself all the time. When theres a concert of a band I like i think about the age of audience that will be there and wil it fit me or not.
I am 65 and I go to concerts. I truly don't see my age affecting my enjoyment of the music and I don't care how it affects others.
The same with partys clubs etc. When I get a new contact even if i dont know his or hers age at the beginning and i like the person I can even freak out later when I find it out that he or she turns out to be much younger (older people than I am I dont find so disgraceful to myself).
Can you get some therapy for this? Being uncomfortable over someone else's age has to be very hard on you. You have absolutely no control over anyone else just like you have no control over your age.
Last time I remember was with a 17 years old girl who I thought was 19 or 20. When I was 16 I wanted to try out alternative clothing but I thought that I am to old for that allready so I did nothing. Now that I am 21 I still want to try it out but now I think that I should have tried it out when I was 16 and now I am to old. Actually there are many things that I want to do which relate to the youth but I consider myself too old for them. I have started to think about when I should become a parent also.
I'm confused here, will you think that you are too old to have children or too old for the children?
And so on there are numerous examples. I hope you get the idea.
Posted by Racer on September 14, 2008, at 13:47:29
In reply to Self esteem and my age, posted by bql on August 22, 2008, at 18:28:38
I'm very familiar with that phenomenon -- I went through years of feeling immature because I was doing something that didn't seem age-appropriate. And I did a lot of the "by now I should have..." as well. I started that routine around 12, with comics -- on Sundays, I'd want to read the comics, but thought they were "for kids." Around 14, I realized, "wait -- maybe it's a sign of maturity to read the comics because I enjoy them, regardless of age?" Maybe just rationalizing it, but I did enjoy my comics every Sunday again.
I came across something that helped me, maybe in Dear Abby? "I want to go to college, but I'm 45, it would take five years to get a degree, so I'd be 50 before I graduated!" The answer was, "And if you don't go to college, you'll still be 50 in five years -- but you won't have that degree." That's true -- there's no such thing as a Way Back Machine, no matter how much fun Sherman and Mr Peabody had in theirs, so we can't undo decisions we've made. If you don't do something now, simply because you're "too old," or you "should have done that when I was younger," all you'll have to look forward to are regrets for missed chances.
Some ideas for getting past it:
Therapy is the first thing to come to mind, and if that's an option, I strongly urge you to pursue it.
Think about what it is behind this thought process: so what if something "should have been done when you were younger?" What does that mean? Is it a sign of Bad Character? Immaturity? Frivolity? I'd guess it's a rather negative and harsh judgment, whatever it is.
Do you ever think nice things to yourself? About yourself? Compliment yourself? Reward yourself? It's a nice habit to get into, and might help with all this.
I can't think of anything else, but I promise you something -- life is infinitely more pleasurable and satisfying if you can learn to do things because you enjoy them, without regard to whether your chosen enjoyment is "age appropriate" or not. (Within legal limits, of course -- you still can't play certain games with younger people.)
For what it's worth, one of my very favorite activities is swinging on swings. I'm middle aged -- and I can't pass a swing set without longing and longing, and I love having the opportunity to indulge that longing. Would you call that age appropriate? Probably not -- but that makes it not one iota less pleasurable.
This is the end of the thread.
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