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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by captain on July 15, 2004, at 11:14:25
Hi - I am a 28 year old female and I usually post over on Babble or Social. I was wondering if anyone here can give me some advice. I have two best friends, one from middle school and one from college. One of them lost their mother suddenly on April 2nd of this year and is very depressed. Her mom was only 57 and she cries all day every day and can't move on. I know it is early to think of moving on, but she has been given lexapro and doesn't want to take it. I feel so sad for her - she has always been the life of the party, and now she is so devastated that she can't even talk about anything else. Is their any advice for anything I can do for her?
Also, my very dear best friend for the last 15 years is about to lose her mom to cancer. She just found out yesterday that she may not live through the summer, perhaps only until sometime in August. She is deeply devastated and shocked. Everyone thought the chemo was working. Her mom suffered a brain anyuersim while we were in college and her memory has never been the same, they aren't even telling her the latest prognosis. She forgets she has cancer. What can I do or say to comfort my friend. I am very very uncomfortable around death and it is causing my anxiety to go through the roof. My biggest fear is happening to my two best friends.
If anyone has any advice, please let me know.
Thanks so much.
captain
Posted by fayeroe on July 16, 2004, at 21:17:38
In reply to I need advice to give a friend, posted by captain on July 15, 2004, at 11:14:25
captain~~~I think you are doing something right for your friends, you care about them very much. Let your friend who lost her mother talk all she wants to...it really helps in the grieving process. Occasionally remind her of something "sweet" or "funny" about her mom..(if you knew her mom)Mainly, just listen and show her that you care. For the friend that is about to lose her mom. I imagine that she is pretty scared. You might ease into a conversation about being fearful and let her talk out some of her inner thoughts. I think you are a fabulous friend to care so much for these women. I wish you the best. Pat
Posted by gardenergirl on July 16, 2004, at 22:09:56
In reply to I need advice to give a friend, posted by captain on July 15, 2004, at 11:14:25
captain,
Your friends are so lucky to have such a caring person in their lives. I don't have much in the way of specific bereavement advice for you. I just was struck by two things. First, it's so darned hard to know what to say when someone else is grieving. Everyone grieves in their own way, and in their own time. It's normal to have some symptoms of depression in this time. I honestly don't know if antidepressants can help or not. But if your friend is really shut down and is not functioning...not going to work, class, whatever, not taking interest in anything, changes in sleep or appetite, grooming, etc, then maybe she is moving from bereavement into depression. Either way, listening, as Pat said, is probalby the best thing to do for her right now, and for your other friend.I'm kind of sticky with grief, as well. So just a caution...please make sure to take care of yourself at this time, too. You may find it to be extra draining, or triggering of your own fears and anxieties about death of a loved one.
Take care,
gg
Posted by captain on July 19, 2004, at 16:14:18
In reply to Re: I need advice to give a friend » captain, posted by gardenergirl on July 16, 2004, at 22:09:56
Thank you both so much for your post. It is such a hard time for my friends and i have never been good at just "sitting and listening" as I am a talker myself and like to help people feel better and make them laugh - and i hate that i can't do that for them. But you are right, they need to know i care and just listen.
I sincerely appreciate your posts!
Captain
Posted by Jai Narayan on July 19, 2004, at 22:43:35
In reply to Re: I need advice to give a friend- fayroe/garden, posted by captain on July 19, 2004, at 16:14:18
This is the end of the thread.
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