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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mopey on September 13, 2004, at 19:29:57
My sister died two weeks ago. She just didn't wake up. She was 38 and left two children.
I still can't believe it. We've had the funeral, and I thought I'd be hit then, but we all managed through it.
What's the grieving process for a sudden death?
I'm worried because I'm not as upset as I ought to be -- we got on well and I'll miss her.Thanks
Posted by TofuEmmy on September 14, 2004, at 11:10:57
In reply to my sister, posted by mopey on September 13, 2004, at 19:29:57
In grief, there really is no "ought to" or "should". Every grief is different. Our minds are amazing things. It let's us process what we can, when we can. Perhaps right now you are still in shock over this sudden loss. Perhaps over time, your mind will allow you to absorb more of what happened, and you will feel more pain then.
Or perhaps you are expecting to grieve in a certain way, say by crying, but your way of grieving may be to bicycle more. Like I said, every grief is different.
I met a man once who talked to me about not grieving for his wife at all. We talked for an hour. The whole time he was chopping wood angrily. Well, heck...he was grieving right there in that wood pile.
Please keep posting. Don't feel obligated to feel a certain way, or grieve a certain way, or on a certain schedule. Your relationship with your sister was unique, and your loss is unique. And so will be your grief.
Emmy
Posted by gardenergirl on September 14, 2004, at 19:27:14
In reply to my sister, posted by mopey on September 13, 2004, at 19:29:57
Mopey,
I'm so sorry for your loss. It must have been quite a shock. I just want to echo what Tofuemmy wrote...there's no right or wrong way or time to grieve. You'll do it in your own way. In time or even now, if you feel like talking with someone about it helps, you might consider contacting a pastoral, grief, or therapy counselor.Please take extra gentle care of yourself in this time. It may not feel like you are grieving, but I'm sure the past two weeks were stressful.
Warmly,
gg
Posted by fayeroe on September 14, 2004, at 21:49:52
In reply to my sister, posted by mopey on September 13, 2004, at 19:29:57
mopey, you are in my thoughts.....i lost my brother the same way. one day we were talking on the phone and the next, he was gone. don't worry about "how" to grieve. i second everything that ems and gg told you. you're probably still in an awful lot of shock and i hope you're taking especially good care of yourself. pat
Posted by mopey on September 15, 2004, at 13:19:45
In reply to Re: my sister, posted by fayeroe on September 14, 2004, at 21:49:52
It hadn't occurred to me that I'd grieve in any way other than tears, which haven't been coming.
You're right -- I'll take my time and deal with the sadness as it feels right at the time.I'm sorry that you all know what this is like, but happy that you choose to share with other people and help them get through it.
Take care,
Jo
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 15, 2004, at 21:13:41
In reply to my sister, posted by mopey on September 13, 2004, at 19:29:57
I have 4 sisters and I honestly don't know how you cope with this at all.
She was way too young.
There is no way to make your brain understand this kind of loss and pain.
I am deeply sorry you have had to go through this.
It's hard.
Is she a close person in your life?
If so, then you just hang on.....
Life will give you the way to deal with this loss.
I don't profess to understand but I know that the future has all kinds of gifts that are connected with death.
I have experienced so many deaths and I have seen the other side.
the place where my family goes after death.
I really don't get it but I have been privilaged by viewing their new lives.
they seem happy.
It may be my illusion.
I hope for the best for you.
Posted by octopusprime on September 17, 2004, at 22:48:41
In reply to thank you!, posted by mopey on September 15, 2004, at 13:19:45
i'm so sorry
i don't know if you're still reading this
but give yourself some time and all the feelings will come to you
the first few weeks after somebody i loved died, i always felt like i was in shock
and the reality set in later
when we were all back in the routine
except for the one i missedi know that losing my sister would feel like losing my right arm, even though she is very far away
i like knowing she is there
your sister will always be in your heart
i hope you can keep happy memories alive
and be tender to you
for as long as it takes
sometimes it takes time to work these things throughand i am so sorry
Posted by Crazy_Charlie on November 4, 2004, at 6:10:03
In reply to Re: my sister » mopey, posted by TofuEmmy on September 14, 2004, at 11:10:57
> In grief, there really is no "ought to" or "should". Every grief is different. Our minds are amazing things. It let's us process what we can, when we can. Perhaps right now you are still in shock over this sudden loss. Perhaps over time, your mind will allow you to absorb more of what happened, and you will feel more pain then.
>
> Or perhaps you are expecting to grieve in a certain way, say by crying, but your way of grieving may be to bicycle more. Like I said, every grief is different.
>
> I met a man once who talked to me about not grieving for his wife at all. We talked for an hour. The whole time he was chopping wood angrily. Well, heck...he was grieving right there in that wood pile.
>
> Please keep posting. Don't feel obligated to feel a certain way, or grieve a certain way, or on a certain schedule. Your relationship with your sister was unique, and your loss is unique. And so will be your grief.
>
> Emmy
Beautiful words, Emmy. I have an internet page where I write about people I have lost that has meant much to me. I would be very thankful if you would allow me to quote you on that page. I will not change anything of what you are saying, and I will write "Emmy" underneath it so people will understand that it's not my own words. I find your words here very valuable and importantCincerely, Charlie
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