Psycho-Babble Grief Thread 878152

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thanks all for sharing

Posted by okydoky on February 5, 2009, at 2:17:07

I have spoken much of my beloved dog George or "okydoky" He made everything "oky". On December 10th 2008 he became so ill, seemed in so much pain I was quietly and kindly led to the decision to help him to his end by a compassionate emergency vet at 4am in the morning.

I almost never grieve. I almost never cry. Very occasionally I get a flash of his last hours and for a moment I am struck with GUILT and painfully shocked. Most of the time I am unaware of his absence. I had assumed when George was gone I would follow him soon. I find myself gone without actually physically dieing most of the time. I pretty much stopped getting out of bed most days.

Tonight my Father called to tell me my Mother was on a respirator and had not had oxygen he thought for about 7-8 minutes. Her heart had stopped. I feel almost nothing. I am imagining or rather cannot imagine how I will not cope with my Mother's death.

No one needs feel the need or obligation to reply to this post. You are already there for me.

I am having a difficult time with my own thoughts. Some of you have known me from this site. So I read some threads on this board probably mostly not to be alone in several ways.I guess in the end I will always be alone, alone with my thought no matter how much I sleep tranquilise myself, or mindlessly block out every memory effortlessly.

A place to speak my thoughts.
A place not to be alone in the night.
A place to to understand better through you.

I was able to cry a bit through your words. Thank you.

I am grateful.

oky

 

Re: thanks all for sharing » okydoky

Posted by gardenergirl on February 5, 2009, at 9:15:33

In reply to thanks all for sharing, posted by okydoky on February 5, 2009, at 2:17:07

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My husband and I just made the same decision about our beloved pet last night, and it's so incredibly painful. Even when it's the right decision, it just really sucks.

Thinking of you...you are not alone.

gg

 

Thinking of you w/ compassionate thoughts (nm) » okydoky

Posted by zenhussy on February 5, 2009, at 11:51:37

In reply to thanks all for sharing, posted by okydoky on February 5, 2009, at 2:17:07

 

My Mother has left us

Posted by okydoky on February 24, 2009, at 12:37:43

In reply to Thinking of you w/ compassionate thoughts (nm) » okydoky, posted by zenhussy on February 5, 2009, at 11:51:37


My Father waited until his children got to Florida before he had life support measures stopped. She died within about 3 minutes and the entire time did not seem in any pain.

I talked to her almost every day for several years and in the past several months the only topic she would mention was her pain. She is no longer in pain of that I am glad.

In the car driving 24 hours with my sister and brother my brother continued to criticize my Mother (this was her life with her family) until I screamed at him that for Gods sake she is not alive anymore. My sister was and is just cold and hard.

She was the only person in my family that I kept in touch with. I never felt like I had any nurturing or caring family but now she is gone I realize how much she did do for me and how alone I REALLY am now.

I have two pictures, one of her and one of me at about age 5 or 6 and if you look at them you would not believe they are not the same person. I looked for them and could not find them but I will.

I dont think I have been dealing with my grief much at all. I have been taking tranquilizers and sleeping pills every day in a desperate attempt to escape.

In my mind with the passing of my Mother I have no real family left.

Again thanks all for providing this much needed outlet for me. I am being selfish but it is what I need right now.

At my Mothers service the Rabbi told how my Mother would always say you give when you can and take when you have to Her telling me that assuaged a lot of guilt many times in my life.


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