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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by asya on August 10, 2007, at 21:19:36
All,
This is taking a lot of courage for me to admit, but I haven't been able to find help in any other way. I am 28 yrs old and a virgin. I consider myself your typical single professional gal. I have basically done everything but actually have intercourse. Why I haven't isn't my issue. My issue is that I want to go to an OBGYN but am too ashamed after what happened at my doctor's office a few year's ago when i was 24. The nurse prac. tried to do a pap smear and it hurt so bad and my hymen was still intact so they did't do it. Then the nurse said with a laugh, "go have sex and come back." I felt so humiliated. I come from a conservative culture and just haven't met the right person to have sex with. I am looking for a way to find a sensitive OBGYN in my area (tri-state New England0 -- who will be compassionate and non-judgmental about my concerns. Please help. If you have any ideas for how to obtain such a referral i would be grateful.Thanks!
Asya
Posted by asya on August 12, 2007, at 21:25:40
In reply to Older virgin needs some help, posted by asya on August 10, 2007, at 21:19:36
I am desperate for some guidance for these very private issues. Please help!
Posted by Gabbi-2 on August 13, 2007, at 0:13:00
In reply to Re: Older virgin needs some help - PLEASE HELP!!, posted by asya on August 12, 2007, at 21:25:40
Hi
I'm really out of my element here, as I'm Canadian, and have never had an Ob/Gyn, but this looked like it might be at least a lead, there's a phone number at the bottom.
I'm also wondering if there are any women's health organizations/Community centres in your area, where you might be able to field your concerns and get a good reference.
Sorry for what you had to go through, I'm forever in awe of how flippant, or downright rude, Doctors can be.
http://www.hallmarkhealth.org/patientsuccess_highriskob.php
Posted by Gabbi-2 on August 13, 2007, at 0:25:01
In reply to Re: Older virgin needs some help - PLEASE HELP!! » asya, posted by Gabbi-2 on August 13, 2007, at 0:13:00
http://www.carenewengland.org/body.cfm?id=26&action=detail&ref=245
They may not know, but it sounds like they could at least tell you where you can have your questions answered.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on August 13, 2007, at 9:47:19
In reply to Re: Older virgin needs some help - PLEASE HELP!!, posted by asya on August 12, 2007, at 21:25:40
Well just for peace of mind, you don't really need to bother having cervical smear tests if you haven't had sex yet. I'm under the impression that nearly all cervical cancers are caused by some virus, which is most often transmitted sexually. So strong is the link between these cancers and this virus, is that they are thinking about vaccinating everybody against this virus when they're 12. This is the UK through.
Anyway, so the other issue....well. I echo Gabbix's sentiments - I am always amazed at insensitive doctors too. I once had a smear, and it was awful, it was the look of disgust on the nurses face as she was doing it, as if my private parts were really gross...which doesn't do anything for my self esteem.
Posted by Phillipa on August 13, 2007, at 12:23:05
In reply to Re: Older virgin needs some help - PLEASE HELP!!, posted by Meri-Tuuli on August 13, 2007, at 9:47:19
In reverse as I age I haven't been to an ob-gyn in over three years wonder what the risk is as paps have always been normal. But I understand in reverse how you feel as I feel who wants to look at an aging woman and it's embarrassing and to find a new one now is worse than horrible to me. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on August 14, 2007, at 17:45:00
In reply to Older virgin needs some help, posted by asya on August 10, 2007, at 21:19:36
Oh gosh. I thought I'd posted to you. I guess the confirm this post monster ate it.
I was a virgin until my marriage at thirty, and even after my marriage I still clenched and it is difficult to fit a speculum. In fact, I'll never forget one doctor who kept calling for progressively smaller ones until he resorted to the one for young girls.
Please do get your exams as often as your ob/gyn suggests.
But I'll share what I have discovered over the years. I always tend to see a woman. And most of my doctors speak briefly to their new patients before they require undressing. If your doctor doesn't as a rule, and the nurse asks you to undress, maybe you could ask for a brief word with the doctor before you undress, or at least before the actual exam. I usually find these discussions easiest with clothes on.
Then I'm just honest with them. Whatever I need to tell them, I tell them. So before I was married, I said I was a virgin, that I found the exam difficult, and that if they could use a small speculum I would appreciate it. Now I tell them I tend to clench, and that I find exams difficult. I think you only have to say it once, because they'll note it. If they ask any questions, just answer briefly and honestly.
As far as compassionate, that's hard to tell beforehand. If you don't feel comfortable with her manner, then she's not the right doctor for you. (I'm using the feminine gender because I really prefer a woman in this capacity.) I saw my one before my current one only once and decided she was too brusque for me. The rest have been quite nice about anything I might tell them. Some more matter of fact than others, but all nice enough.
I think the benefit of briefly letting them know before the exam is that they're more prepared for a discussion at that time, and less likely to respond in a less than professional way.
If they aren't willing to have a couple of words with you before asking you to do something so intimate, then they likely aren't the right doctor for you anyway.
Posted by Poet on August 18, 2007, at 15:46:15
In reply to Older virgin needs some help, posted by asya on August 10, 2007, at 21:19:36
Hi Asya,
I am not a virgin, but I tend to spot bleed after paps. So I totally understand your wanting a doctor who will be compasionate.
I'm not in the New England area, so I don't know any OB/GYNs there. Do you have health insurance that requires you to go to certain doctors? If so do some investigation on them and if anything do a meet and greet before the pap to make sure s/he would be understanding.
If you don't have health insurance, try Planned Parenthood. I used to go to them before I had health insurance.
My regular family medicine doctor does my paps, so I don't go to an OB/GYN anymore. If you trust your regular doctor you might ask him/her about paps. Mine actually asked at the first visit if I wanted her to do my paps. Which reminds me I am way overdue for one.
I'm sending that nurse practioner you saw a cyber slap to her head for that thoughtless remark.
Good luck.
Poet
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