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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by BREAKFREE on September 2, 2008, at 23:42:17
I'm looking for support on how to deal with my spouse. She has been sick with depression and other issues. I find it harder each day to deal with her and give her the support that a husband should be able to give. Is there anybody else in this situation??
Posted by Nadezda on September 3, 2008, at 13:06:03
In reply to help on mental illness, posted by BREAKFREE on September 2, 2008, at 23:42:17
Welcome to Babble, Breakfree. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
There may be some others in that situation, but I would guess there are more here in your wife's situation.
Maybe you can learn more about how she's responding and feeling from people-- which may help you respond better and also feel better about the responses you can give.
I would try either the relationship page-- which doesn't get much traffic, so I'm not sure you would get many responses-- or the psychology page, which is much more active.
There's also social, which is pretty much anything from the serious to the absurd. Or self-esteem, which could involve some of your, or her issues.
I suggest that you look around and see where you feel most comfortable posting. If your wife has any medication issues, you can also use the main (or medication) board.
Welcome to Babble, in any event. You'll find there are a lot of very understanding and thoughtful people here.
Nadezda
Posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 20:43:25
In reply to Re: help on mental illness » BREAKFREE, posted by Nadezda on September 3, 2008, at 13:06:03
> Welcome to Babble, Breakfree. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
>
> There may be some others in that situation, but I would guess there are more here in your wife's situation.
>
> Maybe you can learn more about how she's responding and feeling from people-- which may help you respond better and also feel better about the responses you can give.
>
> I would try either the relationship page-- which doesn't get much traffic, so I'm not sure you would get many responses-- or the psychology page, which is much more active.
>
> There's also social, which is pretty much anything from the serious to the absurd. Or self-esteem, which could involve some of your, or her issues.
>
> I suggest that you look around and see where you feel most comfortable posting. If your wife has any medication issues, you can also use the main (or medication) board.
>
> Welcome to Babble, in any event. You'll find there are a lot of very understanding and thoughtful people here.
>
> NadezdaThanks for the welcome, There is quite the past with my wife and her problems. First was her getting the help from doctors and finding one that she is comfortable. Her siblings are on the same meds so it runs in the family.But she always had problem with her trust in anybody general. That was carried on in our relationship. But she was also dreaming things up that was happening around us and it affected our friends and family. She would tell me things that a certain person would tell her, some good friends of mine that I knew for years, I wouldn't believe her and approch this person and asked them what was said. They would tell me nothing like this was said. I lost some friends because of this.
It was getting better until she fell down and hurt her knee, ended up getting surgery, the doctor screwed up and she almost died, She got blood clots and other stuff. Now she is less mobile, getting depress about it. She has talked her doctor into lessing her dose for her meds. I think this has her dreaming things up again on what people are saying. I'm not sure what to do about it or where to turn. I know it has affected our family. but I don't want to hurt our family more than this has. Any kind of listening ears would help.
Posted by Nadezda on September 6, 2008, at 11:24:30
In reply to Re: help on mental illness, posted by BREAKFREE on September 3, 2008, at 20:43:25
I'm sorry to hear that BF. It sounds like she needs to have some further consults about her medication. When you're under stress, as she is, it's usually a very bad time to reduce your meds. Reductions per se can cause problems-- and anyway, people need more support and consistency with meds,, not less, when they're going through a hard time. Can you get her to reconsider on the lowered dosage? If she was receptive to taking a helpful amount before, maybe she would do it again.
I do understand your wife's need for a pdoc or T who she feels comfortable with, though. It is really important, and even more so when you have trust issues.
Also she sounds as if she needs a lot of support. Does she have a T, or any type of counselor she could talk with?And you, too, sound as if this is causing a lot of strain on your marriage. Maybe if she won't go alone to a T, the two of you could go together for a while, and this may help her come to a decision that she needs more help. Plus it could help you deal with some of the long-term disappointments and loss of friends that you mention. I'm sure that gets in the way of your supporting her as much as you'd like.
I'm glad to see you posting on the psychology board. If you stick around for a while, I'm sure you'll get a lot of sound responses.
best of luck, Nadezda
Posted by BREAKFREE on September 8, 2008, at 7:45:11
In reply to Re: help on mental illness, posted by Nadezda on September 6, 2008, at 11:24:30
Thanks for the help. She does need help but is not willing to take it or get it. I think I will get some conselling for myself and see what they can do for me and what advice on how to get her to see one too. Now do I tell her that I am going to see one or do I go behind her back and not tell her??
Just the other day , she was talking about these rumours again, I finally got angry and told her that it never happened. She just looked at me and walk away. I am very close on getting this lady to come over and tell my wife what was said that night. But I'm not sure if that is a good idea or not.
Posted by Nadezda on September 8, 2008, at 9:31:19
In reply to Re: help on mental illness, posted by BREAKFREE on September 8, 2008, at 7:45:11
Without knowing the situation, Breakfree, I can't really say, but my instinct would be not to confront your wife. Even if she didn't have the problems she has, I wouldn't do that, because it probably will only threaten your wife and just cause a greater divide of mistrust or betrayal between you.
I would just know that she was going through a period of misunderstanding or misinterpreting other people's motives, probably unconsciously confusing what she fears with what's real. And I would try not to allow that to color my relationships with others, and also to be as considerate of her as I could. Of course, it's hard to do that-- since it stirs up lots of feelings in you, too.
I'm glad you're getting help. I personally believe in honesty, and openness-- but I've never been in a situation with someone with your wife's problems. If it would be disruptive to tell her, and would make things worse, perhaps it's better to go for a while without letting her know. There's nothing wrong with protecting her for the moment, while seeking help.
It really would be important, though, for her to get better advice on the meds. Would she go back to her pdoc to ask for the dose to be higher?
Have you talked to her in a calm, concerned way about her fears of others, and her confusion about what's happening? Maybe if you approach it with a very soft and comforting tone, she can open up. She must feel very frightened and alone, I would think. If you seem to be accusing her, I'm sure she'll become defensive, but if you seem supportive, she may be able to think more clearly.
Nadezda
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