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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by secret on November 11, 2008, at 19:36:38
I recently left a man that I was with for four years and hurried into another relationship with a divorced man who has a child. This wouldnt be so bad if I didnt still have feelings for the man that I left. However, I dont think I can ever go back to him do to the fact that when I left him he threatened suicide. My family and friends want me no where near him. He kinda of followed me and left notes on my car for a long time. I am not sure if it is considered stalking or if I provoked it since I cant seem to let go. My family and new boyfriend want me to get a restraining order against him, but I cant help but blame myself for all of this. Anyways that is a start to my short story, i guess if anyone has any advice I will go into the long form.
Posted by rskontos on November 12, 2008, at 17:55:38
In reply to relationships, posted by secret on November 11, 2008, at 19:36:38
Secret,
Welcome.
His threat of suicide is not yours to be accountable for. He and he alone is responsible for his actions. That was emotional blackmail.
If he continues to stalk you, do get the restraining order.Glad you are here.
rsk
Posted by secret on November 12, 2008, at 22:27:33
In reply to Re: relationships » secret, posted by rskontos on November 12, 2008, at 17:55:38
Thankyou rsk for the advice. Its just really hard to deal with this, I cant help but feel bad. I think I played a huge roll because I left him and went to another man imediately. I feel so much guilt because I wanted it to work with him so bad, but in the end I left him. Then there is the fact that the other man that I am with is recently divorced with a child. I am not sure how to handle this at all. I just am scared and dont know how to deal with all of this at once. My poor family has gotten involved and so has his in a way. I am so sick and tired of hurting everyone around me, but I cant seem to let go because I wanted it to work so bad and it didnt. Then to top it off, he has made me feel as if I am to blame for not giving us a chance and I have to wonder if that is right.
Posted by rskontos on November 13, 2008, at 8:58:40
In reply to Re: relationships, posted by secret on November 12, 2008, at 22:27:33
Secret,
Life is too short to take on the guilt of so many people. Take it from me, I have done this so many years, and now that I am in therapy I have learned I don't have to. Not even for my children. So while you, through this, I see have a good heart, it doesn't make you responsible for anything. In the end, his actions are his. His response to it all is his. And in the end, your feelings are not even something you can make be there the way he wants or even sometimes the way you might. What I mean, is we love who we love. I would venture to say that you don't. And as for him being right, I think you need distance from him to figure out how you feel. You feel conflicted with so many telling you what to do, him, your family, his family. What you need to do, is distance yourself, and then you will see what is right for you. I, think, in the end, you will move on. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for how you feel, including and especially yourself. Sometimes we are our worst enemies.
Take care, come visit me sometimes on the psychology board. I hang there mostly.
rsk
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