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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 15:57:21
Just a little hello message, since I did a random search and came out with a message from here I have become very interested :)
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 25, 2002, at 16:24:58
In reply to Oh yeh I'm completely new here, posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 15:57:21
hi,
i see my pdoc in his office soon for the first time.every time i think about it,i am terrified.
he will notice that i have not stopped pulling out my hair..
my si thoughts have not improved.
i am no longer depressed-i am mean and angry now.
i want to drink so bad....but afraid i might step infront of a bus.
i thought i would be happy under the depression,or atleast not wanting to cut up my body:(
i dont want to take anymore meds...
that is why i am afraid to tell pdoc how i feel.
what to do?
jyl
Posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 16:33:15
In reply to Oh yeh I'm completely new here, posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 15:57:21
The best thing you can do when you have those feelings, or so I believe is to find a healthy way of letting them out (i.e. other than cutting) I know exactly how u feel because I've been struggling to fight those feelings for years now but I AM getting better.
Posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 16:42:18
In reply to what todo?, posted by justyourlaugh on November 25, 2002, at 16:24:58
Sorry I meant 2 reply directly 2 ur post last time. You needn't be ashamed of those feelings because exactly the same things have gone thru my mind before. I've never actually seen a doctor or been on medication, apart from being caught with cuts on my arm at the hospital aged 15 when I had an asthma attack yrs ago. They promised to get me some help but it never even came. Well, you shouldn't fear ur doc either they are there for you to help YOU. Make the most of it and if ur concerned about ur med then you can always consult another doc for a second opinion. Feel free to send me more messages cos I can share ur pain
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 25, 2002, at 16:44:51
In reply to Re: , posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 16:33:15
hi ayesha-ty fo the reply.
i went along time witout cuttng(15 years)
it snuck up on me when i was at my worst.
i knowwhat i need to do..but that doenst help the part of me that thinks on its own.
jyl
Posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 16:47:31
In reply to Re: ayesha-welcome » Ayesha, posted by justyourlaugh on November 25, 2002, at 16:44:51
can u remember how u got through it the first time around?
Posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 16:55:05
In reply to what todo?, posted by justyourlaugh on November 25, 2002, at 16:24:58
hey you should try some sorts of sports like tennis or something cos it helps to release energy and you can let all ur negative energy out at the same time u can develop ur skills in something positive and build ur confidence
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 25, 2002, at 17:02:00
In reply to Re: ayesha-welcome, posted by Ayesha on November 25, 2002, at 16:47:31
hey,i wasnt going to post back-signed off
but descided to tell.
it got real bad when i was 16 or so.
i tried to saw my arm off one night when i was drunk?cops found me and went to the er.
stiched me up.stayed on the kidsward for a few days.
mom convinced me i was there for a detox..
and convinced herself i just drank too much.
tried to kill myself a few times after that(but no one knew-trying to od on over the counter drugs).
thats the pit fo me before things got better.
oh yah-started menstrating after that-
thought mabe hormons played into it
jyl
Posted by Ayesha on November 26, 2002, at 8:29:51
In reply to Re: ayesha-welcome » Ayesha, posted by justyourlaugh on November 25, 2002, at 17:02:00
yeh I guess hormones must have some sort of influence, cos at the age of 14/15 was my worst period when I started trying to top myself. I read somewhere, however, that what you eat can also affect ur moods greatly. Sugary foods and high carbohydrates, I think, cause ur body to release more of the hormone insulin, which affects ur mood cos its a hormone. Lately I've been trying (reluctantly) to go on a healthy brown bread diet and see if it helps. We're supposed to be MORE irritable when we are high in sugar, and depressed when we are low in sugar, so we need to find a balance. (second opinions welcome). Lately I've been fine apart from a few weeks ago, I started getting angry for no reason and basically smashed all the furniture in my room. I been told to pack up and get out cos my family 'hate' me but when everyone calmed down we talked it over. Neither side meant it although I still feel bad for causing so much trouble. But just because things start to go wrong again doesn't mean you should give up. Your efforts are worthwhile. Are there any other underlying reasons u can think of for your anger?
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 26, 2002, at 9:44:30
In reply to Re: ayesha-welcome, posted by Ayesha on November 26, 2002, at 8:29:51
hi,
i dont really find that i am all that angry when i hurt myself(mabe i am in my subconcious)
it feels good and helps to direct my thoughts to one thing-rather than my mind jumping willy nilly.
i am a very creative person(painter)and i dont feel like i have no selfworth.
i dont leave my house(unless i have too)
not because i dont want to be seen-(feel bad)
i stay in avoiding everyone because part of me believes they have nothing to offer me-almost like i am above their selfish,emoral stupid lives.
but the other half knows i am no better than them.
this post sounds so dumb.
jyl
Posted by Ayesha on November 26, 2002, at 15:37:54
In reply to si and anger, posted by justyourlaugh on November 26, 2002, at 9:44:30
naw what u say don't sound dumb
i actually find i usually do it out of anger or depression, or at least at some point thats the way i feel.
i have to disagree with your view of the world/yourself. not everyone in the world is the same, some people most probably are the way u see them but some are not. i guess its up to u whether or not to give them the benefit of the doubt. as for yourself, well u need to see it the same way, you shouldnt perceive yourself so negatively because there is good in everyone, just with some people u gotta look deeper to find it (back to the people thing...i agree that they can be quite a challenge).
Posted by Ayesha on November 26, 2002, at 15:51:12
In reply to si and anger, posted by justyourlaugh on November 26, 2002, at 9:44:30
its something i've wanted to know and couldnt explain for a long time...why?
most of the times i've been able to pick up a knife and slice away at myself, obviously i was alone, and either angry or depressed. i get these urgings all the time but it was when my emotions were stretched that i could no longer bear them. (hope u don't mind me sharing this bit)
i'm lying on my bed reading or whatever and i start craving the whole blood, cutting sensation etc. so i try to resist it but it slowly gets worse, i actually start to feel like all the skin and flesh and blood and everything i'm made up of is just a wooden prison (and you thought ur post sounded silly...i feel like a right idiot) . i feel like i'm being held down. then i want to see my blood, which is wierd (and all the worse for me) because after i do it, i realise i have a problem with blood and i want to be sick. it really scares me i think i've even had nightmares about it. see i'm half a person with ambitions, a love for life and good-humoured, then i'm half full of anger and vengeance and particularly self-hatred. i don't understand y the two cant just merge my own mum says shes afraid to tell me something cos she don't know what mood i'm in and i might snap. i'm no harm to others but it hurts loved ones when i 'go off on one' and often declare i never want to speak to or hear from them again. i dunno sometimes i just feel like telling the whole world to just get out of my life and i know its me thats wrong but i just want to be away from people so badly. perhaps its because all 13 years of my school life i was bullied. i dunno
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 26, 2002, at 17:47:35
In reply to why do we do it?, posted by Ayesha on November 26, 2002, at 15:51:12
hi again,
you are lucky if you think you are only 2 people.just kidding.
i pushed everyone away (accept husband)long time ago.
where are all my friends i wonder?
then i get real angry at myself for not liking people-whats
wrong with me!
jyl
This is the end of the thread.
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