Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 227134

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Tired of ineffective pdocs

Posted by magic potion on May 16, 2003, at 19:45:59

I started with a new pdoc a few weeks back. I wasted my time--gave him my whole boring history. I really need to type it up so I don't have to keep repeating myself.

I just had my second appt yesterday. Another waste of time. All he does is listen. Every now and then he says something common sensical--and I think, "No duh!" (BTW-I know that sensical isn't a word.)

Why do they think that sitting there listening to my crap is helpful to me? Why do they think they are earning their pay?

At any rate, I was supposed to start medication 2 or 3 weeks ago, which I never did. I'm supposed to meet with the psychiatrist next Thursday, which I never will. And now, I'm quite sure that I need to terminate my relationship with the ineffective psychologist, too.

There is no hope. If they can't guarantee me that my life will ever be any better...why bother? I could do all kinds of things to change my life and still end up having a bad life...so it's not worth trying.

These people can't change my life...they can't add value...they can't make me want to live.

Why isn't quitting life like quitting a job? Why is it so taboo? Why do I have to live til I'm old just so that other people don't get hurt. What about my feelings?? I'm tired of living for other people and I have no interest in living for myself.

So now what do I do? I have no options. I'm a prisoner. If you want to die, you should just be able to die. I don't get it.

I'm sure you're thinking that medication might be helpful, but as I've mentioned before, I see no reason for it. My life is crappy and I should experience it as such. Sugar-coated crap is still crap. I'm not interested in altering my perception so that I can find my situation acceptable. It's not.

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs » magic potion

Posted by Pfinstegg on May 16, 2003, at 21:40:48

In reply to Tired of ineffective pdocs, posted by magic potion on May 16, 2003, at 19:45:59

Can you tell us a bit more about your therapist? Do you feel he/she understands and respects you, and are you able to feel at least a bit connected emotionally when you are not at the extremes of despair? You used the word "ineffective". Does that seem true all the time, or just some of the time? Have you been going on a regular basis, and, if so, could you tell us how often? Did something happen recently to convince you that your therapist wasn't any help? For example (this example comes from what keeps happening in my therapy- and it makes me want to quit every time) did you get very angry at him/her?

Pfinstegg

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs » magic potion

Posted by fallsfall on May 16, 2003, at 22:49:28

In reply to Tired of ineffective pdocs, posted by magic potion on May 16, 2003, at 19:45:59

Do you know what kind of therapy he is practicing? I have talked to 2 different kinds of therapists, and it was very different (one is CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the other is PsychoDynamic). The CBT therapist talks a lot more than the PsychoDynamic one. You may just be mismatched with the therapy type. CBT therapists tend to be very practical.

Another thought is that he may be quiet now because he's getting to know you. You should bring this up in your next session and tell him exactly what you told us. He can't help unless he knows what is going on.

I do know what you mean about wanting the right to stop living. I have felt that way, and have other friends who have felt that way, too. There have been times, though, when I have gotten past that time and was glad that it was hard to do.

 

Re: Experiencing misery as a virtue? » magic potion

Posted by jane d on May 16, 2003, at 22:52:31

In reply to Tired of ineffective pdocs, posted by magic potion on May 16, 2003, at 19:45:59

> I'm sure you're thinking that medication might be helpful, but as I've mentioned before, I see no reason for it. My life is crappy and I should experience it as such. Sugar-coated crap is still crap. I'm not interested in altering my perception so that I can find my situation acceptable. It's not.

Magic,
I remember feeling this way too. But when the meds started working I didn't suddenly feel like my life was wonderful now. If anything I was even more aware of how bad it was. What changed was that I could suddenly see ways to make it better. Ways that I would have sworn did not exist a few weeks before. Other people say that they have gotten the same benefit from the right therapist. I have no idea how you know whether you've got the right therapist but I bet other posters here will.

Jane

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs

Posted by magic potion on May 17, 2003, at 9:04:31

In reply to Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs » magic potion, posted by Pfinstegg on May 16, 2003, at 21:40:48

> Can you tell us a bit more about your therapist? Do you feel he/she understands and respects you, and are you able to feel at least a bit connected emotionally when you are not at the extremes of despair? You used the word "ineffective". Does that seem true all the time, or just some of the time? Have you been going on a regular basis, and, if so, could you tell us how often? Did something happen recently to convince you that your therapist wasn't any help? For example (this example comes from what keeps happening in my therapy- and it makes me want to quit every time) did you get very angry at him/her?
>
> Pfinstegg

This was only my second meeting with him. He seems like a nice person. Unfortunately, we have different styles. I'm a sharp shooter, I don't have time for nice.

One thing that bothers me is when he sits waiting for me to talk. That makes it a long hour. I won't share anything freely...at least not until I feel confident that a person can help me.

So I just let him sit...waiting for me to talk...until he feels uncomfortable and feels compelled to ask me a question.

And I hate all of that noncomittal language they use: "I suppose this..." "perhaps that..." It's crap. Be honest. Be real...stop being so rhetorical and hypothetical. It's a waste of time.

The truth is that I am probably not ready for counseling...yet I am hanging by a thread and don't really know what else to do.

Going to counseling is an indication that one cares about one's self. I don't...so I'm not sure why I go. And, it's entirely possible that the cost (money, time, and pain) outweighs the benefit of counseling. There is no guarantee that anyone can help me.
:(

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs

Posted by magic potion on May 17, 2003, at 9:12:15

In reply to Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs » magic potion, posted by fallsfall on May 16, 2003, at 22:49:28

> Do you know what kind of therapy he is practicing? I have talked to 2 different kinds of therapists, and it was very different (one is CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the other is PsychoDynamic). The CBT therapist talks a lot more than the PsychoDynamic one. You may just be mismatched with the therapy type. CBT therapists tend to be very practical.
>
> Another thought is that he may be quiet now because he's getting to know you. You should bring this up in your next session and tell him exactly what you told us. He can't help unless he knows what is going on.
>
> I do know what you mean about wanting the right to stop living. I have felt that way, and have other friends who have felt that way, too. There have been times, though, when I have gotten past that time and was glad that it was hard to do.

No, I don't know what type of therapy. Although when I ask he says he take an "eclectic" approach. That sounds so weak to me, but I suppose he thinks he uses "a wide range of tools" to be able to treat the individual and that his strength is flexibilty.

I had a CBT'er recently. It was too much homework for someone who can hardly get out of bed. I guess he thought I cared enough to do homework.

Maybe he is trying to get to know me. Unfortunately, inside I feel like I am in a crisis. I don't have time for him to warm up. And, I won't share my problems with someone until I am confident they can help me. It's not worth the exchange if it's a dead end.

I know I'm impossible. Thanks for trying to help!

 

Re: Experiencing misery as a virtue?

Posted by magic potion on May 17, 2003, at 9:21:45

In reply to Re: Experiencing misery as a virtue? » magic potion, posted by jane d on May 16, 2003, at 22:52:31


> Magic,
> I remember feeling this way too. But when the meds started working I didn't suddenly feel like my life was wonderful now. If anything I was even more aware of how bad it was. What changed was that I could suddenly see ways to make it better. Ways that I would have sworn did not exist a few weeks before. Other people say that they have gotten the same benefit from the right therapist. I have no idea how you know whether you've got the right therapist but I bet other posters here will.
>
> Jane

Everyone keeps promising me that medicine won't make me feel okay. I find that odd.

I think basically the psychologist wants me on medicine because it will make his job easier. Nobody wants to fail.

Thanks for posting, Jane. At this point, I know I can't get any benefit from any of it: counseling or drugs. I just have to float through life until I die.

 

Re: Experiencing misery as a virtue?

Posted by judy1 on May 17, 2003, at 11:20:18

In reply to Re: Experiencing misery as a virtue?, posted by magic potion on May 17, 2003, at 9:21:45

I'm very sorry that you're experiencing such a deep depression. I wonder if you have been as honest with your pdoc or therapist as you have with us. And if you haven't then you really need to print your post out and hand it to him/her. I don't look at meds as a magic potion either, but I do look at an empathic, caring person as a life-saver- and I truly believe that is what you need right now. You wrote your pdoc was 'nice', perhaps you could share with him that the silences make you uncomfortable (I bet all of us have felt that way). As far as using an eclectic approach, most pdocs and therapists do, at leat until they find the best approach to use with their patient, a process that takes a while unfortunately (although with your honest approach you can do a lot to speed it up). I hope you feel better soon-judy

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs » magic potion

Posted by fallsfall on May 17, 2003, at 15:15:58

In reply to Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs, posted by magic potion on May 17, 2003, at 9:12:15

Eclectic is another type of therapy. Your therapist will pull ideas and techniques from the other types of therapy.

How could your therapist demonstrate to you that he could help you?

Sometimes you have to just bite the bullet and talk even though you aren't ready to talk. My therapist and I had an extended fight, and I was afraid to tell her things (similar to things that I had told her before) because I was afraid that it would make our fight worse. However, there came a time when I decided that things couldn't get any worse than they were, so I started telling her things again. I knew that she couldn't help me if she didn't know all of the details. She appreciated how hard it was for me to do that (because I told her how hard it was), and things have improved immensely since then.

My therapist (CBT) doesn't give me homework 99% of the time. I guess each therapist and each patient are different.

Would you consider printing off your original post and bringing it to your therapist? Your post was very clear, and it shows the pain that you are in. Then the two of you could figure out how he could help you, or if he could help you.

You aren't impossible, but I think that you have an enormous amount of pain right now. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. Do you have a spouse/friend/parent/sibling who is helping you? I know that when I'm in a lot of pain that is when I just want to stay by myself and hide. But I also know that if I reach out just a little bit that they can help me feel better - and I can't do that by myself.

Let us know how it is going.

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs » magic potion

Posted by WorryGirl on May 17, 2003, at 19:29:29

In reply to Tired of ineffective pdocs, posted by magic potion on May 16, 2003, at 19:45:59

> I started with a new pdoc a few weeks back. I wasted my time--gave him my whole boring history. I really need to type it up so I don't have to keep repeating myself.
>
> I just had my second appt yesterday. Another waste of time. All he does is listen. Every now and then he says something common sensical--and I think, "No duh!" (BTW-I know that sensical isn't a word.)
>
> Why do they think that sitting there listening to my crap is helpful to me? Why do they think they are earning their pay?
>
> At any rate, I was supposed to start medication 2 or 3 weeks ago, which I never did. I'm supposed to meet with the psychiatrist next Thursday, which I never will. And now, I'm quite sure that I need to terminate my relationship with the ineffective psychologist, too.
>
> There is no hope. If they can't guarantee me that my life will ever be any better...why bother? I could do all kinds of things to change my life and still end up having a bad life...so it's not worth trying.
>
> These people can't change my life...they can't add value...they can't make me want to live.
>
> Why isn't quitting life like quitting a job? Why is it so taboo? Why do I have to live til I'm old just so that other people don't get hurt. What about my feelings?? I'm tired of living for other people and I have no interest in living for myself.
>
> So now what do I do? I have no options. I'm a prisoner. If you want to die, you should just be able to die. I don't get it.
>
> I'm sure you're thinking that medication might be helpful, but as I've mentioned before, I see no reason for it. My life is crappy and I should experience it as such. Sugar-coated crap is still crap. I'm not interested in altering my perception so that I can find my situation acceptable. It's not.
>
>

Sorry you're not having a good experience. I'm surprised he didn't at least give you an assignment and then go over it, or at least give you some constructive suggestions to try during the session.

But he might be waiting until he knows more about you before he does this. Maybe you should be up front with him and tell him that you would like this from him. If he doesn not seem receptive, you might want to consider another therapist.

Personally, I think you should leave your session feeling better than you did before going in AND/OR being more informed.

Good luck

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs

Posted by stjames on May 18, 2003, at 21:02:31

In reply to Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs, posted by magic potion on May 17, 2003, at 9:04:31

And I hate all of that noncomittal language they use: "I suppose this..." "perhaps that..." It's crap. Be honest. Be real...stop being so rhetorical and hypothetical. It's a waste of time.

Well, I understand the goal is helping the patient find the answers. At least for me
I never learn if someone says "this is the way it is". No doubt if pdocs just told us how it is;
"I know what is wrong with you" we would all be posting here with complaints about just that !

 

Re: Tired of ineffective pdocs » magic potion

Posted by noa on May 21, 2003, at 17:24:07

In reply to Tired of ineffective pdocs, posted by magic potion on May 16, 2003, at 19:45:59

FWIW,

I have been in a similar place and never thought it could get better. But guess what--it did. It was a rough, winding, obstacle-ridden road, and many many times I thought it wasn't worth it. But now I am very glad I stuck it out.

As for the therapist, maybe you want to tell your therapist that you need him/her to be more interactive? And if it isn't his/her style, maybe you can seek out a therapist with a more interactive style.

But you're right. No one can "make" you better. Medication can help, and my experience was that until the depression was properly treated medically, what I was able to get out of therapy had major limitations. But I found that medication helped enough to make me feel up to the task of dealing with all the work I had to do to get better.

Finding the right combo of meds can also be extremely frustrating, I know. But it is worth it to hang in there, leaving no stone unturned until you get the combo that is at least "good enough". There are no perfect meds or med combos, but I believe it is possible to find one that is good enough to make a huge difference.

All this might sound sugar coated as you say, but it comes from someone who has had a really rough journey with treatment-resistent depression. I am glad I hung in there. I never would have believed that when I was in the worst moments, days, weeks, months of my depression. But it's true. I am glad I kept going. There is hope, even though I could not see it then.


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