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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 14:42:26
Well, I told some of you that I would update you on how it went with the substitute therapist I saw earlier this week, so here I go.
He was very nice and compassionate and sensitive (not in a sissy way but in a caring way) and I liked him and he was easy to talk to...
BUT I don't think I'll be switching to a male therapist any time soon. Even though I was able to be honest with him about my troubles with men and my family history and so on, there are just some things that I can say to my therapist that I don't think I would be able to say to him. Of course, this was just one visit, and I guess I would see him again if I needed to while my therapist was away.
Of course, I censored some of what I told my old therapist in Charlotte. She was this petite little thing who always looked 'just so' and, while she was always very supportive about my body issues and whatnot, I don't know that she ever really understood. Or that could be my imagination. But my current therapist has been in Weight Watchers, so she understands. I don't know, it's just easier to talk to her about some things. In fact, I haven't found a subject that it hasn't been easier or at least as easy to talk to her about in comparison to my former therapist.
And to think I was worried about not liking her as well.
My former therapist will always be special, as she was my first therapist. But I'm really glad I found my current therapist.
Okay, this was supposed to be about the substitute, but I guess it wasn't. Sorry.
P
Posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2003, at 15:49:15
In reply to Male therapist, posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 14:42:26
I'm glad that you saw the substitute and that it was OK.
I just switched to a male therapist and I know it will be an adjustment. 8 years ago my female therapist and I had to talk about the "S" topic. Actually, it started in the hospital and it was literally 4 days before I could say the "S" word. It has taken a lot of work, but now I can say meaningful things about "S". Enter male therapist. When I was going through my history I, again, needed that word. I've decided that it is a normal part of every body else's life, so I just pretended that it was normal for me. This guy never smiles, never shows any emotion. When I was talking about the "S" (and an action that took a lot of courage) he looked impressed. So, I think it went OK and I intend to barrel on through.
But if I hadn't decided beforehand that I had to just spit it all out... Plus, I've already learned once to talk about it - and it didn't kill me. What's one more?
I've also talked to substitute therapists, and I've found they've done surprisingly well. I don't assume that they know anything, so I have to be more specific about background. But they have been able to calm me down and give me some insight.
When is your therapist back?
Posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 16:08:46
In reply to Re: Male therapist » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2003, at 15:49:15
> When is your therapist back?
I see her on Monday. She flies back in from Scotland this weekend.
Boy, I wish I was in Scotland. Have always wanted to go...
I have been seeing my pdoc for a year and a half and I still have trouble talking to him about certain things - particularly any kind of bodily function. Not as much trouble with my female docs. I mean, I DO talk about things when he asks me, but I have a hard time.
The sub I saw was very interactive. He had talked to my therapist before she left and she gave him some background, so that was helpful. He was very supportive and told me that if I needed to see him again before she came back to not hesitate in calling him.
P
Posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 16:30:53
In reply to Re: Male therapist, posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 16:08:46
This is so interesting to me. I prefer males. I don't have any problem at all discussing sex or body image issues or anything. I don't know why that is, but males seem like they're standing on firmer ground. I know that's something I obviously attach to them. But maybe it's comforting to know that there's a guy out there that thinks that how my dad treated me was awful, and that the guys who nearly raped me were wrong and he can sympathize with my trauma. There's something comforting about that - that a male thinks that behavior is abberrant (sp).
starlight
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2003, at 17:43:19
In reply to Male therapist, posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 14:42:26
Hi Penny,
I'm glad you went and found that you have a reliable place to go when your therapist isn't available. That's a nice feeling. I let fear get in my way and told my therapist I didn't want a backup. :( It must be a comforting thought.
I like male therapists. I like the solidness of a male. I'm not particularly embarassed about talking about sex. Of course, I don't see my therapist in a sexual way. And I've long been comfortable talking about sex with male friends. I think if heaven forbid, I ever had to find another therapist, I'd look for another male.
I'm glad you found a therapist that is such a good fit for you. :)
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2003, at 17:46:33
In reply to Re: Male therapist » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2003, at 15:49:15
He never smiles or shows emotion? I think that would be rough for me. There's one of us like that already in the room. Two would be too much.
No, I'm being harsh to myself. That was true at one time, but I've gotten much better about not being so unemotional.
Posted by cerodwen on July 12, 2003, at 2:46:07
In reply to Re: Male therapist » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on July 10, 2003, at 17:46:33
how do you know things like your therapist went to weight watchers? i've never had a therapist tell me anything personal? I asked mine last visit where he was going on vacation and I felt really invasive doing it.
Posted by Penny on July 13, 2003, at 8:37:26
In reply to Re: Male therapist, posted by cerodwen on July 12, 2003, at 2:46:07
> how do you know things like your therapist went to weight watchers? i've never had a therapist tell me anything personal? I asked mine last visit where he was going on vacation and I felt really invasive doing it.
She tells me things. Like she told me a story about when she was in girl scouts, and I know she's an only child and divorced and has one (adult) child, and she has cats, who sleep with her, and she's an avid birdwatcher and she reads a lot and she used to be on Weight Watchers and she wears a pedometer she got there and so on. She shares things with me, which I really like. It makes her more of a real person. I was talking to my psychiatrist about it, about how the male therapist I saw had a pic of him and his wife in his office, which I thought kind of odd, and my pdoc said that, of course, there are different kinds of therapies and while some therapists have more of a psychoanalytic approach, where they are supposed to be a 'blank slate', others don't feel the need - just a different approach. My old therapist was more of a blank slate, though no where near entirely, but my current therapist I know much more about. I know a lot about my pdoc too. I know about his family and his pets and some about his family growing up. It's cool, IMO. All about what you're comfortable with.
Posted by Morgen on July 24, 2003, at 2:45:14
In reply to Re: Male therapist » cerodwen, posted by Penny on July 13, 2003, at 8:37:26
Penny, what about the previous therapist you wrote about (the one you left when you moved)? Was she a blank-slate and, if so, did you find that she told you more things as you were leaving?
Because mine sure is, and its kind of making me ... scared? or just uncomfortable? I mean, I am for sure moving and don't really have a choice at this point... but somehow I don't like the idea of her talking more to me about herself just because she no longer has to deal with me. Don't know why, just wondering. Morgen
Posted by fallsfall on July 24, 2003, at 7:17:55
In reply to Re: Male therapist » Penny, posted by Morgen on July 24, 2003, at 2:45:14
I'm sure that if you asked her not to talk about herself that she would respect your wishes. It might be interesting to discuss why this is important to you.
Good Luck
Posted by Penny on July 24, 2003, at 8:15:30
In reply to Re: Male therapist » Penny, posted by Morgen on July 24, 2003, at 2:45:14
> Penny, what about the previous therapist you wrote about (the one you left when you moved)? Was she a blank-slate and, if so, did you find that she told you more things as you were leaving?
She wasn't a blank slate by any means, but she wasn't overly open about her personal life either. There were many things I wanted to know, and I would ask her, and she would respond with "and why do you want to know?" instead of just telling me. She would turn it around to try to pull something out of me, but I would almost always respond with "I'm just curious. I just want to know." I don't know that I believe there has to be some underlying motivation to make us want to know something, but I suppose I could be wrong.
But, anyway, that was a long answer to your question. The short answer is, no, she didn't share anymore information about herself closer to our ending therapy than she had before.
P
Posted by Morgen on July 24, 2003, at 10:04:02
In reply to Re: Male therapist » Morgen, posted by Penny on July 24, 2003, at 8:15:30
Fallsfall -- ah, but I love it when she talks about herself, even though right now its also bothering me too! And unlike the idea of the blank slate, every time she opens her mouth she confirms something I already thought about her (she just gets better).
Penny -- to me, that sounds very brave to ask her things about herself that you are interested in. I've never asked my therapist _anything_, because I know sometimes therapists will evade answering, and it would crush me if she did. (But that's just my intolerance for rejection).
This is the end of the thread.
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