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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 9:32:52
Well, today I had the big cry fest at T's office. I had spent the whole weekend literally in a cold sweat, obsessing over him and read something I had written about my feelings towards him. I feel it is part of the process but it was incredibly painful. I no longer wonder what it would feel like to rip my heart out with bare hands!
I don't really know why I'm posting today, I just feel I get a lot of comfort, from others who are wandering around suffering from a broken heart. I have tried every possible way to rationalize and deny but I can't escape how I feel about him.
I must be insane. Do you know what I told him today? That I wanted to have sex with my husband to fantasize it was him. I hardly believe myself.KarenKay, didn't you also have some sexually related things you talked to your T about...apologies if I am mistaken.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on February 23, 2004, at 11:19:22
In reply to The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 9:32:52
dont worry i went through that too !!! it is very painful ..but it sounds like u have a very supportive t and that could be very helpful!!! good luck keep us posted!!!
Posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 11:36:56
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on February 23, 2004, at 11:19:22
He is the light of my life, a best friend, I trust him with everything I have....A wonderful person who inspires me.....Could go on and on....
I am very lucky to have him, yes.
Posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 12:16:46
In reply to The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 9:32:52
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 23, 2004, at 12:43:39
In reply to The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 9:32:52
TinyDancer I KNOW how you feel and I feel bad for you and at the same time happy because these feelings and thoughts beat, at least for me the darkness of my life without them and they may do the same for you if you don't dwell on long term. I have not told my T THINGS I have thought and al in detail like you but I feel them and have used my husband when thinking of T..and it was good :)
What did your T say???????
Posted by Raindancer on February 23, 2004, at 18:57:46
In reply to The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 9:32:52
Dear Tiny,
I love my T too. I have told him often and we talk about it and it helps. I feel O.K. when I am there but I miss him all the time between sessions. I try to rationalise it but find it hard. I hope in time it will become more manageable. I know I'm lucky to have him and know he'll always be important to me. Take care. Thinking of you. R.
Posted by crushedout on February 24, 2004, at 23:25:09
In reply to The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by tinydancer on February 23, 2004, at 9:32:52
hi tinydancer. maybe we have some things in common. i'm so in love with my t, it's tearing me apart. i don't know what to do. i feel i will never be attracted to anyone else. i wouldn't even care about that except that my longing for her is pure torture, and i want it to stop. so i want to be attracted to someone else, but i can't be. i really don't think i ever will be. i feel like a fully and irreversibly imprinted duckling.
Posted by tinydancer on February 25, 2004, at 6:04:52
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops » tinydancer, posted by Raindancer on February 23, 2004, at 18:57:46
I have told my T pretty clearly how I feel, and he is very caring in handling my feelings gently. I can really struggle in between appointments-I would probably camp out at his office if I could. Just seeing him makes me happy and gives me a battery recharge, like 100%. Haha!
Posted by Kind Girl on February 27, 2004, at 1:14:39
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops » tinydancer, posted by crushedout on February 24, 2004, at 23:25:09
Okay this is like a running theme with me so bear with me if you have read my other posts tonight...but........
I have all the longings and feelings you all have expressed for your T.s except I am a woman and my t. is a woman and I am happily married and this scares me to death. My mother told me I was a lesbian so many years because I was not sleeping with every guy in high school (I wanted to save myself for my husband and for deeply religious convictions which she never would understand)....and so when I ache for my t. I think, "what mom said is true."
I have spoken of this in a very roundabout way with my t....said things like "this feels wrong,"...."I miss you when I don't see you,"...and she said missing her and longing for her are NORMAL and NATURAL and what should have happened when I was a baby if I had a healthy mother or father. Since I had nothing and was "profoundly neglected" (her words) I don't know what it is like to long for someone, to cry for someone, and for that person to come and pick me up and comfort me. That is what the deep longing is about.
It makes sense but doesn't stop me from dreaming about her or thinking about her constantly...pretending we are meeting for breakfast on Saturday and going shopping....I guess that is "normal" mother/daughter stuff but it gets all mixed up with the sexual stuff somehow. I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by crushedout on February 27, 2004, at 10:37:43
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by Kind Girl on February 27, 2004, at 1:14:39
hi kindgirl,i am a woman, too, and my t is a woman, too, but the difference for me is i'm very comfortable with the fact that i'm a lesbian so that's not an issue for me. i'm not saying you are a lesbian. i think that very often "straight" women have such feelings for other women. no one's really completely straight (or gay, for that matter) (or at least, very few people are). so i don't think you should worry about that. although the other point i want to make is that even if you are, there's really nothing wrong with it. it's quite wonderful. although there is a lot of misunderstanding and discrimination in the world, it's true. and you have to face that, and it can be depressing and demoralizing. but it can also be kind of energizing and exciting to have an outlaw sexuality.
anyway, because i'm so comfortable about my sexuality, i worry that i could be coming across as dismissive of your concerns. i hope i've avoided doing that.
> Okay this is like a running theme with me so bear with me if you have read my other posts tonight...but........
>
> I have all the longings and feelings you all have expressed for your T.s except I am a woman and my t. is a woman and I am happily married and this scares me to death. My mother told me I was a lesbian so many years because I was not sleeping with every guy in high school (I wanted to save myself for my husband and for deeply religious convictions which she never would understand)....and so when I ache for my t. I think, "what mom said is true."
>
> I have spoken of this in a very roundabout way with my t....said things like "this feels wrong,"...."I miss you when I don't see you,"...and she said missing her and longing for her are NORMAL and NATURAL and what should have happened when I was a baby if I had a healthy mother or father. Since I had nothing and was "profoundly neglected" (her words) I don't know what it is like to long for someone, to cry for someone, and for that person to come and pick me up and comfort me. That is what the deep longing is about.
>
> It makes sense but doesn't stop me from dreaming about her or thinking about her constantly...pretending we are meeting for breakfast on Saturday and going shopping....I guess that is "normal" mother/daughter stuff but it gets all mixed up with the sexual stuff somehow. I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by KindGirl on February 27, 2004, at 16:29:58
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops » Kind Girl, posted by crushedout on February 27, 2004, at 10:37:43
Hi Crushed,
Everything you said was comforting and validating. You are right....there is nothing wrong with these feelings and urges and I know it is natural to fantasize, even sexually, about your t. I have thought of her some times when I am making love with my husband and I guess "whatever works" to help me enjoy myself is okay. I think that is what "fantasy" is all about ????....and I have read in books that this is very common in the therapy relationship.You didn't belittle me at all. Thank you for sharing and for the encouragment!!
Posted by crushedout on February 27, 2004, at 18:01:04
In reply to Re: crushed girl :), posted by KindGirl on February 27, 2004, at 16:29:58
Posted by crushedout on February 28, 2004, at 10:21:58
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by Kind Girl on February 27, 2004, at 1:14:39
>My mother told me I was a lesbian so many years because I was not sleeping with every guy in high schoolCan I just say this is one of the strangest things I've ever heard? There must be an interesting story behind that one.
(Usually one tells one's mother one is a lesbian -- not the other way around -- also one's mother usually doesn't encourage one to sleep around in high school.)
Posted by tinydancer on February 29, 2004, at 2:15:02
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by Kind Girl on February 27, 2004, at 1:14:39
Kind Girl, don't you believe that we fall in love with a soul, not gender? When you meet a person who just tears your world apart, is pure and kind and treats you like no one has ever done, why should it be any wonder you fall in love with that person and want to be with them?
I understand it must be hard to question these deep issues of sexuality but the sooner you can tackle them in therapy the better. I usually preface everything by "Please, floor, open up and swallow me now!" I believe in my T and believe that he can help me with these issues.
I believe in naturalizing feelings, instead of poisoning them! I am so against turning all feelings that arise in therapy into a syndrome!!
Posted by inthegloaming on February 29, 2004, at 10:46:13
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops » Kind Girl, posted by tinydancer on February 29, 2004, at 2:15:02
all this has gotten me thinking about my t....
see, i've never really 'bonded' with a t before. when i first started seeing her, i was mean and awful. a total jerk, like SO MEAN. i don't even know why. and she was good about it. then i got on medication and stopped seeing her and started seeing the psychiatrist. but somehow, last year, i knew that i needed Doc back because she was the one who challenged me. she was the one who saw things jn the right way.
i'm so glad i went back. i'm starting to open up to Doc more and yes, sometimes i think of saying 'i love you' to her the way that i do my aunts and close cousins. she has helped me in ways that they have, that a famiiy member might and, while professionalism is important to me, therapy is becoming a different beast. it's... helping, for the first time in ten years.
but i never say it... i don't know why.
Posted by cerodwen on March 3, 2004, at 0:58:11
In reply to Re: The fun in therapy, it never stops, posted by inthegloaming on February 29, 2004, at 10:46:13
I can really relate to what you are saying. I haven't had trouble with falling in love with my therapist, but i am questioning my sexuality lately and it is hard to bring up in my sessions.
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