![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 10:58:38
Right now, one of my highest priorities in therapy is to get out of a log jam style crisis situation. I'm being cryptic, I know, but I don't want to give the details. In general, the issue concerns other people within the same agency. In more particular terms, I don't want her to fix anything about it -- I just want her to listen to me and help me find out how accurate my perceptions might be. Specifically, I don't want her to tell me, "Yeah, so-and-so is like that," I just want her to help me explore what premises my conclusions are based on. Am I being over-reactive to coincidence? Am I not trusting my gut and talking myself out of what I feel, in a visceral sense, is real? I'm holding back from pdoc because of things that happened in my past, and that's one of the specific issues right now, but new Therp won't even begin to discuss it.
Mind you, this was our first session, so a lot of what we were talking about was surface stuff: "It says here you have a history of substance abuse?" "Not really, I tried recreational drugs as a teenager, and sat around stoned with my buddies in high school, but that was over 20 years ago. Since then, it's hard for me to take aspirin for a headache, and the average 13 year old would have a better chance of locating illegal drugs than I would." That sort of thing. (Sure made me wonder about the doctor who did my intake eval, since the question was, "Have you ever used recreational drugs?" Saying yes is accurate, in my case, I have. That's not to say that I am a recovering addict, or that I have a history of substance abuse. Black and white, too black and white.) (Hell, my generation's reaction to, "I tried pot once, but I didn't inhale" was "vote for a guy who couldn't even get that right?")
Anyway, has anyone else experience something like this? A topic that's pretty vital to you, which your therapist refuses to discuss? (And I don't mean she didn't follow up -- she interupted me and said she would not discuss it.)
Thanks!
Posted by EmmyS on March 2, 2004, at 11:19:23
In reply to New Therapist won't discuss major issue?, posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 10:58:38
Maybe she just won't discuss another therapist within the same agency as a matter of policy? Sort of a CYA thing in case of law suits. For instance, she can't say, "yeah that other T sure screwed up when he/she said that to you". She just can't say anything negative about someone in the same agency.
Does that make any sense?
And that intake form is ridiculous. Asking about drug use history using a yes/no question is absurd. What are they thinking??
Emmy
Posted by tinydancer on March 2, 2004, at 12:02:01
In reply to New Therapist won't discuss major issue?, posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 10:58:38
I would be wary about a T who refuses to discuss pertinent issues about a patient. This is an issue that concerns you. How can a T refuse to discuss an issue that concerns you? You aren't asking them to reveal details or concede with your opinions.
I respect the intake for its basic purpose, but it is up to the T to be able to listen to the patient and explanations in regard to past history and so forth.
It doesn't sound positive for you. I personally would not have any benefit from seeing a therapist who was making rules about what I could talk about or refusing me the opportunity to voice concerns I had, no matter what they may be.
For me I can usually sense from the first appointment on if this is going to be a beneficial working relationship or not, although I try to reserve judgement until after a few appointments because I don't want to be too hasty in judgement.
Posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 12:04:36
In reply to New Therapist won't discuss major issue?, posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 10:58:38
I've had situations where my T glossed over something that seemed really important to me, but never where they stopped and said they wouldn't discuss something. Did she tell you why not? I think if she's going to stop you like that, she at least owes you an explanation. Otherwise, I'd be pretty darn unimpressed, personally. In fact, if a T ever refused to discuss something that I thought was important, and wouldn't then give me an explanation that satisfied me, I would seriously consider moving on to a different T. They work for you after all. You should be able to discuss whatever you think is important to your mental health.
Just my knee jerk reaction here. I'll be curious to hear whether she has a reasonable explanation for you.
- p
Posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 12:34:19
In reply to Re: New Therapist won't discuss major issue?, posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 12:04:36
Yes, she gave me an explanation, which involved agency internals, but that missed the point of what I needed to talk about. I tried to tell her that I wasn't looking for her to talk to me about what I should do, or whether I should ask for another pdoc, or what her opinion was. I was trying to talk about how I was not trusting my perceptions, and why. It could have been any subject, it just happened, in this case, to be the pdoc.
Also, this is an agency providing services through the county. I can't just find another therapist, I can request a change, but that would take weeks to months, and then it could be worse. In many ways, this one seems good, it's just that I'm very concerned that she didn't seem to be able -- or willing -- to hear me on an important issue, and wonder if anyone has any ideas about how to approach this with her? You know, something like starting from "I doubt myself, and the pdoc is a good illustration..." or "My self-doubts are paralysing me, and here's an example where I would be safe in exploring new behaviors?" Does that make sense?
Thanks for your responses so far. All have made me feel better, and helped me to clarify my thoughts on it.
Posted by EmmyS on March 2, 2004, at 14:31:16
In reply to She did explain a bit, but..., posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 12:34:19
If not trusting your perceptions is a reoccuring theme for you, perhaps you could start with other examples of when that occurs. Get her input on those. Then, go back to the issue with the T, and say, now do you get it? I feel like I keep doing this over and over. Is it me? What's your take on it?
Also, if you DO need to work out issues regarding your previous T, and she won't do that - I think you need to get to a T who will do that work with you, even if it means waiting. Resolving significant relationships is important.
But will any T in that agency do it??? It would truly be awful if that place is the only option for you. If that's the case, you'd think they could refer you to a private T (maybe a CSW) would would take you on for a low fee.
Emmy
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:57:27
In reply to She did explain a bit, but..., posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 12:34:19
Hmmm... I think I'd be concerned. And I don't think I'd like to have to back into the subject.
My suggestion would be what it always is. Talk to your therapist about it. Can you tell her that if she can't discuss the topic, you at least need to discuss what her refusal to discuss the topic means to you. And ask her how the topic might be discussed without breaking agency guidelines?
Posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 17:22:02
In reply to Re: She did explain a bit, but... » Racer, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:57:27
You wrote:
>> And ask her how the topic might be discussed without breaking agency guidelines?
That, my dear, is great advice! And I'm going to do just exactly that next session.
Thank you for the suggestion, it was something I'd never have thought of.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 2, 2004, at 18:47:17
In reply to Re: She did explain a bit, but... » Dinah, posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 17:22:02
I think Dinah's advice, as always, is excellent. I just wonder...is it really agency guidelines not to discuss other staff in somone's therapy or is it just her stuff?
I personally talk about faculty, my supervisor, the GA's, etc. to my T, who works at the same university. He and my boss, the director of the center, are actually equal in rank at the university...they both direct their respective clinics. My T is very good at looking at what the discussions mean to ME, and does not interject stuff about the people I talk about. Whether it colors his opinion of them, I don't know. At first, I was hesitant to bring up names, but eventually I learned to trust that he would manage his own stuff and I did not have to be responsible for that.
I wish your T could do the same. Perhaps if you reiterate that you wish to discuss this from the terms of what it means to you, and not to dish on her colleagues. You might also make an explicit statement like this, "I know that you, as a professional, are able to keep separate what is my stuff and what relates to this agency." Or something along those lines.
Good luck with this. I am so sorry you were so overtly shut down about something so important to you. Even if it is trivial, a T should never refuse to talk about something, IMO.
Take care and let us know how it goes.
gg
Posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 19:42:19
In reply to Re: She did explain a bit, but..., posted by gardenergirl on March 2, 2004, at 18:47:17
hmmm...how about this:
"I know we are learning a lot about each other in these first few weeks, especially about how we communicate. I think I may have miscommunicated in our last session a bit...I want to talk about my self-doubts, I wasn't hoping to have you validate a complaint I had about this agency or one of your coworkers. But, I have to say, I felt really shut down. On the other hand, I appreciate that I do not know you well enough yet to know whether, "I can't discuss it" means the entire subject is off limits, or discussing coworkers, etc. etc. And I realize you do not know me well enough yet to know if there is another agenda at play here...as in, will I sue everyone in sight? But here is what I was hoping we would talk about and perhaps a better example of what I was trying to say..."
Just my thoughts. I'm sorry it was so hard. Hang in there. If your overall impression is that she will be good, getting past reading each other is worth the time it takes. I think my Therapist is top notch, but he misread me a few times in the beginning. Actually, even now, he misses, once in awhile. Last week he was problem solving for me, noticed I had gone very quiet, said, "where did you go? I guess I'm problem solving this issue and maybe that isn't want you need...so tell me more..." I was surprised, but appreciated that he noticed that we had stopped communicated and it was only him talking.
It takes time. Lots of it. Try again.
-D
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.