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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:39:48
I didn't do my homework this weekend, it was too hard and painful still. So he changed it today to a new one which I think might be fun to share.
The first assignment was to make a list of the effects past trauma has had on my life. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Now the assignment is to list what effects therapy has had on my life. I have to include positive and negative (if there are any, my Therapist said with a smile) things. And I can't list the only negative as being poorer.
So, I'm interested in what you guys have to say. I'll work on mine and post it too.
BTW - thanks for all the support of late. I've really needed it and appreciated it. Really. :)
Daisy
Posted by Karen_kay on March 2, 2004, at 7:53:29
In reply to New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:39:48
Hello Daisy hun! I've missed you :) I'll help you out!
Negative Effects of trauma:
*Inability to form close emotional attachments
*Severe memory problems
*(One could say) BPD, as a result of unstable mother
*Confusion in most areas of my life
*PTSD(I'll stop right here, due to time constraints, OK? But you get the gist :))
Positives of Therapy:
*A sense of stability, not only in my emotional realm, but alos having a set appointment once a week
*A sense of accomplishment, as I get a little bit better over time, I feel I've accomplished something, even if it is intangible
*Feeling that my emotions and thoughts are important (Validation, and from a man no less!! Wow!)
*Improving memory
*A method to my madness (At least I have an explanation as to why I am the way I am, you know??)
*Sometimes something to look forward to, even if that's all I feel I have to look forward to the entire week (And of course, sometimes I don't look forward to it :))
*Recognition of my problems, with an objective and plan to solving them (Even if I don't always choose to, I know how to at least! And recognizing a problem exists is a HUGE step for me!)
*Stable moods, for the most part
*And, a handsome doctor to look at for 50 minutes each week ( You can't beat that!)That's a short list!
OH!!! One more thing! Through beginning therapy, I found Babble... And that's wonderful!
Posted by EmmyS on March 2, 2004, at 11:11:53
In reply to New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:39:48
For the Negatives list:
1) The pain of revisiting past trauma
2) The impact that has on the rest of our lives, e.g work, school, family, etc.
For instance, after a particularly difficult appointment, how do we go back to the office, or classroom? Can we take time off to get through a rough series of appoinments? Do we turn all our vacation time into "mental health" days?
Without therapy, of course, there is still an impact to our lives, it's just not as acute....not as concentrated, or something like that.
For me therapy is not just an hour long. It's that hour, PLUS the rest of the day. I can't schedule anything afterwards since I'm just mental moosh.
Emmy
Posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 11:56:10
In reply to New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:39:48
Thanks for sharing your assignment again Daisy!
For me, the effects of therapy have been:
Found babble!
- Recognizing patterns in my behavior and thoughts (i.e., making some sense out of my muddle)
- Identified past stuff that is affecting me now
- Medication that helps a lot!
- Learning to meditate (really big)
- Feeling more free and less limited in my life choices (leading to a career change)
- Learning to be less judgmental (or at least aspire to that)
- Becoming more conscious of my SI
- Better communication with my husband
- Uncomfortable, unhealthy-feeling attachment/dependency with my T
- A new abandonment (when my T moved away)
- Periods of increased SI, dissociation, depression, anxiety, and emotional ups and downs
That's all I can think of for now. I'm looking forward to hearing what others say.
- p
Posted by Karen_kay on March 2, 2004, at 12:12:50
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment, posted by Karen_kay on March 2, 2004, at 7:53:29
Negatives of Therapy:
*Dependancy on therapist (or possible lack of???)
*Relationship with boyfriend is down the drain
*Realization that I'm not perfect, nor am I fooling anyone
*Abandonment issues that I didn't really have in the past
*Some spurts of self-criticism, anxiety, ect.
*Realization of my problems (Huh, I have problems?)
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:28:29
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment » DaisyM, posted by EmmyS on March 2, 2004, at 11:11:53
Oh, I'm with you. I'd say a majority of the time I'm useless for at least hours after therapy. Even if we didn't discuss anything earthshattering. It just opens the door to a not very productive state.
Posted by rs on March 2, 2004, at 18:43:42
In reply to New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:39:48
Hi Daisy. Hope all is going well with you. The effects of trauma
1. Pain and denial
2. Others inside (also positive)
3. Trust issues
4. Nghtmares paranoid
5. Intimacy
6. Lost childhood.
Many more but would be too long
Postive in therapy
Having someone really believe. See the pain that is lived every day. Listen with full attention and caring. Does not doubt. Cares. Carrys the burden. Speaks on how it is not our fault along with shame. Were not bad and did not deserve it no matter what. Likes us no matter what is said or done. Treats like human people.
The negative side.
Never enough time. Scarey to depened on someone for some kind of peace in life. To pick up the phone call if need to. Vunerable. Fear of loosing them and will they leave.
Daisy hope things get better for you. Hear how hard this has been for you at times and understand. Your a great person that good things will come some day. You deserve it. Also your T sounds wonderful. Do not fear that he will give up on you or leave you. He cares and tell yourself that he will be walking right with you through this whole process. And so what if it takes years or whatever. You deserve a break with help and caring.
Posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 19:25:21
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment » DaisyM, posted by rs on March 2, 2004, at 18:43:42
Effects of Therapy
Positive:
Learning to lean on/reach out to other people
identifying why I've always carried the feeling of being "haunted"
Support
Honest self-reflection about my state of happiness
increased understanding of my children and their emotional needs
Not working as much (I can't!)
Relief from secrets
clarity about motivation to succeed
Reframing of some past events, making them more bearable
my Therapist
Babble! :)Negatives:
Regression, at times
Overwhelming neediness, at times
Awareness of lonliness, all the time
Less confidence in myself
Fragile, "I'm breakable" feelings
time spent crying
Decision making has suffered
Can't focus on work as much
Questioning long standing relationships
Memories I'd rather not have, have surfaced
Constantly having to push myself to stay with it
Sex life has gone even further south
I think that is enough, don't you? I know my Therapist is going to say that neediness/dependency is not a negative but I still struggle with that. And putting my sex life on the list opens up a potential discussion I don't really want to have again. He asked once what I *wanted* from my sex life...how do you answer that?Thanks all for your lists. It is interesting that so many of us have many of the same things. And no, I won't leave Babble on the list I give him. I'm not ready for that yet.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 2, 2004, at 20:12:18
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 19:25:21
Daisy, some thoughts about your list which resonate with me.>
> Positive:
> Learning to lean on/reach out to other peopleThis could be interpreted as being dependent/needy as well. Kind of depends on how you look at it. I feel like it's good, too. But when I discovered my dependence the first time, I said "Holy transference, batman!" Was caught off guard.
> my Therapist
> Babble! :)I agre with these for me as well.
>
> Negatives:
> Regression, at timesI don't think this is a negative. I have rather enjoyed regressing. Kind of fun to wear pigtails, enjoy the sounds of crunching fall leaves under my feet (okay, have been regressing for awhile), etc. But now I feel like I am re-integrating my inner child I got in tough with through regression.
> Fragile, "I'm breakable" feelings
Oh, yeah. Feel like this at times.
> time spent cryingAlways wondering if I am ever going to get to a place where I don't cry all the time in session.
> Can't focus on work as much
Definitely need to be careful about when I schedule my session. It works best for me to make it my last appt. of the day so I don't have to face anyone if I am feeling raw.
> Constantly having to push myself to stay with it
Oh isn't it easier at times to just repress? :-(
I think you made a good list. Definitely fodder for another session.Thanks for sharing your assignments. Really makes you think. My T never gives me homework.
gg
Posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 22:10:53
In reply to New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:39:48
My old T never gave me real homework either, so I tended to make some up. I wanted to have therapy stuff to work on between sessions, to feel connected still. So, I'm loving doing your assignments with you Daisy.
My current T gave me the assignment of buying a pink dress for myself (it's a long story). A shopping assignment is something I can appreciate!
Also, I totally agree with everyone who said that they lose the rest of the day after therapy. I'm worthless after therapy. I like to schedule in the afternoon, on my day off, so I can go crawl into bed afterwards.
- p
Posted by Poet on March 2, 2004, at 22:32:41
In reply to New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 1, 2004, at 21:39:48
Hi Daisy,
Positives:
Less social anxiety- can talk in front of groups
More trusting (still have trust issues, but I trust her more and more)
Understanding that much of my adult anger is because of childhood anger towards others that I turned inward (work in progress)Negatives
Fear of growing dependent on her, but at the same time not having a fear she'll abandon me, so I guess that's a positive-negative.
Poet
Posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 22:53:56
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment, posted by gardenergirl on March 2, 2004, at 20:12:18
We'll have to debate the regression at some point. For me, I regress to needy and fearful, due to what we are working on. So I hate it. My Therapist then takes the opportunity to "talk" to this little girl, which feels pretty out of control for me, because she tells him a lot of what happened and how she felt about it. Eww...so hard!
And, I almost never cry IN session. I think maybe 2 or 3 times, once or twice on the phone. In fact, Fallsfall told me it should be goal (to let go in session) and my Therapist ask me Monday if it still "wasn't OK to cry here?" because I was fighting off the tears. I was a lamaze teacher for so many years that the breathing sort of automatically takes over and I get to a calmer place. Now, 2 or 3am - you can find me crying a lot.
thanks for sharing your list.
Posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 22:59:51
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment, posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 22:10:53
Shopping Homework?! I have to hear the story...please?
Macy's is having a HUGE sale, 1/2 off already 1/2-off. I bought a pink shirt to go with my pink high-tops this weekend.
Somewhere along the way my Therapist noticed how much I talked about journaling and writing. It became a containment project and now has progressed to try to get some of the harder feelings out. I do a lot of self-editing when I talk. Some of the assignments are really hard - I had to write a conversation between adult-me and child-me, which took on a life of its own -- but some make you think and take note of progress, like this one.
So, I like it most of the time. He does find a lot to comment on with most of my writings, stuff I didn't even realize was there. *sigh* Guess that's what makes him good.
Posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 23:04:23
In reply to Ooopsie! Forgot negatives.. » Karen_kay, posted by Karen_kay on March 2, 2004, at 12:12:50
Karen,
thanks for sharing your list, especially the trauma effects. i've started that list a dozen times. Maybe I still want to believe that I am who I am in-spite-of, not because of. Plus there are things (like breast-feeding) that I'll now never do and always feel like I missed. You know what I mean? And it makes it even more real.so you are brave to write it down and look at it and work on it.
Posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 23:27:54
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 22:59:51
Yes, that's one thing about having a woman therapist. Can you see a man assigning shopping homework?
So, here's the story: One of my therapy issues is my relationship with my sister. One time I was telling my T about how when I was a kid my mom would make us dresses that matched. My sister, being dark haired, always got the pink or purple dress, and I always got the other dress, whatever it was. Never pink. I can't tell you how much I wanted that pink dress. But I never even thought to ask for it. Eventually, I just defensively decided that my favorite color was blue (my dresses were often blue). Now, I have no pink clothing whatsoever.
So, my therapist says, I think for a homework assignment you should go buy a pink dress. I said pink isn't really my color, and she said, you should find out what shade of pink looks good on you, and go buy a dress that color that you really like.
So, now I have shopping homework! And pink is *the color* this season, so it shouldn't be hard.
- p
Posted by DaisyM on March 3, 2004, at 15:17:39
In reply to Shopping homework » DaisyM, posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 23:27:54
you have to also buy pink shoes and white stockings with some kind of pattern...I saw a great pale pink suit that would be perfect for Easter.
OK, this is the first time I think I'd be willing to trade my Therapist...shopping homework!
Posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2004, at 15:18:33
In reply to Re: New Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on March 2, 2004, at 22:59:51
I just bought two pink shirts! Not a usual look for me, but I love them.
gg
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