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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by pegasus on March 2, 2004, at 22:27:55
In reply to What do you think?, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:54:28
Dinah, your "daydreams" sound so fascinating! I have to admit that I've never done anything remotely like that. As I read your description I had a lot of really complicated feelings. On the one hand, I am amazed and impressed at your imagination and creativity. And I'm kind of jealous that you managed to create this really interesting interior world that rescued you from boredom etc. On the other hand, it sounds a little dangerous to spend so much time and creative energy on things that are internal entertainment for yourself alone. I guess I mean that all that time spent in fantasizing means time not spent in your real life. And that's a lot of time not in your real life.
Lately I've been trying to be more aware of what's going on in my real life, and spend less time living in the future and past and in fantasies. This effort was encouraged by my old T. I think the idea is that when you are off in your head, you are missing things that are happening in your real life, good and bad. And I guess missing even bad stuff can cause problems. Here I get a little lost.
But I have a little example of how this effort has helped me recently. I was at an exercise class, a little early, and just laying there on my mat. I was thinking how much I didn't want class to start because I wanted to just lay there and relax. I started thinking about the exercises and how I don't like the teacher, etc. Then I remembered to try to be in the moment. So I let go of those thoughts and just relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of laying there. It was a great little epiphany. I had been ruining my own little moment of relaxation by living just a few minutes in the future instead of in that moment. I find that it takes practice to be able to bring myself in from that type of fantasy.
I don't know if this is helpful, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
- p
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 3, 2004, at 1:49:41
In reply to I didn't say they were *good* stories. LOL. (nm) » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 19:15:41
Your obliging humility won't shut me up....lol
(((Dinah))),
I mean what I said.
I expected you to complain that reminiscing would dredge up toooo much pain. I am encouraged that you are not afraid of the memories. This will allow you to modify the original memories, turning them into good stories with interesting characters.
I have noticed that at times, people have believed in me more than I believed in myself. Is this one of those times for you? If this is, don't overreact, please. Just find a quiet place and start journaling. If you trust us, journal for us at the writing board.
I gotta warn you. I've been saying these same things to my 21 year old son who has periods when he writes night and day, and other times when he hates pencils and paper so much he throws everything in the trash. Soooo, I'm conditioned to hang in there and keep encouraging him during his worst creativity meltdowns, so I can overcome any objections you might have, too.
He wrote a script for a 15 minute short movie he produced and directed called "The Reggae Cowboy". A silly surrealistic yarn about a cannibalistic mental patient with the supernatural abilities of immense strength and to be in two places at once. The character was addicted to riding mecahincal bulls and wore dreadlocks and a cowboy hat.
My Son was a senior in High School and got the highest grade in the class, even with it being really disturbing.
Back to your talent. Go getem' Girl.
Rod
Posted by tinydancer on March 3, 2004, at 4:23:37
In reply to What do you think?, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:54:28
This is really fascinating to me. You didn't mention anything about disassociating, which surprises me. With the enormity, dedication and detail it seems a lot like what people with multiple personalities experience. Except your universe sounds much more pleasant. Mine is always in flux, and involves a lot of nasty characters, and my control level for designing the "set" is zero.
I am interested by the fact you call it daydreaming or fantasizing. Not that I want to diagnose you with a mental illness here, but as a person with DID I'm sort of interested in the disassociation side of this universe you created. Any thoughts on that?
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2004, at 9:06:24
In reply to Re: What do you think? » Dinah, posted by tinydancer on March 3, 2004, at 4:23:37
I dissociate as well. It's my favorite coping mechanism, and I admittedly overuse it. I don't have DID or lose time, but I dissociate a fair amount. But this isn't dissociation. Except for the fact that I immersed myelf in it and lost track of time, etc. No different than reading a book or watching a movie.
My understanding is that in DID, the different personalities live real lives? Not imaginary fantastical ones. And are "real" people? And on occasion take over the physical body? And that while they might have different perspectives on a person's general history, or memories that only some parts remember but others dont, that their parents would be the same for instance? At least, that's my understanding. That the multiple selves aren't imaginary and don't lead imaginary lives.
The first fantasy was clearly an imaginary world to me. I knew it was imaginary, although a much more beautiful, intelligent, and sociable me was the central character. Same name, etc.
I'm not even sure the central characters of the second fantasy were supposed to be me. It was more of a novel or soap opera I think. The name wasn't me. The looks weren't even close to mine, never mind beauty, but even in coloring. The history wasn't close to mine or anything that ever happened to me. And it was multigenerationsal, spanning centuries. And I don't think I even saw it through the eyes of the main character. I was watching her, not being her.
It was also fairly derivative, borrowing heavily from TV, books, and movies.
My understanding of ego states is that the experience is far different. This is more like a little girl's world of imagination. Like the giant robot who accompanied me everywhere when I was four. :)
Posted by lookdownfish on March 3, 2004, at 9:39:26
In reply to What do you think?, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:54:28
When I was younger I used to create quite intricate stories in my head. I was a little boy who was kidnapped and sold as a slave and sent off on a ship and tortured and whipped and beaten. Analyse that. Nowadays, it's all rather mundane, eg I fantasise about meeting my therapist when I'm out shopping or something like that. I don't create the really intricate detailed stories any more. and I don't miss it. I don't think its necessarily unhealthy or abnormal, but it is an escape from real life, so in that sense, I can see why your therapist would prefer you to not get back to that kind of intricate daydreaming, as it is a defence mechanism against facing real-life issues.
Posted by All Done on March 3, 2004, at 10:16:34
In reply to What do you think?, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:54:28
Dinah,
I would just love to share your brain for a day! You never cease to amaze me or interest me!
You know, my mom used to make up a lot of my bedtime stories. They were pretty intricate as it would take me an awfully long time to fall asleep. Or, maybe it would take me a long time to fall asleep because they were so intricate and I just *had* to hear the endings. Anyway, these stories were *so* much better than any of the books we read together (and there were tons of those). I truly believe this helped me to develop my own imagination and creativity and I had wonderful fantasies when I was younger. I also think that by utilizing this part of my brain, I was more successful with my schoolwork albeit less successful with the social part of school. Life is a series of tradeoffs, I suppose. Unfortunately, it seems the older I get, the less I use my imagination :(.
I think it would be a wonderful thing for you and your therapist to explore your creativity. I'm not quite sure why he's hesitant. And if, as your therapist suggests, therapy is supposed to fulfill whatever need it is that we get from daydreaming, I'm doing therapy all wrong. I better rework my "agenda" for next week :).
All Done
Posted by Joslynn on March 3, 2004, at 11:35:46
In reply to What do you think?, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:54:28
Look at JRR Tolkien, he created this complete fantasy world and now it' s won 11 grammies.
However, he did share it with the world. I like the idea of writing children's stories.
When I was younger, say from about 8-14, I had a fantasy world too, but I guess it was more suburban than yours. I daydreamed about a character named Valleri Laurence, who had long curly black hair and blue eyes. She lived in Roseberry Valley and had normal parents who didn't yell.
I would turn on my AM radio and spin out intricate fantasies involving her, her friends, her cute boyfriend and her cheerleading career, LOL.
In my mid to late teens, I even wrote a novel about her, but changed her name. The novel is not publishable, truly it's not. It is in sections in a box that I keep in my apartment still.
After I moved out of my parents's house, when I went off to college, I didn't feel the need to escape like that anymore. I still write a lot of poetry though.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 12:27:00
In reply to What do you think?, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:54:28
Hi I have a daydream world heck I am a housewife with a lot of time on my hands and mine are usually romantic things about people I know and pass in max a hour on a very slow day...but it is not as fancy and detailed as yours.I am still not sure I understand all of yours. I think maybe exploring WHY you wanna go back to it in such depth may be good to talk about with your T. Like WHY do you wanna depart and invest so much energy of mind into a fake world instead of working on your real world. Just an idea.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 12:29:36
In reply to Re: What do you think?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 2, 2004, at 17:03:09
Alternate universes I honestly don't think thats a really usual. But hey I ain't normal so who knows :)
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2004, at 14:37:56
In reply to Re: What do you think?, posted by Joslynn on March 3, 2004, at 11:35:46
That sounds like a fun fantasy. :) I especially liked the normal parents who didn't yell. I like Miss Honeychurch's Paloma too.
I used to write poetry way back when. I haven't written any in ages. I also used to write truly awful novels. Well, I started them at least but never finished any. But my fantasies were always mine, a totally private thing. I am pretty sure I wouldn't want them held up to public scrutiny.
Even telling my therapist was excrutiating. And he only laughed a little.
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2004, at 14:40:08
In reply to Re: What do you think? » Dinah, posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 12:27:00
They were ever so much nicer than real life.
And therapy is really no substitute. Really.
I think I've finally found the thing I'd trade my therapist for.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 15:33:25
In reply to But I want them baaack. :(, posted by Dinah on March 3, 2004, at 14:40:08
Lol then I hope you get them back but still maybe talk to T on it all...Maybe if you set so many hours aside a day...and write it ALL out you could write a book and get mega ^$$$$$$$ that would be constructive and your T would be all wow :D I thought I posted it so if this comes up twice...sorry
Maybe if you made mega bucks you could take us all out to lunch? ;)
> They were ever so much nicer than real life.
>
> And therapy is really no substitute. Really.
>
> I think I've finally found the thing I'd trade my therapist for.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2004, at 15:47:24
In reply to Re: What do you think?, posted by lookdownfish on March 3, 2004, at 9:39:26
> Nowadays, it's all rather mundane, eg I fantasise about meeting my therapist when I'm out shopping or something like that.
I do the same thing! I'm glad I'm not the only one.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2004, at 15:48:39
In reply to Re: What do you think? » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 3, 2004, at 10:16:34
You know, I just realized that I don't daydream or fantasize nearly as much as I used to before starting therapy. Hmmmm.
gg
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 3, 2004, at 16:28:24
In reply to Re: What do you think?, posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2004, at 15:48:39
Lol I fantasize more and mostly about my T :)
Posted by 64bowtie on March 3, 2004, at 20:20:14
In reply to Re: What do you think?, posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2004, at 15:48:39
There's also "mind grind", going over things a 1000 time per minute to be sure of them. OCD trait.
Rod
Posted by All Done on March 4, 2004, at 2:43:09
In reply to What do you think?, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 16:54:28
>Does anyone else have an intricate daydream world? Is it really unusual or pathological?
Dinah,
I was just thinking these might be good questions for the next guest speaker.
All Done
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2004, at 10:23:11
In reply to Re: What do you think? » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 4, 2004, at 2:43:09
Unfortunately, the last guest speaker was over a year or so ago. :)
Reviews of the idea seem decidedly mixed. But I am a stubborn wench. I liked having something to do even for a few seconds in the elevator or walking to my car. So I'm going full tilt to get them back. I don't know if it will work, but I'll go down fighting. I'm immersing myself in the things that remind me of my daydreams or that were inspirations to them.
And my therapist can go to h*ll. He's been difficult lately anyway. Taking offense at practically everything I do. Seeming to feel that things about me are shameworthy when I don't think they are. I am going to start observing him a lot closer to see if my view of him is purely transference, and if I can, in fact, do quite nicely without him. And I'm going to start taking Risperdal when I'm upset instead of calling or seeing him. It, too, acts as ego glue and helps me avoid fragmentation. And while I don't like the side effects, at this moment, I'm liking my therapist's side effects even worse. That may change, I suppose...
Posted by All Done on March 4, 2004, at 11:32:24
In reply to Re: What do you think? » All Done, posted by Dinah on March 4, 2004, at 10:23:11
Hmm. ..I meant guest author (Tom Grimes), I think. Maybe we’re not talking about the same thing?
Good for you for trying to get your daydreams back! You are the only one who has to live with yourself, in your mind, each day. Your therapist doesn’t. So, in the end, it’s best for all of us to do what works to make us happy (or at least not so depressed). Gosh, though, I really don’t think he should be making you feel shameful about this or anything for that matter. I mean, honestly, I’ll give him a thing or two about shameworthy! He picked his nose in front of you! :)
Seriously, though, as for doing without your therapist (whether temporarily or indefinitely), well, you don’t seem to me like the type of person that makes hasty decisions. So, my advice for you is probably something you’ve already considered. Take your time. There are ebbs and flows in therapy. When you’re ready, talk to him about all of this and see where it takes you. And if you feel the Risperdal will work for you for a while, by all means, that’s a fine option. Maybe just a step back from him for a little is what you need.
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2004, at 21:54:02
In reply to Re: What do you think? » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 4, 2004, at 11:32:24
Oh, I thought you meant the next PB Psychology expert, unfortunately few and far between. :)
But as it happens, something extremely stressful has cropped up with my parents that would make tampering with my therapy right now unwise. So I imagine I'll keep things on even keel for a while. I hope he cooperates with that.
Posted by All Done on March 4, 2004, at 23:51:53
In reply to Re: What do you think? » All Done, posted by Dinah on March 4, 2004, at 21:54:02
I hope everything is okay, Dinah.
From what you've said in the past, I know your therapist will be there for you and with you when you need him. He's one of the good ones :).
Take care,
All Done
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 1:11:59
In reply to Re: What do you think? » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 4, 2004, at 23:51:53
That certainly is his strength. And I'll be needing it for a while, so maybe he'll go easy on me.
My mother is going in the hospital for at least ten days, but in the past up to a month, because of an infection in her foot (she's diabetic). My father is wheelchair bound and will be at home alone since my brother just went off to train for and then ship off to Afghanistan and won't be coming back for over a year. He really shouldn't be at home alone, but refuses a sitter. I *really* can't have him at my house. My therapist and I were coincidentally discussing it the other day. My therapist said that if I weren't nuts now, spending 24/7 with either of my parents would put me there. And he's right. My father yells and curses and threatens to kill people (which he won't, but it's not pleasant). I would just drop by their house several times a day, but I'm already overwhelmed at work and just can't manage it at the moment, since we're extra busy right now.
And of course, I feel really sorry for my mother, who prizes her independence, and who really needs to be able to get away from my father. She'll be laid up for a while even when she gets home.
I'm going for denial at the moment. Maybe something will happen and it will all turn out fine.
Posted by All Done on March 5, 2004, at 1:59:26
In reply to Re: What do you think? » All Done, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 1:11:59
I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I have a lot of diabetics in my family and it isn’t easy. So many of my aunts have been hospitalized with complications such as infections in their feet. I wish there was something I could do to help, but they all seem to go through the same things :(.
I can so relate to not wanting to have your dad at your house. After my father passed away, my mom came to live with us for a “mere” eight weeks. Mind you, this is the exact time I entered therapy for the first time in my life. Well, suffice it to say, we didn’t even last six weeks before she had to leave. It was an absolute disaster and I will never do it again. Then again, now, when I have to help her out, it means going to her place and it is really difficult to find the time sometimes. Oh, this all probably sounds terrible of me. I just get to feeling so torn between taking care of my mom and taking care of myself and my family. The thought that did get me through the time when she was with us was that it was only temporary. There was an end in sight.
I really feel for you and I hope you can find some sort of happy medium with your dad for the time he’ll need help. Are there any other relatives besides your brother that might be able to help? Will your husband help out?
Isn’t it such a difficult transition when children have to start being the parents for their parents?
(((Dinah)))
(((Dinah's family)))
Posted by gardenergirl on March 5, 2004, at 11:12:28
In reply to Re: What do you think? » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 5, 2004, at 1:59:26
Oh Dinah,
I feel for you. It's such a dilemma and care for older adults is so hard to find, even if your dad were to accept it.My mom is going to have hip surgery soon. She needed to do this at least 12 years ago. I washed my hands of the topic a couple of years ago after nagging her on and off forever. She now chooses this time, when I am so heavy into my dissertation and so close to the end of the road that I can taste the dust on it, to ask me to help her.
AAAAGHH!
Parents!
Please take care of yourself and do what is best for yourself and for your husband and son.
I'll add my hugs ((((Dinah)))) and my prayers for your parents.
gg
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 12:26:26
In reply to Re: What do you think?, posted by gardenergirl on March 5, 2004, at 11:12:28
I'm refusing to think about it right now. I told them what I could and couldn't do for them. The rest is going to have to be up to them. I do respect my duty to them, I hope, but you can't get blood from a stone. I just haven't that much to give right now. (My husband detests my family.)
Gardenergirl, I hope you do the same for your Mom. The midst of your dissertation is not the time to choose elective surgery that she has been putting off for years when she'll need your help!
At least my Mom doesn't have any choice, poor thing. Estimates range from losing a toe to most of a foot. And my mother can't deal with being an invalid. So I'm hoping it's just a toe. :(
But I'm refusing to think about it. I've got too much to do at work and I'm not feeling too sturdy.
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