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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shortelise on March 9, 2004, at 12:37:37
I've decided that coming here is not in my best interest, that even reading here briefly is feeding into my need for therapy and not into my original quest for help/info in terminating. I have accomplished what I needed to in therapy, and must let go, but it feels...terminal! :-)
Before I go, I wonder if anyone has any further words of wisdom about termination. Few responded to my query when I first got here about a month ago, but Erika Schmidt's response was incerdibly helpful, so much so that I printed it and keep it in my journal.
You're all lovely, and I admire each and every one of you. I would value anything that any of you had to say on this subject.
Thanks
Shortelise
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 9, 2004, at 15:14:38
In reply to 1 last time - termination, posted by shortelise on March 9, 2004, at 12:37:37
Hi ShorteliseYou know what is best for you, but I will be sorry not to read your posts anymore.
The last thing my therapist said to me was 'It goes on working', meaning therapy, and she was absolutely right, it does. Something that grows, not something that gets 'used up'.
With love and best wishes, ch
Posted by Pfinstegg on March 9, 2004, at 16:07:41
In reply to 1 last time - termination, posted by shortelise on March 9, 2004, at 12:37:37
You're right - there isn't much help for people terminating, as most of us are right in the middle of therapy, with all of its intensity. It's helpful, and hopeful, for us to learn that people actually DO terminate sucessfully.
I had some very successful therapy when I was young, and was able to terminate and stay functioning at a high level until my parents died. Then I crashed pretty badly. So I am basically on my second round of it. My memories of the first termination are that it was both very hard and sad- and wonderful. I felt that I had gained a tremendous amount- and what I gained stayed with me and even grew over the years. But I did have to go through about nine months of very painful grieving for my wonderful first analyst. One thing that helped me a lot was to keep in touch with him by mail at Christmas -sending family photos, updates, etc. He would occasionally write a note in reply, in which I could really feel his fondness and caring. That helped me so much to keep him internalized. Nowadays, I think therapists are much more flexible; many people need, and can have, occasional appointments when they feel that they would benefit from them. The analyst I have now intends to do it that way when my *time* comes. Does your T. have any similiar plans? I would think the most important thing would be to experience a permanent, and growing, gain, with the loss aspect of it kept to a minimum.
I wish that the board here could encompass people at your stage of treatment- that it could be a source of support for you as you move towards fewer sessions, and a source of hope for those of us not there yet. CALLING FOR MORE *TERMINATORS*! We have so much to learn from you.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 9, 2004, at 17:23:23
In reply to 1 last time - termination, posted by shortelise on March 9, 2004, at 12:37:37
I am sorry you are leaving and shocked kind of. I do not know on termination cause I am not there yet...just wanted to say I'll miss reading you and wish you well. I do know if I was leaving my T any therapy talk would bum me out so I understand
Posted by Dinah on March 9, 2004, at 17:29:39
In reply to 1 last time - termination, posted by shortelise on March 9, 2004, at 12:37:37
Sorry to lose you and your insight, but I do understand. If you're trying for separation and individuation, it doesn't help to immerse yourself in it.
I wish I had some useful advice, but I never wish to individuate, so I haven't thought much about it.
I understand that when it's time, there's a gradual knowledge of the fact. And that it is probably better to taper like Miss Honeychurch is doing.
I know you'll feel some anxiety over it, but do you feel some excitement too? Of the things you can do with your time and money? Of the fact that you are "graduating" and ready to take your new skills out into the world?
Posted by gardenergirl on March 9, 2004, at 17:30:16
In reply to Re: 1 last time - termination » shortelise, posted by Pfinstegg on March 9, 2004, at 16:07:41
shorte
I don't have personal experience with termination with a T...still in dependent stage.But I have terminated with many clients, both due to them getting better and choosing to end therapy and also for other reasons: the client leaving the facility where I was working, me leaving a year-long placement, or the client quitting because they felt they weren't getting anything out of it (yes, I have had clients fire me).
With any of the clients I've worked with for more than a few sessions, termination has always been sad in some ways. Even with those who got better enough that termination was appropriate for them and not due to some other circumstance, it is sad to end a significant relationship. So I can imagine that for the client, it is also both sad and happy. Happy you have reached your goals, but sad at the loss.
I always make sure that my clients know that they are welcome to come back if they ever need to. If I will no longer be at the agency I make sure the person knows who to contact or who my replacement is. I agree with the other poster who referred to therapy as more of a life long learning process. Sometimes you need help with that and sometimes you are able to continue along your path on your own for awhile. If you have someone join you again later, that's okay.
I hope these ramblings are helpful. I hope you also do something special to honor your progress and your relationship with your T.
Take care and good luck. You are always welcome back here as well.
gg
Posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 7:29:10
In reply to 1 last time - termination, posted by shortelise on March 9, 2004, at 12:37:37
Sorry to see you go.
As for advice on termination... I terminated with the last therapist asking "What do you see as my biggest potential for disaster and my biggest problems?" That worked because I was going to see a new therapist. And again, I had my last individual session with Bubba yesterday and told him what I thought and how I felt about everything. I was so honest I thought lightening might strike me dead. However, it didn't. But, again, I'm not completely terminating therapy with him. I'm going into a group with him as the leader. I wish I did have some advice, but keep in mind that after it's over, if needed you can always come back for a few visits. It helps just knowing that. And of course the same is true for babble.. You're always welcome back.
Posted by shortelise on March 10, 2004, at 14:02:06
In reply to Re: 1 last time - termination » shortelise, posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 7:29:10
Off I go now to live through the perils and rewards of termination. Thanks very kindly to all of you for your words, and for writing all that you write here. Reading your experiences has helped me to understand that I am a pretty "normal" analysand, or patient, perhaps I should say - my guy's not a Freudian. Anyway, thanks.
And I would recommend printing out Erika Schmidt's response to my question on termination. Just tuck it away somewhere and give it a read later when you are going through it.But I guess I could tell you what I think I've learned about termination.
My therapist is not mine, he doesn't belong to me and I can't keep him. Picture a child on her knees faced with a stray puppy, smitten, heart full, eyes full of love for this potential beloved friend with whom she imagines she could pass her days in cherishing and being cherished by. Damn, he's wearing a tag, and a soft whistle in the near distance sets his ears erect and with a quick lick to her hand he's gone. My heart feels like that, left, left though by someone who never belonged to me in the first place.
What I wish is that there were another way to heal an attachment disorder, that I would not have had to get so attached, only to yet again break the attachment. It feels cruel. Yes, I know, it's important to live through the feelings to understand what happened. I've done that, I understand, but this too feels it's going to be a wrenching, heartbreaking process.
We're not through yet - for all I know it might take a year, maybe more, of fewer and fewer sessions.
It's worth it though, I think. As painful as it has been and will be, I am finally living in a more real world, one where everything doesn't hurt me. I have learned things that I am slowly learning to apply. I hope I can do it by myself as has been suggested here.
Thanks again. I'll read anything posted to this thread in the next few days.
ShortE
Posted by fallsfall on March 10, 2004, at 21:07:28
In reply to thanks all, posted by shortelise on March 10, 2004, at 14:02:06
This is the end of the thread.
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