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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 18:28:02
Am just wondering, because I typically send lots of mails to my ex-therapist, but he hasn't replied to even one in the past several months.. is that considered stalking? Am I bugging him? Last I asked he said he wouldn't be replying to normal emails but if there is something specific he could help with he would answer. But I developed a deep attachment to him and feel like writing to him. (my therapy is over though). I send mails at the rate of about once every two weeks or so. Is that stalking? Would he think of me as a nuisance?
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 19:16:34
In reply to Is Sending emails stalking?, posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 18:28:02
When he said he wouldn't be replying, did he ask you to stop sending? How did he phrase it? I don't think I'd continue sending if he had asked me to stop.
Posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 19:37:21
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 19:16:34
Actually he gave some mixed reaction.. once he said he is too busy to reply to emails, but sometimes he said emails are fine if it helps me and asked me not to feel guilty for sending.. but he was definitely against my calling him by phone. But I think he would prefer that I don't send him regular emails.. but I find it very difficult to completely go on my own. But then I send emails and then I keep checking my inbox everyday for the past several months (yeah, I have a special email address for him and him alone) even though I know he wouldn't reply.. it is quite frustrating and damages my ego a lot:-(
> When he said he wouldn't be replying, did he ask you to stop sending? How did he phrase it? I don't think I'd continue sending if he had asked me to stop.
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 19:51:59
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking?, posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 19:37:21
So you're saying that at this point, sending the emails is causing more pain than positive feelings?
Maybe it would hurt less if you wrote him letters and tried to imagine how he would respond.
Posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 19:56:51
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 19:51:59
Yeah that is true. Thanks for understanding that and replying. Write letters to myself? What would be the point in that? I want to communicate with him. (have erotic transference towards him also)
> So you're saying that at this point, sending the emails is causing more pain than positive feelings?
>
> Maybe it would hurt less if you wrote him letters and tried to imagine how he would respond.
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 20:06:34
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking?, posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 19:56:51
The point is that if you have successfully internalized him, you can keep part of him close to you always.
My therapist says that one day I'll be able to think "What would T say about this?" and there will be a little internal T that will supply the answer.
But if your goal is to maintain actual contact, that wouldn't apply.
But it is still true that trying to get something that he isn't going to give, for whatever reason, is causing you ongoing pain. Would acceptance cause less pain, or more?
Posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 20:21:22
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 20:06:34
> The point is that if you have successfully internalized him, you can keep part of him close to you always.
>
> My therapist says that one day I'll be able to think "What would T say about this?" and there will be a little internal T that will supply the answer.
>
> But if your goal is to maintain actual contact, that wouldn't apply.Actually I don't need therapeutic contact. I need him personally. See what I am saying?
>
> But it is still true that trying to get something that he isn't going to give, for whatever reason, is causing you ongoing pain. Would acceptance cause less pain, or more?
I have tried to accept it and not write any more mails to him.. but I am able to hold on my resolution for 2 weeks only.. after that I find something or the other to write to him.. and somehow convince myself to send him an email.. but immediately feel bad after that.
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 21:01:33
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking?, posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 20:21:22
Yes, I do see. And I'm sorry. That has to hurt a lot. :(
I wouldn't think stalking would be an issue, since he gave you permission to email him and hasn't withdrawn it.
The only issue I see is what's best for you. Both of your possible choices will bring you pain. Only you know which choice will bring less.
Posted by Dinah on March 13, 2004, at 12:32:36
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking?, posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 21:01:33
I was thinking of your dilemma and it occurred to me that there was a possible third option. I know you've said in the past that your therapist didn't receive fees? I can't recall exactly. But if he's licensed to do therapy in your state as well as his, perhaps you could offer to pay him a fee for e-therapy? Not sure he'd be interested, etherapy is frowned on my a lot of therapists. But then he'd be compensated for his time at least.
Posted by obSession on March 13, 2004, at 17:31:46
In reply to Re: Is Sending emails stalking?, posted by pinkeye on March 12, 2004, at 20:21:22
pink eye I have had huge personal experience with this............erm dont want to put it all on here so email me asrology@magicmail.co.za and we can talk!!!!!1
i get exactly what u r saying.......any contact with him even if it is over a "problem" u may have regardless of if u have it or not...is at least some form of contact with him...HIM! thats the key word and any means to get that is kewl....
dont have erotic transferance but can completely empathise.................
anyways email me i get exactly where u coming from.....kewl! :P
Posted by pinkeye on March 15, 2004, at 13:07:21
In reply to Possible third option?, posted by Dinah on March 13, 2004, at 12:32:36
Thanks Dinah a lot for your support. I had to leave on friday and didn't have web access over the weekend.
Yes he doesn't charge me fees. And he won't accept it even if I offer.. it is kind of a weird arrangement we had. (He is kind of a family friend so cannot offer him fees. FYI, I have offered and he didn't accept several times). So that would be ruled out. :-(
The only option that I see is for me to realise that the therapy is over, and that I am better and should move on, no matter howmuchever I like him or still want him to be a part of my life. He is very ethical also and wouldn't continue to support me if he feels I don't need support.
Thanks again.
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2004, at 18:06:59
In reply to Re: Possible third option? Dinah, posted by pinkeye on March 15, 2004, at 13:07:21
This is the end of the thread.
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