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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on April 22, 2004, at 9:15:24
I'm just wondering how your T's handle vacation's? My T was leaving and I asked if he would be close. He stated that he would still be in the states...duh!! I look at that as a lack of trust...what boundries would it cross if he told me what state he would be in? My old T always told me where he would be and that I could get ahold of him through his service. I guess I'm wondering if this T doesn't trust me or if that's just the practice that some of them take. Yes, I will ask when he gets back!
Posted by Penny on April 22, 2004, at 14:01:32
In reply to T's and Vacation??, posted by Speaker on April 22, 2004, at 9:15:24
My current T doesn't have a problem telling me where she's going. If she's going to be checking her messages, she tells me so, and if not, she makes sure I have someone else I can get in touch with for support, whether that's my pdoc or a colleague of hers. When she went to Scotland last summer, I saw a colleague of hers for one session, which was fine. When she was out of town at the same time my pdoc was out of town and indisposed, she called me while she was on her trip!
My former T wasn't as meticulous about making sure I had coverage when she was away, but, again, she never had a problem telling me where she was going. I would imagine that just like with everything else, different Ts take different approaches.
P
Posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 14:13:23
In reply to T's and Vacation??, posted by Speaker on April 22, 2004, at 9:15:24
Yeah, it seems like different Ts handle this differently. My old T would happily tell me where he was going and why. My current T will tell me if I ask, but she doesn't give me many details. One of my girlfriends has a T who won't tell her where she's going when she's gone.
My old T never said anything to me about having a backup person for emergencies. And I could swear that I called him at least once while he was gone, and just got a message saying when he'd be out. Anyway, after his last vacation I asked him why he didn't have someone who covered for emergencies for his clients while he's gone. He looked surprised and said that he did. Hey, I'd been working with him for 2 years, and that's the first that I ever heard of it! It kind of annoyed me.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2004, at 23:46:07
In reply to T's and Vacation??, posted by Speaker on April 22, 2004, at 9:15:24
Is your therapist very traditional? I don't think most of them mind giving general casual conversation information on where they're going. Mine usually tells me if I just give the standard aquaintance sort of comments. Once we were both leaving for vacation at the same time, and I asked to make sure he wasn't going to the same place. :)
Posted by Speaker on April 23, 2004, at 8:54:52
In reply to Re: T's and Vacation?? » Speaker, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2004, at 23:46:07
I asked the T if he was going to be close by...he said "within the 50 states". I thought it was rather sarcastic. I let it go but I wanted to know what the rest of the T's do and I will address it next week.
Posted by bell_75 on April 23, 2004, at 22:37:10
In reply to His Comments, posted by Speaker on April 23, 2004, at 8:54:52
> I asked the T if he was going to be close by...he said "within the 50 states". I thought it was rather sarcastic. I let it go but I wanted to know what the rest of the T's do and I will address it next week.
I think its within reason that a client wishes to know where or why their T is or has been absent. I have problems with assertiveness so i can't speak up really and say "where are you going?" or "why did you cancel last week?". I just hope I don't need to and that he fills in the blanks for me.
This reccently happened with me because at a session 3 weeks ago the following week it was a public holiday on the day i come so we agreed that i wouldnt come that day but the week after that.
So the week after that one...he cancelled for no reason. I went this week and he didnt say any remote reason why he cancelled when he knew i'd need to see him and i felt like he should've at least said something like "oh im sorry i had personal issues" or "I wasn't well" or "an emergency came up"..but he sort of dismissed it like it was no biggie.
Then at the end of this week's session he says "now...i mighten be able to see you next week, im not sure. But I'll let you know if I can't" and that was it. I feel insecure about his inconsistancy when up until now he has rarely canncelled.I don't know if this is sort of in the same area as T's going on vacation but I just wanted to say that I feel client's should have the right to at least know something about the grounds of your T's absence whether past or future or if they're going on vacation that they at least say where to and when they will be back and make sure their client feels comfortable.
Therapists should know coming into this job and field of work that it isn't your simple 9-5 job. On most cases your work will clash with your personal life and people who need therapy are mostly very vulnerable fragile people that may need to speak to them at any moment without notice.
It should be common courtesy that they make sure their clients have their contact information and know whereabouts they're going to be. Maybe not exact location down to the hotel room but just an idea of how far away. And also..if its very far away then a client could call the T's cell phone and get charged long distance rates without knowing it.
There's my two cents. Hope I was of some help :) good luck, hun.
~BellPS I think your T's sarcasm was unnecessary :/
When you asked if he was going to be 'close by' he could've said 'yes' or 'no I'm heading over north" etc. America is one big country. Maybe he just has insecurities or has had bad past experiences. Who knows with these enigmas.
Posted by pegasus on April 23, 2004, at 23:13:40
In reply to His Comments, posted by Speaker on April 23, 2004, at 8:54:52
Here's another possible perspective on this: Maybe your T was being vague because your question was vague and he was trying to match you. I know that my old T was perfectly willing to tell me anything I wanted to know, but he didn't tell me things unless I asked. And if I asked things in a limited way, he'd give me limited answers. That was because he was looking to me to guide him in regards to how much I *wanted* to know. He told me that he had clients who never asked about anything, and so they didn't know nearly as much about him. I guess I can see that a T wouldn't necessarily want to volunteer information, because what if that info freaked out a client? Some clients prefer to imagine that their Ts don't exist when they're not there. I'm just throwing that out there. No idea if it might fit your T.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 2:34:15
In reply to Re: His Comments » Speaker, posted by bell_75 on April 23, 2004, at 22:37:10
Ouch. I have a real problem with vagueness in scheduling appointments. I'm almost glad I've pitched enough hissy fits in the past that my therapist would never dream of just cancelling without a reason or telling me he's not sure he can schedule without a reason. I get upset enough when he does it *for* a reason.
Last year he couldn't decide if he was going away for Christmas pretty much until after Christmas. I finally called him and told him not to bother, as I wasn't *that* pathetic. As it turns out, I was. And when he didn't go away I went in as usual. :(
Not that I'm advocating pitching a hissy fit. I imagine it doesn't make me my therapist's favorite client. But I think a worried expressed hope that everything is ok under those circumstances should be met with some sort of explanation, however limited. Too much information might leave us too worried about them, but too little stirs up all those abandonment issues.
Gosh, it's a tough job. But even so, they ought to have more sense. I asked my therapist once if his other clients heard that he wasn't going to be there and said, "Oh, goody."
Posted by noa on April 24, 2004, at 8:13:50
In reply to T's and Vacation??, posted by Speaker on April 22, 2004, at 9:15:24
My T doesn't usually say where his vacations are, but he will say if he is going to be covering for himself or having someone else cover--i.e. if he is just vacationing at home, he says that if I need to I should call and leave a message and he'll call me back but if he is away, he gives me info on who is covering for him.
Interestingly, there have been many times when I was very afraid of how I was going to deal with the gap in sessions during his vacations, and was sure that I might need to call him or call his covering person, but I rarely did because just knowing that I could was enough. The first few days of the T's vacation, I'd feel the loss and anxiety about getting through it, but then I'd usually be ok. Except I once went to see the person who was covering when my T was unavailable for a few weeks because his wife had died. It also occurred during a period when I was very depressed anyway. It helped to talk to this other doctor to get through it.
This is the end of the thread.
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