![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 1980Monroe on April 25, 2004, at 1:08:12
Hey Everyone
I've had many previous posts about emotional problems and breakdowns about being withdrawn. Many people gave me exellent posts that i appreieate, especially racer (thanks). I have came to a concluesion where mainly my problem orignated.
Things are better now because im finding sources of the problem, before i didnt know what was wrong with me, thats why i started having emotional outbursts, breakdowns, crying on the floor for hours about how screwed up i was. I planned everything from barbiturate overdoses from Amytal to just running in frount of an 18 wheeler.
When i was a kid, my parents divorced, we had a nice house, my dad was a lawyer but had an incredible drinking and drug problems. My mom moved into my grandma's house which was in the oak lawn part of Dallas, (its basically a club raving area). If there's anymore corrupt places in Dallas, nothing compares with Oak Lawn. My Grandma's house was build in the late 30's which was way before the party scene. When my mom worked late, all i would do is turn off the lights, and go sit and watch throught a window all these exiting places with flashing lights, hear the sounds of a busy city, lots of bright big skyscrapers filled with action, and alot of people that looked like they were having fun. That was really exiting to me, just to watch them, imagining that i was a part of it. Also, watching buisness men, and others moving quick in a motivated direction to get someplace. I loved imagining that i was one of them, having a sense of purpose, i would sometimes totally think fantasies about being a big buisness man, going up to the top floors of the skyscrapers because i was important
As time went by, i realized that alot of the clubs were really gay clubs, dance clubs, and people expressing there sexuality everywhere. I cant belive my mom let me be exposed to that. But she had no where else to go.
We moved when i was about 13, into a normal neiborhood, and she got remarried 2 years later. I started school, again in a normal school, with no worry about drive by shootings and gang attacks. I didnt know how to relate to anyone, i got made fun of, bad memories. I felt comfortable keeping to myself and going into another fantasy, i had millions of them, buiness man, congress man, actually imaging i had a large important social life.
Buit i finally had a actual realization point in 11th grade, i had no friends, no intresting life, cant relate, and never had any group i could fit in. i just came home and just outburst crying adn lay on the floor, about how messed up, maladjuested, screwed up i was(when no one was home), i tried so many missions to try to despretly change my self, even did drugs hoping they might change my personality. All failed, i eventually was forced to just accepted my maladjuested personality, never accomplished my fantasy i wanted so bad, to just to have a social life. I now belive the main reason is im so locked in my own self from society, i cant relate, i cant catch on, this was mainly caused during childhood, to just look throught the window and only observe. I only thing i knew how was to observe, not associate. Lots of this was started from child hood, and contributed to my maladjuested personaity.
I need advice on how can this be treated? Ive heard and applied many times to just find common intrest, i dont have common intrest, i try to make my self intrested in other peoples intrest but i fail, fail fail fail! I think the problem is deeper and is connected with the isolation, ive read children in isolation dont adjuest to society well in articles, but at least i know whats wrong with me. hypnotherapy is a big option. My counselor-therpist i had wasnt the right type, was a pychoanysis therapist, not a cognitive behavioral, didnt really help in applying solution. Please, i ive got to get somehow get fixed and normalized into society to accomplish my dreams, i greatly apprieciate and need all your suggestions , i cant give up this time, try again to accomplish a metamorphisis.
Posted by Racer on April 25, 2004, at 9:15:04
In reply to Growing up in isolation really messed me up, posted by 1980Monroe on April 25, 2004, at 1:08:12
It sounds to me as if a good therapist is the first step for you. From everything you've written so far, I'd say that it hardly matters what orientation that therapist is -- it matters that you find a therapist whom you can work with, someone you feel hears you. Personally, having worked with a hypnotherapist years ago, I don't think that's the whole answer for you. It might be part of the answer for you -- it wasn't for me -- but it's not the whole answer. I would suggest that you look for the therapist based more on your ability to feel safe in the office, rather than based on a specific orientation. It's so hard to find the right therapist -- or, rather, A "right" therapist, since there might be more than just the one -- that you don't want to exclude anyone based soley on a label that might not mean all that much. Most therapists these days are kind of eclectic, a little of this, a little of that, some cognitive, some dialectic, a pinch of psychodynamic, etc. And any good therapist can help you work out a battle plan for getting past your distress.
Next, in your post you mentioned trying to make yourself interested in what others are interested in. What are YOU interested in? Trust me, forcing an interest you don't really feel won't do a whole lot towards helping you. An unforced interest will make you more interesting to others, which may help you more. Is there anything that interests you?
As for the isolation, that is probably a big part of it, but there may be more. That's what a therapist is there to help you discover. One of the benefits of being older than you are is that I can tell you things with a certain amount of authority. One of those things is that self-analysis may work, but psychotherapy works better and faster without quite so many dead ends. Even if isolation is the root of your problems, what does that isolation mean to you? Why, when you've got out of the house, are you still having problems around it? What do you feel when you think about getting involved with a group of people? What holds you back from approaching someone to make friends? Why don't you do [x] or [y] to get involved with others? Those are some of the next questions to ask, and it really helps to have someone to help you ask those questions and find the answers. That's what a therapist is for.
Also, when you look for a therapist, stay open to ideas that may not ring true for you right now. You seem to have made up your mind that you can't be medicated adequately, and that hypnotherapy is the only right answer for you. Could it be that you haven't been medicated adequately to this point because you haven't been open with your doctor about what's going on for you? Or maybe your doctor doesn't have the expertise to find a good combination for you, and another doctor might be able to prescribe something that would help more? And maybe hypnotherapy is not the only thing that can help, maybe it's only one aspect of the appropriate treatment plan? If so, you'll need to be open to those possibilities, or they may as well not exist.
Good luck, I hope you find peace and comfort.
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2004, at 9:37:53
In reply to Growing up in isolation really messed me up, posted by 1980Monroe on April 25, 2004, at 1:08:12
Hi Monroe.
I have often thought my early childhood spent on the farm with no other kids and very busy adults shaped my social destiny. If I'm really honest, my playmates after that were ones who were willing to fit themselves into my elaborate imaginary world.
But I also know it's more complicated than that. An intricate blend of biological traits and many many environmental influences. Even now as I'm attempting to make little changes, changes that shouldn't be a big deal, I'm finding layer upon layer of meaning to them.
Hypnotherapy might help. Long term interpersonal therapy might help more.
But I keep remembering that I was a social creature who, while not the most popular girl in class, was also not unpopular in tenth and twelth grades. As much as I kid about aliens taking over my body, there must be some part of me that can interact with others when given a decent boost of confidence. Perhaps the same is true of you?
What are you really good at? Maybe you can make your social excursions based on your strengths, at least at the beginning.
Posted by 1980Monroe on April 25, 2004, at 12:58:45
In reply to Re: Growing up in isolation really messed me up, posted by Racer on April 25, 2004, at 9:15:04
Hey Racer,
Sorry i didnt respond to your other posts, i had alot of term papers to catch up on, but i did enjoy reading them, i got better advice from a message board than my own therapist Dr. Moody, he sometimes just sound like he had common sense at times. I wrote this one to go more into detail about my problem which i couldnt explain in many of the previous ones.Ok, about medications,, been on almost every benzodiazepine there is in the U.S, from klonoplin, xanax, serax, and librium, havent taken valium but doubt its any diffrent from the rest of them. Was on paxil, and trazadone, but those were too sedating, and acutally made me feel more withdrawn. Ive even been put on Amytal, an old barbiturate, when nothing worked and that failed too. In concluesion, anxiety have no connection with the problem, i still can be calm but feel uncomfortable.
THe only thing that in my personal opnion that somewhat treats the symptoms, is desoxyn which I take for adhd. Its methamphetamine, i have adhd moderatly bad, someitmes i cant concentrate on what someone is talking about and am always zoning out! Cocaine was directly effective, i felt like a completely new, confident, sometimes egotistical person, wasnt afraid to speak up, and i could talk completly confidently with out studering, but still in the long run causes problems in itself, i terminating usage after a short trial. I do take Wellbutrin 300XL also becuase its also a stimulating anti-depressant.
Acually my hobby in my free time is studying the mechanism of actions in these medications, like amphetamine, cocaine, they increase the amount of dopamine which is an exitory pleasure chemical in the nerve synapse, Wellbutrin also increases dopamine levels this but defiently to lower level, thats why i got myself put on it. I also reseached supplements that i self medicate with, such as L-Tyrosine, and DL-Phenylanine, which both are converted to dopamine in the body. I could probly write a long article about nuerotransmisstion in the nerve synpase if i wanted. But drugs only treat symptoms, they make it feel better but its quick fix. I think my problem now that i think of it, is confidence, adapting to the enviorment is also some part of it, but confidence is about 50-70% of the problem. Thats why cocaine worked so well, that rush of feeling invincible, people actually seemed intimidated by me at times, never before felt that great feeling. Maybe i need to start with that. Well thanks for your advice racer, your really give encouraging posts.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.