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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KindGirl on May 11, 2004, at 9:46:36
My t. is going to be on vacation soon and asked me what I thought might help me while she was gone.
Any suggestions? She is very open and very generous. I thought of asking her to give me something of hers to keep until she gets back.
When she goes on vacation I start thinking about terminating. I become really distant from her and tell myself to disconnect, I don't need her anymore, I am not going back to therapy when she gets back. It is almost like I have time to work my way back to my old ways of dealing (all alone), and I know her question is posed with the intention of keeping me connected to her while she is gone.
I want to be a baby in a way and say, "You think of something to help me while you are gone," because I know that whatever I ask her to do she will do and I want her to think of me on her own and come up with something.
This is the crux of my battle inside...needing her, wanting her....and wanting her to leave and me pushing her away. What do you guys think would help me while she is gone? If your t. asked you the same question, what would you answer?
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2004, at 10:13:04
In reply to A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by KindGirl on May 11, 2004, at 9:46:36
What helps me most is that for many years now, my therapist has told me I can call him on his cell phone anytime and he will check for messages occasionally. I never have called him when he's on vacation, but knowing that I *can* means I don't *have* to, because I get a lot less frantic.
Posted by tterees on May 11, 2004, at 11:35:11
In reply to A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by KindGirl on May 11, 2004, at 9:46:36
Do you have a session with her before she takes off? If so, ask her if you can record the session. My T has let me do this, and it really helps.
Posted by vwoolf on May 11, 2004, at 13:45:26
In reply to Re: A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by tterees on May 11, 2004, at 11:35:11
I will be going away to Europe for a few weeks soon and I have been thinking about ways to keep my T with me during my trip. She suggested that I should buy her a ticket so that she can come with me, but of course she was just joking. One idea was to ask her if I could keep one of the small objects from her rooms to remind me of her - I am sure she would accept. However the idea I like most is to ask if I can bring her a small gift - I love looking after her in small ways - and this would make me feel very close to her.
Posted by LG04 on May 11, 2004, at 16:19:35
In reply to Re: A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by vwoolf on May 11, 2004, at 13:45:26
I have very similar issues when my therapist goes on vacation. I am always very angry when she comes back and spend most of the session in furious silence. It's SOOOOOOO hard for me. I also try to disconnect from her while she is gone, telling myself I don't care and don't need her anyway.
Last time, I asked her if she would bring me a rock that I could hold. She picked one out for me from her garden and told me why she liked it. I still carry it with me in my backpack every day and sometimes I go to sleep holding it. It has calmed me down many times. I thought once to give her money to buy me a blanket so that I could cover myself with the blanket whenever I want to feel safe and close to her. But so far I haven't asked for that. If I move back to the States this summer and leave therapy with her, then I might ask this of her. Otherwise I probably won't.
Something related and "funny" that happened...I was in the hospital about 10 days ago for feeling suicidal, not functioning, etc. (I haven't been hospitalized for over 10 years so it was a huge deal but I'm downplaying it at this moment.) I went without having totally planned it. I was wearing sandals with no socks. My feet were really cold. My therapist came to the hospital that evening. I told her how cold my feet were. She took her socks off right there and gave them to me! (they happened to be cute and colorful too). I wore them every day in the hospital without taking them off and for about 3 days after I left. I felt so safe in them. I asked her if I could keep them and she said yes. I did tell her that I wish at night her socks could magically grow into a blanket that I could wrap around myself.
So maybe you can ask your therapist for a pair of her socks!!!!! :)
LG
Posted by Aphrodite on May 11, 2004, at 19:08:40
In reply to A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by KindGirl on May 11, 2004, at 9:46:36
I understand why you would want her to come up with something -- it would mean she had put thought into your situation. She's probably wanting to get you to ask for what you need, though.
I think I'd ask mine for a book recommendation that would make me feel like I'm still working in his absence. Then, I could discuss it with him when he returned and not miss a beat.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 11, 2004, at 22:30:58
In reply to A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by KindGirl on May 11, 2004, at 9:46:36
I like the idea of a transitional object :) I am 100% for that
Posted by KindGirl on May 12, 2004, at 0:47:24
In reply to Re: A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by LG04 on May 11, 2004, at 16:19:35
LG...
your t sounds wonderful
I almost cried when I read she gave you her socks. That is precious.Everyone's suggestions are so good. She is leaving sooner than I thought (I got the days wrong which might be a good thing because I don't have time to "plan my escape" from therapy).
I go into HUGE FLIGHTS when she is gone. I don't need her, therapy is a joke, I can do it all alone...I will go back to school and keep very very busy...all that.....and so since she is leaving soon I decided to call and leave her a message that it might help me stay connected if she gave me something to hang onto until she came back. That way I would have to come back out of obligation to return her thing to her...I said it could even be a pencil, I don't care. The past few times she has gone on vacation I have always decided I was quitting therapy and I write her a good bye letter and am usually pretty distant when she comes back. It takes a while for me to warm up again, but I think if I am babysitting something of hers it might help.
Thanks again everyone
Posted by vwoolf on May 12, 2004, at 18:25:42
In reply to Re: A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by LG04 on May 11, 2004, at 16:19:35
Hi LG - I see you are still undecided about staying or leaving. Does your hospitalization have anything to do with this? It must have been very hard to go to hospital, but I envy you your courage. I wish I could do the same. I also wish my T would give me a pair of brightly colored socks off her feet like yours did. Virginia
Posted by lifeworthliving on May 12, 2004, at 23:52:13
In reply to Re: A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by LG04 on May 11, 2004, at 16:19:35
really cold. My therapist came to the hospital that evening. I told her how cold my feet were. She took her socks off right there and gave them to me! (they happened to be cute and colorful too). I wore them every day in the hospital without taking them off and for about 3 days after I left. I felt so safe in them.
this is so cool!
when my therapist goes on vacation this summer (praying that she has hardly no time available due to long trip this past winter) i'm going to ask for her socks! i always have cold feet and this will be a great way to "connect" while she is gone. it's so ridiculous to be as old as i am and this excited about getting her out of her socks!
--life
Posted by LG04 on May 13, 2004, at 11:07:07
In reply to Re: A question my T. asked me about her vacation...., posted by lifeworthliving on May 12, 2004, at 23:52:13
I'm glad you all enjoyed the sock story. I wore them to therapy today and she noticed and said, "Nice taste in socks!" I am going away this weekend and am anxious about it, so I plan to wear them each day I'm away. It's really a good "transitional" object for me and something I never would have thought of had it not happened naturally. She also gave me her sweater off her back along with her socks, and I wore it and slept in it while in the hospital, but I gave that back to her...nice of me, huh?
Thank you vwoolf for asking about my decision to stay in Israel or return to America. It is not all in my control...I am waiting for an answer from the organization that sponsored my being here to see under what conditions they'll let me stay. I believe I will stay if they make it okay for me. It's not easy here because my main support base is in the States. But I am going home for the summer and I think that will recharge my batteries and give me the strength to come back and continue the healing work I am doing. I am not ready to leave my therapist (it's not the only reason for staying but it's the biggest one). We have an amazing relationship and I am just not ready to let it/her go.
My hospitalization was partially due to how paralyzed I've been feeling trying to make this decision and the panic of leaving my therapist...but I also understand now that it was partially due to a new abuse memory which surfaced two days after I left the hospital. I am an incest survivor and it's been a long time since I've "birthed" a new memory...I forgot how intense the process is. I feel better since having the memory and talking about it in therapy though it is a particularly horrible one and continues to haunt me. I will need to keep processing about it.
LG
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