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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 9:48:34
When they're going this well, I find I'm not on Babble nearly as much and it's harder to share what's going on with me with you guys. It seems less eventful, or I'm less motivated perhaps (because I'm calm and peaceful rather than in pain, I guess).
But therapy this week (I only had one session) was lovely. I kind of wandered around a lot in the session (I mean with what I was talking about -- I sat in one place), but I talked about feeling dependent on her and scared of when my insurance runs out (in about a year!, but still), and I cried and it felt really good. She just stayed with me; she didn't try to fix it. She just witnessed my sadness and it was comforting somehow.
I feel so lucky to have her in my life as a support, someone to talk things through with, someone who really cares about me. I'm so glad I didn't screw things up with her. I'm so glad our relationship is still intact. I feel so much love for her, and right now that's only slightly painful for me. It's mostly really rewarding, to love someone that much and have them care about you back.
Anyway, just thought I'd share some of the good stuff.
Posted by Racer on May 14, 2004, at 10:13:44
In reply to Things are going really well, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 9:48:34
Couldn't resist teasing you. I am just kidding.
That's wonderful, both that you're feeling so much better and that you've got a whole year to process the upcoming insurance issue. And who knows, maybe before then, the problem with insurance running out will be resolved, or you'll win the lottery, or space aliens from a more enlightened world will take over the government and mandate adequate therapy for everyone who wants it.
At any rate, I just wanted to check in with a smile for you. I'm glad things are going well for you.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 10:23:49
In reply to Then go sit in the corner! » crushedout, posted by Racer on May 14, 2004, at 10:13:44
> space aliens from a more enlightened world will take over the government and mandate adequate therapy for everyone who wants it.
I'm hoping for this one.
:]
Posted by Rigby on May 14, 2004, at 10:34:28
In reply to Things are going really well, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 9:48:34
Yippeee!! What a change from before! It's what it *should* be--about *you* getting what *you* need and not you being focused on *her* all the time.
Maybe once per week might be a better pace? It kinda forces you to live life and apply therapy vs. therapy *being* your life? Anyway, whatever, it sounds great--congrats!
> When they're going this well, I find I'm not on Babble nearly as much and it's harder to share what's going on with me with you guys. It seems less eventful, or I'm less motivated perhaps (because I'm calm and peaceful rather than in pain, I guess).
>
> But therapy this week (I only had one session) was lovely. I kind of wandered around a lot in the session (I mean with what I was talking about -- I sat in one place), but I talked about feeling dependent on her and scared of when my insurance runs out (in about a year!, but still), and I cried and it felt really good. She just stayed with me; she didn't try to fix it. She just witnessed my sadness and it was comforting somehow.
>
> I feel so lucky to have her in my life as a support, someone to talk things through with, someone who really cares about me. I'm so glad I didn't screw things up with her. I'm so glad our relationship is still intact. I feel so much love for her, and right now that's only slightly painful for me. It's mostly really rewarding, to love someone that much and have them care about you back.
>
> Anyway, just thought I'd share some of the good stuff.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 10:38:26
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » crushedout, posted by Rigby on May 14, 2004, at 10:34:28
Yeah, I agree, this *feels* like how it *should* be. I'm not sure exactly how I got here, but I know I'm in the right place.I think twice a week is still really good for me. But three times (which I keep pushing to go back to) *may* be too much. In any event, continuing to focus on the rest of my life is key, you're right.
Posted by Rigby on May 14, 2004, at 10:45:21
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » Rigby, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 10:38:26
Seems like you got "there" through a lot of emotional turmoil and growth. It's a big step! Next? I bet you get a crush on someone new and you can process it with your therapist. Now *that's* fun!!!
> Yeah, I agree, this *feels* like how it *should* be. I'm not sure exactly how I got here, but I know I'm in the right place.
>
> I think twice a week is still really good for me. But three times (which I keep pushing to go back to) *may* be too much. In any event, continuing to focus on the rest of my life is key, you're right.
Posted by Dinah on May 14, 2004, at 10:51:08
In reply to Things are going really well, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 9:48:34
I'm so happy for you.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 11:01:51
In reply to Re: Things are going really well, posted by Rigby on May 14, 2004, at 10:45:21
Hey, wait a second, Rigby. Not so fast! It's going to be a long time before I get a crush on someone else. I'm still in love with my T. I just feel a little bit saner about it.I look forward to processing a crush on someone else with her, though. Heck, I look forward to having a crush on someone else, just to prove to myself that it's possible. It's literally been YEARS since that has happened to me.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 11:03:02
In reply to Re: That's really wonderful. :) » crushedout, posted by Dinah on May 14, 2004, at 10:51:08
Posted by Rigby on May 14, 2004, at 12:14:56
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » Rigby, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 11:01:51
Ah c'mon--that therapist crush was *so* last week! I predict a New Crush within 90 days. Guaranteed. ;)
> Hey, wait a second, Rigby. Not so fast! It's going to be a long time before I get a crush on someone else. I'm still in love with my T. I just feel a little bit saner about it.
>
> I look forward to processing a crush on someone else with her, though. Heck, I look forward to having a crush on someone else, just to prove to myself that it's possible. It's literally been YEARS since that has happened to me.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 12:24:16
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » crushedout, posted by Rigby on May 14, 2004, at 12:14:56
Is that a money-back guarantee? ;]
Posted by DaisyM on May 14, 2004, at 13:13:33
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » Rigby, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 12:24:16
Crushed,
Nice to "hear" you smile. :) I'm with Rigby, 90 days or less. Someone will want to know what you are smiling about soon. Watch out!
I'm glad you are working things out with your Therapist. I've been worried about her needs vs. yours. I hope you can stay focused on you for awhile.
But, since therapy is such a bounce from up to down and back again, know that if things get rocky, we are still here for you. I often find it hard to admit that ONCE AGAIN I'm looking for support. I don't want you to hesitate.
Go Crushed!!!
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 13:16:55
In reply to Re: Things are going really well, posted by DaisyM on May 14, 2004, at 13:13:33
Thanks, Daisy. That means a lot to me, actually, because you're right, it is sort of humiliating to have to come back and admit things are going badly again. And that can always happen, although I'm optimistic right now.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 14, 2004, at 14:06:30
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 13:16:55
crushed,
I'm glad things are going well. You deserve it, after all that you have been through. And we like hearing the good stuff, too. It's inspiring and motivating.Take care,
gg
Posted by tabitha on May 14, 2004, at 22:15:15
In reply to Things are going really well, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 9:48:34
glad to hear it, crushed. So some of the intensity has died out? It sounds really pleasant.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 22:21:23
In reply to Re: Things are going really well, posted by tabitha on May 14, 2004, at 22:15:15
I'm not sure if the intensity of my feelings for her has decreased, or if I just feel calmer, more at peace with my feelings. I guess I feel less obsessive, less like I need to be *with* her every minute in order to feel okay. More like I'm okay without her, I can look forward to the time we have (calmly and patiently), and I can keep her with me even when she's not with me. I'm not sure, really. I still care and think about her a lot.
Posted by fallsfall on May 15, 2004, at 8:53:49
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » tabitha, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 22:21:23
You have done a really good job of navigating through the rough patch. Enjoy the lull. Journal about it so that if (when?) things erupt again you have something to go back to so you can prove to yourself that it can be better.
I am proud of you. This has been a very confusing and taxing period for you. Enjoy the rewards!
Posted by crushedout on May 15, 2004, at 10:53:31
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on May 15, 2004, at 8:53:49
Thanks, falls. Good idea about the journalling. I'm learning something important from this, actually. I find myself dreaming and fantasizing more now about having a (nontherapeutic) relationship with her, when things are going well. Eventually that becomes really painful since I can't have one and I start to look for reasons to run away/push her away, ways to poison the relationship we have.
Posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 13:25:25
In reply to Re: Things are going really well » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on May 15, 2004, at 10:53:31
Yikes, I'm off babble for a couple of days and everything is different. I'm so glad to hear you sounding more balanced and comfortable, crushed! That's the kind of change I want to hear about from everyone! I hope this is stable, too, so you can enjoy it and benefit from it for a while. But like Daisy said, if it's not, I'm glad you have babble to turn to for support.
Thanks so much for sharing. I'm really happy and relieved for you.
pegasus
Posted by crushedout on May 16, 2004, at 13:56:44
In reply to Re: Things are going really well, posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 13:25:25
Thanks, pegasus. I hope it's stable, too. It feels like a breakthrough in a certain way, but I also would bet that there will be other hard moments in the future, and I'm so glad to know that you Babblers are there for me to help me get through.
This is the end of the thread.
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