![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on July 1, 2004, at 10:30:25
well, this is JUST what i needed. You know how work clicks go, there's always rumors about someone...and there've been a few about me in the past (all just rumors of course). normally i don't give a cr@p, i know they're a bunch of gossipy ol'(w)itches so i just ignore them. But now there's a rumor flying around that i'm anorexic.
This rumor is Really bothering me...it's hitting me the week i'm REALLY struggling with issues and i just don't need this cr@p. i know i just need to ignore it and it will go away like all the others. but i'm dealing with really sensitive body and sexual issues of my past right now and am VERY sensitive about MY body...(MY) body. and i don't want anyone even LOOKING at my body let alone commenting on it. The problem is i have lost about 6 lbs this last week but it's been cuz i haven't been able to eat much cuz i'm sick to my stomach with anxiety and all this stuff in my head.
It's NONE of their business. why or if i am.
like i said, normally i would just let it roll off my back and don't care but i'm so sensitive right now and i have so much anger inside i want to walk in and deck right between the eyes anyone that says Anything about MY body!
I am SICK of people coming up to me and saying "IF you loose anymore weight..."
i want to scream "SHUT THE F UP! and GET OUT OF MY FACE!"
Please help me...help me through this. i need your help. i just can't handle this.
it's MY BODY!!! (wish i could underline here) if i wanted to be anorexic it's Not their business ANYWAY, it's not like they Really care they just want something to talk about anyway!
-i wish i could crawl inside my computer and just work with people at babble.
b2c.
Posted by Racer on July 1, 2004, at 11:58:08
In reply to Body issues at Work...advice please, posted by B2chica on July 1, 2004, at 10:30:25
Wow, what timing! I'm not working, so I only get it with family members right now, but it is a really tough situation either way. Since mine is family, and we have {ahem} "patterns" regarding this sort of conflict, it's a bit different than with workmates, but here's what I just did:
My aunt -- the human steamroller -- keeps going on at me about eating more. "No, you *have to* eat [x] tonight!" Now, in her case, she really does care about me, but that doesn't make any difference -- just makes it more frustrating. I've said over and over again that my weight and what I eat cannot be a topic of conversation; I've said over and over again that it's not something that is safe to discuss; etc. I've tried. That's where the steamroller part comes in: the more I say, "That's not something we can discuss" the more she says, "I know you don't want to discuss it, BUT..."
With either set of people, though, it comes down to a question of respect. Not the kind of respect "due" a King, for instance -- just the basic human respect everybody should get. The same thing that keeps most people from kicking the white cane out of the blind person's hand. Your workmates aren't showing it to you, in using you as a topic for gossip; and my family isn't showing it to me in trying to "force" me into behavior that meets with their approval.
I finally said to my aunt that it was a situation that required professional treatment; that I was receiving that treatment; and that she and I could discuss it when she received her license to treat eating disorders. (Although, not *quite* in those words...) To do something similar for your specific situation, I think I might find and print out some of those "how NOT to make someone having weight issues *even worse*" things that do exist online and leave some of them lying around at work where some of the offenders might find them. Just, you know, anonymously post a copy on the bulletin board, or something.
Another option, though, is to go to someone you trust, and say, "You know, I don't know how to deal with this -- all the talk about my recent weight loss is causing me a lot of distress, and it's personal, NOT something I want to be a topic for general conversation. Can you help me in any way? Maybe advise me in how to handle the situation? Or even speak to some of the people who keep bringing it up to me?" That might or might not help -- you know your coworkers well enough to figure out whether it will.
Last option is to start a rumor of your own. Best way is to be really secretive -- look sadly as someone across the room and shake your head a little, as if you know something about her that makes you sad... You wouldn't even have to say a word, either, since most gossip cliques like to speculate. Anyone who sees you do it -- be subtle, so no one asks you directly -- will start up, and that should shift the gossip away from you... (Then again, I'm evil that way...)
Last option is to post something on your employee bulletin board saying something like: "Hey, everyone, I know you're concerned about my recent weight loss, but it's a medical problem and not something I really wanna talk about except to my doctor. Please respect that. Thank you for your concern." Again, you know best whether or not that's likely to work for your situation.
Best luck -- and I'm sorry this is going on for you. (And you might try something like Mylanta for the tummy. Or those orange sherbet/vanilla ice cream bars. < they won't help, but they taste good and you can pretend it's medicinal.) GRrrr! That's for the people who won't leave us alone!
Posted by B2chica on July 1, 2004, at 12:32:02
In reply to Re: Body issues at Work...advice please, posted by Racer on July 1, 2004, at 11:58:08
>>Wow, what timing! I'm not working, so I only get it with family members right now.
thanks for the response Racer. i just feel so hurt and vulnerable right now and this usually makes me come out with both guns firing.
I think no matter who it's from it SU*#s! But at least these people i can walk away from or avoid extended contact, you however, having family on your butt sucks. i did have my husband doing that a while ago but i kept trying to tell him it was the anxiety (that's always a good one) he just didn't understand, but after my little time in the hospital he doesn't push as much.
Luckily i don't have to deal with these people everyday, and they probably WOULD kick the white cane! the truth is i don't respect these people professionally and some personally either. in fact several are incompetent 10 fold so that's why i don't normally even give a hoot.
but the timing couldn't be worse. i just want to shout LEAVE MY BODY ALONE..IT"S MINE!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF IT!!!!!!
>>I finally said to my aunt.and that she and I could discuss it when she received her license to treat eating disorders. (Although, not *quite* in those words...)GOOD FOR YOU!! actually this is good advice for me if my hubby does strt back up again. my parents and his were very subtle they just kept inviting us over to eat or send food home...(ooops it fell in the toilet!) but my plates clean!
Unfortunately there's only two people i trust at my work and their both guys...and they said well their just jealous cuz they have fat heads..(hehe)
other then them i don't want ANYONE there to know even a whisper of what's going on with me, so i think i've decided i won't even dignify this with any response. that'll just egg them on.
HOWEVER...i REALLY like this last one. you made me feel good.>>Last option is to start a rumor of your own. Best way is to be really secretive -- look sadly as someone across the room and shake your head a little, as if you know something about her that makes you sad... You wouldn't even have to say a word, either, since most gossip cliques like to speculate. Anyone who sees you do it -- be subtle, so no one asks you directly -- will start up, and that should shift the gossip away from you...
>>Best luck -- and I'm sorry this is going on for you. (And you might try something like Mylanta for the tummy. Or those orange sherbet/vanilla ice cream bars. < they won't help, but they taste good and you can pretend it's medicinal.) GRrrr! That's for the people who won't leave us alone!
Unfortunately mylanta..etc. nothing helps this-not until my T session tomorrow at least...but i might have to give those orange ic bars a try anyway :)
Racer, i'm sorry you are going through this too. I don't know your situation but please becareful. i know that i actually do have a problem but it is situational and i am getting help. i hope the same for you.
Thanks RACER for the GRRRRR...me too!
b2c.
Posted by daisym on July 1, 2004, at 13:23:01
In reply to Re: Body issues at Work...advice please, posted by B2chica on July 1, 2004, at 12:32:02
I'm sorry the people at work aren't more supportive. People here are invasive but they mean well. I too want to tell them to mind their own business but I *can't* so I've gotten good at deflecting.
Here's a funny story:
I often forget my wedding rings, especially if I'm rushed in the morning. Matching shoes to the outfit is so much more important. Anyway - one day our clinical director came in and said people were worried about me and wondered what was going on since I had stopped wearing my rings. I burst out laughing. Really. I mean...OH MY GOD! It is so not their business. But since I'm the "boss" people read my moods as performance issues.
Hang in there. We'll be nice to you!
You might also talk in therapy about the best way to handle this too. I've done that with my Therapist. He likes to play the role of the pushy director and have me defend myself. It was a valuable exercise.
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 1, 2004, at 17:18:01
In reply to Body issues at Work...advice please, posted by B2chica on July 1, 2004, at 10:30:25
> well, this is JUST what i needed. You know how work clicks go, there's always rumors about someone...
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect this thread to Psycho-Social-Babble. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/362358.html
Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.