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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
I just had a session today where I spent a great deal of time talking about how I am self-sabotaging and feeling paralyzed about stuff that I need to do that is overwhelming (dissertation and home stuff). Basically, all this week I have been a slug. I'm not even reading for pleasure or gardening for pleasure. I just get up, eat, watch some tv, nap, eat, get ready for hubby to come home, etc. I feel so guilty about it, and the more days that go by like this, the worse I feel.
So he thinks that the time I had to spend with my mom really affected me more than I realized...that it took the wind out of my sails and I needed a time to recharge. I also mentioned the insomnia I had been having, and that I have been binge eating more.
So basically, he said, those are all symptoms of increased depression. And later, he said, "GG, you're a wreck." Now I know he meant this in a caring way, and it felt validating at the time. But my rational brain is saying, "He just called you a wreck!" Sheesh! Am I that messed up I don't even know it? Well, yes, in some ways, I guess so, since I've been beating myself up all week over what seems to be depression I didn't acknowledge.
I just wonder what y'all think and if your T ever said anything similar to you. How did you respond? How did it feel? And did you spend a bunch of time analyzing it later like I seem to be?
Thanks,
gg the Titanic
Posted by partlycloudy on July 9, 2004, at 17:25:27
In reply to My T says I'm a wreck, posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
Mine said the same thing to me once. I considered it an honest assessment, and at the time, it was. I think your T was just being non-clinical. You have been through the wringer with having to take care of your mum and all the apprehension about it. I often get delayed reactions from extremely stressful times. I had a horrid houseguest 2 or 3 weeks ago (I've even blotted that information out of my head). I gritted my teeth and said nothing if I couldn't say something nice. I was very quiet that weekend. About 10 days later, major migraines, hormonal upsets, anxiety, panic, all from nowhere, except: all that stuff we keep under control, all the brave faces, polite faces, "no, it's no problem" faces; they take their toll eventually.
I hope you plan to be extra good to yourself and have a very good rest. Don't worry about "doing" anything. take a couple of days off and recuperate.
my 2 cents.
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 17:32:35
In reply to My T says I'm a wreck, posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
Chuckle. Well, as you might have guessed by now, my therapist isn't the smoothest therapist around, and he tends to blurt out truth.
Just a couple of weeks ago, he said that I appeared to him to be reacting the way I always reacted when I was in a crisis. And I answered "Crisis? OK, I'm a bit upset, but crisis?" And he backed down from the crisis, but mentioned it a couple of other times in the four sessions I had with him that week. Crisis? I wasn't in crisis! Four sessions definitely meant something, but not a crisis.
But my favorite was the time my med reimbursement plan was questioning the therapy and asked whether it was medically necessary. I ended up getting a prescription from my pdoc to settle the issue, but when I mentioned it to my therapist he said "Personal growth???!!!! Of COURSE it's not for PERSONAL GROWTH!!!! OF COURSE it's MEDICALLY NECESSARY!!!!" Mutter mutter and many headshakes.
I was staring at him trying to decide whether to laugh at his emphatic response or to be really really concerned for my sanity.
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 17:34:44
In reply to My T says I'm a wreck, posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
Also, Partcloudy is right. I also have a period of complete and total non-productivity following a major upset in my routine - even if it's a good one like a vacation.
Posted by shadows721 on July 9, 2004, at 19:23:17
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 17:34:44
GG,
I agree with Dinah. That's he was using non-medical terms here. Personally, I would feel like cr** about that term. I would have taken it like a put down.
But here is what I think he should have stated, "GG, it appears that your depression has increased as a result of these understandable circumstances. What you are going through is very normal."
Posted by daisym on July 9, 2004, at 19:40:40
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck, posted by shadows721 on July 9, 2004, at 19:23:17
My Therapist has actually referred to me as the titanic on several occasions. And yes, I went over the sessions and picked them apart to make sure he was "joking." I think you should take it as a human, empathetic assessment of your current state. Because it isn't a clinical state completely...you got hit with lots of stuff and were, well...wrecked! (Wrecks aren't always our fault either, let me remind you!)
Drink tea, eat cinnamon toast in front of the TV, watch Bambi and just veg. It really is OK.
hugs from me
Daisy
Posted by fallsfall on July 9, 2004, at 19:44:16
In reply to My T says I'm a wreck, posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
I *always* analyze everything he says to death.
I think he meant it to be validating - and it *was* validating. So remember that.
You know that you haven't been doing all that well. So give yourself a break! Accept that you have had a hard time, and allow yourself to recuperate. See it as a positive thing that you are doing for yourself (rather than as a failure because you aren't feeling good).
Be patient with yourself. You are worth it!
Posted by 64bowtie on July 10, 2004, at 4:14:45
In reply to My T says I'm a wreck, posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
GG,
Consider the source! If he were free, he wouldn't be so judgemental. I sense your greatness. He would have to be fubar to say that I also must be a wreck, if I don't see your wreck-ed-ness.
Mankind is famous for being a keen observer. I consider myself a keen observer, not to the point of hypervigilance, just keen. You have good potential for being a wonderful therapist. If you feel you can learn from his admonition, take what you can use and leave the rest.
I must be torched. What I just wrote rings of blah, blah, blaaah. It's only 2am.
I meant well, though!
Rod
Posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2004, at 9:12:55
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on July 9, 2004, at 19:44:16
Posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2004, at 9:14:38
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck » gardenergirl, posted by 64bowtie on July 10, 2004, at 4:14:45
Rod,
Thanks for the kind words and reassurance. I just was a bit puzzled by your comment about if my T were "free". Do you mean that if I didn't pay him he would be different? Because actually, I am one of the really lucky folks who get to have therapy for free since I am still a student. He is paid a salary by the university.If you meant something else, I'm at a loss.
Take care and good to see you back.
gg
Posted by 64bowtie on July 10, 2004, at 12:43:58
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck » 64bowtie, posted by gardenergirl on July 10, 2004, at 9:14:38
GG,
Free of obligation and expectation...
Free of internal conflictedness...
Free of D Y S F U N C T I O N..........now that would be a great therapist, don't ya' think???
Rod
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2004, at 13:46:56
In reply to Re: Re: My T says I'm a wreck » gardenergirl, posted by 64bowtie on July 10, 2004, at 12:43:58
> Free of obligation and expectation...
> Free of internal conflictedness...
> Free of D Y S F U N C T I O N.......> ...now that would be a great therapist, don't ya' think???
Sounds like a computer or a member of one of those alien group-think colonies. Like a bee or ant colony? Any science fiction fans out there?
I think I'd prefer a therapist who is fully aware of their own inner conflicts and dysfunctions, and is able to separate their stuff from mine and keep theirs out of the therapy room.
I'm almost positive I wouldn't want one who considered themselves to be *free* of dysfunction or internal conflict.
But that's just my opinion.
It's also my informed guess that gg makes a great therapist just as she is.
Posted by terrics on July 10, 2004, at 17:17:51
In reply to My T says I'm a wreck, posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
Hi GG, It was meant to be a loving comment I think. He is just making you aware of where you are, and the probable reason. My thought is that he wants to help you out of this depression.
The worst thing my old and favorite t. said to me was that she was afraid I was not going to get better. That was scary, but I got better somewhat anyway. terrics
Posted by gardenergirl on July 11, 2004, at 1:38:23
In reply to Re: Re: My T says I'm a wreck, posted by Dinah on July 10, 2004, at 13:46:56
Dinah,
My first response was "sounds really dull". But I like your take on it better. It fits, I think.And thanks for your kind words. I know that being free like that is not something I aspire to, because my goal is just to be "okay as I am." That's also what I work on with clients. Must be the humanist in me. I think if you are "ok" then you can "be" whatever you wish.
Take care,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 11, 2004, at 1:51:27
In reply to Re: Re: My T says I'm a wreck » gardenergirl, posted by 64bowtie on July 10, 2004, at 12:43:58
Rod,
Thanks for 'splaining. I'm not sure if I agree with you about whether that would be a good T. I think that a T's experience of and knowledge of their own stuff is helpful to the therapeutic relationship. It definitely helps with empathy.
Now I'm not saying every T has to be diagnosable, but I wouldn't want one that to me feels like an empty shell.Just my 2 cents.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 11, 2004, at 1:53:17
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck » gardenergirl, posted by terrics on July 10, 2004, at 17:17:51
Thanks, terrics. I do think he meant it well. But I guess I'm just in over-analyzing mode at the moment.
I'm glad you went against your T's prediction! :D
gg
Posted by 64bowtie on July 11, 2004, at 3:33:08
In reply to Re: Re: My T says I'm a wreck » 64bowtie, posted by gardenergirl on July 11, 2004, at 1:51:27
GG,
I have never met a "free" person that would waste a second being "empty"; not one second! Ruminators that discover their freedom become do-ers... Do-ers that discover their freedom, are like they are on fire... The "impossible" gets extinguished without a trace!
Now that you know they are out there, you'll begin to recognise them when you see them...
Oh-by-the-way, no one calls them any dirty words, because they discover charisma along with freedom!
Please accept my contention that what we don't even know that we don't even know and can't even guess at is almost everything, leaves solutions yet to be discovered... But we don't even know where to start looking without competent help...
Rod
Posted by 64bowtie on July 11, 2004, at 22:02:20
In reply to Re: Re: My T says I'm a wreck, posted by Dinah on July 10, 2004, at 13:46:56
>
> I think I'd prefer a therapist who is fully aware of their own inner conflicts and dysfunctions, and is able to separate their stuff from mine and keep theirs out of the therapy room.
>
<<<Thanks for responding... Are you saying you like the thought of being under the care of a therapist who is confused about themself and their mission and responsibilities???(((Dinah))), not everything happens as events... Some things happen as processes... I have witnessed many times, folks first becoming aware of their internal conflictedness and/or thier dysfunction... Later, with lotsa practice, they declare themselves free... I did... I told the guy in the mirror I see everyday, that I felt free for the first time in my life... Freedom is not autonomy... Like I have, a therapist who becomes free from obligations/expectations and the crushing pressures of multi-generational, multi-layer dysfunction, still remembers how they were, how they got better, and why all of this is important... If therapists haven't been through this process, they don't have a clue, so they are wasting our time giving their opinions... This process honors human ability to adapt, something without a pricetag for insurance coverage purposes...
People just get what they want, wellness... Yes freedom and wellness are interchangeable...
Try it... You'll be glad you did...
Rod
PS: I've asked before, "If no one can succeed at getting well, why try"??? Wellness and freedom are possible.......!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 12, 2004, at 8:33:06
In reply to My T says I'm a wreck, posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 16:16:01
He has never said it to me in the present, only in reflection. Things like "You were very, very ill."
I think had he said I was a "wreck" (as in the present) I wouldn't take that too well.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 12, 2004, at 9:04:09
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 12, 2004, at 8:33:06
It's odd. I have such mixed feelings about it. I absolutely agreed with him at the time, and even laughed a bit with him. But then that word just kept bugging me. And he's really a "word" person. Almost always using exactly the right word. And of course interpreting all my word choices. We get side tracked in semantic arguments at times. I sense another one coming this week....
Take care,
gg
Posted by JenStar on July 15, 2004, at 18:43:21
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck » Miss Honeychurch, posted by gardenergirl on July 12, 2004, at 9:04:09
hi guys,
I'm the new-to-therapy one, and I'm very interested in reading all of your experiences & learning from them. Hope you don't mind that I chime in from time to time. :)gg, is it possible (esp. since you two discuss semantics & word choices) that he deliberately used that word to goad you into a joking protesting defense: "Hey, I am..but also...no I'm not!" and then to push you into an analysis of why you're a wreck right now & how to get out of it?
I'm a big fan of semantics, too. Seems to me that if he used the word "wreck" you can't be THAT much of a REAL "wreck" (a TOTAL "wreck" would break down in tears at being called such an informal word.) Maybe it's his way of recognizing that you're in a very tough spot but it's something you can recognize and pull out of with help and your usual sense of humor.
Sometimes people push you a bit to make you push back and then work on fixing issues instead of complaining about them. At least, that's what my mom does to me all the time. She's not a formal therapist but she really has a knack for concurrently irritating me with her commentary and then really making me think in a new way after I get over the irritation and ruminate for a while. :)
Just my 2 cents. Sounds like he's a very interesting fellow! Hope you're doing better & feeling less "wreck" ish.
Take care!
jenStar> It's odd. I have such mixed feelings about it. I absolutely agreed with him at the time, and even laughed a bit with him. But then that word just kept bugging me. And he's really a "word" person. Almost always using exactly the right word. And of course interpreting all my word choices. We get side tracked in semantic arguments at times. I sense another one coming this week....
>
> Take care,
> gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 16, 2004, at 6:55:41
In reply to Re: My T says I'm a wreck, posted by JenStar on July 15, 2004, at 18:43:21
Thanks for you input. You know, your take on it feels spot on. I have my session later today, so if this comes up...I want to bring it up, but there's a lot more this week, too, so we'll see...I'll let y'all know.
Thanks, JenStar, and welcome to Babble.
gg
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