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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on July 14, 2004, at 18:25:20
Is it ok to ask your T if he remembers you/cares for you? Or will it be interpreted as being too clingy or needy?
Ideally I would even like to ask if he thinks of me, or even if he is attracted to me as well, but I don't know how appropriate that would be.
Mine has never given me any reassurance. And from knowing him, he is not so caring or warm. He likes to keep it official but genuinely helpful. Even when I have expressed lot of pain, his approach has always been, "Ok, So is there something we can do about it?". It has never been like "Oh, I am sorry that you are suffering so much".
And couple of times when I asked for reassurance he hasn't given me.
Pinkeye.
Posted by Raindancer on July 14, 2004, at 18:52:53
In reply to Is it ok to ask this to your T?, posted by pinkeye on July 14, 2004, at 18:25:20
I think it would be fine to ask your T if he cares about you. Don't be surprised if he answers your question with a question. The important thing is to talk about it. The purpose of therapy is to explore your thoughts and feelings with your T, and you can ask for reassurance if that is what you need and it doesn't matter if it feels needy or clingy. You are allowing your T to see the real you and that is a privilege.
I wouldn't ask if he finds you attractive at this stage, as he might see that as going somewhere else. All the best. R
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2004, at 19:18:51
In reply to Is it ok to ask this to your T?, posted by pinkeye on July 14, 2004, at 18:25:20
My therapist always says it's ok to *ask* for *anything* in *any* relationship, but to be prepared to hear a "no" as an answer - or in the case of therapy, be prepared to hear a discussion of why you asked rather than any answer at all. He says it's better than not asking, and not having any chance of getting what you want.
(I'm still working on asking the question when I'm not reasonably sure of the answer. I tend not to take risks, but I certainly don't see that as a virtue in myself.)
Posted by pinkeye on July 14, 2004, at 19:30:33
In reply to Re: Is it ok to ask this to your T? » pinkeye, posted by Raindancer on July 14, 2004, at 18:52:53
Thanks Raindancer. I will do that.
Pinkeye.
> I think it would be fine to ask your T if he cares about you. Don't be surprised if he answers your question with a question. The important thing is to talk about it. The purpose of therapy is to explore your thoughts and feelings with your T, and you can ask for reassurance if that is what you need and it doesn't matter if it feels needy or clingy. You are allowing your T to see the real you and that is a privilege.
>
> I wouldn't ask if he finds you attractive at this stage, as he might see that as going somewhere else. All the best. R
Posted by pinkeye on July 14, 2004, at 19:35:50
In reply to Re: Is it ok to ask this to your T? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on July 14, 2004, at 19:18:51
Thanks Dinah.
You know I envy all of you guys who get to meet your T so much (in a nice way of course). My T is sitting 20000 miles apart and I can't talk to him/see him even if I desperately want to. I never had this luxury of being able to tell everything and process and ask all the questions. It was always in a hurry and the rest was through emails. So I could only get the most important thing addressed. I have done very well with that and there isn't much issues left I want to solve, but now I wish I could have some slow paced long term therapy, but my husband does not allow me.
Pinkeye> My therapist always says it's ok to *ask* for *anything* in *any* relationship, but to be prepared to hear a "no" as an answer - or in the case of therapy, be prepared to hear a discussion of why you asked rather than any answer at all. He says it's better than not asking, and not having any chance of getting what you want.
>
> (I'm still working on asking the question when I'm not reasonably sure of the answer. I tend not to take risks, but I certainly don't see that as a virtue in myself.)
Posted by daisym on July 14, 2004, at 19:59:07
In reply to Is it ok to ask this to your T?, posted by pinkeye on July 14, 2004, at 18:25:20
My therapist would say not only is it OK, but absolutely critical that you ask this if it is on your mind. But he does give reassurance, and he is very much a psychotherapist in his approach. He believes "our" relationship is the most important thing we are working on. And he believes in openly talking about all of the feelings that go with that.
It must be very hard for you to have such limited access to someone you obviously care so much about.
Posted by shortelise on July 15, 2004, at 19:46:36
In reply to Is it ok to ask this to your T?, posted by pinkeye on July 14, 2004, at 18:25:20
Sounds like a strange therapist - my opinion of course. Is this the sort of therapist you need?
I believe in asking for what I need. It's hard to do.
I have asked mine what he thinks of me. He told me.
I feel I need his kind sympathy.
Shorte
This is the end of the thread.
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