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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shadows721 on July 18, 2004, at 23:24:01
I haven't heard from you. I hope you are doing okay.
Posted by snapper on July 19, 2004, at 0:42:33
In reply to To: Snapper, posted by shadows721 on July 18, 2004, at 23:24:01
> I haven't heard from you. I hope you are doing okay.
Hi Shadows. I too was wondering where you have been! I am glad to here that you had a good vacation! I don't want to bore you or anyone else for that matter...but I have NOT been doing very well at all :( (sorry,wish I had better news)I guess some good news is the fact that after 6 ect treatments, I talked to my family and the pdoc and convinced him that I would like to treat the anxiety part of my illness, so we quit the ect treatments at 6 and then he told me he would treat my anxiety, so I have been on 10mg Valium BID for right around 2 weeks now and I don't know if it is doing any good for me or not... he also said that in addition to 'meds' he wanted me to do 4 or 5 other things that did NOT have to do with meds-I won't go into them here but suffice to say that for an "obsessive-compulsive- neurotic-hypochondriacal-quasi-suicidal and social phobic-avoidant BPII character like myself, the 'other part of his "prescription" for me to get well, sounded somewhat practical but on the flipside it sounds like pure B*ll*hit to me!Especially since it is pure torture to be around other people (even the ones that half way know,or think they have a clue as to wtf is wrong with my brain!)I feel my family is even getting frustrated and fed up with my wierdness and I am open to them on an almost daily basis that I wish God would just come and take me and put me out of my F****ng misery. The odd thing is, amongst all of this BS is that I at times have an un-canny wit and clever humour about me (comes and goes) that I am sure makes most people think...there is nothing wrong with you...little do they know and realize , I think that my wit and humour and puns are a constant agonizing struggle to hide my true feelings of intense, loss, grief, hopelessness and mostly total despondancy. I somehow know that my prognosis is *not* good, unless that is actually the depression just rearing its' full ominous and beastly head! Sometimes I don't know and most of the time I just don't give a s*it! Anyhow I am sorry for all the doom and gloom. BUt I am glad to hear you are back and hope you are doing as well as possible! Thanks for asking about me!Talk to you soon!
Snapper
Posted by shadows721 on July 19, 2004, at 1:06:32
In reply to Re: To: Snapper » shadows721, posted by snapper on July 19, 2004, at 0:42:33
I am just glad to hear back from you. I want to hear the truth, Snapper. Don't worry about it being positive or negative. I know you are going through a very difficult time. I think the sense of humor you are talking about is one of your strengths. As one that suffers from depression too, I can relate to what you are talking about how it what's inside doesn't show on the out side. Depression is a wicked disease, because no one can see just how much one suffers internally.
If you are really feeling frustrated with this doc, can you get another to help medicate your symptoms better? It really sounds like your symptoms aren't being medicated properly. You have been so strong, Snapper. You are in the midst of the hurricane and you are still standing. You need some medication to make the winds of the storm calm down, so you can rest. Thinking and praying for you my friend. Please, don't give up. I know you are tired of all this.
Posted by snapper on July 19, 2004, at 1:37:05
In reply to Re: To: Snapper, posted by shadows721 on July 19, 2004, at 1:06:32
Shadows, I am at the point tht I don't know what other Dr. I'd go see. I am on disability and SSI so I am somewhat limited and also the present pdoc is supposedly pretty esteemed. I feel like I am running out of options. Since most of the meds over the last 14 yrs. have'nt brought about a high % of remission, my Family is of the thinking that I should *do* some of the things that others and other drs. have been trying to get me to do for years....ie: church,exercize,the nutrition route etc-and everytime I buck those suggestions, for very legitimate reasons...they say crap like "you don't want to get well!" "what are you going to do when your Father and I pass on? yada yada yada.... I have a sick feeling that even though I am only 37 that they ( my parents will outlive me)Oh and yeah, I have'nt always been this much of a freakin basket case. I used to have a life... a Car , my own Business, my own home and stuff. then the wrong choice in women, Gambling and copious amounts of alcohol, law-suits, Bankruptcy and a whole bunch of other crap just kept hitting me over the head. I lost it *all*. I wish I could die without actually dying!!
Posted by shadows721 on July 19, 2004, at 2:09:38
In reply to Re: To: Snapper » shadows721, posted by snapper on July 19, 2004, at 1:37:05
Snapper,
What they don't realize is when you aren't having the symptoms treated, you can't do all that other stuff. You can't change psychomotor agitation with exercise. You can't read a Bible if can't concentrate or make decisions. You can't go to work when your fatigue is so bad you can't get out of bed. Depression can't be fixed over night.
I too am in a similiar situation. I can truly relate. I was once very functional and now in the depths of dependency too. It's not pleasant at all. But, I feel at this point that I will treat my symptoms and try to live to the best of my ability. I may not be as functional as I once was. I have tried the diet, exercise, and nothing helped. Medications help me function a bit better, but I am trying to live with my condition. I savor the days I can do more and hide under the covers on the bad ones. I don't believe this is it for me and I don't believe this is it for you either, Snapper. You are going through H*ll to get yourself better. You are a fighter. You deserve a lot of credit for all you have done to help yourself get better. You saw what didn't work for you in the past. Now, you can learn what you need now. You are learning about you right now. That's more important than cars, the wrong women, business,etc. Your only priority is to take the best care of Snapper as you can. That's exactly what you are doing right now. Nobody could ask for more than that.
Medications may not put you in complete remission, but they may give you some relief from this H*ll. Once you get some relief the other stuff can be addressed as you can tolerate.
Posted by snapper on July 19, 2004, at 13:34:23
In reply to Re: To: Snapper, posted by shadows721 on July 19, 2004, at 2:09:38
Shadows, thanks again for your seemingly un-ending support!This illness has got me so jacked up that, I know for a fact that that all the various symptoms, interfere severely with me being able to convey to dr., family etc...what is truly an important symptom and what is not. Sometimes I can't walk straight,or think straight or even talk straight. Sometimes I go to explain what I *think* might be a relevent problem or symptom or side effect, & my brain just says...nope! Not gonna happen! Why even bother!Weather it is an idiotic anxiety reaction or a potential s/e of a med or what ever, it just ends up coming out as dumb and rediculous and a lot of the time if it is a particular distressing s/e or symptom and I do say something... I usually get a reply like... its' the da*n medication or you need to get your mind off of yourself or some hurtful or de-moralizing thing like that. It is also not like they really mean to make you feel worse, it just feels that way. Especially since depression has the tendency to give one the self esteem of a slug in the first place, it just hurts all the more. Thanks for listening!
snapper
This is the end of the thread.
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