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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shortelise on August 12, 2004, at 13:15:53
I read many of us write "my T said ... blah blah".
Often when I say to my T, "last week you said ... blah blah" he tells me, no he didn't say that. And he tells me what he did say, and yes, I recognize it. I twisted what he said, heard it through my own perverse filters, through the twists of my psyche.
Sometimes when I start to obsess about what he has said, I have the good sense to ask him what he actually said. He has learned to take copious notes with me because I do this so often!
What do others think about this? Do you do it, too?
ShortE
Posted by pegasus on August 12, 2004, at 18:36:17
In reply to What they say, what we hear, posted by shortelise on August 12, 2004, at 13:15:53
Oh, yeah, I know that story! Although, I do think that sometimes the T is the one who is misremembering. For example:
Once my T said that in an earlier session I had said something about "people like that" referring to people who meditate. Now, I know for a fact that I was talking about people who are oblivious to what everyone else thinks about their actions, *not* people who meditate (whom I happen to admire).
Another time, he swore up and down that he had explained his phone message policy clearly, and that I had misunderstood. But I *know* that he hadn't explained part of it clearly. I remember what he said, and it wasn't what he thought he'd said.
I'd prefer not to go over examples of the times when I've misunderstood him. ;)
pegasus
Posted by Susan47 on August 13, 2004, at 17:48:16
In reply to What they say, what we hear, posted by shortelise on August 12, 2004, at 13:15:53
ShortE,
I did it with my therapist and I do it with others in my life as well, but certainly not to the same extent... someone pointed out to me last week that I might be hypervigilant; I'd heard that term before but thinking about what it means in terms of communication made me realize it was hypervigilance that causes me a lot of grief. And causes me also to misunderstand what is said (make it worse). There are times, though, that I gloss over stuff because I'm simply not ready to hear it; I make stuff lighter than it should be. That is self-defense because I'm so bloody insecure.
It helps to know those things about myself. Maybe your filter incorporates one of these behaviours?
Posted by Susan47 on August 13, 2004, at 17:51:17
In reply to Re: What they say, what we hear, posted by Susan47 on August 13, 2004, at 17:48:16
PS, don't be too hard on yourself. "Twisted" is a really strong word to use against your poor psyche, it has enough trouble as it is, don't add to its s...load.
Posted by Susan47 on August 13, 2004, at 17:52:17
In reply to Re: What they say, what we hear, posted by Susan47 on August 13, 2004, at 17:51:17
Posted by shortelise on August 16, 2004, at 1:20:29
In reply to Not twisted, perverse filter sorry. (nm), posted by Susan47 on August 13, 2004, at 17:52:17
Hypervigilant is indeed a term we've talked about in therapy.
It's from having for years to so carefully survey those around me to make sure that I was acting and reacting in a manner that would be acceptable to them.
The way I perceive it, with a sense of humour and a lot of years of therapy behind me, is that it is perverse. And twisted, too. **sigh**
ShortE
Posted by Susan47 on August 16, 2004, at 11:54:53
In reply to Re: Not twisted, perverse filter sorry. » Susan47, posted by shortelise on August 16, 2004, at 1:20:29
I understand, I agree, and I hope my reaction was acceptable. Double *sigh*.
This is the end of the thread.
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