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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 14:03:18
I am feeling way too sad. I finally finally terminated officially with my ex T. I had been doing some email counselling with him, but now I found another T here and he is going to transition me to her.
I feel very affectionate towards him, but unfortunately he does not seem to feel anything for me. I have asked him if he cared about me, he didn't reply. I asked him if I could continue to keep in touch with him, he didn't reply to that either. He didn't say he would be sad to see me go or lose contact with me. Maybe he didn't like me all along and I was just imagining. It is very hard for me.
I don't feel like going to therapy anymore with anymore. Too much heartache and too much emotions.
He also replied with his wife's name on the from field in the email. Maybe his wife has started using that email id. I was very hurt and wondering if she had actually seen my email.
Pinkeye
Posted by AuntieMel on September 16, 2004, at 15:40:11
In reply to Feeling very sad, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 14:03:18
It sounds like, by not replying, he was trying to help you let go. It must be difficult right now, but I'm betting you will see it as a wise decision later on.
Posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 15:56:08
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad, posted by AuntieMel on September 16, 2004, at 15:40:11
Thanks AuntieMel. That was kind of comforting. But I have reasoned this way, and I don't think it might be the reason. It is quite likely he doesn't really care about me. Because I have asked him quite a few times, I have told him how sad I was to go away, still he chose not to reply. I am thinking maybe he didn't really have any feelings for me.
I am inclining more towards not going to any therapy hereafter. I don't want to open up to someone all over again only to worry whether that person really cares about me or not. I also get attached too much and it is very hard for me to do it again with one more person. I am going to cancel further therapy with the new therapist. I already called her and asked her to stop billing my insurance.
Posted by lookdownfish on September 16, 2004, at 16:04:10
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad » AuntieMel, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 15:56:08
I think many therapists would not admit any feelings they had for you for the sake of keeping firm boundaries. They would not want to gratify you, or encourage you, or bring their own issues into the mix, since therapy should be about your feelings, not theirs. He probably is trying to do his best to help you through the transition by keeping a distance.
Sorry you're feeling sad.
Posted by mair on September 16, 2004, at 16:12:54
In reply to Feeling very sad, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 14:03:18
(((((pinkeye)))))
It seems like there should be some way to leave these relationships without so much heartache.
Today was my 6th session after a 3 week vacation hiatus, and it was the first session which I didn't feel like I was sitting there in full body armor.
I told my therapist today that by the end of the 3 weeks, therapy seemed so remote that quitting didn't feel like such a big deal. My T asked me if when thinking this way, I looked ahead far enough to see myself really missing the connection I have with her. When I thought about her question, I realized that what I most feared was the hurt I'd feel if terminating didn't mean anything to her.
It's very strange. I think you sort of have to give yourself over to Ts to have certain sorts of therapy accomplish much, but the risks just seem so great.
Mair
Posted by AuntieMel on September 16, 2004, at 16:44:51
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad » AuntieMel, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 15:56:08
I agree that it also could be a boundary thing for him. Or maybe even a way of trying to help you be stronger and independent.
But it seems that seeing a new therapist could help you process it. I'm worried that you cancelled your appointments.
Posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 19:01:26
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad » pinkeye, posted by lookdownfish on September 16, 2004, at 16:04:10
Hi everyone,
Thanks a lot for the posts. I think he is trying to do what he is supposed to do. Maybe he cares a little about me.
But at this point, I am not able to do it anymore again with one more person. I am feeling way too vulnerable and down. I am not going to go for therapy anymore.
Posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 19:52:58
In reply to Can't go through this again, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 19:01:26
I am feeling very down and way too upset by this whole therapy thing. I won't be coming here anymore - atleast for a while. I won't be going to any more therapy.
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:58:48
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad » AuntieMel, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 15:56:08
I will miss you, and I wish you so strongly, very strongly, that your unhappiness over your therapist will fade in time. You deserve the best.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2004, at 22:18:01
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad » pinkeye, posted by AuntieMel on September 16, 2004, at 16:44:51
I'm in the "he was doing it because of boundaries" camp. Perhaps he has very strict boundaries? Perhaps he was unsure what to say given that you were transferring to another? Maybe he didn't want to influence that relationship forming.
But whatever the rational reason, the emotional side is that it DID hurt. And I'm sorry for that. It is such a leap of faith and risk to begin a therapy relationship. I think at the very best, ending would be bittersweet. I can't imagine it being peachy keen.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 0:28:51
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad, posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2004, at 22:18:01
I justcan't imagine any therapist not caring about his/her client. I think so much of the stuff that clients go through with therapists who terminate them, is a *feeling of rejection but not really rejection in reality? Does that make any sense at all? This'll probably be the end of this thread ... again. Oh my. Feeling sorry for ourselves are we? Sorry guys. This weird thing is going on again, I'm sorry.
Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 4:32:07
In reply to Feeling very sad, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 14:03:18
I think i got a hand slap for overstepping the boundaries. a light one, but it stung.
silly of me, i know he keeps firm boundaries and i usually not only respect them but try to keep miles from them. maybe i'm upset that i made an error. a little error, but it's still embarassing.
i wish i could say i could quit therapy. but truth be told, i *need* therapy. and not for the relationship either. either that or dope myself to the gills.
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 8:56:20
In reply to Feeling very sad, posted by pinkeye on September 16, 2004, at 14:03:18
I don't know your T or his wife, so I say this in complete ignorance. But I know a fair bit about *twisted* people, my first ex and his 4th wife (her, especially) were really twisted and quite frankly, I wouldn't put it past some women to send an email like that to her husband's client. Do you know for sure that it came from him? Just a thought; and even if it did, it sounds like something that some therapists just don't allow themselves to say. I mean, telling a client you care could be a gateway to neediness, which some therapists don't know how to handle. JUST MO.
Posted by pinkeye on September 17, 2004, at 12:40:48
In reply to Re: Feeling very sad, posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2004, at 22:18:01
Thanks gg and Susan and Dinah.
He is quite a nice person. And I think he does care, maybe not as much as I want, but still to a good extent. I don't hold small mistakes against him. I think it was a mistake that he sent it with his wife's email. That is ok.
But I am still having a hard time with all this anyway. I am not going to therapy anymore.
Pinkeye.
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 15:59:15
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by pinkeye on September 17, 2004, at 12:40:48
I believe I understand how you feel, pinkeye. (((pinkeye)))
This is the end of the thread.
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