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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
Have you ever had a therapist say that he or she was worried about you. Mine did on Monday and I must say it hit me pretty hard. I think it scared me more than anything, but also denoted some sense of caring on his part which I found comforting. Any similiar stories are thoughts about this.
Posted by Racer on September 14, 2004, at 20:32:42
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
My current individual therapist asks me to call and check in between appointments with her every week, which I attribute to worry. (Mind you, I've been in a complex crisis for over a year now, which included one suicide attempt.) And our marriage counselor actually called the police to have me hospitalized during a session recently, because she was worried about me.
I don't think I've ever wondered if my therapist cared about me -- I just assume they do, for the most part. That's based both on the therapists I've known socially, who've all said -- more or less -- that they care about all their patients to a greater or lesser degree; and on my own experience teaching, where I cared very deeply about most of my regulars. Or maybe it's just that I can't see how a therapeutic alliance can work without mutual caring, so if the relationship seems to be working, I assume we both care about the other.
That's an interesting question, though. And I'm also interested in your reaction to your therapist telling you this? Do you know why it frightened you?
Posted by Klokka on September 14, 2004, at 20:57:43
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
As far as I remember, my pdoc has never said he was worried. The closest he's come to that recently was suggesting that events in my life and the way I was reacted mirrored a similar situation in the life of someone I know when she once attempted suicide. Months ago it was that he used to comment that he didn't know how to help me but thought somebody had to try. I think I'd be downright freaked out if he ever said he was worried. I'm unnerved enough whenever I realize that he's actually taking my problems seriously for some reason.
Posted by Larry Hoover on September 14, 2004, at 22:26:06
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
> Have you ever had a therapist say that he or she was worried about you. Mine did on Monday and I must say it hit me pretty hard. I think it scared me more than anything, but also denoted some sense of caring on his part which I found comforting. Any similiar stories are thoughts about this.
I've had two different therapists say something like that to me. In part, it *was* to hit me a little hard. In hindsight, I was not very able to see that I was facing some difficult but important choices. And based on prior discussion, I had pretty good evidence for picking one path over another.....yet I seemed to be slipping towards the more maladaptive one.
So, my therapist's expressions were that they had faith in me to recognize what they knew to be true (from their objective view) about the fork in the road immediately before me, and that they knew I had the fortitude to do the tougher thing.
It felt rough. I got a little hurt. I got a little more angry. And then I channelled that angry energy into positive and proactive behaviour.
Lar
Posted by DaisyM on September 14, 2004, at 23:04:20
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
My therapist has said that to me multiple times. Often it is on a Monday and he says something like, "I didn't hear from you this weekend. I was worried about you." I use to respond that I didn't want him to worry about me or apologize for making him worry. He said I can't control his feelings and he worries because he knows how much I'm hurting and he cares.
We've also had a discussion about suicide where he asked me if I could promise to call him first before I hurt myself. I have promised to at least try to reach out.
Take it as a sign of caring, not that they think you are doing better or worse. I think it speaks to your relationship. And knowing there is a connection might be what is scarying you. I know it terrifies me.
Did he say why he was worried?
Posted by gardenergirl on September 15, 2004, at 8:41:55
In reply to Re: Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by DaisyM on September 14, 2004, at 23:04:20
Mine hasn't specifically said he was worried. But a few weeks ago, he did ask how I was in a concerned way, and stated that I didn't look like I was doing well. We were rescheduling due to a communication error between his staff. We ended up having an abbreviated session. So he might have been worried. Caring, definitely.
gg
Posted by rubenstein on September 15, 2004, at 12:08:12
In reply to Not precisely, but... » rubenstein, posted by Racer on September 14, 2004, at 20:32:42
Thanks for your message. I think it scared me that he was worried because maybe I am actually worried too...and that is a scary thing, to not feel as in control as you once did. Plus, its wierd to not feel bad about someone caring for you...I feel like a burden or something...I know that is a non-healthy attitude but it is none-the-less what I feel. I think I am going to go today, again. (even if I risk being needy)
Thanks again for your thoughts
rubenstein
Posted by rubenstein on September 15, 2004, at 12:09:15
In reply to Re: Therapist ever said he/she was worried » rubenstein, posted by Larry Hoover on September 14, 2004, at 22:26:06
> > Have you ever had a therapist say that he or she was worried about you. Mine did on Monday and I must say it hit me pretty hard. I think it scared me more than anything, but also denoted some sense of caring on his part which I found comforting. Any similiar stories are thoughts about this.
>
> I've had two different therapists say something like that to me. In part, it *was* to hit me a little hard. In hindsight, I was not very able to see that I was facing some difficult but important choices. And based on prior discussion, I had pretty good evidence for picking one path over another.....yet I seemed to be slipping towards the more maladaptive one.
>
> So, my therapist's expressions were that they had faith in me to recognize what they knew to be true (from their objective view) about the fork in the road immediately before me, and that they knew I had the fortitude to do the tougher thing.
>
> It felt rough. I got a little hurt. I got a little more angry. And then I channelled that angry energy into positive and proactive behaviour.
>
> LarThanks for your sharing, it truly touched me
rubenstein
Posted by rubenstein on September 15, 2004, at 12:11:09
In reply to Re: Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by DaisyM on September 14, 2004, at 23:04:20
> My therapist has said that to me multiple times. Often it is on a Monday and he says something like, "I didn't hear from you this weekend. I was worried about you." I use to respond that I didn't want him to worry about me or apologize for making him worry. He said I can't control his feelings and he worries because he knows how much I'm hurting and he cares.
>
> We've also had a discussion about suicide where he asked me if I could promise to call him first before I hurt myself. I have promised to at least try to reach out.
>
> Take it as a sign of caring, not that they think you are doing better or worse. I think it speaks to your relationship. And knowing there is a connection might be what is scarying you. I know it terrifies me.
> I think you are right, the connection does scare me.
>
Did he say why he was worried?
I am having trouble with my change of medication and although my life situation is fine my other thoughts are not and actions at times...I guess he has a right to be worried, for I am a little as well and that is scary, youknow?
Thanks for your shaing
rubenstein
Posted by Aphrodite on September 15, 2004, at 14:44:01
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
Mine recently said he was "scared to death." We had been dealing with a particularly rough topic that he was opposed to me jumping into in my state, and it turns out he was right.
I was rather shocked by the intensity of the comment and how he said it, but it also showed he was "in this" with me.
Posted by terrics on September 16, 2004, at 8:17:15
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
That was a nice thing to say. Must have made you feel cared for. terrics
Posted by Wildflower on September 16, 2004, at 15:04:29
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
Mine just said that to me the last two times I saw her. It really gave me a wakeup call that something is very wrong with me and that I need to pay attention to it. It also made me realize how much I miss having people around me who actually care about my well being.
Posted by Poet on September 16, 2004, at 16:25:25
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
Hi,
My therapist has told me she's worried about me. A few months back I was in a pretty bad state and she was calling me just about daily to make sure I was okay.
She says it's okay for her to care about me, so I guess worrying about me goes with letting her get close to me. That I feel I'm not worth worrying about is another long boring story...
Poet
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:23:31
In reply to Re: Therapist ever said he/she was worried » rubenstein, posted by Poet on September 16, 2004, at 16:25:25
He's a lovely person, I'm sure he's a nice man, but honestly I believe my ex-therapist slept with his eyes open. I don't think he'd make a phone call no matter how worried he was; in fact, I'm not sure he even knows if he's lost anybody to suicide. I mean, please don't think that's a bad thing. Being a therapist must be awfully tough. I just don't understand how they separate things. It's quite a trick of the mind, I'm sure. We clients, or patients, don't seem to have that ability as well-cultured; however, I believe we all have it.
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:24:50
In reply to What an interesting thread, posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:23:31
I believe this actually; that many many people are smarter than they realize.
Enough said already, ciao....
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:26:53
In reply to Re: What an interesting thread, posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:24:50
And I love it. Somebody get me off these boards! I have things, a ton of stuff, to do. This is terrible. But it's not making phone calls, it's not picking up the phone!!
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:27:19
In reply to This is funny, I'm actually talking to myself., posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:26:53
Go Susan, do your stuff.
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:29:04
In reply to Re: This is funny, I'm actually talking to myself., posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:27:19
And I'm feeling rebellious. This could be hormonal.
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 0:22:44
In reply to This is funny, I'm actually talking to myself., posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:26:53
I picked up the phone. :( Poor T.
Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 4:36:51
In reply to Therapist ever said he/she was worried, posted by rubenstein on September 14, 2004, at 19:26:06
i think it's his not foolish way of expressing a cool appraisal of my current functioning
This is the end of the thread.
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