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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on September 30, 2004, at 20:09:22
Today I took something from my childhood with me into therapy. It is a very old stuffed animal, loved so hard and dearly that she is falling apart. She has been with me since I was seven, she went to college with me and attended my wedding with a white bow on. Each of my children in turn took her to bed with them when they were young, until they either found their own comfort object or were old enough to give her back. Even my husband treats her with respect because she is incredibly special to me.
We've been talking about trust and needs this week in therapy and how they weren't met. I've struggled again with the dependency issue and have researched the topic to death. My therapist just remains steady in his belief that this is a developmental stage that will ease off when my younger self is sure that he will indeed be a consistent safe base. He is not rattled at all by the intensity of the need that flares up. His suggestion, as always, is to add in a check-in call over the weekends to keep me steady.
Yesterday we talked about my mother, a dangerous subject, as far as needs go. I ended up coming apart, sure that my therapist, like my mother, would label me "just" an unhappy person (child) and give up trying to meet my needs. OR, he would agree that they were just too big and too overwhelming and reject them, or me. But, he is strong in his stance when he reminds me that these are projected feelings that have nothing to do with our relationship. He isn't going anywhere. Still...last night was so hard. My youngest self was out and missing her mother and wanting to be held and comforted. So out came the stuffed animal. And for some reason, it became important to share that in therapy today. I think I even promised somewhere in the middle of the night that if she would just let me sleep, yes, she could bring her.
So, despite my embarrassment over taking this in, I made myself follow through on the impulse. I arrived with a pillowcase and he joked about me bringing my laundry. I explained what I that I had no idea why I needed to bring her, but that it felt important and I hoped we could figure it out together. He asked if he could hold her, told me she was beautiful (she's not anymore) and was so respectful and tender. And I told him that I was glad he held her, that I wanted that picture in my mind. And I told him he held her wrong, but that was OK. He seem to totally understand all of this. He said he wasn't sure how he should hold her, he didn't want to bring her too close, that he could see she was really special to me. So we talked about some of the physical needs children have to be held in a safe way and how substitutes are often found. And he thinks that what I really brought in was my need to be held, but not touched. And he talked about all the ways he could do that for me and wanted to know what felt right to me, all the parts of me.
It was one of the best sessions we've had in a while. And he said I should bring her back anytime I wanted to. I'm shocked that I don't feel stupid right now about it. But I don't. It just reinforced again for me that I've got the right therapist for me.
Anyone else done this?
Posted by alexandra_k on September 30, 2004, at 20:28:00
In reply to Have you ever done Show and Tell in therapy? (long, posted by daisym on September 30, 2004, at 20:09:22
That is so lovely, you are lucky to have such a sensitive and caring T.
One of my old T's who I still miss very much gave me a gift in our last session together. I had started telling her about parts of me that I am embarrassed and ashamed of and she brought us a little box with various things in it: a crystal, a bead, a piece of turquoise, and a shell. One for each of us: A mindfulness exercise.
I have been tempted to take this box to therapy and ask my T if we could do a mindfulness exercise - but I have been holding off doing this thinking that I haven't been working with anyone who would understand.
After your post and my situation of having a new T I have decided to take the box along to our next session. I'll ask her if she knows what mindfulness is, and if so, I am going to do it. For me the box is about me being okay. Us all being okay. Acceptable and in the moment. I think that doing the mindfulness exercise with a T who understands would be like being held and accepted for me.
Posted by Dinah on September 30, 2004, at 20:54:01
In reply to Have you ever done Show and Tell in therapy? (long, posted by daisym on September 30, 2004, at 20:09:22
Yes, I've done it. I have a doll that represents Sad Dinah, the 10-14 year old with all the problems. I used to bring her all the time.
My therapist of course never offered to hold a doll!! But he was ok with my bringing her and using her to try to get in touch with my feelings.
Once he made me mad somehow, and somehow it involved the doll. I can't remember now; dissociation is great. But I do remember I threw her down in the parking lot and banged her against the wall. She's mostly ok, but I never brought her back to therapy.
I've brought pictures of young me, or my dogs, though.
Right now I really really really want to bring in my only video of the love of my life, a little teensy tinsy dog. So much so that I have been trying to figure out how to make it portable enough to see. I think I finally have a way, but I'm afraid to bring it to him. I'm afraid he'll say something like "So why are you bringing this to me" and I'll have to slug him.
I can't imagine why it's so important to me right now. He's seen photos of her. He's seen photos of her and me together ("you used to be attractive!!"). But right now it seems absolutely imperative that he sees her as I saw her. I don't know why. Harry's getting closer to death, but shouldn't I want to bring in photos of him instead?
Posted by morning*bell on October 1, 2004, at 8:53:07
In reply to Have you ever done Show and Tell in therapy? (long, posted by daisym on September 30, 2004, at 20:09:22
Daisy,
what a beautiful post. It made me cry while I'm sitting here at work. I can identify, I have a stuffed animal I've had for almost 30 years, fur that's been loved away, a nose that fell off years ago.... He's been with me since almost birth, it's like he's always been a part of me. Even the thought of him can bring comfort. He's still as dear to me as it was when I was little. You can't underestimate the bond between children and there stuffed animals :-)I know what you mean about "holding her wrong". I don't even remember the last time I have seen anyone hold my stuffed animal (my mom maybe, years ago?) there is a defintine "right" and "wrong" way to do it :-) That part of your post made me smile as I completely "got" what you were saying.
I am glad you found such comfort in bringing her to therapy and sharing her with your T. What a wonderful experience that must have been :)
morning*bell
> Today I took something from my childhood with me into therapy. It is a very old stuffed animal, loved so hard and dearly that she is falling apart. She has been with me since I was seven, she went to college with me and attended my wedding with a white bow on. Each of my children in turn took her to bed with them when they were young, until they either found their own comfort object or were old enough to give her back. Even my husband treats her with respect because she is incredibly special to me.
>
> We've been talking about trust and needs this week in therapy and how they weren't met. I've struggled again with the dependency issue and have researched the topic to death. My therapist just remains steady in his belief that this is a developmental stage that will ease off when my younger self is sure that he will indeed be a consistent safe base. He is not rattled at all by the intensity of the need that flares up. His suggestion, as always, is to add in a check-in call over the weekends to keep me steady.
>
> Yesterday we talked about my mother, a dangerous subject, as far as needs go. I ended up coming apart, sure that my therapist, like my mother, would label me "just" an unhappy person (child) and give up trying to meet my needs. OR, he would agree that they were just too big and too overwhelming and reject them, or me. But, he is strong in his stance when he reminds me that these are projected feelings that have nothing to do with our relationship. He isn't going anywhere. Still...last night was so hard. My youngest self was out and missing her mother and wanting to be held and comforted. So out came the stuffed animal. And for some reason, it became important to share that in therapy today. I think I even promised somewhere in the middle of the night that if she would just let me sleep, yes, she could bring her.
>
> So, despite my embarrassment over taking this in, I made myself follow through on the impulse. I arrived with a pillowcase and he joked about me bringing my laundry. I explained what I that I had no idea why I needed to bring her, but that it felt important and I hoped we could figure it out together. He asked if he could hold her, told me she was beautiful (she's not anymore) and was so respectful and tender. And I told him that I was glad he held her, that I wanted that picture in my mind. And I told him he held her wrong, but that was OK. He seem to totally understand all of this. He said he wasn't sure how he should hold her, he didn't want to bring her too close, that he could see she was really special to me. So we talked about some of the physical needs children have to be held in a safe way and how substitutes are often found. And he thinks that what I really brought in was my need to be held, but not touched. And he talked about all the ways he could do that for me and wanted to know what felt right to me, all the parts of me.
>
> It was one of the best sessions we've had in a while. And he said I should bring her back anytime I wanted to. I'm shocked that I don't feel stupid right now about it. But I don't. It just reinforced again for me that I've got the right therapist for me.
>
> Anyone else done this?
Posted by LittleGirlLost on October 1, 2004, at 11:56:25
In reply to Have you ever done Show and Tell in therapy? (long, posted by daisym on September 30, 2004, at 20:09:22
Hello.... I'm a newbie. Been reading here for years and can relate to SO much. Saw this post today and finally decided to join.
I recently started bringing my favorite doll to therapy with me. It's a Cabbage Patch Kid that I've had for 21 years, and has always been a source of comfort to me. Sometimes I feel silly bringing her since I look so "adult". My T encourages me to bring her though and when I first introduced them, she liked her! :)
Last night I let her hold her for about half the session. She looked so sweet.... would have been a fun mom. :( I'm so sad today if you couldn't tell. I'll keep this short since I'm at work. (Also new to this so I hope I'm doing it right!)
Looking forward to some great discussions here.
Posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 12:09:49
In reply to Have you ever done Show and Tell in therapy? (long, posted by daisym on September 30, 2004, at 20:09:22
congrats to you on taking in something so personal. I'm glad it worked successfully for you!
I haven't taken a show/tell to therapy, but I can see how it would be even more important to get positive feedback than in a "regular" relationship. I was thinking about showing/telling stuff...it starts in childhood, right? ("Do you want to see my room?") and continues on into adulthood, as we "show off" new cars or paint jobs or decorating or clothes/etc. It's always so important to get affirmation from others. I can see how getting positive affirmation from a T would be HUGE.
I'm so glad this worked out for you! :)
JenStar
Posted by shortelise on October 1, 2004, at 13:27:31
In reply to Have you ever done Show and Tell in therapy? (long, posted by daisym on September 30, 2004, at 20:09:22
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I am so glad for you.
ShortE
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