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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on October 12, 2004, at 20:00:27
Many years ago..(13), I did something that might have been reported but I dont think so...I was thirteen I didnt know any better and the only person I ended up hurting was myself. I have NEVER told anyone to this day and when my therapist announced to me that she thought I was going to be ending soon and not needing her anymore..it came into my mind that I had not talked to her about this issue and now, it was getting to late to talk to her so i had to bring it up.
I am So embarressed and ashamed for what I did...(I didnt do anything horribly wrong)...but, the fact that I have never told anyone makes it really difficult.
What I went through when I was 12 or 13 I no longer am doing so it is just something I want to get off my chest...It happened so long ago...you dont think this is something my therapist could report me on 13 years later if she thought it to be something worth reporting do you ?
Im serious when I say that I didnt do anything to hurt anyone but myself IM just scared to death. I dont know what or how she is going to react. I saved this for last because I knew that this was going to mess me up so badly that I was going to terminate myself possibly.
Im going tomorrow to meet with her after work and I am not going to tell her...I CANT...to me it is so bad that i think that if anyone were to know I would be shunned from society.
What is the worst thing a therapist hears? Whether it be someone talking of a violent act, or some sexual disorder...
to be honest, mine is a disorder but I dont have that problem anymore and I am just too ashamed to tell her that I once did...I dont know how much she hears of this stuff.
I feel like such a loser and im so ashamed i just want to hide. We have had such a close relationship in therapy for 2 years and I think to break this to her she would just fall out. She told me I can tell her anything but I think this would just freak her out...Im so paranoid...
I need some advice ..I dont know how to talk to her about this ....it was so long ago....I just experimented ...that was all..but i have never told anyone and I figured it was a good thing for me to tell her (my benefit)...but im scared at what action she might take or how she will respond.....iM so nervous.
Im NOT A BAD PERSON...Im normal...why do i feel so bad?
Pandabear
Posted by gardenergirl on October 12, 2004, at 20:10:21
In reply to very nervous about tomorrow, posted by Pandabear on October 12, 2004, at 20:00:27
Pandabear,
It sounds like you are right to consider telling her. From your conflict within your post, I would guess that you have some significant feelings associated with this event that you aren't able to get out.I recently told my T about something I regret from a few years ago that I haven't even faced the consequences of. I just stick my head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend it's not there. I was so so scared to tell him. I also worried that he would in some way have to "tell on me" to someone. Even though I knew rationally that he wouldn't, the fear was there. Plus, I think I suppress or even repress this event so much in everyday life, by telling him, it was definitly making it real...something else I was scared of.
I was kicking myself before each session between the time I told him I "had a secret" and the time I actually told him. Telling him went okay. It wasn't as bad as I thought. He accepted it and was non-judgemental. I felt very irritable and mad at myself afterwards, still, for a couple of days, but then that began to go away, and I felt so much lighter. I think if you can tolerate contemplating telling, then telling would probably help.
Good luck. I know this is really hard.
gg
Posted by mandinka on October 13, 2004, at 0:03:50
In reply to very nervous about tomorrow, posted by Pandabear on October 12, 2004, at 20:00:27
Maybe write her about that thing you did years ago. If no one got hurt I don't think she's going to make an issue from it now. It would have to be something life threatetning in the present for her to notify the police. It's easier to write such painful things down and let the therapist read it - I know that from my own experience.
The way we feel about ourselves has little to do with our true worth (we're all worthy of love - except sociopaths imo) and a lot to do with the way we were taught to see ourselves in childhood. Kids that weren't truly, unconditionally loved become later adults who don't like themselves. So, you don't have to be a bad person to feel bad about yourself. From what you've written I'd say you're pretty conscientious and that's a very good thing. :)
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