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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on December 3, 2004, at 1:42:02
It's been a terrible week. Looming finals probably aren't helping matters. And the holidays always steamroll me. But it's the same thing day after day and this week it's really bad...I miss my ex-T tremendously.
Those of you who read my previous thread on communication after termination know I can discuss this rationally without feeling. Well all the feelings are kicking in right about now. There have been so many times when right in the middle of whatever I'm doing I'll just feel sick to my stomach because I feel his absence so acutely. I had the very distinct sensation that I was going to vomit yesterday during class...
My new T and I are slowly wading through my feelings, and Wednesday was a tough session, probably the first toughie I've had with her. What is extraordinarily painful is that I'm not having any communication with my ex-T because his responses have made me feel like a nuisance. Basically I'm trying to come to terms with this myself without any help from him at all. Oh god I miss him. I actually long for him so much that it literally hurts.
I was in therapy with him for a school year, and during that time I never shed a single tear even though we were going some dark places. It was all churning inside me and that was what made our time together so intense. He knew it was hurting and I knew it too, but I couldn't cry at all. Now that's all I seem to do. It makes me feel guilty sometimes, that when I was with him I couldn't even cry.
Even when I cry now, it's not about him, but everything else seems to make me cry. He meant so much to me, and now I can't even cry for him.
I feel like my grief time should be over. I mean, I think he must have done some grieving with me and even after I left. But now he's moved on and I'm stuck and trying to catch up.
I like my new T just fine. But when I'm there, I can't help but sit there and wish that it was my old T instead. I can't even recall the sound of his voice anymore and it scares me b/c I feel like he slips away a little more every day.
Posted by Bent on December 3, 2004, at 8:02:38
In reply to Ugh I feel like hibernating (long, ranting), posted by messadivoce on December 3, 2004, at 1:42:02
You sound like you are in so much pain. I am sorry. I cant imagine how much this must hurt. The attchments we form with our therapists can be so intense and must be handled delicately. I am sorry you felt you were a nuisance to your ex-T. I wish I could say something more helpful. Know I am thinking of you and keep up the work with your current T. Be open and honest...you will see your way through.
Posted by Daisym on December 3, 2004, at 10:21:25
In reply to Ugh I feel like hibernating (long, ranting), posted by messadivoce on December 3, 2004, at 1:42:02
Maybe hibernating is exactly what you need to do this weekend. Take your books and curl up on the couch and study with hot chocolate and graham crackers.
I can only imagine how painful what you are going through it. I struggle with my attachment to my therapist, and I get to see him all the time. I'm glad you have help to get through this. It will get better. It is just going to take some time. One of the things that works for me is to write down what I'm thinking or want to say, even if no one else ever sees it. It gets it out and I can fold it up and put it away.
Hang in there.
Hugs,
Daisy
This is the end of the thread.
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